Chapter 27 - Home of the Skyline
"You think I get whatever I want Leon? Yeah, I signed up to have my dad run off, my mom get killed, my older brother try to give me away as a.I don't even know, run away and be raised by strangers, fall for someone like you, someone I knew I'd hurt." Kat raised her voice, it sounded shrill even to her own ears.
But this wasn't fair. Maybe he had the right to be angry but not to say that her life had been some sort of perfect fairytale. Yeah the guys had been good to her, but her life had been damn hard for more years then Leon'd ever know about. She'd done her best to forget a lot of the time she'd spent with the gang, and much as she loved her guys, they'd all done things she couldn't live with if she allowed herself to think about it too much. But again if Stacy had told her she lived in a fairytale and so did Leon then maybe she did tend to stray from reality a little, but that was just how she coped with all the other stuff she'd been through. She was shaking; the tears were running down her face but she didn't notice, didn't know she was crying, felt sort of numb.
"Whatever you want to say about what I did is fine Leon and I can take it but don't ever presume to tell me that my life has been some sort of easy, teen movie, perfect existence." Kat was screaming at him now. She was close to losing it. "I've been to hell and back and you have no right to presume to tell me that I live in a fairytale land. You know that was the only thing that kept me alive? For years. My ability to lose myself into a world where things weren't so hard. I've seen more of hell then you ever will and I wouldn't wish what I been through on anyone. I tried to end it all once, Sean found me, in time he says, unfortunately I say, and they saved me. So don't ever think to tell me that I've had it easier then anyone!"
"Leon, nothing is worth hurting her like this over dude." Brian tried again to make Leon stop saying these things to Kat. He didn't understand. He went to put an arm around her shoulders, to comfort her, but Leon again held him back, like he didn't want to see Kat get any comfort from anyone. Brian didn't need to hear her say anything else about trying to kill herself. He couldn't believe it. Brian couldn't stand to see her like this, he was about to defy Leon and go to her side anyway when Leon spoke.
"Why don't you tell your champion what you did huh, baby girl?" Leon said, dripping in sarcasm. He couldn't believe she'd tried to kill herself though. So her life hadn't been as easy as she'd implied when they first met. She still didn't need to have done what she did.
"I want us to work this out first Leon. Then we'll tell everyone." Kat tried to calm him down, oblivious to the fact she was herself, teetering on the edge of a precipice into an emotional breakdown.
"There's no workin' this out Kat. You're not worth it and I don't wanna have anything to do wit you ever again. Got it?" With that he stalked up to his car and got in. As he got in he watched Kat crumple to the ground, sobbing.
Brian ran up to her and dropped to his knees beside her. Seeing her like that was almost more then Leon could take. He almost got out and went to collect her. Told her they could work it out, they'd get past it. He knew he'd gone too far in what he'd said to her, been unnecessarily cruel. But he was still very upset to find out what she'd done. Brian was cradling Kat against his chest while she cried, rubbing her back and brushing her hair back out of her face. Leon started the skyline up, he felt like a cad and that wasn't fair, he was the one who was wronged here, not her. But the look of her small crumpled form on the ground was so hard for him to see. And then she reached up and wrapped her arms around Brian's neck and buried her face in his neck, the way she'd done to him so many times in the past. And he was jealous of Brian having his hands on her too, even though he knew Brian had no interest in the girl as more then a friend, even though he knew she didn't see Brian like she saw him, he knew she was sobbing her heart out on someone who was still a friend to her.
Kat couldn't believe that Leon did this to her. Stacy was right, she'd had herself so convinced that Leon would never find out she wasn't prepared to deal with the aftermath. Brian was doing his best to comfort her but she felt like her heart had been torn from her body and stomped on. She wanted the earth to swallow her up so she could just cry and hurt alone in the dark. It was where she deserved to be, she thought, she was a horrible person.
"Stop crying Kitten. Please?" Brian couldn't calm her down. It was almost more then he could take to see her like this. Kat was always so happy. They'd never had any indication that she'd ever break down like this. He finally just picked her up and carried her into the store. He took her into Harry's office and Harry looked up in question, then in upset when he saw the condition Kat was in.
"What the hell happened Brian? Is she hurt?"
"Not physically, but emotionally. Her and Leon had a fight over something and no one will tell me what." Brian sighed in exasperation and frustration and sat down with Kat still in his lap. "I don't know what to do."
Harry got up and walked around his desk and crouched beside her. "Come on Princess, it can't be that bad. Just tell us what happened." Kat only cried harder. "What did he say to her?"
"Just that she should know what he figured out and that it was about time she was made to own up to what she'd done on her own and not have someone cover for her." Brian was quite shaken by the fact that Kat would not calm down.
