Darkwarrior17: Well fans, here it is. The last chapter of my first story… Well that said and done, I'd like to say thanks to the following:
genny62890: You've edited my story, all 14, soon 15, chapters. Your reviews were obnoxious, you made fun of my spelling errors, but still, you were the 3rd best editor I could have had.
Xaio-Darkcloud: You've reviewed me since day two, and you were one of the few people compelling me. (I figure you probably would have hunted me down if I didn't finish.)
Streek-has-returned471: You only reviewed me once, but you put me on your author alert list… And I hope you read the rest of the story.
Samusgirl: Thanks for reviewing!
Guns and Swords
XV
The Final Fight
In an obscure region of the world, one being dwells on one question: "Am I drunk?" Master Hand thought to himself. "No, I have no memory of drinking. Although that would explain the headache." He looked around. There were several rusted bits of machinery, a bunch of darts, and several burnt bushes. He scratched his… uh… noggin, and thought for a moment. Several moments. This would have gone on for some time if a nerd-angel hadn't appeared.
"Welcome to the after death!" It said in its high squeaky nerd voice. "I'm here to give you a full account of what happened here. But first take this pamphlet." It handed the giant hand a pamphlet entitled, "So You've Screwed Death", with an amusing picture on the front of an angel shooting the Grim Reaper.
"Wait. I was dead."
"As a doornail."
Master Hand's… Master Hand was having trouble thinking straight. "That doesn't make any sense!" He shouted.
"Of course it does. Here, use this." The Nerd handed him a needle, with a label of "Master Hand, Death Memory"
"Why should I trust you? This could have AIDS!"
"So?"
"SO I'M NOT TAKING THIS!" Master Hand raised himself in fist form, feeling pretty good that he was doing himself a favor by killing this nerd.
"What if you already have?" Master Hand released his fist, seeing the small puncture wound and an empty needle.
"You-" Master Hand started, and then had a seizure.
Ping!
Ganondorf was hiding behind a rock, hoping that what happened next wouldn't happen.
Wham!
Crazy Hand came down on him, splattering him against the ground.
"Ow…" Ganondorf said weakly. Crazy Hand turned to Samus, who was presently trying to climb a wall to get out of there. Crazy flew at her with increasing speed, and Samus raised her blaster.
"Yeah, that's what you think…" She muttered to herself, and fired. Crazy Hand turned side ways suddenly, and the shot whizzed past him, inches away from him. "WHAT!" Samus cried, and then Crazy slammed into her.
Ganondorf was just getting up when he saw the oncoming light of Samus' blaster shot. "Ooh, crap."
Ping!
"Oh. My. There. They. Are."
"Oh shut up Link, we've got to take down the giant hand." Rasaara was now wondering why he was trying to save this one swordsman of stubbornness.
"Why do we need Kirby for that?"
"Because they're special. And they have a few characters from every video game ever made by Nintendo, with the exception of Bomberman."
"Who?"
"Just shut up Link."
Kirby ran up to Link, and then ate him.
(0.0)
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Um, Kirby, perhaps you should spit out who ever you have in there."
"WHY DOES THIS ONE HAVE MARTH'S HAIR!" Roy yelled.
"Uh, yeah, Kirby you really might want to tell your friends to as well."
Kirby shook his head, and ran off, with the other puff ball running after him.
"Where are they headed?" Fox asked Rasaara, who was beginning to follow.
"The arena."
"Oh. What could be happening there…?"
Ping!
Crazy Hand had figured out how to beat Ganondorf and Samus simultaneously. He had grabbed Ganondorf by the legs and was slamming him into Samus, who was trying futilely to run away.
"HAHA-! Wham!- HAHA!- Wham!"
Ping!
After having several seizures, six comas, each lasting five to six minutes, a heart attack, a stroke, a heart attack combined with a stroke, and a stroke combines with a seizure, Master Hand got up.
"Ow…"
"Hmm, yes. Did you know that you just beat several records?" The nerd said, looking at a clipboard he had poofed into existence. "Look, I'd love to chat, but I've got to talk to some guy in New Jersey who died momentarily so he could "save" his leg. Although it's not terribly important. He probably went to Hell any way."
"Okay. Well, now that that's done, what am I supposed to do back here?"
"Save the innocent souls of your team. Duh!"
"…"
"Is there a problem?"
"Which one of my teammates has an innocent soul?"
"Oh never mind! Just save the idiots! For the sake of Nintendo 64! For the sake of GameCube!"
"What the heck's a GameCube?" The nerd looked around, and then shocked the Master Hand.
