I never understood what happened to Sirius at the wedding. But afterwards, he acted like a confunded ghost, gloomily trailing about the house, barely eating, and spending great amounts of time staring off into space. I thought maybe he had been subdued. But when we went back to Hogwarts, I for my third year and he for his fifth, I was in for a shock.

That year, Sirius had more detentions than ever. He and that mate of his, James, caused havoc all over the school. And the people who received the brunt of their attack were the Slytherins. There was a Slytherin Sirius' age who sometimes hung around with Narcissa, although my pretty cousin secretly told me that she found him a little repulsive, named Severus Snape. He had good grades, too, and brought in a lot of points for Slytherin in the House Cup. Boy did he hate Sirius, and Sirius hated him.

I guess they'd had some classes together where Sirius had shown Severus up answering some questions. And then Severus had caught Sirius and James misbehaving. And one thing led to another until it was all-out war. Now I have a guilty confession to make. I sometimes wrote of these things to Mother. I felt, at the time, that the worse Sirius' behavior was, the better my own would seem. Petty, I know. But when we are young, we do many things we come to regret later. Whenever kids came crying into the common room or rumors flew at dinnertime, I wrote to Mother about it. Partly, I suppose, it was a way for me to vent my own anger about Sirius' aggressions. But my actions had unforeseen consequences: Mother stopped writing to me.

In fact, she practically stopped speaking to me at all. That Christmas holiday was the worst I can remember. I was totally ignored by everyone, even Narcissa who had some dopey, auburn-haired boyfriend, whom she was constantly snogging secretly in the old nursery. Sirius got into a lot of arguments with everyone, more openly and rebelliously than he had ever dared before. I followed Mother around and spoke to her often, but she brushed me off, or at most merely nodded distractedly. It was as though I were invisible. I knew Mother was feeling some pressure after Bellatrix's marriage, pressure to prove that her side of the bloodline could live up to Claudius and Elladora's. But I didn't see why that meant she should dote on me less. I couldn't understand it at all, and I was filled with a deep depression.

When the holidays ended and school started again, I tried harder than ever, working to get the best grades in the class, studying all the time. I sent Mother my reports in letters as usual, but she didn't respond. I never got candy or gifts anymore. But I did notice the family owl arrive occasionally, only to watch him swoop proudly over to the Gryffindors' table and drop a letter onto Sirius' dinner plate. Sirius never looked happy to see them. By summertime, I was at my wit's end. And that is when the most horrifying and unexpected thing happened.

June 17th, 1976.

Number 12, Grimmauld Place

It was a pretty warm night and I had left the window open to provide some air circulation. It was also very late, past my bedtime, and fairly dark with only a half moon. By all accounts, I ought to have been fast asleep and dreaming about something pleasant. But, instead, I was lying awake in bed, working furiously on an Arithmancy equation whose answer had eluded me on my final tests. If I wanted to impress Mum, these sorts of mistakes were going to have to be eliminated.

I was scribbling up a storm when my bedroom door creaked open. With a guilty start, I slammed my ink well onto the bedside dresser, splashing small droplets onto my bedspread. But it wasn't Mum come to reprimand me for being up so late. It was Sirius.

Even more surprised, although less scared, I pushed my parchments onto the ground and turned to face him. His tall, dark form was bathed from behind with light from the hallway, making him look both grim and otherworldly. "Regulus," he said hesitantly, as though he regretted coming to my room after all. I waited. "I didn't know you were awake," he concluded lamely.

"Mmm," I mumbled, squirming restlessly beneath my sheets.

"Er," he said, looking at the floor. I could barely make out his features. Earlier, I'd wondered if he were ill; he'd been distant and thoughtful all week. Now I could see the hard, firm set of his shoulders. "Look, Reggie. Mum's driving me off the wall."

I nodded skeptically. They'd had a fight yesterday, Mum and Sirius. It had been a big one, complete with screaming and name-calling and small objects breaking. "She just wants you to be supportive of the family," I suggested. I wasn't sure why he was confiding in me all of a sudden.