"He's right too. Someone's always takin' care of my mistakes, covering for me and fixin' my mistakes. I'm a terrible person." Kat spoke for the first time since everything had happened. Kat felt like the world was crashing down around her. Leon was totally right about her and it hurt. She was selfish, immature and she didn't know how to take responsibility for her own mistakes. She relayed all of this to Brian and Harry in a shaky, tear filled voice.
"Oh Kitten. You're not a terrible person." Harry didn't know what to do. He was so mad at Leon right now he could find the other man and fillet him alive. But then again they didn't know what this was over. "Kat, you need to tell us the whole story, ok? Otherwise I'm going to find and kill Leon and I won't know for what." Harry wasn't kidding. He'd also seen the bruises on her arms. She was so small that the thought of anyone hurting her physically filled Harry with a rage so violent he almost did go after Leon without the story. "And who put these marks on your arm?"
"No, you can't do anything to Leon. This is all my fault. He was right. You can't go after him for being mad when he had every right to be mad." Kat was starting to stop crying but she was still very upset, almost hysterical. Harry noticed she'd danced around the issue of who marked her arm.
"Well, then tell us what happened. Cause from where I'm standing I'ma help Harry if you don't tell me what went down." Brian didn't want to pressure her but they had to know. Leon was the calm, level headed one. For him to get so mad must have took one hell of an act on her part, if she hadn't done something terrible Leon had one hell of an ass kicking coming due in the near future.
"Ok, I'll tell you guys if you promise not to tell anyone else and promise not to do anything to Leon."
"We promise Kitten, now dry those pretty eyes and tell us what happened." Harry handed her a tissue.
"Well, you remember how like a day before you hired me Leon was robbed?" They nodded, wondering where this was going. "Well, the people what did it was me and my team. I didn't know any of you then and it was just something we did. We hadn't eaten in days, and even then it hadn't been much. We had no electricity, hot water, or food. We were livin' in a one room dump in the worst part of South Central. We had no other idea for how to make money because none of us could get a job without a way to get cleaned up and look respectable. So I had the idea to do what we did. We did it and used the money to turn on the electricity and get food. Then the guys got a job as dept collectors of some sort and made the money to fix the Skyline and I got the job here because when things started to look up I got some confidence you know?" She asked and was glad to see when she looked up from her feet for the first time they didn't look at her with revulsion.
"So anyway I had no idea I'd ever see the guy again. Then when I met him through Brian I was so attracted to him that I couldn't say anything. Plus here he is one of Brian's best friends. What could I do? If I admitted what'd I'd done then I'd likely have lost my job. You guys didn't know me; you would only have seen me as that awful person who robbed Leon. I tried not to get involved with him so hard because of it too but it was like fate was pullin' me in. You both know I tried not to have anything to do with him. But I want him so bad. I never wanted a guy before. I mean that. He's the first one. And now I blew it because I shoulda come clean to him about it as soon as I knew we were gonna get serious."
"Wow." Brian couldn't believe it. He didn't think they could be mad at Leon for being mad. He'd been pretty shook up by the robbery. "Well, Leon was pretty messed up by what happened you know. I mean you used a gun Kat. That's not exactly playing."
"I know Brian. I'm not proud of what I did. But it wasn't loaded."
"He didn't know that Kitten." Brian said gently.
"I know." She said simply and Brian saw the weight of all she'd done in her young life pressing her down. He saw that she was really convinced she wasn't worth knowing and that she was a horrible person. Brian felt in a lot of ways that Leon still had that ass kicking coming due. Her eyes were all red and puffy from crying and such a dark green. All the fire that made them light and golden tinged was leached out of her by what Leon had said. Her eyes were dead, like her spirit was gone, destroyed.
And Brian felt for the first time that the three men who'd made her what she was had some of that ass kicking coming to them too. They'd made her a gangster when she should have been a sweet little girl. She should have been a cute, spunky, sparkling female race car driver with her whole future in front of her and all the men at her feet. Instead she was a petty crook who didn't know how to be anything else. But then again Kat had gotten lost. If anyone else found her she could be dead, or have ended up sold into slavery just like her brother tried to do. But the guys could have found her a better home then they gave her. Brian figured they tried their best by her, tried to give her all the stuff that she wanted, that they figured she needed, made her get an education even though they might not even have had one themselves. But they'd lived in an area where letting her make her own mistakes could easily mean letting her end up dead. So she'd never learned to cope. Brian figured that maybe they'd come to love Kat, but at first they kept her for the novelty too he'd be willing to bet and that wasn't fair. She'd been a child, not a pet. And now she wasn't either, but she wasn't really an adult mentally either.
