Chapter 51 – White blond hair stained red.
Leon took himself home, just seething about what he'd seen at races. Kat sure hadn't wasted much time picking up a new man. It had driven him to chat up a few ladies at races. His heart hadn't been in it and thus he was driving home alone. And that made him even more angry with things. Why hadn't he just been able to pick a girl and take her home? He'd never had trouble doing it before.
Before Kat.
He played devils advocate with himself and answered back that he'd driven her to it with his insecurity and mistrustful attitude. He'd really messed up again. Kat wasn't 'the flavour of the week'. She was the kind of girl that you really never got tired of because she never stopped going, never settled down. She was wild and crazy and he loved that about her. She could be so sweet and caring too. But Kat was also fickle and self centered.
Plus Leon liked and respected Dom. And he also owed Dom a lot. Dom had given him and Jesse a spot to stay when they had nowhere else, and a family to be part of when they'd had no one.
Kat and Dom couldn't get along. He'd gotten the cliff note version of what Kat had said to Dom at races, the threats she'd made against Letty, a woman that Leon also truly cared for, the mean things she'd had to say about Dominic, a man Leon truly respected and admired.
It had tossed him into turmoil. Much as he really thought that he and Kat could have had something great his first loyalty should be to Dominic. And while Leon knew that Dom would not stand in his way if he wanted to be with Kat it would strain Leon's relationship with Dom because Dom and Kat could not be around each other.
There was also the issue that when he looked into himself he didn't see how to love Kat unconditionally. No matter how he thought about it he was still angry and didn't know how to not be angry with her over all she'd done. He couldn't see his way into trusting her not to hurt him. He still had to wonder if she was lying to him or scheming him or someone on his team in some way.
Despite her redeeming qualities, and there were a lot of them, she was still immature and a spoiled brat. Not all the time but quite a bit of the time. Much as people made excuses for her, Leon knew she'd have to grow up on her own. She wasn't going to change unless she wanted to. She was use to getting her own way in everything and could be both childish and dangerous when she was thwarted out of getting what she wanted.
While Leon thought he paced around the bottom floor of the house. He couldn't sleep with all the things that were on his mind. He walked into the small living room they had set up downstairs and paced around the coffee table. He hadn't turned on any lights and all the basement windows were contained by the bedrooms of the three men who lived there so the living room was enshrouded in pitch black darkness. Leon paced by memory of the room.
"Leon, is that you?" A softly feminine voice called from the hallway's mouth into the room.
"Yeah Nys. It's just me." He called back softly, hoping not to wake up Vince or Jesse.
"Why are you still up and walking around in the dark?" Nyssa asked as she entered the room fully and switched on the lamp on the coffee table, illuminating her face and the soft pink tank top and shorts she'd worn to bed.
"Can't sleep." Leon answered and sighed.
"Why not?" Nyssa asked and sat down on the couch, legs tucked up under her.
"Kat." Leon didn't think he'd need to say more.
"Why is Kat keeping you up? She's not here." Nyssa was deliberately obtuse, hoping to force Leon to speak about his situation honestly.
"She doesn't have to be. She's never far from my mind lately. I can't believe she showed up with that guy. On the day we fight she shows up with another guy." Leon growled and ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair.
"Is that what's bothering you? The fact that she was with another guy tonight?"
"Yes. Well, no. Not exactly." Leon huffed. "It's the fact that he'd have me believe she had meaningful feelings for me but then the second we have a fight she finds another man."
"What if I told you to think about that guy, what he looked like? He should look familiar to you." Nyssa vaguely tried to help Leon figure out the mystery of Kat's new man.
"He should look familiar to me?" Leon honestly thought about it. When he realized where he knew the tall man from the realization spread across his face. "It was her friend Connor." Nyssa just smiled softly at him, confirming his guess.
"So she was just showing off, trying to make me jealous?" Leon asked Nyssa like she had all the answers, even though as far as Leon knew Kat and Nyssa had never met.
"Not exactly I don't think. But perhaps it did enter her mind. I believe that, while she might have told herself and her friends different, she needed the emotional support of having people think she has other men waiting to be with her. No matter who you are you don't want to think you'd have troubles picking up a date." Nyssa giggled. Leon chuckled back but then his face turned pensive again.
