Severely Deluded

Scene 5

Hermione realized she'd been reading too many romance novels when she had a vivid and disturbing dream about Snape, which kept barging into her head all day and distracting her from such important tasks as Transfiguration and dinner. It was terribly difficult to act as though you were enjoying your mashed potatoes and steak with a clear conscience while feeling that Snape was staring at you, perfectly aware that you had kissed him last night in your dreams and waiting to use that knowledge to humiliate you. Consequently, Hermione had tried all day to forget that idiotic, perverse, impossible dream, which she actually had not enjoyed. Much.

She was still thinking about it that evening, sitting at a small round table with Harry and Ron, ostensibly doing her Arithmancy homework while the boys argued about something. Suddenly Hermione heard Ron say her name.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"Harry says he hasn't had any dreams," Ron said, shooting him a nasty look, "and I need someone else's to interpret for Divination, so have you had any I can use?"

Dream-Snape recalled himself to her mind with all his original force and Hermione blushed. No need for any underqualified fruit bat to tell her what that dream meant.

"Hermione!" Ron looked scandalized.

"Don't make a scene," Hermione said, looking pointedly at the surrounding tables.

"You'd think Trelawney would have more sense than to ask a roomful of seventeen-year-olds what they dreamed about last night," Harry remarked.

"Are you in love with someone?" Ron said accusingly.

"Of course she is, don't be dim," Harry said, at almost the same moment as Hermione said, "Of course not."

Both boys frowned at Hermione.

"Well, if you must know," she said loftily, "I don't like him at all. He's mean, he has a nasty temper, and he thinks I'm a complete fool. It's just that I --"

"Dream about him," Harry supplied, his mouth twitching.

"Exactly. I don't care what he thinks of me, and I'm certainly not in love with him."

For most of the conversation, Ron had looked as though he was choking on Trevor; now he made a small noise and rushed from the common room.

"Don't mind him," Harry said, hitching his chair a little closer to Hermione's. "But seriously, I need to ask you --"

"No," Hermione said. "I really can't tell you, Harry, I'm sorry."

"Not that," Harry said, smiling a little. "I just wanted to be sure that – that he wasn't going to hurt you."

"Oh no, of course not," Hermione said brightly. At Harry's disbelieving look, she added, "I'm not saying that he isn't mean to me, or to you two, but I know that's just the way he is and I don't take it personally. As I said, I don't care what he thinks of me, and I'm well aware that a real relationship between us is impossible, given the – er…"

"Obstacles?"

"Yes, that's it, and I don't expect anything of the sort. So I don't think he's going to break my heart, if that's what you're asking."

"Okay," Harry said, looking unconvinced. "It's just – well, is it a Slytherin?"

"Yes," Hermione said, blushing.

"How are you planning on dealing with Ron?" said Harry. "You saw him just now, and all he found out is that you have hormones, like every other girl in this place."

"Blackmail, of course," Hermione said. "I have pictures of him at the Burrow sleeping with his old teddy bear. If he wigs out on me, I'll offer to post them on the notice board."

"That should work," Harry said. "And Hermione?"

"Yeah?"

"If you need to talk to someone, you won't have to blackmail me to keep me from throwing a fit. Even if it is Draco Malfoy."

If Harry expected a reaction, he was disappointed. Hermione just blinked and smiled. "Thanks, Harry, that's surprisingly mature of you."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You're so sweet."

"Well, I think I've had enough of this for one evening." Hermione gathered her things and stood up. "Night, Harry."

"Sweet dreams," Harry said, and only yelped a little when she smacked him on the shoulder with her Arithmancy text.

A/N: I realize that Harry and Ron will probably have failed their Divination O.W.L.'s and therefore not be taking that class their seventh year, but I needed Hermione to have this conversation with the boys, rather than Lavender and Parvati, for obvious reasons.