Lord of the Rings: Middle Earth High

Summary: Merry and Pippin troublemakers, Aragorn and Arwen going to the prom, Legolas, Faramir and Éowyn in drama club, Boromir and Éomer football players, and Gandalf a science teacher? It's Middle Earth High, of course!

Disclaimer: LOTR still doesn't belong to me!

Chapter 4- English with Denethor

As the bell rang, all the students in Middle Earth High took their places in Denethor's class. There were only about 15 students in Middle Earth High, making it easy for all the teachers, unless of course, they were the one teaching the class. That was the time of day most teachers thought of as dread peril. Denethor immediately began taking role, for he always liked his class organized. "Aragorn?"

"Here!"

"Eowyn?"

"Here!"

"Of course you are. I'm so glad." Denethor grumbled sarcastically. "Pippin?"

"Presente, gracias!" Pippin said proudly.

"What? This isn't Spanish class, you numbskull." Denethor said. "We don't even have Spanish in this school! It's Elvish!" Denethor said.

"Oh, sorry." Pippin said, sad that he had studied all that Spanish for nothing.

This continued until all the students were accounted for, except "Boromir? Faramir? Hmmm, why are they missing?" Denethor wondered. "I bet Faramir's up to something. He's always a troublemaker. Éowyn!" he sharply said, turning to the girl. "Do you know of anything Faramir has been plotting, err, planning?"

"No, sir," Éowyn said.

"Ummm, Mr., uh, Denethor, sir? Maybe they are just running late." Frodo said.

"NO TALKING OUT OF TURN!" Denethor yelled.

"Oops," Frodo said quietly. "My bad."

A few seconds later, Faramir burst through the door. "Sorry I'm late, Dad!" he said panting for breath.

"Not in public, Faramir!" Denethor hissed at his son. "You're late. Why are you late? Explain yourself! You have wasted the class two precious minutes of learning time!"

"Precious?! Where's the precious?" Gollum stood up and shouted. Denethor glared at him, and he slunk back down in his seat. "Cursed, nasty man, we hates him..."

"Hates is not a word, Gollum. Use proper English! THIS IS ENGLISH CLASS! And stop referring to yourself in 2nd person plural! It's annoying! You are ONE person! GET A LIFE!" Denethor yelled.

"Ahem, yeah. Anyways, Miss Galadriel stopped me and told me about auditions for the play, Romeo and Juliet." Faramir explained.

"Oh, the play is coming up? When?" Éowyn and Legolas both asked. They had both been in the school plays in previous years along with Faramir.

"Never mind that! You are late, Faramir, nonetheless. Now, apologize to the class and take your seat," Denethor ordered.

"Sorry everybody," Faramir said as he walked to his seat. As he did so, he slipped two audition flyers onto the desks of Éowyn and Legolas. On the back of the paper, the two scribbled the words "Thank you," and held them up so Faramir could see. Faramir nodded and wrote "You're welcome," back.

After that, Boromir came burst in through the door in his turn, and began to take his seat. "Boromir! You're here! I was so worried! Where have you been?" Denethor asked his son hastily.

"Ummm, in the bathroom," Boromir said.

"Well, you are late," Denethor started, "but I suppose we can let it slip this time."

"Ok," Boromir replied perplexed as he took his seat.

"Hmph, no fair," Faramir grumbled.

"Okay, everyone's here, so we can finally start our lesson. Today we will be working on," he said as he rolled up the map on the blackboard, revealing a word and saying it. "Punctuation!" Denethor took his yardstick and pointed to the word. "Now," he said as he put down his yardstick and replaced it with a piece of chalk, "this is a comma," he said as he drew one on the board. "The comma is used to indicate a pause in the sentence. A comma is a type of punctuation. An example of usage of the comma is..." He droned on for what seemed like an eternity to the students. Random thoughts occupied the students' minds.

"Ugh, will he ever stop talking? I know what a comma is! Oh well, time to practice for auditions. 'I'll look to like, if looking liking move: But no more deep will I endart mine eye, than your consent gives strength to make it fly.'" Éowyn thought as she rehearsed Juliet's lines for the play auditions.

Faramir was also practicing for Romeo. "'If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand, to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.' Whoa! I hope Éowyn gets the part of Juliet! Aw man, what am I thinking? Anyways, 'Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?' What the heck? I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means..."

"Hmm, I'll let Faramir try out for Romeo; I don't want all those lines. Hmmm, here we go, I can play Friar Laurance. 'Hark, how they knock! Who's there? Romeo, arise; Thou wilt be taken. Stay awhile! Stand up; Run to my study. By and by! God's will, What simpleness is this! I come, I come!' What weird language. Does Miss Galadriel expect us to memorize all this?" Legolas wondered as he practiced lines.

"The precious, must have it, must get it, where is it?" Gollum pondered.

"I can't believe we have to serve on lunch duty! That's even worse than detention!" Merry and Pippin both thought.

"Ahhh, this is sooooooooooooooooooooo boring! Can't he leave us alone? I can't wait 'til glee club starts!" Frodo and Sam thought in agony.

"Hey it's Sam, I hope he asks me to the Spring Dance..." Rosie Cotton thought.

