Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, lines from the episodes, storylines or settings. I have no affiliation with the WB network. So don't sue me 'cause you won't get anything!
A/N: Hey everyone! Now I know that you've all been dying to read this chapter… lol… anyways… I just wanted to let you know that this chapter is gonna be a bit different… I decided have this be a Pacey POV. So I hope that you're not TOO confused. But if you are then I'm sorry. ENJOY! -
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Chapter 10 – Too Hard To Let Go
How could Dawson possibly be here? Now? Of all times… why now? I looked at Dawson afraid… afraid of what was to come maybe… or maybe just afraid of the love that Joey and he shared.
"What are you doing here Dawson?"
I say this in a harsh tone and I can feel Joey tighten her grip on me. I can't believe that she loves me. Of all the people I thought would be loving me… Josephine Potter was the last one that came to mind.
"Well… if you must know I was looking for Joey. I went over to her house to try to get her back but Bessie told me that she had run away. I went looking for her all day and by the time I realized I should get back home it was dark. I remembered this place wasn't too far from where I was so I decided to crash here."
Dawson looked at me with so much hate. But that shouldn't be happening… I should be the one that has hatred towards him. I mean he's the one who tried to steal my girlfriend away from me. The one person that I could say I loved. It just isn't fair. But then he moves his gaze to Joey and it softens… I look down at Joey with urgency, needing to know that he meant nothing and that we could just be together with no worries. I never find that look because she's staring back at him… she's staring at him like she wishes she were in his arms not mine.
But then I feel her arms tighten even more around me and I know that she is uncomfortable… I know that she's having a dilemma, she's deciding… I know she is… she's deciding who she wants… in her boyfriends arms looking at her best friend she's deciding if she loves me or Dawson.
Me… or Dawson…
I decided that I should probably speak up again… seeing as it's my cue in the conversation. I clear my throat as I bring the attention towards myself.
"First of all Dawson, you never had her so you can't say that you were trying to 'get her back' and second of all… you have no right to be angry with me… I'm the one that should be angry with you. I mean first you give me the okay to go after Joey, then I ask you if you want me to break it off and you say no… and this part gives me a laugh… then I come to see Joey at her house to try and convince her that I could love her the way that she needs and wants to be and that's when I see you… you kissing Joey… MY Joey… then after she rejects you you still confess your love for her and I'm the one who's supposed to be hated? Well buddy I'm sorry but I think you must be mistaken."
I shoot Dawson a look of rage and he seems to be affected by my little speech. I smile inwardly as to not let go of my stern rage filled outside. I see Joey as she lifts her head to look into my eyes. I see tears that glisten there and all I want to do is kiss them away but I know I can't… I know that we're right back where we started… at a stale mate… where she can't choose who she loves or who she wants to be with.
Slowly I feel her warmth slip away as she moves away from me. I can't believe that this is happening… we're finally together… we've finally admitted to what we feel like and she chickens out. But I guess you can't expect more from the girl. I mean being in love with your best friend and then having your world turned upside down so you find yourself not only in love with him but his best friend (now ex-best friend) as well. It's not a very easy thing to deal with. I can understand… I do understand… but that doesn't mean that I don't still hurt from this rejection.
She moves towards him… I can see that their eyes are locked on one another. I see her tears now flowing out of her eyes as she stops dead… right between us. I sigh when I see her slight hesitation. That gives me some sort of knowledge that I mean something to her. That she really is having a dilemma. I can only hope that I'm the one that her heart ultimately decides. I mean… I've never loved anyone like I've loved her. You know… not my parents (like they even give a damn about me…), not my lame middle school crushes and certainly not Tamara… even though she does hold a special place, that wasn't love… that was just sex drive. That was it… a relationship centered solely around sex and sex only. I wanted it to go farther but as Tamara would have it it didn't. I wanted to love her… I tried to love her but she never let me in. But Joey did. Joey let me see the amazing woman inside her and I don't think I've fallen so hard for anyone in my whole life. And now look where we are… someplace that I never even contemplated… a decision, a decision that is up to her. But god… if she chooses him I don't know if I'll be able to pick up the pieces. I mean… just the mere thought of them doing the same things we do (did now I suppose…) drives me crazy. It's killing me to even imagine him holding her the same way, him touching her the same way, him kissing her the same way, him telling her that he loves her and for her to actually answer with an 'I love you too.' I can't let myself think these things anymore… it's too heart breaking. I need to break free of this. But god! When did everything get so screwed up? When did our relationship get turned into this damned triangle!