Brian knew this was not up to him to decide but it just seemed that Kat had been dealt an unfair hand in this whole situation. Crime was all she knew, her brothers the criminals had started that then her guardians the gang members had continued it. She'd been 15, totally impressionable and innocent when she'd come to them and the chance to live with people who'd let her do what she wanted, run wild and go to clubs, race cars with no license and hang out with some pretty tough people must have sounded really good to someone who just run away from controlling older brothers. She'd just been a kid, how was she supposed to know what was good for her? It was every kid's dream, and only people who were older and who could look back at the wonderful influence their stable parents had been could see that likely Kat had been looking for someone to make her act her age all along but no one ever had.
Harry'd been murmuring nonsense to her while Brian'd been thinking and she was a little more calm. "I don't care what you did Kat, he had no right to put his hands on you or tell you you weren't worth anything. He's wrong on both counts." Harry was stroking her hair.
"Harry's right Kitten, you're not a bad person. You can't help how you grew up and none of us have never known that kind of desperation. We don't know what we might do in the same position."
"No Brian, he's totally right. I've never had to take responsibility for anything. Every time I ever messed up one'a the guys was always there to take care of it. If I told someone off and they came at me over it, even if I deserved it, one of the guys would beat them up or send them away. I could do whatever I wanted in school cause even half my teachers were scared of Connor. I used that to my advantage every chance I got. I got my car handed to me just for being me. Leon told me how hard he had to work for his, what him and Jesse had to do. Mine's a better car and I just got it handed to me. I got everything the guys thought I wanted just for being Kitten. And I mean listen to that name. I got that because I was Sean, Kale, and Stacy's pet. I'm so selfish it's scary to me even. I mean, I didn't tell Leon what I'd done because I wanted him and I knew that if I told him what I'd done then there was every chance I couldn't have him. I'm so use to getting everything I want that couldn't stand the thoughts of not having him."
"Kat, you told me he was the first guy you ever wanted. Is that true?" Harry asked.
"Yeah." She admitted shyly. "I mean, look at me! I mean I never got into guys, and guys always see me as the girl next door. The girl who doesn't care about her looks and is more into cars then anything. It's not like guys were beating down my door. I was always the girl to have around who could talk shit and fix your car. The girl you only raced if you wanted to give your money away or you'd never heard of me. And I learned fast that any guys that would'a liked me didn't like me when I beat them on the streets. Or that guys were just using me to get to know Connor and the guys. Leon was the first guy I ever liked that seemed to like ME back. Not Kitten the tiger."
Harry and Brian shared a look. Kat was always so confident and self assured. To know that she harbored all this self doubt underneath the tough girl exterior was grounding and in many ways frightening. To know that no matter what she said or how she acted she really did care about what other people thought of her, that she was as vulnerable if not more so then any of them. And if Leon was the first guy that Kat ever wanted they could understand why she'd go out of her way not to lose him once she'd found him. And they didn't see her being a pet as a bad thing, she was sweet and kittenish, even if she was looking at it as a bad thing right now.
"Sit here for a second and compose yourself sweetheart, Brian and I need to talk. Ok?" Harry asked. She nodded. They left the room together and closed the door. "Well, what'er we gonna do?" Harry asked Brian. "She's.broken somehow and I don't know what to do."
"Don't know that there's anything we can do dude. Much as I don't agree with how Leon handled this he has every right to be mad, and she really doesn't know how to pick up the pieces on her own. She's so innocent in a lot of ways and I don't know how to put her back together." Brian trailed off.
"I don't know Brian, but I gotta tell you, I really care about Kat. And I won't send her away and I won't have anyone harassing her around my store." Harry was still livid. He felt a bond with Kat and he felt that Leon had violated that by changing the way that Kat was. Harry liked Kat the way she was before but having a man you loved tell you you were worthless was hard on anyone, let alone someone like Kat who'd never had to learn to deal with it. And it was bound to change her. Harry hoped it didn't change her too much, that she recovered. "I think you should go home Brian, I'll take care of Kitten. I think you should go to your friend. If I see him in the near future no matter how justifiable his anger I'ma kill him."
Brian could believe Harry was capable of it right now. Harry needed time to calm down and so did Kat. So did Leon and Brian hoped when everyone calmed down that everything would work out.
"Ok, Harry, I'll go see what I can straighten out. You see what you can do about making Kat feel better."
"We'll do Brian. Good luck with your friend."
