Snow Falling Softly XXII
Beverly Crusher returned to her quarters to find them empty aside from the wolfhound who greeted her enthusiastically. Living with three children, she'd expected at least one of them to be home. She smiled. Home. The doctor wandered around their quarters, taking in the signs of the new environment they provided. Gracie had attached a few pictures she'd drawn and painted on the wall next to her door. At first she'd been upset at the retracting doors, how their recessing into the walls made it impossible for her to put her pictures on the door itself. They'd compromised on the wall. Beverly studied the pictures, one was obviously on Caldos, dots indicating snow falling, people she'd drawn representing her family. The most impressive part was the quality of Gracie's sketching. Her daughter was only five and each person looked like who they were supposed to be. Maybe Gracie would be an artist.
The drawing included each of them, Beverly in her blue and black uniform, Jean-Luc in his red and black. Gracie had even gotten the different shades of red between Beverly, herself, and Andrew. The doctor's own copper, Gracie's darker auburn that showed genes she'd inherited from her father, Andrew's reddish blond. Then Allie and her dark hair, Wesley and the chestnut. Gracie had included all of them, despite all of the problems lately between Andrew and Gracie, Andrew and everyone. But Andrew's actions earlier had surprised her. He'd come back, come back and apologized and meant it. Wanted her to be his mother.
After he'd left, Deanna had explained how frightened he was, how he wasn't certain that Beverly would always be there now. Fear of abandonment, that's what the counselor had called it. It would take time and patience, trust and love on both sides to help him overcome that fear. But they could do it. They were both too stubborn to give up. She'd let some of her tears fall in her office with Troi, yet they weren't sadness, exactly. Happiness, almost, that she had her son. Patched up the difficulty between them with much more healing to do. A start.
Then there was Wesley, not talking to her about what else was bothering him, getting into that argument with Geordi, of all people. She needed to--.
The chime sounded. "Come in," she said, turning towards the door.
Jean-Luc walked through. At her surprised look, he said, "Have you forgotten about the reception?"
Yes, she most certainly had. "When is it?"
"We have half an hour," he replied, giving Conal an affectionate rub on the head. Satisfied with the greeting, the dog went and settled himself in a corner.
Beverly lifted an eyebrow. "You're here awfully early, then, aren't you?"
"I wanted to talk about everything that's going on," he said. "And I knew the children weren't here."
"At least you know," she replied. "Where are they?"
"Fencing," he said, offering no other explanation.
"Each other?" They could be trying to kill one another. While she knew the sport of fencing didn't involve actual killing, she wouldn't put it beyond any of them to do their very best to run their sibling through if they were angry at them.
"I imagine," the captain replied, hint of a smile on his face.
Beverly put her hands on her hips. The man was hiding something. "You know something I don't, don't you?"
The hint of smile caught in his eyes, making them shine. "I know a lot of things that you don't."
"I know more," she tossed back, heading towards her room to change into a fresh uniform. In fact, she knew what her answer would be and he had no idea. She would tell him, but hadn't decided when. Perhaps today. Maybe during the reception, where he would struggle to keep his reaction in check. Could be fun to watch, him desperately trying to keep that captain's mask and hide his joy from his crew.
He followed her. "I had a conversation with Andrew on the holodeck earlier. He wanted me to hate him, though he'd rather I love him, because he thought he didn't deserve it. Told me that at least with hate, there was still a connection there, emotions involved. 'Love me or hate me, but please don't ignore me,' he said."
Beverly's hand paused in the air in its movement from the closet to the bed, uniform in its grasp. "Nana used to say that," she said.
"Yes, he told me. I had no idea what to do," he said.
She waited. She knew him, he was gathering his thoughts into order so he could express them in the way he thought would be best. This could go either way for him, this pause. At times, when he went with his instincts, amazing words could flow from him, ones that seared the soul. Like what he'd told about her marrying Jack. Like his proposal, done obviously entirely be accident, yet exactly the right thing to say. Other times, it was this thought process that brought about eloquence and a precise expression of what he felt.
"I told him I knew what he'd done in his nightmares," Picard said, roughness along the edges of his tone. "That I loved him and no matter what he did to try and make me stop being his father, I wouldn't give up. And for a few moments, he just stood there in front of me, trembling."