"She's just so selfish." Leon ground out. "She needs a pick-me-up and instead of doing something to just pick herself up she does something that makes me look bad and hurts me at the same time."
"She told me something and at first it didn't make sense to me but then as I got to know her it slowly fit together." Nyssa started to try to explain the situation to Leon. She was having trouble finding the words to explain what she wanted to say. She knew that Leon needed Kat. She also knew that in a lot of more important ways Kat was going to need Leon. Need him and her life might depend on it.
"Wait, you've been speaking to Kat? When?" Leon looked at Nyssa in confusion, than as realization washed over his face his green eyes snapped in anger.
Shock then guilt passed over Nyssa's expressive face as she realized what she had given away.
"So she did lie about that to me too. It was her you were speaking to. God damn it! I was right anyway. I really can't trust her. She'll lie about any god damn thing. That little bit..."
"Leon!" Nyssa exclaimed, cutting him off and she wasn't happy about what she'd almost heard.
He looked at her in shock.
"Sit down!" She pointed at a chair and Leon threw himself into it with an angry sigh, staring at Nyssa petulantly. "What do you really know about Kat?"
"Lots. I know she's childish and immature. I know she's selfish and infuriating. I know she loves to play stupid mind games and she's never serious, she's just out to have a good time and it doesn't matter at whose expense." Leon was getting angry with Nyssa, for making him think about things he'd rather not think about.
"What about the things you don't know?"
"Such as what? There can't be that much I don't know about her. She's so shallow, there's not a lot of hidden depth there."
"Oh really? How about how she covers up her insecurities with a brave act she can hide behind? She tries to have a good time now because she's scared she'll never have a later. She does everything to extremes because she's scared she'll never get another chance to do any of it. Look at how she's lived!"
"You don't know anything for sure, all you know is what she told you! And she uses her past as an excuse for everything."
"I know lots she never had to tell me!" Nyssa raised her voice, concern for those who were sensibly still in their beds now sadly lacking. "And some frightening things she did tell me."
"Like what?" Leon asked like a petulant child.
"Like she asked me if I thought heaven had a ghetto for one."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Leon looked puzzled.
"That she thought about killing herself and she wondered if she'd end up back in the ghetto of heaven if she did." Nyssa lowered her voice again but it was still filled with her emotions. Anger and sadness, bitterness and helplessness. "She was scared that after just getting out of her bad neighbourhood if she died she'd go right back for eternity.
Leon looked up from his lap in shock and got half out of his chair. "She told you she thought about killing herself."
"Yeah, she did. Why is that a shock to you? You think she's so horrible so why is that so hard to believe?" Nyssa tried to rub it in to Leon how wrong he could be.
"It's not hard to believe because she tried before so I know she has it in her to do it." Leon had turned slightly white under his tan, worried that Kat would try again to end her life.
No matter how mad he was with Kat the thoughts of all the life being gone from her beautiful green cats eyes as they vacantly stared out of her too pale face, the freckles her tan hid most of the time standing out in sharp relief against her bloodless skin, her life's blood in a pool around her, her white blond hair stained red with it, her cherry red lips gone blue in her death, her infectious laugh silenced forever, her talented body never moving in a sultry dance ever again, never attempting seduce him or make him laugh again. The thoughts of it all made him want to retch. He gagged with it. He felt physically ill.
"She did!" Nyssa's face mirrored the shock that must be telling on his own face. "Did she tell you that?"
"No, she told Vince." Leon admitted sadly. "I never gave her any reason to trust me with her secrets. I had to find out from Vince."
"What did she try before?"
"Slit her wrist in the bathtub." Leon answered and tried not to hyperventilate with the horrific image still in his mind. "Do you think she'll try again?"
"No." Nyssa was sure Kat wouldn't. It was one of those things she knew, but she knew how serious Kat had been about it at the time.
Leon sighed in relief and sat back in his chair, eyes closed as his body went limp with relief. "So she feels bad about what she did."
"No, she feels hopeless that no one understands her and that you made no effort with your relationship with her at all. You told me you'd been trying but you hadn't. Not really."
