Severely Deluded

Scene 6

Lavender and Parvati had taken over Hermione's room for the evening. They were lounging on the floor reading Witch Weekly and eating Chocolate Frogs while Hermione looked over their Transfiguration essays. Hermione had planned to eat the Frogs herself, but she had to admit that this was at least as cozy a way to spend the evening, with the rain swishing on the window and the girls' chatter in the background. It reminded her of some of the better times they'd had as roommates, when no one had been inexpertly transfiguring her clothes or using her toothbrush or losing her homework or spilling strawberry lip gloss all over her pillow.

On second thought, she didn't miss those days at all.

Just then Hermione though she heard one of the girls say Snape's name, and her head came up automatically.

"Isn't he hot?" Lavender said.

"Well, not in the classical sense," Hermione said, mostly to herself.

Both girls' heads swiveled around as one.

"What did you just say?"

"Um… I think I misheard you," Hermione said, sensing an incipient blush. "What did you say?"

"I said wasn't Snape a snarky bastard in class today."

"And I said when is he not."

Oh dear God, it was worse than she'd thought.

"The classical sense of what?"

"Never mind," Hermione said. "I was thinking of something completely different." Please, she thought, don't let them press the issue.

"That reminds me," said Lavender. "Why did Snape keep you after class today?"

"Oh, that," said Hermione. It seemed Lavender and Parvati intended to cover every dangerous Snape-related topic in one mortifying conversation. "He wanted to know why I'd stopped volunteering in class."

"Well, why did you?" Parvati said.

"I said I'd finally decided to stop being an insufferable know-it-all."

"And?"

"He said he was thrilled."

"He is such a snarky bastard," said Lavender.

"Well of course he is," Parvati said. "Judging by the hair and the teeth, he probably hasn't gotten any in ages."

"Probably never," Lavender added, which sent them both into giggles.

Hermione ducked behind Parvati's essay in an effort to make it look as though she were reading it. What right did they have to make unfounded assumptions about Snape's love life? He admittedly didn't have Lockhart looks, which was being generous, but (there was no use denying it) he could still melt cauldrons. Of course you couldn't expect someone with the mentality of a Puffskein to pick up on such things, thought Hermione.

"Any idea why Snape's got it in for you this year?"

"Hmm?" Hermione said, looking over the essay. "Oh, probably because I'm not in Slytherin. I don't think there's been a Head Girl from Slytherin in a good fourteen years."

"No wonder," Lavender said, "if they're all like Bulstrode and Parkinson." More giggles.

Hermione supposed that to the uninformed observer it did look as though Snape had it in for her. In past years he'd never had much to say about her potions, flawless as they generally were, but of late he'd gotten into the habit of stopping by her cauldron and harassing her about her mystery man. Hermione suspected that he wanted something to hold over her head, besides which he took a malicious delight in needling her and getting back waspish replies. If he didn't enjoy it, Gryffindor would by now have no points left to take. Although why he should care about her love life was an even deeper mystery.

"Don't you two have anyone else to talk about besides Snape?" Hermione said when she couldn't take it any longer.

"Oh, come on, Hermione," said Lavender. "Don't tell me you never sit in class and wonder why he's such a bastard."

"I'm generally too busy trying to brew a potion to speculate about Snape's personal life," Hermione snapped.

"Coming from you, I almost believe that."

"Here's your essays, girls," Hermione said. "My notes are in blue."

"Thanks so much."

"We'll buy you some more Frogs to make up for it."

"Nighty-night."

Hermione closed the door after them and promptly slumped against it, far from caring what damage she'd just inflicted on the papers tacked to it.

Did they know?

Probably, unless they thought she'd been talking about architecture. And why else would they spend most of an evening gossiping about Snape (even if he was a frequent topic of conversation around the common room fire).

Would they tell?

Harder to say. Hermione had kept innumerable secrets for them in the past, sometimes from each other, so they owed her this secret. But their memories were notoriously patchy, and Hogwarts hadn't heard gossip like this for at least six weeks.

Maybe, if she was lucky, they would decide to torment her in Potions and extort tutoring and candy from her, and leave it at that. Not that that scene appealed to her either.

And there was nothing to do but wait until the next Potions class to see what would happen.

A/N: I also realize that Lavender and Parvati will probably not be taking Potions their seventh year, but I needed Hermione to have this conversation with Lavender and Parvati, rather than the boys, for obvious reasons.