Author's Note: Don't be too thrown off by how this chapter skips back further in time in the future (I hope that made sense). In other words, this takes place before the second Order of the Phoenix sent Remus after the werewolves. Therefore, it's before the "Christmas at the Burrow" chapter...it's right after they saw Harry off to the Dursleys' house. Hope I haven't confused you too much.

Chapter Seven: The Moonlit Howl

July, 1996…the flat of Nymphadora Tonks…

Remus rolled over and opened his eyes wearily. A dog's bark had awakened him, and he realised how thirsty he was as he came to his senses. He padded his way into the kitchen, being as quiet as possible, and poured himself a glass of water. The kitchen door, which led to a small porch, was cracked open slightly.

Tonight, as for the past week, Remus had taken refuge at Tonks's flat, sleeping on her couch and hiding out there. It had been very sweet of her to offer him her hospitality, and he had taken advantage of it since, now that they had no idea whether or not Grimmauld Place was now safe and he had nowhere else to go. The whole week had been generally the same: waking up early, eating breakfast together, saying goodbye until dinnertime, when Tonks would come back from work as cheerful as ever, and then avoiding talking about the one topic that had been looming on their minds since the events at the Ministry of Magic.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Remus tiptoed towards the kitchen door and stepped outside. Tonks was there, leaning on her railing and sipping her own glass of water. Her bright pink hair was apparent even in the pitch-black of night.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said without turning around. "Did I wake you up?"

"No," said Remus, joining her in leaning on the railing. "It was that dog down there, he's driving me mad."

"Oh, me as well. I've taken to wearing earplugs to sleep half the time," said Tonks.

"That explains why you never hear your alarm."

"Oh, shut up."

They grinned at each other and took simultaneous sips of their water. Tonks let out a little sigh.

"Pretty, isn't it? The stars, I mean," she said.

"Very," said Remus.

"Sometimes I'll come out here and just look at them for hours, and then I remember it's about three hours till I have to go to work and I go back to sleep," said Tonks.

The dog in the distance let out a long, wailing howl that sent chills up Remus's spine. Tonks was staring in the direction of the sound, unable to actually see the creature, with something like pity.

"Awful sound," she commented, and Remus nodded.

"I know that sound a little too well," he said solemnly.

A long silence passed between them. Tonks adjusted the string on her pyjama pants and sat in one of the chairs she kept on the balcony, lounging comfortably and staring up at the sky. Remus joined her in sitting, but looked at his glass of water rather than the stars.

"How're you, Remus?" asked Tonks in an uncharacteristically serious way.

"I'm fine," said Remus.

"No, you're not," said Tonks. "Neither am I, come to that. But, I mean…he was your mate…"

"I don't want to – I mean, I really can't talk about Sirius," said Remus. "It's too soon just yet."

"Sorry," Tonks mumbled.

"Don't be. Look, if you need to talk, I'm here. I'll listen," said Remus.

"No, if you're not ready to…it's okay. But –"

Tonks broke off, then closed her mouth as though rethinking what she was about to say. Remus knew whatever it was had to be important.

"Go on," he prompted.

For some reason, Tonks looked a little shy. She started swirling the ice in her glass around absentmindedly, biting her lip.

"Well," she said, a little breathlessly. "Am I being totally stupid?"

"About what?"

Tonks's eyes went very wide and she stared at him with a new humiliation.

"Oh, dear gods, you don't know…"

Remus felt utterly perplexed and leaned forward, looking Tonks right in the eye.

"What's going on, Tonks?" he asked, concerned.

"I just thought you'd figured it out by now. I've got a mad, raging crush on you."

She said it in such a straightforward way that for a moment, Remus felt sure she was joking. After all, what could make someone as buoyant and bright as Tonks fancy someone as serious and…well, old…as Remus? But upon further inspection of the expression on her face, Remus found no trace of mockery.

"You're serious?" he whispered, trying to take this in.