"How do you figure that?" Leon asked defensively.
"You asked her back out then you never called, never spoke to her, never made any effort at it at all, like you thought she should do all the work because you were still looking at the whole situation like she had something to make up for, something to prove to you."
"And she told you all this stuff?" Leon was again getting angry with Kat for trying to turn one of his friends against him.
"Yes and no. I had to pry some of it out of her and some of it I just know. And I know you don't really know Kat." Nyssa looked saddened by this fact.
"Yeah, well, I'm beginning to wonder if it's much of a loss."
"The answer is yes."
"What makes the answer yes?" Leon snapped.
"Do you really want to know?" Nyssa's eyes hardened.
"Yeah, I asked didn't I?" Leon felt like he'd had too much info dumped on him at once already, and it made him angry, but he had to know what Nyssa thought was so important.
"You don't know she's a dancer."
"Ha! Yes I do." Leon smirked. He knew how she could make him think of nothing else but her, him and a dark room with a large bed with a simple dance, all with the look on her face and the way she moved her lithe body. Nyssa might be able to make him feel like an ass with other information but not that Kat was an effective dancer.
"No you don't. You know she likes to shake her ass in clubs. That's not dancing Leon. That's booty shake. She might be good at it but it's not dancing. She use to dance ballet. And she was good. Like American Ballet Theatre good."
Leon looked slightly shocked at that tidbit of information. Nyssa continued.
"And not only that, but when she was worrying about her friends getting killed or getting killed herself in gang violence or at her school she also went most days after school to help her ballet instructor teach the little girls ballet too. For free on her own time. Because she said those little girls living in the 'hood deserved to know they were beautiful and graceful. Because they deserved to have beauty in their lives and that fact didn't change just because they couldn't afford to go if they didn't get the lessons for free. Because she knew first hand those poor little children needed a constructive activity and a safe place to go. Because she watched the struggle that everyone, every race in the ghetto lived every day. Because she likes kids."
Admiration for Kat was obvious on Nyssa's face. She wasn't done with Leon at that time either.
"You don't know she had to make sure that no one knew how good she did in school because she was sure if anyone knew she got really good marks she'd never be spoken to again because it wasn't cool. You don't know how she was on the A squad cheerleaders because she thought her school needed spirit and she wondered if she could make a difference by trying to be a leader. You don't know how much she loves her friends. You see the closeness I'm sure but you don't see the fact she almost took a bullet for one of them with no concern for her own safety because she loves them all SELFLESSLY."
Nyssa emphasised the last word carefully and as she finished her tale her pretty eyes filled up with tears that spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She continued in a voice choked with emotion over what she knew Kat had been through. Nyssa didn't know how anyone as young, who'd had such a messed up life, was able to put on an upbeat attitude most of the time. She was about to impart the most heartbreaking part of her knowledge to Leon.
"You don't see how she thinks everything that was good and beautiful inside her is dead. You don't know what she went through to end up that way."
But Nyssa did and simply knowing it was almost more then she could bear. She didn't know how Kat had lived it, let alone went on and lived her day to day life.
"Why don't you fill me in since you have all the answers?" Leon asked snidely, all the things that were being pointed out to him hurt. He could tell they were true. Nyssa shouldn't know, but she did and it wouldn't do him any good to question the whys or wherefores. But he didn't have to be happy about it.
How upset Nyssa was over the whole situation gave him a sick feeling in his gut about what Kat had been through that he didn't know about. He fully believed Nyssa when she said Kat figured everything beautiful and good inside her was dead. Nyssa looked like she was at the point of retching herself and Nyssa didn't get that upset easily. She was pretty easygoing and it took a lot to really truly upset her or anger her.
"That's not my story to tell, not that any of it really is, but I'm not going into what she's seen and what she's done. If she decides you should know someday then she'll have to tell you, or you could ask her about her past and honestly want to know and see if she tells you. Just know that she carries more guilt on those slim shoulders then the guilt of this whole team over 'the incident' and why don't you throw Dom's guilt over what he did on top too."