"Just fly Northeast!" He said, disappearing.
"…K." Master Hand said, flying off.
Ping!
"Right. So where are we now?" Falco asked, looking at a long, very deserted hallway. The ceiling was tremendously high, and arched at the top, like some sort of cathedral. At the end there was a great stone door that went to the roof, and the four Kirbys were pounding on it.
"Main hallway, and beyond that door is the arena." Rasaara replied, looking, for some reason, grim. "The doors have been locked, and the only plausible way to open them is through central command. Not that that's the only way. But I don't have a computer, so I can't really hack…"
"No other way is plausible?" Fox asked.
"Yes, I believe that is what I just said." Fox and Falco looked at each other.
"I think we've done implausible…"
"Right. On three. One…"
"You're not serious?" Rasaara asked.
"Two…"
"They are, aren't they!"
"THREE!"
"FIRE FOX!"
"FIRE BIRD!"
BOOM!
BOOM!
The pair ran into the doors at maximum speed. Unfortunately, the door was about six feet thick. Also unfortunately, they had decide to head butt it, which, if the doors where not so thick, would have helped, their skulls being so hard. The result was both Fox and Falco sprawled on the floor, wondering if the room would stop spinning so they could die.
"You two really are idiots. Here let me try." Roy walked up to the door, and charged his sword.
"Sigh. This is going to be a while." Rasaara said to himself, sinking to the floor, his back to the wall.
Ping!
Now, all this time you are probably not asking, "What happened to Grothlik?" He was in fact doing nothing in particular. Not terribly true, but what he was doing would probably make this story go up a rating. So for the safety of the rating "T", he was doing nothing. He continued doing nothing until a noise prevented him from concentrating on doing nothing.
CRASH!
"Quite, you! I'm trying to do nothing." He yelled at what ever the noise was. Funny thing, it got louder.
CRASH!
"SHUT UP!"
CRASH! BOOM!
"Alright! That's it!" Grothlik put down his nothing and headed across the room. Seconds later Grothlik was suspended in midair, thousands of tiny mechanical tentacles wrapped about his body.
"Erg!" He managed, before the tentacles wrapped around his head.
/You are a fool, Grothlik. A mean fool, as well. Unfortunately, it is not my place to kill you.\ The tentacles then threw him against the wall, knocking him unconscious.
Ping!
Now, all this time you probably have been asking "What happened to Young Link and Captain Falcon?" They, on the other hand, were not doing nothing.
"LET US OUT!" Captain Falcon shouted, for they were suspended, in large glass bubbles at the top of the ceiling. In what room, you ask? Take a guess.
"WHY CAN'T THOSE IDIOTS SEE US!" Young Link shouted to no one in particular.
"I don't know, maybe because we blend in with the ceiling, no one has looked up and THIS BUBBLE IS SOUND PROOF!" Captain Falcon yelled back. "Hey, I've got and idea. Give me one of your bombs."
"Don't light that in here." Young Link said.
"Why?" Captain Falcon said, lighting it.
Boom
This did nothing to the glass that held them. The resulting sent the two flying in all different directions. The bubble rocked on the wires that were holding it to the ceiling. It continued rocking and then…
Creak…
Snap!
All but three wires snapped.
"Uh oh…"
SNAP!
"You… IDIOT!" Link shouted.
SNAP!
"IT WASN'T MY FAULT! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO-"
SNAP!
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
The glass bubble fell about 100 yards. It was about halfway down when Zelda looked up.
"Ooh… um guys?"
"NOT NOW!" Fox snapped.
"Guys?"
"I SAID QUIET!"
"HIT THE DECK!"
Rasaara, who had been snoozing, woke up. "Eh? What?"
CRASH!
SHATTER!
Thousands of three inch thick glass flew into everyone, with the exception of Zelda, who had shielded.
"You know, I used to think that dying was something that happened only once…" Fox said, looking at a particularly large piece of glass stuck in his nose.
Ping!
Crazy Hand was tired of swinging Samus around. He threw her away and picked up Ganondorf. He began swinging him around and around and around and around and around and around-
Ping!
"So the doors aren't opening." Captain Falcon asked.
"Correct."
"And we need to open it."
"Yes."
"And that's impossible."
"Right."
"Okay. Let me take a crack at it."
"When will these idiots learn?" Rasaara went back to his old position and picked the glass out of his exoskeleton.
Ping!
And around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and around and released!
Ping!
"Falcon… PUNCH!"
Wham!
Boom!
