Title: Unfairy Tale

Author: Kelley

Summary: Buffy is a princess, and bored with it. She forms a plan and decides to run away. Eventually Spuffy...like there was ever any doubt.

Author's Note: Spike will eventually appear in this story. It's not time for him yet though. Please review. It makes me happy. :) Unless you're flaming me. Then I'll send the evil clowns after you.

Once the ball was in full swing, Princess Buffy gracefully headed towards Xander and Anya in order to obtain a drink full of alcohol-y goodness. No matter how much young Dawn pleaded, the elder princess took great joy in telling her sister "no" and reminding her of the fact that she was not of proper age. Princess Dawn retorted with some comment about being cruel to Buffy once the older princess reached her unfortunate geriatric stage of life by mentioning that she would send her off to live with some evil beast in a far away castle where there was no way to make it to a shopping mall before her time was up.

"Buffster! My, my, don't you look delectable!"

Buffy's eyes widened and she looked at Anya. "Delectable?"

Anya swatted the question away with her hand. "He's been using large, impressive words all night. It is turning me on. I'm imagining our merry-making marathon right now."

Buffy smiled. "That's nice," she said sarcastically. "So, drink?"

Xander dutifully handed one to the princess. "Be careful with that. Remember, you and alcohol don't mix well."

Buffy scoffed. "Dear Xander, I'll be fine." She sniffed the drink and immediately had to grab on to something to keep from toppling over due to the powerful smell of the vodka and orange juice.

"What a lightweight!" Dawn taunted. Her sister glared at her and taunted her back by making a big show of taking a small sip of her Screwdriver. Dawn stuck her tongue out and went to find her friend, Lady Janice.

"Hey, B! This party's great!"

The princess turned to face her cousin Faith and smiled. "Hey, Faith! It's been so long! How are you?"

Faith shrugged. "Five by five. I'm glad to escape my kingdom for awhile. Times are pretty rough in Kingdom Penitentiary. Everyone seems to be breaking laws left and right, and we're having the most difficulty dealing with the criminals."

Buffy sighed. "I'd suggest that you feed them to ogres, but then that may not go over too well with your surrounding kingdoms."

Faith nodded. "Oh well. No use thinking about it now. I'm thirsty."

"Xander and Anya got drinks over there," Buffy said, pointing in the servants direction.

"Be right back. Hey, Xan! How's it hangin'?"

Anya eyed Faith up and down with a disapproving glare. "It's hanging just fine. I know quite well since Buffy caught me and Xander playing our Mistress of Pain game earlier."

Faith blinked. "Sorry I missed it. Man, this party is kickin'! Anyway, I just came over for a drink. Take care of yourselves though. Oh, and have you ever seen Mistress Spanks-a-Lot? I bet you could get some great ideas from that one." Taking her drink, Faith winked at the couple before heading over to her cousin once again. She placed an arm around Buffy and walked her to another part of the room. "So, B. Heard you had some merry-making fun with Prince Riley. Tell me about him."

Princess Cordelia walked past the two cousins at that moment and ran into Fred. She looked at the girl from the Kingdom of Texas with wide eyes. "God! Faith is such a slut!"

Princess Fred smiled at Cordelia. "I think she's pretty nice. I don't really know her that well, but she seems like she's pretty nice."

Cordy scoffed. "I hear she's made merry with more of the royal men than her cousin, Princess Buffy, has."

Fred shrugged. "At least she's not trying to end the world."

Cordelia grinned, changing the subject. "So, how are you and Wes?"

"Oh, we're great. He's sweet."

Anya walked over to the two girls. "Hi! Would either of you care for an alcoholic beverage? We've got Screwdrivers!"

Cordelia took two drinks from Anya's tray and handed one to Fred. "Thanks!" she said with a bright smile.

Fred nervously looked at her drink, but sighed and began sipping it.

"Enjoy your night. I'm off to ensure the drunkenness of more guests." With that, she walked away from the two princesses.