Leon sighed. Nyssa drove onward, seemingly not caring that she was breaking Leon's heart with all the important details he hadn't known about a woman he claimed he had real feelings for. He'd never bothered to ask her to really tell him anything. She'd fed him pleasantries and he'd lapped them up because he hadn't wanted to know the real truth. She'd asked him all about his crappy childhood and cared when he'd told her things hadn't been great. Then she'd fed him the Disney version of her own life and because ignorance was bliss he'd just let it drop and moved on.
"You don't see the fact that she's never had a serious relationship before because she is the girl all the bad guys want. And they see her like you do. Someone who's just a down ass bitch. They don't see the real her."
Nyssa wiped a trailing tear off her cheek and ploughed on.
"You don't see how much she misses her mom. How hurt she is she never knew her dad. How her love of cars is because she's trying to find some small part of her dad in herself. How her mom always told her how great her dad was and how sad he was that he had to go away. How Kat could never talk about him around her step dad or brothers."
"You don't know that she had a drug problem for most of the last 5 years of her life, how easily it could happen to her again. How close she is to having an alcohol problem now. How fast her life is spiralling out of her control."
It was all making Leon realize that he really hadn't taken the time to try and truly get to know Kat. And reminding him how very young she was. She was almost Nyssa's age but she hadn't had the benefit of a relatively stable home for most of her life, not like Nyssa had. He looked up from his lap and met Nyssa's bruised pansy eyes.
"You don't know where her tattoos are." Nyssa giggled, thinking about the whimsical nature of some of Kat's tattoos.
"Yeah, she has a tiger cub on the small of her back." Leon retorted. He knew some things. He wasn't going to let Nyssa get away with thinking he didn't.
"She does, but she also has a tiny little GT-R logo tattooed on the back of her hip and a pair of toe shoes on her foot." Even Leon had to smile. He had to hand it to Kat. She loved her car more then he did if she'd branded herself with the logo.
"The simple fact of the matter is Leon, she's been like a motherless child lost for the better part of the last 5 years."
Leon went to interject a comment and like she knew what it was Nyssa held up a hand to cut him off. Of course, Leon mused, she likely did know what he was about to say anyway.
"You're going to say that everyone uses that excuse for her and she lets them. But when everything you love gets ripped out of your hands and you live in fear every day that the rest of what you have will go the same way, what else can you do? Besides, who was supposed to teach her how to act different? Was she supposed to raise herself? She was being cared for by people who were barely more then children themselves, most of whom had no frame of reference for how 'normal' family life was."
"I know that."
"I just want you to think about the fact that what you know about Kat is the bare surface of the real girl. You basically know what everyone knows. You never took the time to learn the deep stuff. You skimmed the surface. I'm not saying she doesn't have flaws. She does. But so does everyone. I just don't understand why you're trying to hold someone like Kat up to some impossibly perfect standard. She's far from perfect. But you wouldn't expect to find perfection in any of us, why is it you expect Kat to be so perfect? I just don't understand. Why can you forgive me so easily for what I did to Vince? He's your friend and he's been your friend longer then I have. I really hurt him and it was all my own fault. Buy yet you've forgiven me. You haven't forgiven Kat for what she did and until you do the two of you have no future." Nyssa finished on a sad little sigh and all the fight and energy seemed to leave her, like it had taken all she could give to discern what she had about Kat and impart it to him and now she had nothing left to give.
"We don't have one anyway. We're too different. We're from two different worlds and I don't think it's going to be practical for us to be together anyway."
"The best things in life aren't practical Leon. The best things are frivolous and fun. They're rare and treasured. Special." With that Nyssa stood up and slowly walked back down the hall after switching off the lamp, leaving Leon sitting in the dark with his equally black thoughts. What an appropriate metaphor for his life, Leon thought as he trudged up the stairs and out into the sultry heat of the California early morning air.
AN: I hope that this chapter makes everyone who was pissed off with Kat understand her a bit more. I've almost made myself cry with this one so I hope it hits everyone with the emotional punch I hope it does and helps people understand why Kat is the way she is a bit better then you have up till now. Even though I knew it was a false alarm all along every time I saw that chapter title it made my stomach fall...Anyway, review please. Peace, Tempest.