"Yeah, good luck with Kat." Harry grimaced, he knew he'd need all the luck he could get if he was ever gonna have a hope in hell of making her hurt less. Harry watched Brian stride out of the store and into his Supra. Harry went back into his office and looked at the crumpled form of Kat in his chair. She'd gotten up and moved to his comfy leather chair and curled up in a ball on the seat, knees to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. She had her arms wrapped around her legs and her eyes were closed. She looked smaller then normal, folded in on herself. Harry was really worried there was no going back. Things were irreparably changed. She was listening to that god damn mp3 site on the internet that he couldn't keep her and Brian off during the slow days, but when he yelled at them about it they just looked at each other and cracked up. He loved the way she was like that. The way she knew when he was all bark and didn't let him intimidate her at all. He hoped that didn't change.
This was not her normal kind of music, it was loud and Harry thought it was by some alternative band if he was not mistaken. And rap and hip hop were the only music Kitten ever listened to by choice. He stood in the door and listened to the words, as the chorus played she threw back her head, hair cascading down the side of the chair, half way to the floor.
Adrenaline keeps me in the game
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline
(You don't feel the pain)
"Kat?" He asked in a low voice, trying not to startle her.
"Yes Harry?" She answered, not moving.
"You ok?" He knew she wasn't, but he wanted to keep her talking.
"Nope. The adrenaline's wearin' off and I'm crashin' hard. That's my song. Adrenaline. It's all that kept me goin' for so long, when I heard that song I knew it was for me. I wish I didn't feel the pain anymore. I wanna be numb again. I don't wanna feel it anymore. I don't wanna feel anything." She admitted quietly, without moving, silent tears coursing down her cheeks.
"You wanna go home?" Harry thought that might be for the best.
"Nope." She sighed.
"Why not sweetheart?"
"Cause he lives across the street." She said softly, on a breath.
"Huh?" Harry was confused. Who lived across the street? "Who does sweetie?"
"Leon." She answered, still in the same position, eyes closed, folded up.
"Really? I didn't know. You live across the street from Brian?" Harry was careful to keep the mentions of Leon to a minimum.
"Yeah, we didn't know when we moved in but now how can I ever go back? I don't want to see him. I don't want to hurt him anymore and I know every time he sees me he's gonna be mad." Kat leaned her head back down onto her knees so that her forehead was on her knees. Harry didn't know how she folded herself up like that. She was very flexible; it looked painful the way she was sitting. And he didn't know how she was gonna go home if she thought she had to see Leon any time soon. After all Leon had broken her heart and it would be a blow to her ever present pride to have to face him so soon.
"Well, he hurt you pretty good right back Kitten, do you think maybe you're square? You could just pretend not to know him if you see him." Harry thought maybe pointing out that Leon had hurt her back might make some of that steel in her backbone come into play and make her decide to say fuck Leon in her head, but no such luck.
"Yeah, but he had every right and I had no right to do what I did. I owe it to him to find a new place to live I guess, but I love my house." She started to cry softly again. "Everything's falling apart around me, I feel like I just lost my world." He could detect hints of her New York antecedents in her voice, a sure sign she was upset.
"You don't have to move over this Kat. Lots of people don't like their neighbours and you didn't even know Leon that long. You'll get over him someday. I know it doesn't seem like it now. Hell, he may even realize he over reacted and come apologize to you. After what he said to you at the very least you don't owe him anything."
"Fat chance." Kat stated. "But I guess I don't have to move. I just don't want to have to face him, you know?" She was still talking to her knees.
"I know. Hey, I have to fly out to Japan on Wednesday. Why don't you come with me? You can look for some accessories for that crazy Skyline that you can't get here, it'll give you a chance to get away for awhile. The biggest import show in the world is goin' down while we'll be there. That's only a day away and you can stay at my place till then. I've got lots of spare rooms. What'd ya say? It'll give you time to regroup and everyone will be calmer when you come back." Harry hoped she'd take him up on it. Everything would look better when they came back.
"You mean it Harry?" She looked hopeful, she turned her head to the side and rested it against her legs so she could look him in the face. "You'd wanna take me?"
"Of course. I'll get you a ticket right now if you wanna go."
"Of course I wanna go." She smiled, not her normal, totally free spirited smile, but better then she had been.
"We'll lock your car in the back bay and I'll drive you home. You can tell your guys what happened and what's gonna happen, collect what you'll need for a week or two and then we'll head to my place." Harry opened his arms to her and she launched herself at him. He grabbed her in a big hug. "It's gonna be ok."
"Yeah, I think it is." She said, feeling some hope for the future. "I still got you and Brian and my guys after all. They'll be another guy someday that'll see me for me."
"Of course. There's lots of 'em out there Kat, you just never met them yet." Harry smiled. "Let's go."