Beverly imagined Andrew had looked much as Jean-Luc did now, absolutely vulnerable, absolutely touched by the honesty. She went to him, took his hands as he continued, his gray eyes locked on her blue.
"This instinct, it must be something innate about being a father, I don't know. It just kicked in, and I reached out and hugged him. Then he hugged me back, almost clinging to me, as if I were keeping him alive. He was crying. Told me he was sorry."
The doctor leaned into him, kissed away the few tears that had spilled as he told his story. Wrapped her arms around him, letting him know she would be as protective of his vulnerability as he had been with their son's.
"He called me Dad," Picard whispered.
She smiled. "How about that," she said, stepping back so she could kiss him. He returned her kiss until she smiled again. "Hey, you're not so bad at this," she told him.
The smile he gave her was sheepish, an interesting new look for the starship captain. "Thank you."
The doctor changed, talking to Jean-Luc all the while, well aware that he was watching closely. "And you never finished explaining what our children are doing," she said, pulling the uniform up. As she zipped the back, she turned to the captain. "Well?"
A slight blush graced his cheeks. "Sorry, I was distracted."
"I'm sure you were," she said, an impish glint in her eyes. She went to the lavatory to double check her hair, leaving the door open.
"Andrew and I came back here, he wanted to show me a photograph. Allie and Gracie came home and Andrew actually apologized to them. They both took it well, as you can just tell that Andrew's back to his normal self for the most part. He's still holding something back, but I think it has to do with you."
"It does," she said, coming out of the lavatory.
He nodded. "I thought so. What happened?"
She sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed, and told him what had happened. What Andrew had told her first, how he left, then how he came back and explained himself, explained that he would talk about everything when he was ready. "He isn't ready yet," she finished. "And I'm sure that's the bit he's holding back. But he's patched up for now. I missed him."
"I did too," Picard said, taking a seat next to her. "Allie told Andrew that Gracie had had a fencing lesson, so the three of them went to the gym for awhile to fence one another. They aren't trying to kill one another." He frowned. "I don't think."
Beverly stood, her feet taking her back out the the living area. "Wesley," she said.
"What about him?" the captain asked, sitting in an armchair as she began to pace.
"I just don't know what to do, Jean-Luc. It's as if someone's taken my oldest son and put a stranger in his place. It's only become more obvious to me today after Andrew stopped being a stranger," she said, hands curling into fists then stretching back out again. It seemed that all the problems wouldn't be solved. They'd get one out of the pile and another would be thrown on in its place.
"He left here a boy," the captain said. "And he's returned here a young man. I'd think it's a hard transition for anyone, particularly on mothers and sons. I recall the difficulty my mother and I had when she visited me at the Academy. Then there's Felisa's death, learning about Andrew and Gracie and Allie, there's a lot for him to process."
Beverly shook her head. "No, it's something different. He had an argument with Geordi in Engineering, he's been sullen and rude, almost lost. Did you know he's failing courses at the Academy? He's been remote and defensive. If he doesn't shape up, he's going to wash out next term." She was afraid that he would, then what would Wesley do? Certainly, he could do whatever he decided to put his mind to, but her son had planned on being a Starfleet officer for his entire life. She wasn't sure he would take failing out of the Academy without any emotional backlash.
"I went through a rough patch of my own," Picard said. "During my sophomore year, I also nearly washed out. I didn't take my mother's death very well. In truth, I acted much like Andrew had been acting. Took Boothby to help me realize what was happening to me, and I pulled out if it. I'm sure Wesley will do the same."
The doctor sat next to him. "Maybe you could talk to him. Maybe this is the sort of thing a boy," she corrected herself, "a young man needs to hear from another man." Jean-Luc had reached Andrew, perhaps he could reach Wesley as well. Wesley had always looked up to him.
Slowly, the captain shook his head. "I don't think he wants to talk to either of us right now," he said, his tone gentle.
"He needs help," she said. We all need help, she thought.
"I know he does, but Wesley is different from Andrew. The more we push Wesley, the more it will drive him away. He'll have to work this out on his own and I believe that he will." He put his arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. "I know that doesn't make it any easier, but we'll get through it together, and have faith in him."
