Confessions

Rating: PG
Spoilers: All of it really. Up to season 9.
Ship: Jack and Sam
Summary: Jack has to tell her, even if it kills them both. Shippy ending. Future fic.
Distribution: If you want it, let me know.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything... unfortunately.

o o o

Jack O'Neill sat outside the house, trying to get the courage to walk in there. He'd woken up this morning with an unmistakable urge to confess to her something he couldn't identify, it wasn't until the day went on that he realised what he needed to confess to her. To tell her everything he'd always wanted to tell her no matter how dangerous it may be.

Summoning up all the courage and strength he possessed he pushed the car door open and walked up the walk. He burst through the front door – afraid if he stopped he'd lose his nerve - and strode straight into the kitchen.

She was standing in the door way in shock. She could see the determination written across his face and for a moment neither said a word. They just stared at each other. Finally, Jack spoke.

"I need to tell you something. Don't say anything, please, just let me get this out." Jack waited until she nodded her acquiesce before continuing. "Remember Argos?" Her expression became pained.

"Please don't…" He stopped her with a raised finger. He needed to say this, he knew it was going to bring up painful memories they'd both tried so hard to forget. But he couldn't shake the need to tell her exactly what happened.

"You know I never would have if I hadn't been drugged right?" He watched as she nodded once and continued. "Well, I wasn't drugged the entire time. I looked around at those beautiful young women in those flowing things." Sam's head dropped and the pain on her face was enough to make him think he should stop. But he couldn't. "The whole time all I could think was how beautiful you would look in those. I kept thinking that I was going to get old and die there and never have seen you in a dress or get to kiss you, or even just hold your hand."

Sam's head rose and she looked at him, unshed tears shining in her eyes. But there was more and he had to finish.

"Then there was Edora." This one he knew would hurt her, but the look on her face, the hurt in her eyes, broke his heart. "The whole time I was terrified. I was so scared I'd never see you again. I kept running moments through my mind. Being stranded in Antarctica with you. Waking up from being frozen by Hathor and seeing you. Thinking that if you'd been with me, it wouldn't have been bad at all being stuck there. Because I'd be able to see the way you smirk when I tell a stupid joke. The way your mouth drops open and you look away for a moment when I've said something that has stunned you. The way you look at me when I've done something that you're proud of. Even the way you look at me when I've done something you're ashamed of. That look kills me, but I would have done anything to see it again."

"But what I was most afraid of, was never being able to touch you. Even the little innocent brushes of the hand we try to get away with. Of never being able to tell you just what you do to me. You drive me crazy, you make me whole, you make me happy. Living an entire life time without you was a fate far worse than death. But then, on the last day, I forced myself to believe that you weren't coming for me. That you couldn't get to me and I was stuck. It hurt so much. But you were always in my heart. A picture of your face was always in my mind."

The tears slipped from her eyes and Jack stepped a little closer. He hated seeing her cry, seeing her in pain, and worse still that he'd caused that pain. But he had to do this.

"But then you were there. And the light was back. It took everything in me not to start jumping up and down dancing or something even more embarrassing - cry." She smiled so slightly and Jack's heart constricted. The next part would cause them both pain. But she had to know.

"Then, there's Kerry." Jack watched her choke back a sob and feared that this would kill him before he'd finish. He wanted to run to her and gather her in his arms. To whisper that he was sorry over and over again. He was sorry that he'd brought all the pain back. But she had to know. So he watched the tears fall down her cheeks, the pain in her eyes, and the slight shake of her body as she held back the sobs, and he continued.

"She's by far the worst. By the time she came into my life I knew I was all kinds of in love with you, but you weren't mine. You were marrying someone else and I had to move on, all hope of being with you was being pulled further and further away until it was gone. But she hurt. Every time I was with her I had to catch myself before I said your name instead of hers. I had to blink away the vision of you because every time I opened my eyes it was you I saw. And when I was successful at banishing your face, the pain was indescribable."

Jack started stepping towards her. Closing the gap between them. She was looking at him with pleading eyes. He knew the questions running through her mind. Why are you doing this? Do you want to hurt me? Are you trying to punish me? Why are you doing this to me? But he wasn't doing this to her, he was doing it for her.

"Don't you see?" He stepped closer and closer as he spoke. "It has always been you Sam. Always… since the moment you walked into that briefing room and challenged me, I knew. I knew there would never be anyone else. That I'd never love anyone else like I love you and I probably never have." He reached forward and cupped her cheek. This was what he was trying to tell her, that through every moment of their time together, there had never been anyone else for him. It had always been her. Jack wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb and took one last step so they were touching.

"Jack…" She gasped before he leaned forward and captured her lips. He kissed her softly, pouring all the love he felt for her into that kiss.

"I love you baby." He whispered as he pulled back enough to look into her eyes. The pain he saw was subsiding, being washed away by love.

"I love you too." He reached for her left hand and wound their fingers together; grazing his finger across the gold band. His other hand came up to caress her small round belly that was swelling with the life they'd created. He kissed her again. His wife.

Sam's hands held his as she pulled away enough to whisper in his ear.

"It's always been you Jack."

The End…