A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates, guys. I've been having huge writer's block on this one. Also, there are quite a few people who have said they're read this, but they haven't reviewed. People who review rock. I love my reviewers. You should review. :nods:

LOOK AT ME AND MY SADNESS!

Harry and Ron skipped down the Yellow Brick-Foam, followed by an aggravated Mr. Tibbles. His paws were so sore from walking (and his current diet hadn't helped either- speaking of diets, it really was time for him to go on one. Someone as important and valued as he should really be quick on their toes…), and that stupid Potter brat hadn't let them rest from a day now. His poor feet, oh what Mrs. Figg was going to do to that terror of a child when they got back to Privet Drive…

Harry noticed a bunch of apple trees lining the sides of the road. "Mm! Apples! I'm so hungry!"

Mr. Tibbles nearly wept with joy. He hadn't eaten anything but Styrofoam for the last six days.

Ron began to sing in delight. "Food, glorious food! Hot sausage and mustard! While we're in the mood-"

"You're done." Mr. Tibbles glared at him.

"Sorry."

Harry reached for an apple, when-

"Yo! Who do you think you're playin', yo? Them apples ain't yours, foo'!" the apple tree yelled.

Harry looked startled. "Did an apple tree just talk to me?"

"Damn straight we did! And those are our apples, yo. They's don't belong to you, ya hear me?"

Ron stuck his nose up. "Well, we don't want any of your apples anyways?"

"Whatchoo sayin', yo? You sayin' that my apples ain't good enough for you!"

"Listen, "homey J"," Mr. Tibbles began.

"It's homie G," Harry whispered.

"Sorry. Listen, homie G, we're just saying that we aren't as hungry as we thought…dude." Mr. Tibbles said awkwardly.

"You wanna mess? Huh? That what you want?" the tree shouted. "Let's battle!"

"No, no, no." Harry said immediately.

"What, foo'? You afraid to rap?"

"What? Afraid? Dream on."

Mr. Tibbles groaned. "We're leaving. Now."

"But-" Harry began.

"I am not listening to you rap with a tree!"

The tree, however, had put on a menacing face and was moving its branches closer and closer to the group. Ron and Harry slowly backed away, followed by Mr. Tibbles, when-

"Mmmpph!"

"What was that?" Harry asked. He spun around and saw-

"Ron! Look! It's a girl!"

And it was, indeed, a girl. Dressed in a school uniform and carrying stack of heavy books, the bushy haired student was frozen in place, a look of fright on her face.

"I think this is hers," Ron said, picking up a fallen book and stacking it on the pile.

Immediately, the girl unfroze.

"Oh, thank you ever so much, I've been here for ages, I was walking home from school one day and a boggart jumped out at me, imagine that! Naturally, I saw myself failing all my classes, so I dropped some books, and something ever so odd happened, I froze, and I've been like that ever since! I can't thank you enough for saving me. I'm Hermione Granger, who are you?"

"You talk a lot." Ron noted.

"Well, I'm Master Tibbleochesus the Third-"

"Mr. Tibbles-" Harry amended.

"-and these rude, ignorant boys are Harry and Ron."

"Oh! I'm so glad to meet you! Did you know that the sun is 92,955,820.5 miles or 149,597,892 kilometers away from the sun?"

"Er…" Harry and Ron said together.

"I just love school, I simply adore it, it's ever so fun!"

"Oh. We'll just be going, then…"

Hermione's eyes welled up. "Y-you're leaving?"

"Uh…" Harry said intelligently.

Hermione burst into tears.

"We'll write!" Ron explained.

Her sobs grew louder.

"Oh, for heavens sake," Mr. Tibbles said with an air of superiority. "Don't you two know anything?"

"I don't." Ron reminded him.

"Can't you see this girl desperately wants to join you two on your excursion to Hogsmeade?"

"I am not desperate!" Hermione loudly blew her nose on a handkerchief.

"What does excursion mean?" Ron asked.

"A going out or forth: EXPEDITION b (1): a usually brief pleasure trip," Hermione rattled off.

"And you want us to take her with?" Harry said incredulously.

Hermione shrieked and began ferociously weeping again.

"But she doesn't have a reason to come!" Harry called over the deafening racket of Hermione's weeping.

