Chapter Ten: Intellectuals

July, 1996…Remus is at Tonks's flat…

Silence followed Remus's retelling of the story, and Tonks stared at him in horror. Remus felt slightly dizzy from having had to relive every last detail of Ermengarde's death, and to soothe himself, took a deep gulp of his water, which he promptly splashed down his front.

"Blimey, Remus, I never knew," said Tonks in a hushed voice quite unlike her usual cheerful tones.

"Not many people do. I don't talk about it much," said Remus. "Actually, the only one I'd ever really talked about Ermengarde with was Sirius, and…"

Remus left his sentence hanging in the air, since both of them knew perfectly well how it would end.

"Look, I can see is Kingsley's got room at his place. You don't have to stay here if it's too –"

"I'll be fine," said Remus. "If it's all right, I'd like to stay here, at least for a couple more days. Kingsley's hosting a few Ministry people now."

"Right," said Tonks. "I'd forgotten. Well…well, 'night."

Tonks awkwardly made her way back inside. Remus quickly followed her and stopped her before she'd left the kitchen. He wasn't quite sure what to say, but Tonks took care of that.

"Quit it," she said firmly. "You think too much. Loosen up."

"Good advice," said Remus with a chuckle.

"Seriously. You intellectuals," said Tonks with a mock scoff.

Remus laughed right aloud and Tonks took him into a hug. As she patted his back, he rested his head on her shoulder, feeling himself become relaxed and comforted.

"Thank you," he said as they held each other.

"Anytime," said Tonks.

"No, I mean it," said Remus. "You're very sweet."

And Remus moved his head to kiss Tonks on the cheek, an action he had not intended as anything but a friendly gesture. However, Tonks moved her head at that instant, and it was only by chance that their lips did not make contact. Tonks quickly took care of that too, which seemed to surprise her as much as it had Remus.

"Bloody hell, I've got no self-control at all!" Tonks burst out with, burying her face in her hands. "I'll bet Molly'd be glad to take you in and fatten you up…you could probably go right now, in fact –"

Remus placed a hand on each of Tonks's shoulders and looked her right in the eye.

"Go to sleep, Tonks. When you wake up, I'll still be here, and I'll be here when you get home from work, all right?"

Tonks simply nodded as Remus gave her shoulders an extra squeeze before she went into her bedroom. As he settled himself on the couch, his mind swam with the night's events. He couldn't help admitting that he had been awakened inside in some way by Tonks's affections, but he was hard pressed for a solution. Yes, he cared for her, and deeply, but there was the matter of age. He was almost thirteen years her senior. Not to mention the fact that he had no money and no job. There he was, holing up in friends' flats, depending on their generosity and hospitality in order to keep from being on the streets.

"Shut up, Remus," he told himself in a whisper before dropping off to sleep at last.

"Toast?"

Remus made his way slowly to consciousness as the smell of slightly overcooked toast and jam reached his nostrils. Tonks was sitting on the couch at his feet, brandishing a plate of toast at him and wearing a most Molly-like expression on her face.

"Thank you very much," said Remus, taking the plate.

"Molly's right. Now I get a look at you, you're a stick," said Tonks. "Eat up."

Tonks went about the flat, gathering the things she would need for the day and making sure her hair was pink enough. Remus finished his toast and put the dish in the sink. As he washed it, Tonks came up behind him.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Of course, I'm fine," said Remus. "A few more days until the full moon yet."

"No, I mean…are we okay?"

"Yes," said Remus. He stopped washing the dish in order to turn and face Tonks. "We are absolutely fine."

"So…so I should just stop being a silly girl, I guess," said Tonks with an obviously forced laugh at herself.

"No, I was thinking last night…maybe…"

Remus had no idea what he was saying. It was as though his brain had taken over his mouth and he had no way of controlling it.

"Maybe what?" said Tonks.

"Look," said Remus. "I…I care for you, Tonks. I really do. I…I feel the same way for you as you do for me."

Tonks's face lit up immediately and before Remus could say any more, she had flung her arms around his neck.

"Molly was right! She really does know everything! I mean, I'd always had an inkling she knew more than she let on, but this is tremendous!"

"Wait, Tonks, listen," said Remus. "I don't think it's a good idea for us to start anything."

"But –"

"Hear me out," said Remus gently. "Any man would be very fortunate if they could say they were the one you loved, but…"

"But you don't want it to be you because you're too noble?" said Tonks, with a slightly bitter tone.

"Well, that's not what I was going to say."

"No, I know what you'll say. It'll start with 'I'm too old', then go to 'I'd probably rip your throat out some unfortunate night', and end with 'And anyway, I've no money'. Am I right?" said Tonks, this time not sounding bitter, but with a small half-smile playing around her mouth.

"You've got to take me seriously right now, Tonks. I couldn't possibly allow anyone else I care for so much to be put into such danger again. I can't allow what happened to Ermengarde to happen to you."

"Yeah, but that wasn't you who did it, it was a mad raving lunatic who enjoys killing people. That's not you."

"Yes, but it's sort of a package deal. I am a werewolf, and –"

"And I could care less about that. You're safe with that potion and all."

"Please, listen to me. I just can't. I can't let you be hurt like that, I just couldn't bear it. I still can't bear what happened all those years ago, and if it happened again, and especially to you…" Remus trailed off, and Tonks seemed to get the message.

"Right," she said quietly. "Okay. Fine."

Silently, she gathered the rest of her things and threw a pinch of Floo Powder into the fireplace. The emerald flames rose sharply.

"I'll see you tonight," said Tonks simply, and with a shout of "Ministry of Magic!" she was off in a whirl of flames and soot.