"You think I get whatever I want Leon? Yeah, I signed up to have my dad run off, my mom get killed, my older brother try to give me away as a.I don't even know, run away and be raised by strangers, fall for someone like you, someone I knew I'd hurt." Kat raised her voice, it sounded shrill even to her own ears.
But this wasn't fair. Maybe he had the right to be angry but not to say that her life had been some sort of perfect fairytale. Yeah the guys had been good to her, but her life had been damn hard for more years then Leon'd ever know about. She'd done her best to forget a lot of the time she'd spent with the gang, and much as she loved her guys, they'd all done things she couldn't live with if she allowed herself to think about it too much. But again if Stacy had told her she lived in a fairytale and so did Leon then maybe she did tend to stray from reality a little, but that was just how she coped with all the other stuff she'd been through. She was shaking; the tears were running down her face but she didn't notice, didn't know she was crying, felt sort of numb.
"Whatever you want to say about what I did is fine Leon and I can take it but don't ever presume to tell me that my life has been some sort of easy, teen movie, perfect existence." Kat was screaming at him now. She was close to losing it. "I've been to hell and back and you have no right to presume to tell me that I live in a fairytale land. You know that was the only thing that kept me alive? For years. My ability to lose myself into a world where things weren't so hard. I've seen more of hell then you ever will and I wouldn't wish what I been through on anyone. I tried to end it all once, Sean found me, in time he says, unfortunately I say, and they saved me. So don't ever think to tell me that I've had it easier then anyone!"
"Leon, nothing is worth hurting her like this over dude." Brian tried again to make Leon stop saying these things to Kat. He didn't understand. He went to put an arm around her shoulders, to comfort her, but Leon again held him back, like he didn't want to see Kat get any comfort from anyone. Brian didn't need to hear her say anything else about trying to kill herself. He couldn't believe it. Brian couldn't stand to see her like this, he was about to defy Leon and go to her side anyway when Leon spoke.
"Why don't you tell your champion what you did huh, baby girl?" Leon said, dripping in sarcasm. He couldn't believe she'd tried to kill herself though. So her life hadn't been as easy as she'd implied when they first met. She still didn't need to have done what she did.
"I want us to work this out first Leon. Then we'll tell everyone." Kat tried to calm him down, oblivious to the fact she was herself, teetering on the edge of a precipice into an emotional breakdown.
"There's no workin' this out Kat. You're not worth it and I don't wanna have anything to do wit you ever again. Got it?" With that he stalked up to his car and got in. As he got in he watched Kat crumple to the ground, sobbing.
Brian ran up to her and dropped to his knees beside her. Seeing her like that was almost more then Leon could take. He almost got out and went to collect her. Told her they could work it out, they'd get past it. He knew he'd gone too far in what he'd said to her, been unnecessarily cruel. But he was still very upset to find out what she'd done. Brian was cradling Kat against his chest while she cried, rubbing her back and brushing her hair back out of her face. Leon started the skyline up, he felt like a cad and that wasn't fair, he was the one who was wronged here, not her. But the look of her small crumpled form on the ground was so hard for him to see. And then she reached up and wrapped her arms around Brian's neck and buried her face in his neck, the way she'd done to him so many times in the past. And he was jealous of Brian having his hands on her too, even though he knew Brian had no interest in the girl as more then a friend, even though he knew she didn't see Brian like she saw him, he knew she was sobbing her heart out on someone who was still a friend to her.
Kat couldn't believe that Leon did this to her. Stacy was right, she'd had herself so convinced that Leon would never find out she wasn't prepared to deal with the aftermath. Brian was doing his best to comfort her but she felt like her heart had been torn from her body and stomped on. She wanted the earth to swallow her up so she could just cry and hurt alone in the dark. It was where she deserved to be, she thought, she was a horrible person.
"Stop crying Kitten. Please?" Brian couldn't calm her down. It was almost more then he could take to see her like this. Kat was always so happy. They'd never had any indication that she'd ever break down like this. He finally just picked her up and carried her into the store. He took her into Harry's office and Harry looked up in question, then in upset when he saw the condition Kat was in.
"What the hell happened Brian? Is she hurt?"
"Not physically, but emotionally. Her and Leon had a fight over something and no one will tell me what." Brian sighed in exasperation and frustration and sat down with Kat still in his lap. "I don't know what to do."
Harry got up and walked around his desk and crouched beside her. "Come on Princess, it can't be that bad. Just tell us what happened." Kat only cried harder. "What did he say to her?"
"Just that she should know what he figured out and that it was about time she was made to own up to what she'd done on her own and not have someone cover for her." Brian was quite shaken by the fact that Kat would not calm down.