"Oooh, Arwen looks pretty today. Maybe I should ask her to the Spring Dance..." Aragorn thought as he dreamily stared at the girl.

"Aragorn is staring at me. Oh well, he's so cute! Maybe he'll ask me to the Spring Dance..." Arwen thought.

"I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class, I hate this class..." Éomer thought sitting on the edge of his seat twitching his foot like he did when he was bored.

Elladan and Elrohir were engulfed in a game of Thumb War in the back of the classroom.

"Let's see, aha! A person!" Boromir thought as he was playing visual Connect-the-Dots with the freckles on the back of Éowyn's neck. He presently grew tired of this game, and put his head down on his desk. Boromir soon fell asleep on the desk. Luckily, he didn't snore.

Éowyn looked over at him, and thought it was a good idea to sleep during Denethor's boring English lectures. "Hey, Arwen. Put your head down!" she whispered.

"Hey, good idea!" Arwen replied quietly as she put her head on the desk.

"Arwen! Éowyn! What are you doing?" Faramir quietly asked, interrupted from practicing his lines for the play auditions.

"Resting," Éowyn and Arwen answered.

"If my father, I mean, Denethor catches you, you'll be in trouble," Faramir reasoned.

"Catches us?" Éowyn asked. "He is so absorbed in his dumb lecture, he wouldn't notice if all the hosts of Mordor dropped an oliphaunt into the classroom."

"Okay, you take the chance," Faramir said and with that he went back to practicing his lines.

Soon the girls, too, fell asleep, and slept peacefully for about 10 minutes. But then, something happened that the girls did not intend. Denethor looked to the back after a break in his lecture about the semi-colon, and saw the two girls and his son sleeping. Only he didn't know it was sleeping. "Boromir!" he cried! "My son! Oh no, has he died? What happened? My line has ended! WAKE UP, BOROMIR!"

"What? Okay, I had the weirdest dream. So there was this Ring, and-" Boromir was interrupted.

"THE PRECIOUS!" Gollum yelled, now jumping out of his seat.

"What? What happened?" the girls asked, awaking at Gollum's antics.

"Yeah, whatever. And then Frodo, Sam, a bunch of others, and I had to go to some mountain to destroy it. How weird." Boromir said, explaining his dream.

"Destroy? You cannot destroy It! THE PRECIOUS!" Gollum shrieked.

"Gollum, shut up, you are such a nerd," Arwen and Éowyn said.

"Nooooo! The Precious!" he yelled as he ran out of the room.

Denethor went and pressed a button on the wall. "Yes, Grima, we have another escaped student. Please find him." He released the button. "And about your dream, Boromir, that's preposterous! An evil Ring, ha! Now, everyone pay attention. The semi-colon is very important." Denethor said as he got back to his lecture. "The semi-colon is used to indicate..." And with that the kids all sighed and got back to their boring activities to pass the time.

Finally, the wonderful words were heard. "Okay, now I am finished talking to you about punctuation." Denethor said as a sigh of relief went off from the class. "So now that you've all been educated on the proper use of the comma, the period, the semi-colon, the colon, the question mark, and the exclamation mark, here is a worksheet from the English for Dummies book." The class was disappointed at the thought of a worksheet, but the class still erupted in laughter at the notion of English for Dummies. "Hey, what's so funny? Here, take your- Oops," he said, finally realizing his mistake. "you weren't supposed to know that, were you? Err, Faramir, just take these and pass them out for homework." Denethor said, embarrassed that his mediocre teaching strategies had been revealed. "Also," he continued, "'Antidisestablishmentarianism' is the spelling word of the day.' It will be on tomorrow's spelling quiz." Denethor said as he pointed to the word written on the blackboard.

"But that's hard!" Pippin complained.

"But if you learn it, you won't be so thick-skulled anymore. So do it!" Denethor explained.

"Ok!" Pippin said entusiastically, not realizing that he had just been insulted by a teacher. "So, how do you spell it?" he asked, not looking up to see the answer on the board.

"LOOK ON THE BOARD!" Denethor yelled at Pippin.

"Oh, oops!" Pippin said. "Let's see, A-N-T-I..."

At that point the bell rang, signaling the end of class. "Now get out of here, you annoying kids!" Denethor yelled with no need, for the kids took off from that class at the first chance possible. They left the classroom, and proceeded onto Science with Gandalf.

A/N: Yes people, the dreaded English class is finally here! Okay, I figured that some people might be getting a little confused by now. Here is some explanation:

The story is taking place back in Middle Earth, but the people are very civilized and have all the modern day inventions and schools and such. The story is before the War of the Ring. At this point, Gollum still has the Ring, but he goes to school anyways.

Ok, I admit it's a little bit unrealistic, but hey, that's fanfiction for ya! Now that everything is straightened out, here are the answers to my wonderful reviewers!

Punkydoolittle- Glad you thought it was funny. That was my intention! I will update soon.

Shroomipoo- Yes, actually I have seen POTC, 21 times to be exact! If you read my bio, you will see that I am a total POTC obsessed-freak, and that I am also working on another story like this with POTC called "Port Royal High." It will be up soon.