Tonks nodded, seeing terribly embarrassed and somewhat ashamed at having admitted it, and went back to swirling her ice around, then took a sip and crunched on the ice quietly.

"Well…Tonks, I – I'm very flattered, but…"

"Oh, no," said Tonks, burying her face in her hands and letting out a nervous laugh. "I've terrified you now, haven't I? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything…"

"No, I'm glad you did," said Remus.

"But?" said Tonks, looking warily at Remus.

"But…but I don't see how I could possibly be any good for you," said Remus. "I mean, you're so vibrant and fun and happy, and we all know what a bummer I can be."

Tonks let out a snort that made Remus jump slightly.

"Bummer?" she repeated, grinning. "Can't say I ever imagined you using that word…"

"Yes, well," said Remus with a sheepish smile. "At any rate, I'm so much older than you, and it's not as though I have any money."

"Yeah, but I don't care about that," said Tonks, waving an indifferent hand. "It's you I like, that other stuff doesn't matter."

"Well, there's also the issue of my being dangerous," said Remus.

"Oh, please, you're not dangerous," said Tonks. "You're the gentlest person I know."

"You know what I mean," said Remus quietly, and Tonks's face fell.

"I do," said Tonks. "But I mean it, I don't care."

"I don't think you really understand what it would mean if we were together. Your life would be one of next to no money, of being looked down upon for being the one who dates the werewolf –"

"You forget I'm a nasty half-bred blood traitor. Disdain is familiar territory," Tonks interrupted.

"But you deserve so much better, Tonks, you really do."

Tonks heaved a great sigh and leaned back in her chair.

"If you don't like me, Remus, that's all you have to say. Don't worry about taking the noble way out, because honestly, that would be worse," said Tonks, and to Remus's surprise, there was not a trace of malice in her voice. Instead, she sounded completely calm and collected.

Remus found he couldn't answer right away. All this had been brought on very quickly, and he was still slightly shaken from the manner in which it had been addressed. He did like Tonks, but he had never for a moment considered the two of them as more than close friends and confidantes. But still, a tiny, nagging voice in the back of his head spoke…

You can't say you never noticed she's pretty, it said. Or how she brightens your day so much.

It was true, of course. He was happiest around her, and she was one of the few constants in his life. In fact, apart from his monthly nightmarish evening and the knowing that the next time he saw Molly Weasley would bring lots of fussing and motherly care, Tonks remained the only other thing he could truly count on. She always had something to say to cheer him up, she always had something mad done to her hair, she always found ways to trip over perfectly immobile objects…

"Tonks, I can't possibly…" he began, then cleared his throat. "It's nothing to do with you, I mean it. It's just…"

"What?" said Tonks softly. Her voice had turned to true concern.

How can I say this without making myself sound strange? He thought to himself, his mind working frantically. I can't not tell her, it's too important…and yet, if I do, what will she think of me?

As he battled with his thoughts, Tonks had suddenly reached forward and clasped his hand. She met his gaze with dark eyes full of worry.

"Talk to me," she said.

"You just remind me so much of…of someone I once knew," he said, his voice a strangled whisper.

"Who? Please don't say your mum, or some mad professor or something," said Tonks, now looking anxious, though with a smile playing at her mouth.

"No, no," said Remus with the tiniest of chuckles.

"A girlfriend?" asked Tonks.

Remus sighed. "A fiancée."

Tonks's eyes went wide once more, but with disbelief and surprise rather than embarrassment.

"You were engaged once?" she said. "I never knew! To who? Is that who I remind you of?"

"You do, a bit," said Remus.

"Well, no wonder I scared the living daylights out of you by admitting I like you!" said Tonks with a laugh. "Whatever happened to her?"

But at the look on Remus's face, Tonks fell silent immediately.

"Voldemort?" she said in a small voice.

"Not exactly," said Remus.

"Well, then, what?"

And at that moment, Remus knew he had to tell the story of how he lost Ermengarde Switoviak.