Now, Hogwarts has the strange effect of breaking up family life as I have said many times before. The truth is, spending the whole year away from your family, with only a small rest at the holidays, makes a child either feel very independent or very alone. Or this has been my experience anyway. And it isn't difficult to figure out that, as usual, Sirius veered off into one extreme and I into the other.

By this time, it was quite common for upperclassmen to discuss politics in hushed tones in the common rooms. I heard, to my dismay, that many people felt very vehemently about the rise of the Dark Lord. Bellatrix, who was now a seventh year and stalked about the Slytherin dungeons like a queen, was openly telling all her friends that she thought a change in the wizarding regime would do the world good. At first I confided my fears for Bellatrix's safety—many in Hogwarts disagreed with the Dark Lord-- in Narcissa, but she usually just patted my head with a sad look and told me that Bellatrix never changed her mind about anything. I talked to Narcissa quite often because of her more ambivalent opinion. Make no mistake, she wrinkled her nose around mudbloods and threw tantrums if a classmate of lower social standing did better than her in class, and yet she was not violent in nature and didn't intimidate me at all.

I have said that Hogwarts separates families, and yet I have been giving mostly examples of my continuing bonds with my cousins. So let me direct my tale back to my relationship with Sirius which, incidentally, was null and void. I loved watching him play in Quidditch, although I fully supported the Slytherin team. But other than that, I hardly ever saw him. He wasn't mean to me or anything, he just didn't go out of his way to say hello to me. And then I started getting letters from Mother.

March 12th, 1975

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Each letter read something like this:

Regulus, my darling,

I hope school is going well. The test scores you sent home in your last letter looked wonderful. Of course your father and I are so proud of you. How is your brother? He never writes. I know I sent you a gift last time, but I just couldn't resist sending you a few Vissci & Jones truffles to remind you of home. The house is so empty now.

Mum

Each time I read "Regulus, my darling," I was surprised and pleased all over again, even thought she wrote it in most every letter. This day was no exception. I just sat there and crinkled the piece of parchment lightly between my thumb and forefinger. She had, indeed, sent truffles; they were far too expensive and rare to be found in Honeydukes.

Thinking of my mum alone in that big house and lonely, and knowing that Sirius never even wrote to say how he was doing, made me frown. Christmas had been wonderful this year; Mum and I had talked about school a lot, I had gotten plenty of great presents, and people seemed to notice me for once. I was convinced it was because of being in Hogwarts at last. Everyone had to take a good scholar and promising young wizard seriously.

Feeling confident and pleased, as I always did when I got a letter from home, which I frequently did this year, I went for a stroll around the grounds. Even though it was still chilly out and I had to put on a coat, I liked walking about outside. Big as it is, the castle can be a bit confining at times.

I hadn't been walking long when I spotted a familiar figure leaning against a large tree right in the middle of a large spot of partially melted snow. It was Sirius. His hair was growing long again, just brushing the thick red and gold scarf wrapped about his shoulders and neck. He had a toothpick or something in his mouth which he was sucking petulantly on. He appeared to be skimming through a book on animagism. I wondered if he was writing a report. We hadn't even reached the topic in my class. It was third year material.

At first I almost wanted to just walk past, but I reminded myself that we were brothers and steered myself in his direction with an "oi, Sirius."

Sirius' grey eyes lifted to meet mine and for a moment he just stared at me. Then, shutting his book with a slight knitting of his brows, he nodded. "Regulus." He didn't call me Reggie anymore. I guess he thought it was childish.

"How are you doing," I pushed forward, thinking of our mother's letters.

Sirius' gaze darted about the lawn as if he were searching for something. "Uh, okay, I guess."

"I'm doing well," I said enthusiastically, even though he hadn't asked. "I got a perfect score on my History test. 'Course, I studied for it a lot. Mum's really proud." Secretly, I was wishing Sirius would be proud too. Despite his constant fooling around, Narcissa said he and his mate James had some of the best grades in the whole class, maybe the school.

But all he said was, "she said that? That she was proud?"

I nodded happily. "Yes, she did. In a letter, of course. She's been writing to me all year. It's great. She sent me truffles. Do you want one?"

"What?" Sirius seemed actually shocked. It felt kind of good, having gotten one up on him. "She sent you… nevermind." He shook his head. "It's a load of rubbish. She's just doing it to buy your affection."