Beverly reached up with her hand, took his chin, guided him to look at her. "I think you might even be pretty good at this," she said.
He blushed. Laughing, she kissed him and when he returned this one, it was filled with passion. She reached behind him, moving her hand to his neck, pulling him closer. Jean-Luc's hands drifted into her hair.
Then the door opened. They pulled apart quickly, looking guilty as their three children walked in. Andrew rolled his eyes. "Oh, please," he said. "There's three of us you've managed to have. If we see you kissing one another, it isn't scandalous." If he had anything else to say, it was cut off by Conal pushing him in the leg with his head, begging for attention. Andrew bent over to scratch the dog's ears and Allie took the opportunity to stretch out one of her long legs and kick her brother with just enough pressure to knock him over. "Hey!" he said.
Gracie took her own opportunity and jumped on top of him. "Say uncle," she said.
"Absolutely not," Andrew said.
It was Allie's turn to roll her eyes as she turned to her parents. "Don't we have a reception we're supposed to attend?" she asked them as Andrew and Gracie continued their argument.
"Yes, and I completely forgot about it. You should get ready. It isn't formal, so it shouldn't take you long." Beverly had forgotten that the welcome reception for the Dorvan V colony was an open reception and she'd asked the children to go as well.
Allie disappeared into her room and Beverly looked up just in time to see Andrew stand up and in one fluid motion, grab his little sister's ankles and suspend her upside down, Conal licking her face. "Put me down!" she said.
"Andrew, please let your sister go," Beverly said. "She needs to get ready, too."
Her son lifted an eyebrow at her.
She resisted smiling, she knew exactly what he was thinking, if he were to literally do as she said. "Without dropping her on her head."
"Fine," Andrew said, gently putting Gracie back on the ground, who then punched him in the leg and ran to her room, shouting behind her that she was going to get ready.
"What did you do with Worf?" Picard asked him.
"Traded him in for a new model," Andrew answered, shooing his dog away. "The current model was much too insightful." At his father's look of annoyance, Andrew amended his answer. "I mean, he allowed a two-person detachment instead of himself when I agreed that I'd stop trying to ditch the detail."
"Thank you," Beverly said. The question about Worf and the Security team reminded her of another problem, another worry, Bok's damn threat to her son.
Andrew nodded, then excused himself to his room.
"He'll be okay," Picard whispered to her, knowing what she was thinking.
"You can't be sure," she replied.
His gray eyes glanced at his hands, face now somber. "I know," he said.
She kissed him on the cheek, stood up, held a hand out to him. He took it, allowing her to help him stand. "Wasn't that a bit backwards?" he asked.
"Jean-Luc, it's the twenty fourth century. Since when are gender roles so important?"
"You know perfectly well that wasn't what I meant," he said, indignant.
Another one of the reasons why she loved him. With those whom he was comfortable, he was easily teased, and that look he got on his face when he was annoyed was priceless. Beverly pulled him into another kiss, only to be interrupted by Andrew coming into the living area and muttering, "Get a room," in their general direction. Laughing, the doctor looked over at her son, who was now ready to leave.
Andrew certainly cleaned up well. With his reddish hair, those gray eyes, lean muscular build, and the cut lines of his face, Beverly realized Allie hadn't been kidding when she said the girls on the ship that saw him kept developing crushes. And her son was utterly clueless about how handsome he was. While Allie knew full well the effect she had on boys, Andrew had no knowledge of his effect on the opposite sex. If he knew, it would make him blush madly. Allie had told Beverly that she was saving up that particular ribbing, waiting to spring it on him at the perfect time.
Allie came out at the same time as Gracie, each of them equalling their brother in the looks department. Beverly couldn't figure out how she and Jean-Luc had produced children like them. When Allie stepped next to her, Beverly whispered, "There's going to be several boys tonight with broken hearts."
Allie gave her a knowing smile. "I have to give Andrew and Dad a challenge, to chase them all off."
Jean-Luc had heard and commented from close behind, "It makes me very happy that your sister is only five. She's going to be as beautiful as you are and if you both were your age, I don't know what I'd do."
