A/N: Eek! I totally forgot to credit kyer with the idea of Snape as Glinda. Kyer, I'm sooooooooooooo sorry! It totally slipped my mind. Also, since you have such good ideas for this story, but I always get them after I write the chapter, you should email me them. Actually, anyone can email me suggestion if they want. I think my e-mail's in my profile, but if it's not, it's partytime509 comcast . net. Take out the spaces. And the period after net. And add an at symbol after the partytime509.
The Yellow Brick-Foam was starting to dangerously crackle under Harry's feet when he stopped to rest. All he had had to eat for the last three days was Styrofoam, so he had been eyeing Mr. Tibbles with hunger for the last twenty-four hours.
"My God," Harry said, slumping down onto the road, which cracked ominously. "It's been so long without food or water!" He glanced around his surroundings. "And look! The foam goes in two directions! I'll never get back to Privet Drive."
"I thought you hated it there." Mr. Tibbles said. He had slunk away when Harry had began thinking out loud on whether fried or sautéed cat tasted better.
"I do. But they at least give me food. It's better than packing supplies!" He ripped out a handful of the road and chucked it at a scarecrow.
"Bitch."
"Mr. Tibbles!"
The cat looked puzzled. "I didn't say anything."
"You called me a bitch!"
"No, he didn't. I did."
Harry looked around wildly. "What's going on?"
The voice sighed. "Look to your left- no, your other left- yes, very good."
"I'm looking at the scarecrow." Harry felt incredibly stupid talking to the apparently disembodied voice.
"Exactly."
"The scarecrow's talking to me?" Harry asked.
"I do have a name, you know. I think." The scarecrow shrugged as best as one could if their arms were tied to a pole.
"Okay… so what's your name?"
The scarecrow furrowed his brow, trying desperately to remember. "Bob… no. Susie? Maybe, I'm getting closer."
Mr. Tibbles had been watching a roly-poly chase an ant. "Run!" he screamed at the ant.
"Run! Yes, that's my name! No, wait for it- Ron!" The scarecrow grinned proudly.
"You're sure?"
"Positive."
"No offense or anything," Harry began hesitantly, "but uh, you don't seem, uh, well let's just say that you don't seem like the sharpest crayon in the pack, if you get my gist."
Ron frowned. "I don't get it. Of course, that could be because I don't have a brain-"
"Neither does my cousin," Harry assured him.
"No, I'm serious. I've got no brain. Like, inside my head, there's just straw."
"Oh," Harry said awkwardly. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm used to it."
"Anyways, so how's life up there on the stake?" Harry asked.
"What he means is, how is life without a brain?" the cat clarified.
"Pretty crappy."
"Ooh! Ooh! I know! Why don't you come to Hogsmeade with me? There's this Wizard dude who's like, magical, and can get you a brain!" Harry suggested.
Ron grinned. "Wicked!"
Harry remembered that Ron was tied to a pole. "Um, I'll get you down," he said, pulling on one of the ropes. Ron fell to the ground and landed with a spectacular thud.
"So…"
"So…"
"What are you going to do once you get a brain?" Harry asked.
"I dunno. Think?" Ron suggested.
Harry laughed. "It's overrated. So is talking, mind you. When I came here, it gave this stupid cat the power to talk, and now he never shuts up."
"Oh, look," Mr. Tibbles said casually. "I do believe I have peed on your shoe. How careless of me!"
Harry scowled at the feline and wiped his shoe on the foam, and, in the process, he noticed a big black crow had landed on the road next to them.
"Ron, go scare it away," Harry ordered. "Those birds scare the crap out of me."
Ron turned bright red. "Um…"
"Come on."
"Fine. Oi, you! Get away, you great filthy beast! Go back to where you, er, came from!" Ron shouted.
The crow laughed. "You don't scare me. You've got spattergroit!"
"They're freckles!" Ron shouted indignantly.
"Yeah, well, makes you look ugly!" the crow shot back.
"You're the ugly one! You're fat!"
"Yeah, well, you don't even have brains!"
"Your face is so ugly, it makes me wanna barf!" Ron gritted his teeth
"Yeah, well, your mum is so poor that she had to put you on layaway to get you!"
Ron's ears flamed. "Shut up! Shut up about my mum!"
The crow laughed and flew away.
"You're not a very good scarecrow." Harry commented.
Ron told him to go do something that fanfiction would kill me for writing since this is PG-13.
"Now, really!" Mr. Tibbles said huffily. "We do not use that kind of language around here!"
"Go shove it, Tibbles," the boys replied in unison.
"Erm, I've got to warm you about something." Harry told Ron. "See, there's this dude, Voldemort-"
Ron looked horrified. "You-Know-Who?"
"Yeah, I know who. Vold-"
"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Ron amended.
"That's what he said, too! But I didn't get it…"
"Calling him by his real name is just not something people do."
"Well, Glin-er, Snape did."
"Only like, really brave people do."
"I'm brave!"
"Tch, yeah right. Didn't you just say a crow scared the crap out of you?" Mr. Tibbles snorted.
Harry kicked him. "Anyways, so, this dude's, like, after me."
"Like how?"
"He wants to kill me."
"Why?"
"I stole his minion's ballet shoes."
Ron looked at his feet. "Dude, those aren't ballet shoes."
"They were."
"Eesh. Sorry bout that."
"Thanks. So, anyways, if you want to, like, not go with me, I'll understand."
"Nah, I really want a brain. And if I see You-Know-Who, I'll just run."
"K."
"Alright."
"So, um… where do I go?" Harry asked.
Ron shrugged. "I dunno. Let's go left."
"No, let's go right."
"Left!"
"Right!"
"LEFT!"
"RIGHT!"
"Oh, for God's sake," Mr. Tibbles said, rolling his eyes. "If you look straight ahead you can perfectly well see Hogsmeade."
"And your point is…?"
"We go straight."
"How do you know?" Harry asked suspiciously.
"My psychic cat powers." Mr. Tibbles said sarcastically.
"Wow! You have psychic cat powers?" Ron asked. "Can I have some?"
"If you say the magic words."
"What are they?"
"Ahem. Repeat after me. I am a bloody idiot who wishes to become feline."
"Feline? I don't want to be a girl!"
"That's female, you imbecile!"
"Oh. I am a bloody idi-Hey!"
Harry narrowed his eyes. "You know, I don't think you really do have psychic cat powers!"
"Oh, drat. You've found me out."
"Oh, shut up. Ron, shall we skip off down the Yellow Brick-Foam, then?" Harry asked, extending his arm.
"But of course!" The boys linked arms and skipped down the path, Mr. Tibbles following behind with a disgusted look on his face.
A/N: Review! I love you all!