"Yes, I do!" It was miraculous, Ron thought, how she was able to cry and stop crying whenever she wanted.

"Why should you come to Hogsmeade with us?" Harry asked.

"Well, it's a long story. It all began on a dark and stormy night-"

"Let's just hear the short version." Harry hurriedly suggested.

"All right. Well," Hermione took in a deep breath. "There's something about me that you don't know, and it's going to be a shock to you. But I want to get rid of it! That's what I have to ask the Wizard for!"

"What is it?"

"This is going to be very surprising to you. You may pass out. I don't think you could know it from just talking to me."

"Do you have herpes?" Harry asked.

"No, I do not have herpes!" Hermione said huffily. "It's… well, I guess I'll come right out and say it. I," she took a deep breath, "am a nerd."

"No. Way." Harry said sarcastically.

Hermione, apparently, didn't pick up on sarcasm very well. "I know. It's pretty tough to believe, isn't it? You'd never know from just looking at me."

Harry eyed Hermione's bushy hair, large teeth, and stack of books. "Wouldn't have a clue."

"Anyways, we'd better get going, because, you know, this wood that were in isn't very safe at night, due to the very cold temperatures that can reach up to negative forty degrees Fahrenheit! Gabriel Fahrenheit was born in Gdańsk, Germany in 1686 to…"

Ron and Harry soon learned to tune Hermione's endless factual droning out, and as they trudged along the Yellow Brick-Foam, they converesed in low whispers, occasionaly stealing a glance at Hermione, who was now explaining how the theory of relativity was created to Mr. Tibbles, who was looking like he was having seconds thoughts about inviting her along.

"I don't like her!" Harry hissed.

"Hermion'es such a know-it-all!" Ron said a bit too loudly.

"Shh! She'll hear you!" Harry warned.

But it was too late.

"Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Hermione screeched, throwing herself on the roan and beating the ground with her fists. "Everybody hates me!"

"No surprise there."

"Ron!" Mr. Tibbles reprimanded.

"WAHHHHHH! I'M SO SAD! LOOK AT ME AND MY SADNESS! I'M INCREDIBLY SAD!"

"What do you say we leave her there?" Ron suggested.

Hermione screamed even louder, if possible, and Harry noticed a small river of tears forming in the area around her face.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?" she screamed.

"WHY? WHY WHY?"

"Maybe it's because you throw temper tantrums like mad." Ron said.

Hermione looked up. "Really? You think so?"

"Mmm-hmm. That and the random facts every fifteen seconds."

"Oh. I didn't know that bothered you. Sorry."

"S'okay."

Hermione stood up and brushed the leaves out of her hair. "Shall we keep going, then?"

"Great." Ron said, and Harry offered Hermione his arm. She looked at him like he was crazy.

"What's that for?"

"Well, usually we link arms and skip off down the road." Harry explained.

"You do that, then."

"Alright!" Harry and Ron linked arms and skipped off down the road.

"Pity they're insane. They've got evreything else going for them, you know. Looks. Manners. Charm." Mr. Tibbles said.

"Great," Hermione muttered. "I'm stuck with two retarded boys and a gay cat. This trip will be loads of fun."

"Won't it?" Mr. Tibbles said brightly.

Selected reviewer responses:

Kyer: You probably won't read this, as it's taken me 20 days to update and I'm sure you've long forgotten about this, but anyways I'm responding to your review. I'm going by the 1930's movie, since a ton more people have read that than the book- which I have read, by the way, thank you very much. I loved your idea for the Death Eater/flying monkey bit, and your poppyfield idea. I kind of mentally added on to thtat, so instead of Snape just going "They're insert scientific name of poppies here, you dunderheads!", Hermione shouts back that Snape pronounced it wrong, and they have a little argument over that.

Turiya Foul: I do NOT smell of goat. LOL, I love Happy Bunny.

blueskiezrusty: I'm glad you liked it. BTW, I got the joke from in case you wanted more funny your mom jokes.

Me: That is a beautiful song.

ForeverShia: Thanks! I feel so loved by everyone, LOL. I'm glad that my fanfics make you happier. That's my job.

For everyone who complained last time about the wait: I am so sorry. I promise that it will NEVER happen again. I feel terrible :(.