"He's right too. Someone's always takin' care of my mistakes, covering for me and fixin' my mistakes. I'm a terrible person." Kat spoke for the first time since everything had happened. Kat felt like the world was crashing down around her. Leon was totally right about her and it hurt. She was selfish, immature and she didn't know how to take responsibility for her own mistakes. She relayed all of this to Brian and Harry in a shaky, tear filled voice.
"Oh Kitten. You're not a terrible person." Harry didn't know what to do. He was so mad at Leon right now he could find the other man and fillet him alive. But then again they didn't know what this was over. "Kat, you need to tell us the whole story, ok? Otherwise I'm going to find and kill Leon and I won't know for what." Harry wasn't kidding. He'd also seen the bruises on her arms. She was so small that the thought of anyone hurting her physically filled Harry with a rage so violent he almost did go after Leon without the story. "And who put these marks on your arm?"
"No, you can't do anything to Leon. This is all my fault. He was right. You can't go after him for being mad when he had every right to be mad." Kat was starting to stop crying but she was still very upset, almost hysterical. Harry noticed she'd danced around the issue of who marked her arm.
"Well, then tell us what happened. Cause from where I'm standing I'ma help Harry if you don't tell me what went down." Brian didn't want to pressure her but they had to know. Leon was the calm, level headed one. For him to get so mad must have took one hell of an act on her part, if she hadn't done something terrible Leon had one hell of an ass kicking coming due in the near future.
"Ok, I'll tell you guys if you promise not to tell anyone else and promise not to do anything to Leon."
"We promise Kitten, now dry those pretty eyes and tell us what happened." Harry handed her a tissue.
"Well, you remember how like a day before you hired me Leon was robbed?" They nodded, wondering where this was going. "Well, the people what did it was me and my team. I didn't know any of you then and it was just something we did. We hadn't eaten in days, and even then it hadn't been much. We had no electricity, hot water, or food. We were livin' in a one room dump in the worst part of South Central. We had no other idea for how to make money because none of us could get a job without a way to get cleaned up and look respectable. So I had the idea to do what we did. We did it and used the money to turn on the electricity and get food. Then the guys got a job as dept collectors of some sort and made the money to fix the Skyline and I got the job here because when things started to look up I got some confidence you know?" She asked and was glad to see when she looked up from her feet for the first time they didn't look at her with revulsion.
"So anyway I had no idea I'd ever see the guy again. Then when I met him through Brian I was so attracted to him that I couldn't say anything. Plus here he is one of Brian's best friends. What could I do? If I admitted what'd I'd done then I'd likely have lost my job. You guys didn't know me; you would only have seen me as that awful person who robbed Leon. I tried not to get involved with him so hard because of it too but it was like fate was pullin' me in. You both know I tried not to have anything to do with him. But I want him so bad. I never wanted a guy before. I mean that. He's the first one. And now I blew it because I shoulda come clean to him about it as soon as I knew we were gonna get serious."
"Wow." Brian couldn't believe it. He didn't think they could be mad at Leon for being mad. He'd been pretty shook up by the robbery. "Well, Leon was pretty messed up by what happened you know. I mean you used a gun Kat. That's not exactly playing."
"I know Brian. I'm not proud of what I did. But it wasn't loaded."
"He didn't know that Kitten." Brian said gently.
"I know." She said simply and Brian saw the weight of all she'd done in her young life pressing her down. He saw that she was really convinced she wasn't worth knowing and that she was a horrible person. Brian felt in a lot of ways that Leon still had that ass kicking coming due. Her eyes were all red and puffy from crying and such a dark green. All the fire that made them light and golden tinged was leached out of her by what Leon had said. Her eyes were dead, like her spirit was gone, destroyed.
And Brian felt for the first time that the three men who'd made her what she was had some of that ass kicking coming to them too. They'd made her a gangster when she should have been a sweet little girl. She should have been a cute, spunky, sparkling female race car driver with her whole future in front of her and all the men at her feet. Instead she was a petty crook who didn't know how to be anything else. But then again Kat had gotten lost. If anyone else found her she could be dead, or have ended up sold into slavery just like her brother tried to do. But the guys could have found her a better home then they gave her. Brian figured they tried their best by her, tried to give her all the stuff that she wanted, that they figured she needed, made her get an education even though they might not even have had one themselves. But they'd lived in an area where letting her make her own mistakes could easily mean letting her end up dead. So she'd never learned to cope. Brian figured that maybe they'd come to love Kat, but at first they kept her for the novelty too he'd be willing to bet and that wasn't fair. She'd been a child, not a pet. And now she wasn't either, but she wasn't really an adult mentally either.