"Dawson…"
My eyes immediately focus back on her as she whispers. God… that's how she used to whisper my name. Mine, not Dawson's mine… mine…
I see Dawson's expression change. I can't see Joey because she's turned to him but I can see Dawson's turned saddened… tears flood his eyes as I see Joey. Her head slightly moving from side to side and then I realize… she's speaking to him… she's telling him something… but something that I can't hear.
"But… but I love you Joey. I LOVE YOU!"
I hear Dawson yell and it finally dawns on me… she's letting him down, she's actually giving up what she has with Dawson, the love that she always yearned for… for me. God I love that woman…
She turns around with red puffy eyes and smiles. I can't help but smile back at her. She's never looked more beautiful than she does now. Because for as long as I can remember she's never been truly happy… because for as long as I remember she's always been in love with the one person she knew she couldn't have… Dawson. But now she let that hope go… and for the first time she smiles… a real smile. Not a smile that is just made for the rest of the world to write off as happy… but a smile that really is happy. Her face lights up as she sees mine do the same. She lands in my welcoming arms letting all of her worries as fears dissolve away. She melts into me as I pull her closer. Never wanting to let go of this feeling… never.
Finally we let go of each other and stare into each other's eyes… peering into our souls. I lean into her a bit but then realize that Dawson's still here… still watching… still watching in awe and denial. I look up at him a smirk. I see his face stiffen as he sees this, but I don't care. The only thing I care about is that I'm with Joey now. We're together and happy and in love and that's all that matters. Once I'm done giving Dawson my victory face I lean down to enjoy my prize… my love… my Joey. We kiss like we never have before. I hear footsteps descending from us but I don't look… because I don't care… I don't care about anything or anyone but this woman who is pouring her heart and soul into me. God… my life is perfect…
We finally move away from each other but don't let go of each other… never let go of each other. I can see that the swelling in her eyes has died down as she now leans her head to my ear to whisper sweet words of comfort…
"I love you Pacey J. Witter."
And there it is… the comfort I've always been waiting for. This moment couldn't get any better than it is right now. I just relax my head into her neck as I feel her stiffen up. I look at her to see her eyes misty… but not with joy… is that… is that rejection I see there? I think for a bit… why would she feel rejected? She's not rejected. She's never rejected. But then it dawns on me… I forgot… how could I have forgotten? It's not like I haven't said it before. Here I go… the moment of sheer bliss…
"I love you too Josephine Lillian Potter."
I smile at her and see her smile back as I find myself kissing her again. But these kisses aren't rushed or full of desire like all the others… these are soft delicate kisses that drive me absolutely wild. This woman sure does know how to turn a guy on…
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Reviews are very much appreciated. This is the first story that I've posted so I would love some constructive criticism. I will be updating on weekends. Thank you for reading my fic!
SO… how did you like it? Was it good in the Pacey POV? Not too confusing I hope. PLZ review… I would LOVE to hear what you think… I don't usually write this way so I would REALLY appreciate constructive criticism. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING MY FIC!
OH YES! Before I forget… SPOILERS! YAY!
-Jack and Andie FINALLY come to town… lol…
But I must warn you… I never actually saw a single episode of the second season so everything will be different. DON'T WORRY THOUGH! I know the basic gist of what happened… I just never actually saw it. So the way that Pacey and Andie interact will be different from the show… as well as Jack and Joey and vice versa.
ALSO! I might bring them in the chapter after next… just to get a feel for the whole Pacey Joey relationship going in the story… they really haven't had anytime to be together without drama so I think that next chapter will basically be a nice PJ fluff chapter for all you PJ fluff lovers out there! But there will also be important things that come up so even if you don't like fluff (which is COMPELETLY understandable) I would suggest reading it anyway. Because there will also be some Dawson stuff too and guess what? JEN FINALLY MAKES AN APPEARANCE! So for all you die-hard Jen fans… I hope you'll enjoy that. Well… that's about all the things I'm willing to disclose at this moment. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED! -