Leon took himself home, just seething about what he'd seen at races. Kat sure hadn't wasted much time picking up a new man. It had driven him to chat up a few ladies at races. His heart hadn't been in it and thus he was driving home alone. And that made him even more angry with things. Why hadn't he just been able to pick a girl and take her home? He'd never had trouble doing it before.
Before Kat.
He played devils advocate with himself and answered back that he'd driven her to it with his insecurity and mistrustful attitude. He'd really messed up again. Kat wasn't 'the flavour of the week'. She was the kind of girl that you really never got tired of because she never stopped going, never settled down. She was wild and crazy and he loved that about her. She could be so sweet and caring too. But Kat was also fickle and self centered.
Plus Leon liked and respected Dom. And he also owed Dom a lot. Dom had given him and Jesse a spot to stay when they had nowhere else, and a family to be part of when they'd had no one.
Kat and Dom couldn't get along. He'd gotten the cliff note version of what Kat had said to Dom at races, the threats she'd made against Letty, a woman that Leon also truly cared for, the mean things she'd had to say about Dominic, a man Leon truly respected and admired.
It had tossed him into turmoil. Much as he really thought that he and Kat could have had something great his first loyalty should be to Dominic. And while Leon knew that Dom would not stand in his way if he wanted to be with Kat it would strain Leon's relationship with Dom because Dom and Kat could not be around each other.
There was also the issue that when he looked into himself he didn't see how to love Kat unconditionally. No matter how he thought about it he was still angry and didn't know how to not be angry with her over all she'd done. He couldn't see his way into trusting her not to hurt him. He still had to wonder if she was lying to him or scheming him or someone on his team in some way.
Despite her redeeming qualities, and there were a lot of them, she was still immature and a spoiled brat. Not all the time but quite a bit of the time. Much as people made excuses for her, Leon knew she'd have to grow up on her own. She wasn't going to change unless she wanted to. She was use to getting her own way in everything and could be both childish and dangerous when she was thwarted out of getting what she wanted.
While Leon thought he paced around the bottom floor of the house. He couldn't sleep with all the things that were on his mind. He walked into the small living room they had set up downstairs and paced around the coffee table. He hadn't turned on any lights and all the basement windows were contained by the bedrooms of the three men who lived there so the living room was enshrouded in pitch black darkness. Leon paced by memory of the room.
"Leon, is that you?" A softly feminine voice called from the hallway's mouth into the room.
"Yeah Nys. It's just me." He called back softly, hoping not to wake up Vince or Jesse.
"Why are you still up and walking around in the dark?" Nyssa asked as she entered the room fully and switched on the lamp on the coffee table, illuminating her face and the soft pink tank top and shorts she'd worn to bed.
"Can't sleep." Leon answered and sighed.
"Why not?" Nyssa asked and sat down on the couch, legs tucked up under her.
"Kat." Leon didn't think he'd need to say more.
"Why is Kat keeping you up? She's not here." Nyssa was deliberately obtuse, hoping to force Leon to speak about his situation honestly.
"She doesn't have to be. She's never far from my mind lately. I can't believe she showed up with that guy. On the day we fight she shows up with another guy." Leon growled and ran a hand through his already dishevelled hair.
"Is that what's bothering you? The fact that she was with another guy tonight?"
"Yes. Well, no. Not exactly." Leon huffed. "It's the fact that he'd have me believe she had meaningful feelings for me but then the second we have a fight she finds another man."
"What if I told you to think about that guy, what he looked like? He should look familiar to you." Nyssa vaguely tried to help Leon figure out the mystery of Kat's new man.
"He should look familiar to me?" Leon honestly thought about it. When he realized where he knew the tall man from the realization spread across his face. "It was her friend Connor." Nyssa just smiled softly at him, confirming his guess.
"So she was just showing off, trying to make me jealous?" Leon asked Nyssa like she had all the answers, even though as far as Leon knew Kat and Nyssa had never met.
"Not exactly I don't think. But perhaps it did enter her mind. I believe that, while she might have told herself and her friends different, she needed the emotional support of having people think she has other men waiting to be with her. No matter who you are you don't want to think you'd have troubles picking up a date." Nyssa giggled. Leon chuckled back but then his face turned pensive again.