Brian knew this was not up to him to decide but it just seemed that Kat had been dealt an unfair hand in this whole situation. Crime was all she knew, her brothers the criminals had started that then her guardians the gang members had continued it. She'd been 15, totally impressionable and innocent when she'd come to them and the chance to live with people who'd let her do what she wanted, run wild and go to clubs, race cars with no license and hang out with some pretty tough people must have sounded really good to someone who just run away from controlling older brothers. She'd just been a kid, how was she supposed to know what was good for her? It was every kid's dream, and only people who were older and who could look back at the wonderful influence their stable parents had been could see that likely Kat had been looking for someone to make her act her age all along but no one ever had.
Harry'd been murmuring nonsense to her while Brian'd been thinking and she was a little more calm. "I don't care what you did Kat, he had no right to put his hands on you or tell you you weren't worth anything. He's wrong on both counts." Harry was stroking her hair.
"Harry's right Kitten, you're not a bad person. You can't help how you grew up and none of us have never known that kind of desperation. We don't know what we might do in the same position."
"No Brian, he's totally right. I've never had to take responsibility for anything. Every time I ever messed up one'a the guys was always there to take care of it. If I told someone off and they came at me over it, even if I deserved it, one of the guys would beat them up or send them away. I could do whatever I wanted in school cause even half my teachers were scared of Connor. I used that to my advantage every chance I got. I got my car handed to me just for being me. Leon told me how hard he had to work for his, what him and Jesse had to do. Mine's a better car and I just got it handed to me. I got everything the guys thought I wanted just for being Kitten. And I mean listen to that name. I got that because I was Sean, Kale, and Stacy's pet. I'm so selfish it's scary to me even. I mean, I didn't tell Leon what I'd done because I wanted him and I knew that if I told him what I'd done then there was every chance I couldn't have him. I'm so use to getting everything I want that couldn't stand the thoughts of not having him."
"Kat, you told me he was the first guy you ever wanted. Is that true?" Harry asked.
"Yeah." She admitted shyly. "I mean, look at me! I mean I never got into guys, and guys always see me as the girl next door. The girl who doesn't care about her looks and is more into cars then anything. It's not like guys were beating down my door. I was always the girl to have around who could talk shit and fix your car. The girl you only raced if you wanted to give your money away or you'd never heard of me. And I learned fast that any guys that would'a liked me didn't like me when I beat them on the streets. Or that guys were just using me to get to know Connor and the guys. Leon was the first guy I ever liked that seemed to like ME back. Not Kitten the tiger."
Harry and Brian shared a look. Kat was always so confident and self assured. To know that she harbored all this self doubt underneath the tough girl exterior was grounding and in many ways frightening. To know that no matter what she said or how she acted she really did care about what other people thought of her, that she was as vulnerable if not more so then any of them. And if Leon was the first guy that Kat ever wanted they could understand why she'd go out of her way not to lose him once she'd found him. And they didn't see her being a pet as a bad thing, she was sweet and kittenish, even if she was looking at it as a bad thing right now.
"Sit here for a second and compose yourself sweetheart, Brian and I need to talk. Ok?" Harry asked. She nodded. They left the room together and closed the door. "Well, what'er we gonna do?" Harry asked Brian. "She's.broken somehow and I don't know what to do."
"Don't know that there's anything we can do dude. Much as I don't agree with how Leon handled this he has every right to be mad, and she really doesn't know how to pick up the pieces on her own. She's so innocent in a lot of ways and I don't know how to put her back together." Brian trailed off.
"I don't know Brian, but I gotta tell you, I really care about Kat. And I won't send her away and I won't have anyone harassing her around my store." Harry was still livid. He felt a bond with Kat and he felt that Leon had violated that by changing the way that Kat was. Harry liked Kat the way she was before but having a man you loved tell you you were worthless was hard on anyone, let alone someone like Kat who'd never had to learn to deal with it. And it was bound to change her. Harry hoped it didn't change her too much, that she recovered. "I think you should go home Brian, I'll take care of Kitten. I think you should go to your friend. If I see him in the near future no matter how justifiable his anger I'ma kill him."
Brian could believe Harry was capable of it right now. Harry needed time to calm down and so did Kat. So did Leon and Brian hoped when everyone calmed down that everything would work out.
"Ok, Harry, I'll go see what I can straighten out. You see what you can do about making Kat feel better."
"We'll do Brian. Good luck with your friend."