A short distance away, she ran into Princess Illyria, who was standing around watching the events of the party before her.

"Hi!" Anya cried cheerfully.

Illyria turned to look at her, no expression on her face as usual. Her eyes unblinking, she tilted her head in a bird-like manner at the woman holding the tray of drinks. "Are you the one responsible for passing around that vile poison tonight?"

"Well, if you mean these tasty alcoholic beverages, then yes! Would you like one?"

Illyria studied Anya for a moment. Despite her annoyingly cheerful demeanor, there was something about her that Illyria liked. "Do you wish to fill me with such toxins?"

Anya thought about it for a moment. "This should help you have more fun."

The blue-haired princess stood taller and jutted out her chin. "Fine then. I will partake in the drinking."

Anya eagerly handed Illyria a drink. "Good choice. I hope you enjoy the rest of the night. Feel free to find me or Xander if you would like some more!" And with a sharp nod of her head, Anya walked off to find another empty-handed guest to fill with alcohol.

Illyria studied her drink. Then she sniffed it. She noticed it had a strong odor, mixed with a fruity odor. She held the glass above her head, studying the beverage from all angles before bringing it down to her nose again. Deciding she had nothing to lose, she took a small sip. Luckily, it had no adverse effect so Illyria decided she would not have to kill the servant who handed her the drink.

"Oh my gosh! I love your dress!"

Illyria's head turned sharply to the annoying squealing voice. "Who are you to make such an awful noise in my ear?"

Lady Janice ignored Illyria's comment. "So, are you having fun tonight?"

The princess turned back to face the guests who were busy mingling and dancing. "I do not understand the rituals of you mere humans."

Janice frowned and raised an eyebrow at Illyria's comment, but just pushed the statement aside. "Do you like your drink?"

"The flavor is somewhat enticing. I may have that servant girl bring me another later on."

"Would you mind getting a drink for me too?"

Illyria turned back to eye the annoying child. "I am no servant, and I do not take orders from humans."

"I'm not ordering you to or anything. I'm just asking, begging really."

Illyria took another sip of her drink. "Be gone, child. You annoy me."

Lady Janice pouted. "All I want is a freakin' drink! Why won't anyone just get me a drink?"

Illyria took another look at Janice. "You appear to be what these human creatures refer to as one who is not of proper drinking age."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Janice mumbled. "Oh, come on! It's not like you care anyway! You claim to be some ancient demon goddess warrior thing! I mean, yeah, everyone thinks you're crazy and full of crap, but that doesn't mean I agree with them."

"Now I believe you are…brown-nosing? Do not bother me with your petty troubles."

Janice glared at the princess. "You know what? I lied! I do think you're crazy! You're no goddess of any type. I think you're just some bored princess who wants attention from people!"

If possible, Illyria's eyes widened with anger, her body taking on a predatory stance. She grabbed Janice by the neck, lifting her from the ground. "I ought to rip your beating heart from your chest, before I rip out your intestines so I may use them to tie your heart around your neck. Do not pester me anymore!"

As Illyria dropped Janice, the teenager stared at the blue-haired princess with wide, frightened eyes. She rubbed her neck and backed away slowly before turning and running in the opposite direction.

"Damn, Blue! I thought she was going to pass out when you lifted her by the neck!"

"Charles," she said dryly. "She annoyed me. She needed to be dealt with."

"Yeah, but I don't think the way to make friends starts with you threatening the lives of everyone here tonight," he joked.

"I choose not to harm you because you are not unpleasant to my eyes," she stated.

Gunn grinned. "And I'm quite grateful for that, believe me."

"H-how did you do that?" Tara asked shyly.

"I am Illyria, god-king and ruler of seven dimensions."

Tara stared at Illyria blankly.

Gunn rubbed Tara's back and smiled. "What I think she's trying to say is that she's a goddess, and therefore loaded up with strength."

Tara looked at Gunn. "Is she really a demon goddess though?" she asked quietly.