Ganondorf exploded through the doors, knocking Captain Falcon off his feet into Young Link, and slammed into Fox who was trying to get another large piece of glass out of his behind.
Rasaara looked up. Fox looked dead, Ganondorf as well, Captain Falcon looked dazed, Young Link was crushed under Captain Falcon's weight, Zelda tripped over Captain Falcon, and the Kirbys were laughing their heads off.
Then he looked at the door.
"Oh! Look, it's time to go!"
Ping!
Grothlik, having just been thrown through several walls, crawled up and got to a phone.
"Hello, security central? We have a situation."
Ping!
"Now, where on earth am I supposed to go now?" Master Hand thought to himself, looking at a map.
He had gone for several hundred miles, and was very much lost. He was at a rest station, and one of the civilians had tried to hunt him for sport. He didn't mind. It was actually kind of funny, what he had done to the guy. Several people had commented (while getting into their cars in a slow, careful manner) that they had never seen a single pipe put into so many parts of the human body. But that was beside the point.
"Excuse me, miss," He said to a family that was passing by. "Could you direct me to the Northeast?"
"The Northeast? Why, that's where we just came from! Ain't that right, Pa?"
"Yep!"
"You'll be wanting to go to that them Tourney, right? Well, I wouldn't. That's what's we weres doing. Ain't that right, Pa?"
"Yep!"
"Yeh, youse don't want to go there, everything's in er wreck. Ain't that right, Pa?"
"Yep!"
"What tournament? What wreckage?"
"Youse don't know about et! What are you, some kind of yellow-bellied yokel? Ain't you got a little some thing called Tee Vee? Been all over the noos, ain't that right, Pa?"
"Yep!"
"Right… You wouldn't happen to have a map, would you?"
"Nay, we ain't got no maps between us, them's for wusses! Wese got a sciggly line on er napkin, buts that's nots so helpful. Ain't that right, Pa?"
"Yep!"
"Well, I'd likes to stay ands chat, buts we got to get going." She spat outside the car. "See youse later! Hey Pa, want to get usems a burger?"
"No, I ain't liken dem burgers!"
Ping!
Back at that them Tourney, the group of freaks where out on the arena when alarms began going off.
"Attention, all security to the arena. Repeat, all security to the arena."
"That can't be good…"
In a matter of seconds, a bunch of the little men in hockey masks rushed out of a lot of unnecessary doors, wielding machine guns that probably weren't loaded with darts.
"DUCK AND COVER!" Fox shouted, doing as he had suggested. Most of them willingly complied, but the Kirbys stood where they were and started shaking like crazy. Stars began to pour out of every hole in their body and explode all around them.
"You know, the more you know them, the more you need to know."
"… What?"
"MARTH!" Roy shouted, when he spotted his long lost friend.
"ROY! I WAS IN HELL!"
"Hey, isn't that Ness! And D.K.! And Pikachu! And-" Then Fox remembered that he was the only regular there.
Fox of course was right, but there were many, many others, some who had never been heard of, but others familiar. Mewtwo, Pichu, Pikachu, Jigglypuff, D.K., Mario, Luigi, Mario, Peach, Bowser, and others were popping out of stars right and left. And when they were all out of their stars and the Kirbys had stopped blowing them out, and the Green, Red and Yellow Kirbys flew off, and there was silence. Then Crazy Hand floated over.
"Wa ha hee hee ho wa!"
Samus stood up out of the pile of rubble she had been buried in, and fired upon Crazy Hand, knocking him unconscious.
"YES! AHAHAHAHA! I'VE WANTED TO DO THAT FOR FOREVER!" She shouted.
Then the machine guns when off.
Due to the quick reactions of Mewtwo, Ness, D.K., Bowser, Nana, Popo, Fox and Falco, most of the bullets were repelled. D.K. pounded a hole in the ground where most of the people hid, Mewtwo and Ness stopped the bullets in midair, Nana and Popo made an ice wall, and Fox and Falco reflected them. Samus quickly blasted the hole, widening it, and hopped in, along with anyone else who had stayed up.
"Great. So now we're stuck in a hole. WHAT THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO IN A HOLE?" Samus shouted.
Rasaara went up, smacked her, and said, "We snipe em'. Anyone who's got a long range weapon, shoot them from the top of the hole. Mewtwo, Ness, make a barricade around the hole where we can shoot."
"And why should I be subject to this? I was forced here against my will. What makes you think I will do what you say?" Mewtwo replied, crossing his arms. There was a great chorus of agreement when…
Wham!