"Yeah, good luck with Kat." Harry grimaced, he knew he'd need all the luck he could get if he was ever gonna have a hope in hell of making her hurt less. Harry watched Brian stride out of the store and into his Supra. Harry went back into his office and looked at the crumpled form of Kat in his chair. She'd gotten up and moved to his comfy leather chair and curled up in a ball on the seat, knees to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. She had her arms wrapped around her legs and her eyes were closed. She looked smaller then normal, folded in on herself. Harry was really worried there was no going back. Things were irreparably changed. She was listening to that god damn mp3 site on the internet that he couldn't keep her and Brian off during the slow days, but when he yelled at them about it they just looked at each other and cracked up. He loved the way she was like that. The way she knew when he was all bark and didn't let him intimidate her at all. He hoped that didn't change.
This was not her normal kind of music, it was loud and Harry thought it was by some alternative band if he was not mistaken. And rap and hip hop were the only music Kitten ever listened to by choice. He stood in the door and listened to the words, as the chorus played she threw back her head, hair cascading down the side of the chair, half way to the floor.
Adrenaline keeps me in the game
Adrenaline you don't even feel the pain
Wilder than your wildest dreams
When you're going to extremes
It takes adrenaline
(You don't feel the pain)
"Kat?" He asked in a low voice, trying not to startle her.
"Yes Harry?" She answered, not moving.
"You ok?" He knew she wasn't, but he wanted to keep her talking.
"Nope. The adrenaline's wearin' off and I'm crashin' hard. That's my song. Adrenaline. It's all that kept me goin' for so long, when I heard that song I knew it was for me. I wish I didn't feel the pain anymore. I wanna be numb again. I don't wanna feel it anymore. I don't wanna feel anything." She admitted quietly, without moving, silent tears coursing down her cheeks.
"You wanna go home?" Harry thought that might be for the best.
"Nope." She sighed.
"Why not sweetheart?"
"Cause he lives across the street." She said softly, on a breath.
"Huh?" Harry was confused. Who lived across the street? "Who does sweetie?"
"Leon." She answered, still in the same position, eyes closed, folded up.
"Really? I didn't know. You live across the street from Brian?" Harry was careful to keep the mentions of Leon to a minimum.
"Yeah, we didn't know when we moved in but now how can I ever go back? I don't want to see him. I don't want to hurt him anymore and I know every time he sees me he's gonna be mad." Kat leaned her head back down onto her knees so that her forehead was on her knees. Harry didn't know how she folded herself up like that. She was very flexible; it looked painful the way she was sitting. And he didn't know how she was gonna go home if she thought she had to see Leon any time soon. After all Leon had broken her heart and it would be a blow to her ever present pride to have to face him so soon.
"Well, he hurt you pretty good right back Kitten, do you think maybe you're square? You could just pretend not to know him if you see him." Harry thought maybe pointing out that Leon had hurt her back might make some of that steel in her backbone come into play and make her decide to say fuck Leon in her head, but no such luck.
"Yeah, but he had every right and I had no right to do what I did. I owe it to him to find a new place to live I guess, but I love my house." She started to cry softly again. "Everything's falling apart around me, I feel like I just lost my world." He could detect hints of her New York antecedents in her voice, a sure sign she was upset.
"You don't have to move over this Kat. Lots of people don't like their neighbours and you didn't even know Leon that long. You'll get over him someday. I know it doesn't seem like it now. Hell, he may even realize he over reacted and come apologize to you. After what he said to you at the very least you don't owe him anything."
"Fat chance." Kat stated. "But I guess I don't have to move. I just don't want to have to face him, you know?" She was still talking to her knees.
"I know. Hey, I have to fly out to Japan on Wednesday. Why don't you come with me? You can look for some accessories for that crazy Skyline that you can't get here, it'll give you a chance to get away for awhile. The biggest import show in the world is goin' down while we'll be there. That's only a day away and you can stay at my place till then. I've got lots of spare rooms. What'd ya say? It'll give you time to regroup and everyone will be calmer when you come back." Harry hoped she'd take him up on it. Everything would look better when they came back.
"You mean it Harry?" She looked hopeful, she turned her head to the side and rested it against her legs so she could look him in the face. "You'd wanna take me?"
"Of course. I'll get you a ticket right now if you wanna go."
"Of course I wanna go." She smiled, not her normal, totally free spirited smile, but better then she had been.
"We'll lock your car in the back bay and I'll drive you home. You can tell your guys what happened and what's gonna happen, collect what you'll need for a week or two and then we'll head to my place." Harry opened his arms to her and she launched herself at him. He grabbed her in a big hug. "It's gonna be ok."
"Yeah, I think it is." She said, feeling some hope for the future. "I still got you and Brian and my guys after all. They'll be another guy someday that'll see me for me."
"Of course. There's lots of 'em out there Kat, you just never met them yet." Harry smiled. "Let's go."