A/N: Well here it is! DayKnightmare –and it is going to be one hell of a nightmare- written, produced and other random crap incorporated by Sparrow! –God help us!-
As if you don't already know I am the quietest person you will ever know –although I am depicted as a dubious, over-excited individual with violence on the mind- I would like to point out this is going to be shtiest things you will ever read, as I don't do fan fiction. I read it and find it entertaining and enjoyable but when it comes to writing it, well MG got the brains there. So I apologise in advance!
Dedication: This is for MG, I hate the biatch I can't believe she's made me do this, but I also love her for the same reason. Love Ya Mate!
Chapter 11:
The Quest Continues Again…and again…and again…and again…and Jesus let's face it it's gonna go on forever!
When we last saw our poor, unwashed and degraded celebrities and the other two nobodies, they were, ah well who cares what they were doing, the author's were going out to get royally pissed for my birthday WOOHOO!
Sparrow and MG appear looking a little be worse for wear,
TRE: Take it you over did a little bit last night?
M.G: We have such a laugh, drinking sht mixes, talking a loada sht
SPA: Oh my God, my head, I can't believe you made me drink soooooo much last night! I never want to drink another alcoholic drink as long as I live and that's a promise!
M.G: Oh yeah I forgot that I had to physically pry your mouth open and pour that bottle of After Shock down your neck!
SPA: Don't shout you know I'm only ickle
M.G: My arse your "ickle" you've just turned 19, now grow up and start acting you're age
TRE: OOOOOOHHHHHHHH –sarcastically- Somebody's in a mood this morning
M.G gives Treguard AMGOD (Almighty murderous glare of doom)
-Sparrow does puppy dog eyes and pouts towards MG-
M.G: Don't you bother yourself Sparrow it's not gonna work this time!
-Sparrow tries it again only this time rubs her eyes so it looks like she's crying-
M.G: Oh alright I'm sorry I can't be angry at you look at that face
SPA: -looking at smugly at Treguard- See guilt trip gets her every time!
M.G: I heard that you cheeky drunk
SPA: -slurs- I'm not a drunk! And even if I were I have an excuse, I was celebrating no NER –sticks out tongue-
-without slurring as much- What's wrong hun? Is everything alright you seem a little pissed off?
M.G: I'm not peed off I just haven't had my morning caffeine dose
SPA: QUICK! Get that girl a Coke before she hits something… like me and… I'm rather scared
-out of nowhere M.G is hooked up to a drip having caffeine directly pumped into her
M.G: Ah nothing like direct action –becomes almost instantly relaxed- Now that I'm high on caffeine do you think we should get on with the show
SPA: UMPFH Do we have to?
M.G: ERM…yeah, it's why were here you know the torture of people we don't like
SPA: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH I like torture c'mon then let's get on with it then I rest my weary head
M.G: I thought that might change your mind. Treguard if you wouldn't mind unfreezing that lot, as much as I would love to see Sparrow wallowing in self pity we do have a game to play
TRE: -does crazy Jacko style moonwalk/ break dancing thing-
J.LO: Do you know how much this is gonna cost me when I get outta here in therapy for the damage freezing does for my fabulous body
ALL: -stick fingers down throat imitating being sick-
CHR: And me! All this freezing is making my hair go crispy by drying out all the gel!
SPA: Christ anyone would think it was a woman talking…well…actually…
M.G: Don't worry we were all thinking the same thing.
TRE/PIC: -sniggering-
J.LO: Erm…hello has everyone forgotten about me?
SPA: My god we've tried but your arse is just a constant reminder
M.G: O…Kay that came out wrong…right? I mean there have been a few kinda judgements bout your "preferences" by other people but I hope that wasn't some sort of way for you to come "out"?
SPA: God NO! You know me better that that, you no me 100 straight
TRE: As much as I want to here about your lesbian fantasies we do have a "game to play" as M.G put it
M.G: You dirty old man, that's really not something we wanted to know OH NO I CAN'T GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD GIRL ON GIRL ACTION WITH TREGUARD IN THE MIDDLE
Sparrow cracks M.G around the head and helps her to regain some sort of normality.
M.G: Thanx SOOOOOOOO much you will never know how bad that was.
-Meanwhile back at the ranch- (sorry it had to be used)
PIC: When you have finished, dungeoneers, continue
-J.LO walks through a long dark passage way and the everything changes -
J.LO: Some help would be nice where am I?
GAR: Sorry no idea
J.LO: Well thanks a lot you bunch of losers
CHR: Us a bunch of losers where not the one's who are hugely famous being subjected to humiliation by wearing a most unflattering helmet
J.LO: Well at least I am hugely famous when you grow up you'll just be huge and I mean in the fat sense
CLA: Who the hell are you calling fat you big arsed buffoon
J.LO: I'm not a buffoon
CHR: So you admit that you're big arsed
J.LO: It's not big, it's just insured for over $1m
GAR: Personally I think it was a waste of money
J.LO: Why you little
TRE: What the hell is going on between that lot? Is that you're doing?