Rasaara was holding Mewtwo up against the wall by his wrists and ankles.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" Rasaara asked, as he pushed Mewtwo's arms and legs into the wall. "Don't bother trying to use any psychic attacks. They won't work. Do what I tell you, and then you can go. That sound fair to everyone?" There was silence. "Good. NOW GET MOVING!" He shouted, and released Mewtwo.
As everyone ran to do what they were supposed to do, Rasaara was left with time to think. "Where are you, dammit? I know you're not dead…" He thought to himself.
Meanwhile, Mewtwo and Ness had made a barricade as instructed and anyone with a long range weapon began firing at the robots, who returned fire.
Ping!
Master Hand had finally found someone who was headed in the northeast. Unfortunately for him, it was a pig trucker with a dog in the front seat.
"Fraid you're going to have to sit with the pigs." The trucker had said. "Old Ben here won't sit with em. Hop in."
So now he was stuck in a truck with a bunch of pig that were slopping their food on him and doing the most vulgar things.
"Shoo! SHOO! GET AWAY FROM ME DAMMIT!" Master Hand shouted, as one of the pigs tried to doo on him. "This is by far the worst thing that has ever happened to me!"
Ping!
"This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!" Ness shouted, only four miles away. "WHY CAN'T EVERYONE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Why can't you do something useful for a change and STOP COMPLAINING!"
"Cease fire!" A shout from the robots halted everything. Grothlik stepped up and began to shout. "YOU ARE OUTNUMBERED ABOUT 10 TO 4! SURRENDER NOW OR DIE! IF YOU DO NOT SURRENDER YOUR BONES WILL LITTER THIS HERE ARENA, FOREVER! SURRENDER NOW!"
Grothlik was about to say something else when an arrow shot by Link pierced his neck. Grothlik stared at in surprise for a second and then shouted, "HA! You think your wimpy arrows can hurt me!"
BRzzaP!
A green beam of light came out of one end of Rasaara's double ended trident, hit him in the stomach, and kept going. Grothlik then stared at the hole in his stomach for a few more seconds, and fell to the ground.
"What a moron." Rasaara commented, blowing the smoke away from his tridents.
"What do we do?" One of the robots asked.
"I dunno, kill them?" Said another.
"Sounds good." Said the first, and raised his machine gun.
Then the ground started shaking.
"What's that?" Said the first.
"Dunno." Said the second.
Four tentacles, the exact same as those that had attacked Grothlik, popped out of the ground, wrapped themselves around the two robots and crushed them.
The voice box went on for a couple seconds after its body died.
"You know, that wasn't really fair, was it?" Said the first.
"Must say I agree with you." Said the second.
Tentacles started popping up all over the place, reeking havoc with the machines.
"You know, on any other day, this would surprise me." Fox said.
"No kidding."
"AHAHAHAHAHA! I KNEW SHE WASN'T DEAD."
"She?"
/Well, technically I am dead\
"Ah. The dragoon, combined with the wire tentacles."
/Correct.\
"WHAT THE HELL! I'M HEARING A VOICE INSIDE MY HEAD! DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK THAT'S WEIRD!"
"… Not really."
The ground pretty much exploded where the recently destroyed machines were, and out popped who else but… (Drum roll please…) ……………KRIMA! Her batish body was in a tube filled with some sort of green liquid that was attached to what looked like a upside down turtle shell. This was attached to several dog collar things that had many of the little tentacles that had been destroying the machines. All this machinery looked fairly new, but Krima was looking worse than ever. She had scars all over her face, and her wings were tattered and broken. Her eyes where unblinking, tubes were stuck all over her body.
"Um, you look nice." Samus, commented, trying to rid them of the awkward silence that had befallen them.
Peach snorted. Several tentacles then picked her up by her legs and whirled her around and around and around and around and around and around. By the time she let her down, Peach didn't look so good herself.
"Ha ha, Peach looks like she was just on the Millennium Falcon!" Yoshi laughed, in his own language, so it sounded more like "Whoa WHOA, Hmmmmmmm BEOW HMMMMMM whoa!"
Peach quickly flipped threw her Guided to Freakish Languages, read for a second, and hit Yoshi with a golf club.
"Heya a now, he was nota deserving that!" Luigi exclaimed.
He was also hit with the golf club. Peach continued swinging it until Samus caught it, snapped it in half, and kicked Peach in the stomach.
"NOA ONE HURTSA MY PEACHY!" Mario exclaimed, and ran at Samus. Fox calmly pulled out his gun and was about to shoot Mario when Kirby ate him, for no particular reason.
"AHHHH! HE ATE FOX!" Falco shouted, and began shooting Kirby.