"That's the million dollar question," he answered just as quietly.

Illyria tilted her head at Gunn and Tara and took another sip of her drink. "I recommend this alcoholic substance. The taste does not displease me. I feel that I may ask for another."

"Noted, Big Blue. Enjoy the party, and try not to kill anyone. Okay?" He smiled and walked away with Tara.

Illyria watched everyone enjoying themselves with the night's festivities. She took another sip and was momentarily caught off guard when she felt someone bump into her. Her eyes drifted towards the figure slowly so as to scare the offending person.

"Hey. Sorry 'bout that."

Illyria tilted her head. "They call you Oz, do they not?"

The short red-haired man smiled. "Yeah, that would be me. I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked nervously.

"I remain unharmed by your accidental clumsiness. I would rip the spine from most mortals who were not watching me as they approached me, but I sense a sort of feral power in you that makes me enjoy your company."

Oz sighed in relief. "That's cool," he said with a nod.

Illyria took a large gulp of her drink. "Yes, it is…cool. Now, be gone and try to refrain from accidents next time." The god-king walked off instead, leaving Oz to scratch his head.

"That was weird," he mumbled.

"Wow, I can't believe she didn't threaten to rip out your spine or something!"

Oz whirled around at the sound of the pleasant voice. "Well, she did…sort of. We bonded over power. It was fun."

Willow smiled. "Oh, so what kind of power do you possess?"

Oz shrugged. "I'm a werewolf."

Willow's eyes grew wide. "Oh, really? I'm a witch. I'm actually this family's witch. I'm really close friends with Princess Buffy. How well do you know her? She's super cool, and is always saying 'Willow, don't worry', or 'Willow, that spell went wrong last time you tried it'."

"Huh," Oz replied. "So, do you wanna dance?"

Willow's chin fell. "Me? But I'm not…me…just a witch…not royal. It's not proper. People would look down on you. And I've got things to do here…I might forget…it would be really bad…and I can't dance. Plus…wouldn't your date get mad?"

Oz looked back in Faith's direction. "Faith?" He shook his head. "Nah. We're just friends. I'm too short for her anyway," he added with a small smile.

"Oh. Uh, are you sure you're not drunk and imagining that you're talking to a really pretty, witty royal girl?"

Oz just rolled his eyes. "Let's go." He grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor. "Everything will be fine. Just breathe."

From a distance, Xander glared. "Look at Mister I'm so Cool over there."

Anya smiled. "Honey, get over it. Jealousy is not becoming on you. Besides, Oz is a really nice guy, and I think he'd be really great for Willow."

"He's probably got some evil plot going on in his head…right now," Xander replied.

"I highly doubt it. But if he does, let's just hope it doesn't interfere with our plan tonight. Cuz that would be unfortunate. Then Princess Buffy would have to marry one of those boring royal males, and that would never work out for her."

Dawn bounced over to the couple. "Hey, check out Willow getting' jiggy with the werewolf!"

Xander choked. "Excuse me? Werewolf? I knew it! He's got an evil plan. He's going to bite Willow and turn her into a werewolf and have her join his army of oversized, angry puppies!"

Dawn furrowed her brow. "Yeah…that's exactly it, Xander. Except for the fact that Oz has had a crush on Willow for quite some time, and he's only a very nice gentleman. You're just jealous!"

"Am not!" Xander protested.

"He's just being silly," Anya replied in a patronizing tone.

"So anyway, it's almost time for THE PLAN! Are you ready to start THE PLAN?" Dawn asked excitedly.

"Just about," Xander said distractedly, still watching Willow.

Dawn grinned. She had never expected that her older sister would include her in a plan. Let alone a plan of this magnitude. Yep, Dawn could feel her status rising in the world. With a royal flourish that only a teenager could muster, the younger princess turned and immediately ascended the stairs where she would wait for the elder princess to arrive.

Upon reaching her destination, she checked everything once more to make sure the plan would still flow smoothly.