"She's just so selfish." Leon ground out. "She needs a pick-me-up and instead of doing something to just pick herself up she does something that makes me look bad and hurts me at the same time."
"She told me something and at first it didn't make sense to me but then as I got to know her it slowly fit together." Nyssa started to try to explain the situation to Leon. She was having trouble finding the words to explain what she wanted to say. She knew that Leon needed Kat. She also knew that in a lot of more important ways Kat was going to need Leon. Need him and her life might depend on it.
"Wait, you've been speaking to Kat? When?" Leon looked at Nyssa in confusion, than as realization washed over his face his green eyes snapped in anger.
Shock then guilt passed over Nyssa's expressive face as she realized what she had given away.
"So she did lie about that to me too. It was her you were speaking to. God damn it! I was right anyway. I really can't trust her. She'll lie about any god damn thing. That little bit..."
"Leon!" Nyssa exclaimed, cutting him off and she wasn't happy about what she'd almost heard.
He looked at her in shock.
"Sit down!" She pointed at a chair and Leon threw himself into it with an angry sigh, staring at Nyssa petulantly. "What do you really know about Kat?"
"Lots. I know she's childish and immature. I know she's selfish and infuriating. I know she loves to play stupid mind games and she's never serious, she's just out to have a good time and it doesn't matter at whose expense." Leon was getting angry with Nyssa, for making him think about things he'd rather not think about.
"What about the things you don't know?"
"Such as what? There can't be that much I don't know about her. She's so shallow, there's not a lot of hidden depth there."
"Oh really? How about how she covers up her insecurities with a brave act she can hide behind? She tries to have a good time now because she's scared she'll never have a later. She does everything to extremes because she's scared she'll never get another chance to do any of it. Look at how she's lived!"
"You don't know anything for sure, all you know is what she told you! And she uses her past as an excuse for everything."
"I know lots she never had to tell me!" Nyssa raised her voice, concern for those who were sensibly still in their beds now sadly lacking. "And some frightening things she did tell me."
"Like what?" Leon asked like a petulant child.
"Like she asked me if I thought heaven had a ghetto for one."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Leon looked puzzled.
"That she thought about killing herself and she wondered if she'd end up back in the ghetto of heaven if she did." Nyssa lowered her voice again but it was still filled with her emotions. Anger and sadness, bitterness and helplessness. "She was scared that after just getting out of her bad neighbourhood if she died she'd go right back for eternity.
Leon looked up from his lap in shock and got half out of his chair. "She told you she thought about killing herself."
"Yeah, she did. Why is that a shock to you? You think she's so horrible so why is that so hard to believe?" Nyssa tried to rub it in to Leon how wrong he could be.
"It's not hard to believe because she tried before so I know she has it in her to do it." Leon had turned slightly white under his tan, worried that Kat would try again to end her life.
No matter how mad he was with Kat the thoughts of all the life being gone from her beautiful green cats eyes as they vacantly stared out of her too pale face, the freckles her tan hid most of the time standing out in sharp relief against her bloodless skin, her life's blood in a pool around her, her white blond hair stained red with it, her cherry red lips gone blue in her death, her infectious laugh silenced forever, her talented body never moving in a sultry dance ever again, never attempting seduce him or make him laugh again. The thoughts of it all made him want to retch. He gagged with it. He felt physically ill.
"She did!" Nyssa's face mirrored the shock that must be telling on his own face. "Did she tell you that?"
"No, she told Vince." Leon admitted sadly. "I never gave her any reason to trust me with her secrets. I had to find out from Vince."
"What did she try before?"
"Slit her wrist in the bathtub." Leon answered and tried not to hyperventilate with the horrific image still in his mind. "Do you think she'll try again?"
"No." Nyssa was sure Kat wouldn't. It was one of those things she knew, but she knew how serious Kat had been about it at the time.
Leon sighed in relief and sat back in his chair, eyes closed as his body went limp with relief. "So she feels bad about what she did."
"No, she feels hopeless that no one understands her and that you made no effort with your relationship with her at all. You told me you'd been trying but you hadn't. Not really."