"Hey! No one's allowed to hurt Kirby but me!" Link shouted.
"YES!" Young Link ran up to the pink puffball and began hitting it with his sword. Then Falco accidentally shot Young Link, and Link had to defend his honor with the bird, as Ness and Young Link got into a fist fight.
"Hey! Everyone! Calm downaaAAHHHH!" Doctor Mario was saying, until both D.K. and Bowser body-slammed him.
About now everyone was hurting everyone, and Crazy Hand woke up.
"He he he he hee heeee!" He said, and then dove into the ruckus.
This continued for about five minutes when a shout went up over the arena.
"SHOTGUN!"
BOOM!
Pretty much everyone was thrown up against the wall.
There stood Master Hand, in a fist, looking slightly amused, or he would if hands could show expression.
"Hmmm, I'll have to remember that… ALL RIGHT! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!"
About two thirds of the people there pointed at Kirby, while everyone else pointed at Crazy Hand.
"Oh, hello Crazy. What are you doing here…?" He looked at the robots, the carcass of Grothlik, and the slightly burning arena. "Um, seriously, what happened here?" It took about a second for Krima to flash all the images into Master Hand's brain. "…Okay, I get very little of what's going on here, so I'll ask a different question: Who are all of you?"
About anybody who was new to this group began shouting something to the effect of "I WAS FORCED HERE AGAINST MY WILL BY A GIANT FLOATING…" ending with either Hand or Puffball.
Master Hand turned to Crazy. "Okay, I have another question: Did you have me killed?"
"Heee, the numbers of 3 to the 52nd power dived by 3, 50 times will tell you."
Master Hand counted on his fingers. "9?"
"YES! AHAHA! Weeeeeeee Heeee Heeeee Heeee!"
BOOM!
"Must… Kill… Hand…!" Samus said turning her blaster away from Crazy and towards Master Hand.
"Now wait a minute, hold on!"
Fortunately for Master Hand, Link jumped at Samus, knocking her off balance, and then Fox and Roy began trying to hurt Link, and the hurting and the violence and the hoo ha hey began up again, this time Master Hand joining in.
Several minutes later…
"Hey there!"
Everyone turned.
"Beeep beep beep! Bee beep beep beeeeeep! (Oh my gosh! It's the CEO of Nintendo! I haven't seen you in ages!)" Game and Watch ran up to the CEO of Nintendo, for that's who it was, and slapped him with a frying pan. "BEEP BEEP BEEP! (BRING BACK MY GAME, YOU!)"
"Slow down there, G&W! I have a better idea! How 'bout I keep you all here in a video game of your own!"
"Better idea. Why don't we all move somewhere south, and build a Mansion, and then make a video game of our own." Master Hand suggested.
"That'll work too!"
Ping! (Sob! It's the last!)
Much later…
The Mansion was built (without any sonic cannons of any kind) and a video game was being set up. In the meantime, everyone got to relax and see Rasaara and Krima off.
"Why can't you stay longer? Please please please please PLEASE!" Fox asked for the thousandth time.
"I SAID NO! GAHHH!"
/The Xel' Naga are within a warp field. They will have a warp field stabilized soon.\
"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?"
"I must say, it would be interesting if you could teach me some psychic techniques before this tournament starts." Mewtwo commented.
"We're not staying! There's a whole Galaxy to see! WHY WOULD WE WASTE OUR LIVES HERE!"
/And not life.\
"YEAH!"
"Warp field stabilized." A voice boomed out of nowhere.
"See! That's our cue. Don't cry for too long, we will visit!"
"REALLY!"
"Yeah…"
"SWEAR YOU!"
"Fine, I was just kidding, we'll visit! NOW LET'S GET GOING!" Rasaara shouted and jumped into the warp field which appeared from out of nowhere.
/We will see you\ Krima said, crawling into the field.
"BYE!" Everyone yelled as the warp field closed.
"You know, I think I'll stay in the mansion for the next year and a half." Master Hand said, to no one in general. "The world sucks, and I don't think that I will ever get over the month and half."
"You realize that you have a video game to make?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
THE END
Darkwarrior17: Well, I guess there's very little I can say. Although, I would like to tell you that I'm working on several stories, which you can expect out by December, at the latest. My story that's already up (Nintendo Wars) is going to be put on hold because it's so darn vast. I mean, its mind boggling how much there is going to be. So, I'm going to post five chapters of those of which are in my head, and the work on Nintendo Wars. Until then, you can read this story over, and over, and over and… yeah. Bye bye!