Allie grinned at her father. "You would give them that fearsome captainly glare and they'd drop dead on the spot. Easy enough."
Picard let go a large, pained sigh. "Shall we go?" He offered his elbow to Beverly.
Looping her arm through his, Beverly said, "We shall."
When they walked into Ten Forward, Gracie clung to her father's hand, her gray eyes wide. "There's a lot of people here," she said.
Allie moved forward and took her other hand. "You can stay with me," she told her sister. "Papa has to go be the captain. We'll go harass some boys." The two of them moved off together as Andrew wandered over towards the windows. The two Security officers assigned to him stationed themselves next to the doors.
Ignoring what the guards meant, Beverly watched Allie and Gracie closely has they approached a table of children Allie's age and sat down with them. Watched the boys compete with each other to get into Allie's good graces. Her youngest did her best at matching her sister. "I think Gracie is flirting madly with those boys," she said to Jean-Luc.
He shot her a look, then his eyes traveled to where his daughter sat. "She is not," he said. "Beverly, she's five. It isn't funny. It's hard enough speaking with all these colonists and avoiding the difficulties of the situation on the planet while trying to keep an eye on boys moving close to my oldest daughter. Now you're telling me I have to watch out for both of them?"
"They're at the same table," she said, patting him on the arm. "That should make it easy on you." One of the colonists made his way towards them. As he did, Beverly took a slight step away from the captain, unsure of how he felt about a public relationship. Not that the presence of three children gave anything away. Or that he'd proposed, quite unexpectedly, and a marriage between them would be anything but private. She inched back towards him. He noticed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Captain Picard," the colonist said, finally reaching them. "It is good to see you again."
The captain nodded. "And you as well Anthrawa." He gestured towards Beverly. "Let me introduce my Chief Medical Officer, Doctor Beverly Crusher."
Anthrawa extended his hand to shake hers in greeting. "Good to meet you, Doctor," he said.
"Likewise," Beverly replied. The colonist had salt and pepper hair that went past his shoulders, a well tanned face lined with the crags of time, solemn and dignified. She was reminded of the photographs she'd seen when she was a child in school, learning about the Western Expansion and the horrible impact on the natives of the Americas.
"So I've been trying tofamiliarize myself with the history and traditions of your people," the captain said, his face brightening with interest, the scholar of ancient societies. "I was quite interested to learn that it was your grandfather Katowa who led the group of Indians who initially left Earth two centuries ago."
The mention of his grandfather caused Anthrawa's face to warm instantly. He was a man who loved his grandfather intensely, admired and respected him, all of that apparent in his expression. "He was a great man," he said. "I was very proud of him. The other children grew tired of hearing me talk about him."
"It must have been a very difficultdecision for your grandfather to make, uprooting your people, leading them into the unknown for an undetermined amount of time while not even knowing if you ever would find a new home," Picard said.
Beverly recognized the connection between Jean-Luc's own difficulties as a young man and leaving the family's vineyards for the stars, all in the face of his father's opposition. She also saw two men in front of her who, if in other circumstances, would have become good friends. They were very similar--strong leaders, strong morals, strong love of peace, strong ties to history.
Making eye contact with both the captain and the doctor, Anthrawa said, "There was great deal ofopposition. Even my own father was against it. But when Katowa made his decision, that was it. My father never said another word."
Crusher noticed a slight frown curl the corners of Jean-Luc's mouth down ever so slightly. Anthrawa didn't notice and expression left the captain's face nearly as soon as it had appeared. She knew that had the captain's father made a decision that he didn't agree with, he would say as many words as needed until he could make his father understand his point of view. But sadly, for Jean-Luc and Maurice Picard, the many words that passed between them, then the long silence as demonstrative as any words, hadn't been enough. Father and son had not reconciled before Maurice died.
After a pause, Picard said quietly, "It's never easy to leave one'shome, to give up the safe and familiar. But there are times when the greater good demands that sacrifices be made. I'm sure your grandfather knew that." Ever the diplomat, attempting to make ties where they could, using ways of the others to help communicate more effectively.