"How do you figure that?" Leon asked defensively.
"You asked her back out then you never called, never spoke to her, never made any effort at it at all, like you thought she should do all the work because you were still looking at the whole situation like she had something to make up for, something to prove to you."
"And she told you all this stuff?" Leon was again getting angry with Kat for trying to turn one of his friends against him.
"Yes and no. I had to pry some of it out of her and some of it I just know. And I know you don't really know Kat." Nyssa looked saddened by this fact.
"Yeah, well, I'm beginning to wonder if it's much of a loss."
"The answer is yes."
"What makes the answer yes?" Leon snapped.
"Do you really want to know?" Nyssa's eyes hardened.
"Yeah, I asked didn't I?" Leon felt like he'd had too much info dumped on him at once already, and it made him angry, but he had to know what Nyssa thought was so important.
"You don't know she's a dancer."
"Ha! Yes I do." Leon smirked. He knew how she could make him think of nothing else but her, him and a dark room with a large bed with a simple dance, all with the look on her face and the way she moved her lithe body. Nyssa might be able to make him feel like an ass with other information but not that Kat was an effective dancer.
"No you don't. You know she likes to shake her ass in clubs. That's not dancing Leon. That's booty shake. She might be good at it but it's not dancing. She use to dance ballet. And she was good. Like American Ballet Theatre good."
Leon looked slightly shocked at that tidbit of information. Nyssa continued.
"And not only that, but when she was worrying about her friends getting killed or getting killed herself in gang violence or at her school she also went most days after school to help her ballet instructor teach the little girls ballet too. For free on her own time. Because she said those little girls living in the 'hood deserved to know they were beautiful and graceful. Because they deserved to have beauty in their lives and that fact didn't change just because they couldn't afford to go if they didn't get the lessons for free. Because she knew first hand those poor little children needed a constructive activity and a safe place to go. Because she watched the struggle that everyone, every race in the ghetto lived every day. Because she likes kids."
Admiration for Kat was obvious on Nyssa's face. She wasn't done with Leon at that time either.
"You don't know she had to make sure that no one knew how good she did in school because she was sure if anyone knew she got really good marks she'd never be spoken to again because it wasn't cool. You don't know how she was on the A squad cheerleaders because she thought her school needed spirit and she wondered if she could make a difference by trying to be a leader. You don't know how much she loves her friends. You see the closeness I'm sure but you don't see the fact she almost took a bullet for one of them with no concern for her own safety because she loves them all SELFLESSLY."
Nyssa emphasised the last word carefully and as she finished her tale her pretty eyes filled up with tears that spilled over and ran down her cheeks. She continued in a voice choked with emotion over what she knew Kat had been through. Nyssa didn't know how anyone as young, who'd had such a messed up life, was able to put on an upbeat attitude most of the time. She was about to impart the most heartbreaking part of her knowledge to Leon.
"You don't see how she thinks everything that was good and beautiful inside her is dead. You don't know what she went through to end up that way."
But Nyssa did and simply knowing it was almost more then she could bear. She didn't know how Kat had lived it, let alone went on and lived her day to day life.
"Why don't you fill me in since you have all the answers?" Leon asked snidely, all the things that were being pointed out to him hurt. He could tell they were true. Nyssa shouldn't know, but she did and it wouldn't do him any good to question the whys or wherefores. But he didn't have to be happy about it.
How upset Nyssa was over the whole situation gave him a sick feeling in his gut about what Kat had been through that he didn't know about. He fully believed Nyssa when she said Kat figured everything beautiful and good inside her was dead. Nyssa looked like she was at the point of retching herself and Nyssa didn't get that upset easily. She was pretty easygoing and it took a lot to really truly upset her or anger her.
"That's not my story to tell, not that any of it really is, but I'm not going into what she's seen and what she's done. If she decides you should know someday then she'll have to tell you, or you could ask her about her past and honestly want to know and see if she tells you. Just know that she carries more guilt on those slim shoulders then the guilt of this whole team over 'the incident' and why don't you throw Dom's guilt over what he did on top too."