Now it was my turn to be shocked. My hands even balled into fists. I was closer to hitting Sirius than I had ever been since I was just a kid. "That's a lie. Maybe you're jealous and suspicious, but you don't have to take it out on me! What'd I ever do to you?"

Sirius threw his head back and started to laugh. He seemed to have forgotten all about whatever it was he had been waiting for. He just kept choking out those barking guffaws of his until I really did hit him, a clenched fist right to the stomach. That shut him up and how! Doubled over and gasping for breath, Sirius looked up at me with wide eyes and an open mouth. His toothpick had fallen into the dirt.

"What the hell was that for?" he panted, straightening up with a wince and rubbing his abdomen tenderly.

"For being such a berk all the time," I said. I was amazed myself at my transformation, but I felt good and important for the first time in my life. My mother loved me and needed me. I was going to become something and make her proud. And suddenly Sirius didn't seem so amazing or bold anymore, he just looked like a conceited, sour prat. My voice didn't even quaver. "I can't stand seeing mum look all sad and lonely anymore. If you won't be kind her, I will. She misses you and she cares about you and all you can do is say mean things all the time. Well I won't…"

I was really ranting now, pointing my gloved finger right at Sirius' face. He'd had a big growth spurt, but I wasn't afraid of him. I would've kept on going, too, but Sirius suddenly leaned forward and caught my hand in his own. "Reggie," he said softly and I was so shocked, the words tied on my tongue. "Listen, I know it sounds bitter and crazy, but don't you think it's odd how she never cared a whit about you before, and now suddenly…"

He was taking it a bit far. I cut him off. "Didn't care a whit? Thanks a lot." I jerked my hand out of his and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Ok, I didn't mean to say it like that," Sirius apologized sulkily, crossing his arms and looking away from me. "And it's not that I want… look, if she just wouldn't ask me to…" My brother was having a hard time finding the words he wanted. He kept flicking the tassels hanging off the end of his scarf and staring at his feet. "I just want to be myself," he said at last, looking a little flushed as though the admission embarrassed him.

I thought I knew what that meant. "You don't want the responsibility, hmm?" Mum had mentioned this in one of her letters. That Sirius was shirking his duty because he'd rather run around like a fool with no cares. "It's no fun taking care of the family so you don't want to do it?"

"I didn't say that… Merlin, Regulus!" Sirius looked up again with a snarl. I swear, his teeth were practically bared like a dog's.

I didn't get to respond because we were interrupted by the arrival of a third party: Sirius' best mate. He was running across the grounds, his boots squelching loudly in the wet snow, waving his arms about like a lunatic and calling Sirius' name at the top of his voice. Apparently he had no sense of class. "Sirius, Sirius," he panted as he drew close. He also had two books on animagism tucked under his arm. It must have been a class project. "Sorry I'm late, but I tell you it was worth it! You gotta come have a look at this."

Sirius had immediately focused all his attention on the other boy upon spotting him, but now he turned back to me for a moment. "Look, Regulus, I gotta go," he said, his voice slightly surly.

The other boy, James, turned and looked at me as though seeing me for the first time. "Oh hey, it's the kid brother," he said, running a hand through his fly-away black hair. "What's he doing here?" he asked Sirius. As if I couldn't answer for myself.

"Nothing important, apparently, since Sirius doesn't mind leaving in the middle of it," I responded bitterly, hoping to goad my brother into a reaction. But he disappointed me.

"Yeah, it's nothing," he said quietly and turned to leave with his mate. I watched them go a little ways. I could hear when James remarked loudly, "what's his problem," but I couldn't hear Sirius' answer. The air whistling around my face suddenly seemed too cold to bear so I simple walked back inside the castle.

A/N: HBP Spoilers Well, I never thought I'd have to worry too much about canon Regulus information, much as I hoped for it. But now, with all those R.A.B. theories floating about, I feel I ought to at least include a slight disclaimer here. Much as I also thought of Regulus immediately upon reading the initials on that mysterious letter in HBP, and as much as I momentarily considered changing the end of this story to incorporate that idea, I've decided for the time being to simply continue on as planned. So, regardless of whatever happens in the seventh HP book, read this keeping in mind that this story was conceived pre-HBP and forgive any inconsistencies on my part.