SPA/M.G: Moi?
SPA: I can barely keep myself from throwing up never mind do anything else why what's happening?
TRE: The contenders (sorry Gladiators inspiration) have turned on each other
SPA/M.G: W.T.F!
M.G: That wasn't us believe me if we had that kinda power don't you think we would of used it already? There is only one person I know that has the power to do that
ALL: Lord Fear.
SPA: Oh no, I couldn't be anyone else are you sure? I can't fight him, and you can't go up against him yourself
M.G: Who says I can't eh? You forget young Sparrow I am much more experienced that you, and you are also forgetting that I am the writer of this fic and therefore could if I wanted determine the outcome
SPA: Yeah I suppose your right, but you are forgetting that I am the writer of this chapter and therefore I can determine the outcome
M.G: -under breath- Smug bitch
SPA: Look we can't afford to fall out between our selves, we've gotta come up with a way of defeating Lord Fear
M.G: How we don't know enough to use anything against him
TRE: You have a good point but what I don't understand is how he has got all of them to fight against each other, I know they're not best mates but still, this is just ridiculous.
SPA: Maybe and this is just a guess, he's got something to do with us freezing them
TRE: Have you completely lost the plot, Lord Fear can't do anything like that
PIC: I don't know, ya know, M.G said before that we didn't know much about him, maybe she's right, all we know is that he is the ONE you don't mess with
M.G: OHHHHH look at Pickle, pretending to know stuff, it's quite cute
PIC: I'm not cute, leave me alone
SPA: STOP IT! My head hurts and you're not helping, why don't we just see if we can regain control of this lot, by using what power we have
TRE: Sound a bit simple to me,
-Sparrow gives Treguard AGOD-
TRE: But simple is good I don't have a problem with simple
M.G: Right OK I'll give anything a try, J.Lo can you her me?
J.LO: Oh God it's you don't you ever go away
M.G: Unless you want to be turned back into a man you are going to listen to me
J.LO: Fine if I have to, I don't want to but I would rather listen to you than be turned into a man
M.G: You have to apologise to the others
J.LO: Are kidding me? They'll have to apologise to me first
SPA: Gareth, Clare and Chris are you listening me
G/C/C: It's the other author the one that hardly ever talks to us
SPA: Yeah whatever, I need you to apologise to J.LO for what you said to her
G/C/C: Yeah OK, we will apologise after she says sorry to us
SPA: We are getting nowhere slowly
PIC: So we are getting somewhere
M.G: What are you on about you rectum faced pygmy (A/N: stolen from Red Dwarf not mine unfortunately)
PIC: Sparrow said she's getting nowhere slowly, well if she's getting there slowly she's getting somewhere isn't she
M.G: Treguard can't you get rid of him for a bit
TRE: I wish but he comes with me
SPA: Well if you go he will –sniggers-
TRE: Nice try but I wanna see you two try to handle this
PIC: Err people I think you better take a look at this
ALL: What the hell?
-in background- All contenders (soz I love Gladiators) have made up and are getting along like nothing happened
PIC: Ok would someone like to tell me what just happened
AUTH: We would love to know ourselves
SPA: Everything seems back to normal let's just see, Hey J.LO your arse is huge
J.LO: why thank you I am very proud of it
SPA: I suppose that wasn't a good example she would have said that anyway
M.G: That means we can continue with the game thankfully
GAR: J.LO continue walking forwards you should come to an opening
-Silence-
CHR: J.LO are you there, answer us are you there
M.G: Oi ya deaf biatch are you listening to us are you there
TRE: Erm… I think we may have a problem she's kinda…Erm… well… she's…
SPA: Oh for the love of God what?
TRE: -whispers- she's disappeared
M.G: I'm sorry what? She's disappeared
TRE: -whimpers- yes
SPA: I think it would be best to freeze the rest before any more go a-wandering
-Treguard does so and the authors leave not knowing what to do-
When we return will be answering many a question like; what happened to J.LO? Where did she go? will they get her back? And does anyone really care?
This has been Sparrow signing off and probably after writing this will never write anything again because as you will already know I'm crap. By reading this you will realise it makes no sense, and take it from me don't write anything when you haven't slept for three days straight.
So join us again for the next instalment of DayKnighmare: A Parody of Sorts, where out regular writer will be back thank God!
Extra M.G A/N: Sorry just had to put this in at the end. I am stating for the record that I had NOTHING at all to do with this chapter except this note. I'm so proud of my ickle Sparrow -Huge hug- She's got so much potential. Heh-heh! I'm so gonna make her do another chapter at some point!