Leon sighed. Nyssa drove onward, seemingly not caring that she was breaking Leon's heart with all the important details he hadn't known about a woman he claimed he had real feelings for. He'd never bothered to ask her to really tell him anything. She'd fed him pleasantries and he'd lapped them up because he hadn't wanted to know the real truth. She'd asked him all about his crappy childhood and cared when he'd told her things hadn't been great. Then she'd fed him the Disney version of her own life and because ignorance was bliss he'd just let it drop and moved on.
"You don't see the fact that she's never had a serious relationship before because she is the girl all the bad guys want. And they see her like you do. Someone who's just a down ass bitch. They don't see the real her."
Nyssa wiped a trailing tear off her cheek and ploughed on.
"You don't see how much she misses her mom. How hurt she is she never knew her dad. How her love of cars is because she's trying to find some small part of her dad in herself. How her mom always told her how great her dad was and how sad he was that he had to go away. How Kat could never talk about him around her step dad or brothers."
"You don't know that she had a drug problem for most of the last 5 years of her life, how easily it could happen to her again. How close she is to having an alcohol problem now. How fast her life is spiralling out of her control."
It was all making Leon realize that he really hadn't taken the time to try and truly get to know Kat. And reminding him how very young she was. She was almost Nyssa's age but she hadn't had the benefit of a relatively stable home for most of her life, not like Nyssa had. He looked up from his lap and met Nyssa's bruised pansy eyes.
"You don't know where her tattoos are." Nyssa giggled, thinking about the whimsical nature of some of Kat's tattoos.
"Yeah, she has a tiger cub on the small of her back." Leon retorted. He knew some things. He wasn't going to let Nyssa get away with thinking he didn't.
"She does, but she also has a tiny little GT-R logo tattooed on the back of her hip and a pair of toe shoes on her foot." Even Leon had to smile. He had to hand it to Kat. She loved her car more then he did if she'd branded herself with the logo.
"The simple fact of the matter is Leon, she's been like a motherless child lost for the better part of the last 5 years."
Leon went to interject a comment and like she knew what it was Nyssa held up a hand to cut him off. Of course, Leon mused, she likely did know what he was about to say anyway.
"You're going to say that everyone uses that excuse for her and she lets them. But when everything you love gets ripped out of your hands and you live in fear every day that the rest of what you have will go the same way, what else can you do? Besides, who was supposed to teach her how to act different? Was she supposed to raise herself? She was being cared for by people who were barely more then children themselves, most of whom had no frame of reference for how 'normal' family life was."
"I know that."
"I just want you to think about the fact that what you know about Kat is the bare surface of the real girl. You basically know what everyone knows. You never took the time to learn the deep stuff. You skimmed the surface. I'm not saying she doesn't have flaws. She does. But so does everyone. I just don't understand why you're trying to hold someone like Kat up to some impossibly perfect standard. She's far from perfect. But you wouldn't expect to find perfection in any of us, why is it you expect Kat to be so perfect? I just don't understand. Why can you forgive me so easily for what I did to Vince? He's your friend and he's been your friend longer then I have. I really hurt him and it was all my own fault. Buy yet you've forgiven me. You haven't forgiven Kat for what she did and until you do the two of you have no future." Nyssa finished on a sad little sigh and all the fight and energy seemed to leave her, like it had taken all she could give to discern what she had about Kat and impart it to him and now she had nothing left to give.
"We don't have one anyway. We're too different. We're from two different worlds and I don't think it's going to be practical for us to be together anyway."
"The best things in life aren't practical Leon. The best things are frivolous and fun. They're rare and treasured. Special." With that Nyssa stood up and slowly walked back down the hall after switching off the lamp, leaving Leon sitting in the dark with his equally black thoughts. What an appropriate metaphor for his life, Leon thought as he trudged up the stairs and out into the sultry heat of the California early morning air.
AN: I hope that this chapter makes everyone who was pissed off with Kat understand her a bit more. I've almost made myself cry with this one so I hope it hits everyone with the emotional punch I hope it does and helps people understand why Kat is the way she is a bit better then you have up till now. Even though I knew it was a false alarm all along every time I saw that chapter title it made my stomach fall...Anyway, review please. Peace, Tempest.