Unfortunately, Princess Buffy was taking her sweet time. Dawn sighed and tapped her foot impatiently. Finally, she heard her sister heading toward the room, although she was moving quite slowly.

Dawn rolled her royal eyes and sighed heavily as her sister grunted and groaned, dragging the largest duffel bag she'd ever laid eyes on into the room with her.

"Buffy, what's with the bag? That's only going to slow you down, I'm afraid."

Buffy looked at her sister indignantly. "I will need these to ensure my survival. I have several different outfits, my toiletries, and a vast array of canned goods and dried food."

The younger princess scoffed. "Yeah, like you're going to eat any of that."

"For your information, I eat quite frequently. I just happen to possess a very high metabolism due to an active lifestyle and fortunate genes."

Dawn snorted. "Yep…but not all of us carry the title of 'easy' quite so well either."

"I have not made merry with that many males, Dawn. Faith, if you seem to remember, has made merry with four times the number of men I have, and not all of them have been of royal blood. So…there!" And she promptly stuck her tongue out at her sister.

"Oh yeah, you're so mature, Buffy," Dawn retorted.

"Are we going to get this plan in motion, or shall we bicker all night?"

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. "I don't know. Maybe I should just let you go through the torture of choosing a man tonight."

"You certainly do annoy me so," Buffy muttered.

"Yeah, well back at you!" Dawn replied. "So, are you ready or is there another piece of luggage waiting out in the corridor?"

"Very funny. Just toss this out the window."

Dawn glared at her sister, but hoisted the bag the best she could and let it fall from the window. "You're so bossy."

"If you broke anything, dear sis, I'm telling mom."

"Oh, so you're going to run away and then come back to tell on me?"

Buffy blinked. "No. But I'll make you pay later."

Dawn looked down at the makeshift rope she'd set up at the window. "Well, the rope appears to be securely fastened, and is fairly strong. Just hold on and take your time."

Buffy nodded. "Got it. Well, see you later, dear sister." She smiled and waved before going to the window and tossing one leg over the side.

"Be careful out there," Dawn ordered, a hint of worry etching her voice. Just not a whole lot of worry as that would show vulnerability, and the younger princess did indeed want to show she was a strong person.

The older princess grabbed the rope and began shimmying her way down. Before her head disappeared, she looked at her sister. "Don't worry. I'll be back eventually. Unless one of the royal guards…aaaaah!"

Dawn jumped and raced to the window only to find her sister on top of her luggage. "What happened?" she yelled down to Buffy.

"I fell!" the princess hollered back.

"Obviously! But how?"

"I let go," Buffy answered.

Dawn just shook her head. It was discovered not long ago that Buffy possessed the gracefulness of a puppy on a tile floor. It was most likely her own stupidity that caused her to fall to the ground. "You're the worst princess ever!" Dawn yelled.

"Bite me!" Buffy said in a warning tone before dragging her luggage down the path and out into the real world, beyond the protection of the castle gates.

Dawn only wondered how long it would be before her sister was caught and returned for neither princess had any real experience out there in the world beyond their sight. She then wondered if perhaps they should have taken the time to learn about the dangers of what a princess could face in a world where people cooked their own meals and cleaned their own homes. Dawn shuddered at the thought, only hoping the princess ended up in a place where she was not surrounded by so many barbarians.

In the meantime, Buffy was slowly making her way towards what appeared to be an enchanted forest. She longed for a place to stop because she was experiencing something unfamiliar to her. Unfortunately, she had failed to realize that such a large piece of luggage would result in back pain and stinky, nasty sweatiness. And alas, her hair was beginning to fall out of place. She feared that she would ultimately regret her decision to run away, but refused to give up now.

Thus the princess bravely set out to find what it is she was looking for. 'If only there was a mall close by' she thought to herself. She walked deeper into the woods, unaware of who or what could be lurking there in the shadows. She was a girl on a mission. And she was on her own.