Nate looked at his hands. They shook, ever so slightly. They hadn't stopped shaking in well over a day now. They weren't the only things that shook, though. His confidence was shaken. Everything he had assumed to be true had received a jarring blow. Yet despite all that, the only thing that betrayed the uncertainty he felt inside, was the barely noticeable quivering of his hands.
You failed, after years of training.
Failed? At what? The voice was back. The events as of late seemed to have given it new strength. Nate cast a brief glance about the car, making sure to keep his face in an emotionless mask. Seras was busy driving, and Morgan, sitting next to him in the back seat, seemed lost in a world of her own. Whatever the case, neither appeared to have heard the voice.
Breaking down and showing emotion. How truly pathetic.
What was that supposed to mean? Even as Nate asked himself, he already knew the answer. Last night, at the hotel. He had broken down, ever so slightly, and revealed what he knew of his past to the others. The guards against his own feelings, walls that he had carefully constructed himself, had briefly fallen. But Nate could hardly be blamed for that, right? He had found out his mother...his own mother...
Excuses. Never let others see how you feel. So long as others are ignorant of your emotions, you hold power over them.
But why? To what purpose?
You are an observer.
An observer? For what? Or whom?
You know, or at least you used to know. That is not the issue, though.
Nate sighed, giving in. Fine, what was the issue.
Showing emotion wasn't your only shortcoming in the past few days. You also allowed yourself to be struck in combat.
Nate's eye twitched slightly. They were headless zombies, there wasn't much I could do.
Feh, you moved too slowly. You could dance around them, dispatching each of them like the wind dispatches the leaves on a fall day.
I can't fight that well, Nate protested.
You can, you know how to.
Nate turned to look out the window, doing what he could to ignore the voice, whatever it was. The voice was right about one thing, though, his hand to hand skills could use a little work. Nate found his mind wandering back to the grotesque battle back at the Pentex building. He recalled himself taken down to his knees. He was mauled, but he would be damned if he were about to give in to his Rage. Opponants as pathetic as these were not worthy of that. He remembered, though, seeing a certain packmate tear into the enemy with a tenacity and ferocity that he himself had failed to demonstrate. Perhaps there was something he could learn from her. He turned to Morgan, who was sitting next to him...