Anthrawa regarded Picard for a moment, studying him. Then he said, "His grandson does too. But thereare also times when a people have sacrificed too much. When they must hold on to what they have, even if it means standing up against overwhelming opposition." The colonist's tone of voice was the same volume as the captain's, yet much more intense. He would not change his position, yet he did not want to make enemies. He was going what he believed to be right, what he believed to be best for his people. Beverly saw that and she was sure Jean-Luc did.
As the two men looked solemnly at one another, discomfort about the direction of the conversation quite evident, Beverly realized that the captain agreed with Anthrawa. He thought it wrong to force this colony to move, that it was only another offense in the growing pile of offenses people would commit against the natives of the Americas. Even after they had departed their homeland, their planet, their solar system, they were still persecuted. But the captain had his duty, his assignment, and he would conduct it to the best of his ability.
Anthrawa ended the uncomfortable silence. "So what do you know about your family, Captain?" he asked.
Picard smiled. "A great deal, actually. My father was a strong believer in passing along the family history and traditions." He glanced reflexively to where Allie and Gracie were.
The colonist followed Picard's gaze. "Your children?" he asked.
Picard nodded, the smile remaining, his eyes warm. "Yes."
Anthrawa gave him a knowing nod. "Children are the reason why our ancestors did what they had to do. Captain, tell me about your family. Wehave very strong ties to our ancestors. We believe their actions guide us even now. Knowing more about your family might help me to better understand you."
Beverly listened for a moment as Jean-Luc started telling the colony's leader about the Picard family history, the same family that her children were a part of, that she would be a part of eventually. The doctor excused herself from the two men with a light touch to Jean-Luc's arm and a warm smile at them both. She saw Guinan in a corner, her serene gaze falling over the entire room, and made her way over there. Beverly needed to ask her a question.
She sidled up to the El-Aurian. "Did you say something to Captain Picard after I left Ten Forward last night?"
Guinan turned her head towards the doctor's, raising a nonexistent eyebrow. "Why, did he do something unexpected?"
Beverly raised an eyebrow of her own while crossing her arms. "You could say that."
Her friend's lips broke into a wide smile. "I only helped him tell the difference between right and wrong."
The doctor opened her mouth to continue the conversation, but the doors to the lounge opened and Wesley walked in. She and Guinan weren't the only ones to notice, either. Andrew had been sitting at one of the tables and speaking with a colonist near Wesley's age since he'd come into the room. Her younger son saw his older brother walk in and lifted an arm to wave him over. To Beverly's astonishment, Wesley went and Andrew introduced him to the other young man, and the three of them fell into what looked to be a serious and interesting conversation. "They aren't fighting," Beverly said aloud.
"People are doing the unexpected," Guinan said. "I take it Wesley is having trouble." Statement, not a question.
The doctor nodded. "Yes."
"He'll find the right way for him." Guinan gave Beverly's arm a squeeze, one transferring her wisdom, her sureness about what she said. "He's been in this place before, trying to decide if what's expected of him is what's right for him. Even now, he's doing just that, speaking with Lakanta and with Andrew."
"Lakanta is the other boy with them?"
"Yes. He is Anthrawa's son."
Somehow, Crusher wasn't surprised in the least. The evening moved on as Beverly floated between her friends and the colonists, talking with Deanna and Will, joking with Geordi, keeping an eye on her children, watching her captain. The hour grew late and soon Beverly found Allie walking up to her, Gracie fighting sleepiness, Andrew just behind them. "I think we'll have to call it a night," Allie said. "I know you and Dad have to stay."
Gracie rubbed her eyes. Andrew reached down and easily picked her up. "I guess I'll be nice and carry you," he said. In reply, Gracie put her arms around her brother's neck and her head on his shoulder.
Beverly nodded. "Actually, I think your father is getting tired of playing diplomat. You three will make a good excuse for him to escape. We'll be right behind you." She watched at they left Ten Forward, the two Security guards tailing them. Bok. Beverly cursed. Nothing could be easy. Sighing, she found Jean-Luc and he said his farewells. As they walked towards the turbolift in the empty corridor, she found herself instinctively reaching for his hand. He entwined his fingers with hers, a smile playing across his lips. "I was very happy," she said, "Watching our children. Then I saw the Security detail."
