Drabble the Thirty-fifth. another amusing and inspirational request from Humor Queen Merc! in which Riza is in labor and further evidence is presented as to Gracia being a saint.

Roy Mustang liked to think of himself as an experienced man, a worldly man. He liked to think that he had seen a lot in his lifetime, not in the sense that he was jaded, but that he had at least some sort of working knowledge of how things went. It gave him the upper hand in situations that might cause others to flinch or falter.

He was a strong man, had seen battlefields and genocide, seen all sorts of unnatural monstrosities, and survived them all. He liked to think that that should make the rest of life smooth sailing.

Unfortunately battlefield slaughter was nothing like the hectic sort of urgency that was the maternity ward of a hospital. It didn't help that his woman was the one in question here, not some nameless individual or creature or even one of his beloved subordinates. His woman was in pain, was suffering, and if one paid attention to technicalities with the same not quite obsessive flair that he did, it really was Roy's fault that she was in this predicament in the first place.

Riza had that same stoic acceptance on her face as she usually did when watching some sort of antic on her husband's part, but in this case she was trying rather desperately to think of some way to get him to leave. Completely. So she could attempt to work on breathing without his near-hysterical help.

"Breathe. Remember how the nurse told you."

"Roy."

"That really doesn't seem to be deep enough. Are you getting enough air?"

"Roy…"

"Are you feeling alright? Should I call for some more medicine?"

"Roy!" she really wanted her pistol. Damn them for being appalled at the idea of a weapon in a hospital. Nothing got his attention like the comforting click of a safety, and she really wanted his attention just now…

"Was that a contraction? I can't remember what the nurse said about timing those…"

"Mustang." Some of that pistol snap must have been tangible in her voice, for Roy stopped and fixed his attention on her face. Riza took a deep breath, let it out slowly against the pain in her abdomen and gritted her teeth into a feral sort of smile. "Could you call Gracia please? I am sure she could let you know what to do."

This was, apparently, the most fantastic idea to ever cross through Roy Mustangs mind. His eyes near lit and he nodded a few times with the enthusiasm of one of Cain's myriad of puppies. Riza watched him scramble from the room, waiting until he was completely gone before sagging back in relief. Gracia would understand. She had dealt with Maes. And if luck went her way, Gracia would keep Roy occupied long enough for Riza to convince her son to hurry the hell up and get this whole damn operation over with. She loved her husband but sometimes he really could overreact. It was only a baby, after all. Seriously, after everything else they had dealt with through the years, this should be easy.

a/n - you people are awesome. it is always a pleasure to read my reviews. and some of you have been reading these things like clockwork! thus is my motivation to continue fed and nutured! danke!

Mortari - i am glad you are enjoying the drabbles! i am having a blast playing with pairings myself. i like some of them better than others, but they are ALL proving enjoyable to write. the series just has such good characters!

Animegoil - ya know...i have no idea where i got the whole 'merry hell' thing from. i know i have been saying it for years, i just dont know when i started! -sweatdrop-

Humor Queen Merc - again with the awesome drabble idea! you are my roy humor muse apparently! you deserve a badge!