"No," he muttered. "She's using me to get what she wants. Just like she's using you. It's never going to work out between us."

The same old argument. I didn't want to hear any more about it. "I love Mum," I insisted. "I don't care what she's doing. I'm not just going to abandon her."

This got Sirius' attention. He looked me in the eyes and said firmly. "Well, I am. Good-bye, Reggie."

Good-bye? "What?" I demanded in hoarse whisper, half choking on my surprise.

"Take care of yourself," he said without answering. "If you've got any sense, you'll get out, too."

I pushed myself into a sitting position and threw back the covers. "Where are you going?"

For a moment Sirius looked as though he wasn't going to tell me. Then he tossed his head proudly and said, "James'll take me in. He'll hide me if he has to. Don't bother looking for me. I'm not coming back."

Was he out of his mind? I couldn't decide if he was bluffing or not, so I sat around looking irritated for a while. He was turning to go when the reality sunk in. "Don't leave me," I said suddenly.

My brother paused, but he didn't turn back. "I'll see you at school," he offered vaguely, then hurried down the hall to his own room. He shut the door and I could hear the click of the lock as he turned the bolt.

Maybe I didn't believe him. I hardly believed someone could just walk out on his family as simply as that. Or maybe I was too scared or annoyed to confront him about it. Whatever the case, I didn't try to stop him. I didn't wake up our parents or knock on Sirius' door. Nothing. About three or four in the morning I heard a dog barking outside. Its bark had a low, deep, angry sound. I felt like this stray could someone sense the unhappiness seeping from our house. Then the dog left and I fell asleep.

I woke in the morning to my mother shrieking. I went into the hallway still dressed in my silk pajamas and saw my father standing silently, looking into Sirius' room. The lock had been forced with magic. I could see that Sirius' room looked as though a Niffler had gone through it. Things were thrown about and the drawers were emptied. "Phineas Nigellus told us," my father said in answer to my inquisitive look. "Your brother is gone." When I heard this, something in me broke. Running back to my room, I threw myself onto the bed, buried my head in my pillows, and sobbed. Nobody came to stop me for hours.

The whole thing was just so stunning, I don't think it registered with anybody for awhile. He hadn't given any grand, dramatic speeches like they do in the books. He had suffered no near-death beating or some other horrible offense to push him over the edge. There hadn't even been a significant change in his behavior. No, just like that he up and left, without warning or excuse.

We waited for three agonizing days. Sirius did not return. At last I said meekly, "I'll bet he went to his mate's house. We should look for him there."

"No," Mum said with so much force I shuddered. "He can come crawling back to us, not the other way around."

I thought this was too harsh. Sirius was her son. Didn't she want to find him and make sure he was alright? "I just want to see him," I insisted. "He's my brother…"

"No," she said again, suddenly. With a glint in her eyes she leapt off her chair and hurried to the tapestry room. Father and I followed curiously. Before we could really comprehend what she was doing, Mum had already raised her wand, and with a vicious flick of her arm, Sirius' name on the family tree crackled and smoked like a tiny firecracker. Within seconds, a charred hole was all that remained where Sirius had been. With a stomp of her foot, Mum turned to me and snarled, "You have no brother." Then she stalked out of the room.

This was a really harsh thing to say, but I knew that Mum was much more distraught than she acted. That night I heard the muffled sounds of her sobs through the walls. Sitting in bed, I clenched my fists and started hammering them against my pillows. Stupid, stupid Sirius! He just had to break the family apart! If he came back home now, I would lob him in the face.

It was lying there in the dark, on a night similar to one on which Sirius had left, that I realized I was the only son Mum had left. If Sirius never came back, everything would be up to me from now on. Gulping back sobs of my own and picturing my poor mother's red-rimmed eyes and bleak face, I swore into the darkness that I would not end up a failure like Sirius. Whatever happened, I would make my mother notice me again. I would make her happy.