Nothing had to be explained, he knew exactly how she felt because he felt the same. "I know," he said. "I know." The 'lift doors opened and they stepped inside.
When the doors shut, Beverly decided she wanted to get Bok out of their minds for as long as they could, until he made himself apparent again. She took one of Jean-Luc's hands and placed it around her, raised her mouth to his and kissed him fully. Picard drew back for a moment, gray eyes intense with emotion. Beverly looked at him, emotions mirrored, at the eyes of her children. Like she had years ago on the fencing strip, seeing him, if only for a moment, as the father of her children. And now he had that role, she saw him as their father each day. Now she realized she wanted him in another role, saw him in it, as her husband. "When I married Jack," she said, "I never thought I'd say yes to another proposal."
The captain stared at her dumbly for a moment, as if he didn't believe she'd said what he thought she said. Then gently, he pulled her lips to his, and kissed her soundly until the lift doors opened on Deck Nine.
They entered her quarters to find Gracie still awake. Beverly shot the older two children a questioning look. Allie shrugged from her seat on the couch, book in hand. "She refused to go to sleep until her papa tucked her into bed. How am I supposed to argue with that?"
"I had a few ideas," Andrew said as he studied something at the terminal on the desk. "And not all of them involved sedatives."
Gracie glared at both of them. "Come on," she said to Picard. "I'm tired." She took him by the hand and he followed obediently, thrilled to do so. Beverly stood outside the door, listening to the two of them talk. They were enamored with one another, father and daughter. "I missed you last night," she said.
Jean-Luc spoke so softly that Beverly strained to hear it. "Soon I'll be able to tuck you in every night. I asked your mother to marry me and she said yes."
The little girl let out a squeal of delight and bolted from her bed into the living area. Andrew stood up and glared at Picard as he walked out of Gracie's room. "What the hell did you say to her? The little monkey was almost asleep." He turned the glare to Allie. "Did you put a spider in her bed?"
Allie crossed her arms as she stood to face her brother. "Of course not."
"Shut up!" Gracie told them with her words and the gray eyed glare she fixed on them. Andrew and Allie looked at her, shocked. The little girl was forthright, but they didn't think she had ever sounded quite that commanding. Certain that she had their attention, Gracie repeated to them what her father had just told her.
Beverly smiled as she saw the warm reactions on both of their faces, grinning at their parents. Then they all set about getting Gracie to sleep, sending Jean-Luc back with her, informing him that he was not to excite the little girl again.
"It's about time," Allie said, sitting back down with her book.
The doctor sat next to her. "We're a bit thick headed," she said.
"I'll say," said Andrew.
The captain walking out of Gracie's bedroom and thumbing the door shut saved Andrew from scathing remarks from his mother and sister. "I should be going now," Picard said.
Andrew frowned. Allie frowned at the same time. "You should stay," they said at the same time, a reminder that they were twins.
Picard crossed his arms, fixing them with a stern look. "It wouldn't be proper," he said.
"it's entirely proper for you to sleep in the same quarters as your family, to sleep next to the woman who's the mother of your children and is going to be your wife," Allie said. "And you still need to get started on another one of us."
"Now you've gone too far," Andrew said to Allie.
She ignored him. "Well?" she asked, looking at her father, then at Beverly. "I notice you aren't objecting."
"Because I have no objections," Beverly said, casting a smile in Jean-Luc's direction. The captain was busily giving them all his look of annoyance.
"I know that look," Andrew said. "It means you're annoyed that we've convinced you to stay despite your arguments to the contrary."
Jean-Luc's continued look confirmed Andrew's supposition. On his part, Andrew wasn't phased by the look. He got up from behind the desk, PADD in hand. "And with that, I'm running out."
Beverly turned to him. "Where are you going?"
"To talk to my brother," he said. When their eyes asked questions, he said, "I said talk, not fight. Talk."
"Be careful," the doctor said.
"I can take him," Andrew replied, the mischief reflected in his eyes.
"That isn't what she meant," the captain said, giving him a serious look.
Andrew frowned. "I know. I just didn't want to think about it."
Beverly shared a look with Jean-Luc. None of them wanted to think about it, but that was the problem of living. Eventually, you always have to deal with your thoughts, you always had to deal with what threatened you.