"Sanzo, what does Gojyo see in Hakkai that he doesn't see in all those girls?"

Sanzo was annoyed. First Goku came to his room complaining he couldn't sleep, & when he FINALLY was about to go to sleep, he starts asking him stupid questions.

'Great, this is really my night.'

"Goku?"

"Yea Sanzo?" Goku asked eagerly. "Stay on your side of the bed saru," Sanzo barked.

"God you don't have to be so rude about it," Goku said hurt. Sanzo almost growled.

"He sees something he's always wanted, but never hoped to find."

Goku leaned on his arm, looking at Sanzo in confusion. "What?" he asked.

Taking a brief look at Goku he sighed, & told him to go to sleep.

"One day, you might find it too."

'…Well…that was…definitely the most…unforgettable dream I've ever had.'

Gojyo rolled over again, & sighed deeply. How was one supposed to sleep after that?

'Was it…real? I could have just…remembered those name mentioned by Homura & my feelings for Hakkai could have brought on those images. But…I don't know, it felt like…very old memories.'

Closing his eyes & laying still for a few minutes made Gojyo well aware that there was no helping his sleeping situation tonight.

'Maybe I should go see Hakkai?'

He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, 'what's the point of that though now? I usually go to him when I want to talk about my problems but…this time he's part of it.'

Realizing the mistake he had made, he corrected himself. 'Hakkai a problem? That's insane…if anything he's the solution. And if I don't have Hakkai, I don't have anyone. He's always there to listen…no matter what. It is kind of late though…'

He stared at the door for a few moments and sighed before picking up his shirt and slipping it on and stepping into his shoes. He silently opened the door and walked over to Hakkai's room. Facing the door he took a moment to wonder how he should go about it.

'He's probably sleeping…' he shaked his head and took a deep breath. Putting his hand on the door he hit his head against it several times lightly before pushing himself backward and turning back around.

"Is someone there?" Hakkai's delicate voice rang out, and Gojyo gritted his teeth at the sound.

'Good going Gojyo!'

The door opened slightly and a pair of green eyes poked out.

"Oh…hello," Hakkai greeted.

'Gojyo…you never leave me alone do you? Even when I'm alone, you still haunt my thoughts. It would almost seem that isn't enough for you…but unconsciously on your part. …It's isn't enough for me either.'

"Is everything alright Gojyo?" he asked as he motioned for the red haired man to enter.

"I just…I couldn't sleep." He explained as he took a chair out of the corner and sat it by the bed before sitting down himself.

Hakkai moved over and sat down on the bed facing him, his hands cupped together in his lap, eyes staring at the floor.

"Why?" Hakkai asked, but there was little consciousness in it.

"You're like…a breath of fresh air. Things aren't quite as dull with you around." Tenpou admitted leaning forward, resting his cheek on his fist. Turning his gaze back to Kenren, he smiled and Kenren knew that he meant it.

"I had these…weird dreams. About our past lives." Hakkai's gaze shot up shocked. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, Gojyo continued.

"We were…so different…but still the same underneath."

He could remember Tenpou getting extremely angry at Kenren for doing something reckless, but quickly letting his worrisome nature take over and his fierce determination fade.

"I was…happy," he said in a tone that carried significance and Hakkai was confused.

Trying to muster what exactly Gojyo meant by that, he retorted casually with a lazy smile "Were there swarms of beautiful women catering to your every whim?"

Gojyo leaned back and laughed, but he couldn't help but think to himself 'not quite.'

"I was…a one women man," he explained as he continued.

Gojyo thought Hakkai was going to fall out of his chair, but he noticed that he caught himself beforehand and laughed nervously.

He couldn't stop himself from giving Gojyo an 'I'll believe it when I see it' type of look. Gojyo didn't settle down, and he wasn't content with a 'relationship.' Gojyo's life was filled with lust filled nights and curious glances in smoky dim lighted bars. Imagining it any other way was…unnatural.

Gojyo could imagine the look the Tenpou in his dreams would have given him at being referred to as a woman. He shivered slightly at the thought.

"Are you cold Gojyo?" Hakkai asked intuitively.

"I'm fine," was the reply.

He sat there silent for a minute, before continuing.

"As weird as it sounds, I was content with the way things were."

"I wonder…why you had such strange dreams." Hakkai asked thoughtfully.

"Hell if I know…but they didn't really feel like dreams…they felt like memories."

'I wonder…if they could possibly be true. And if they were true at some time…why was I the only one to have them?'

"I'm sure it's nothing you should worry about Gojyo," Hakkai stated in a comforting way.

'That's not the point. Those…dreams just reinforced everything I feel for you. I know that I could be happy with you…if you would only let me.' Gojyo sighed and leaned forward, staring at the floor. Glancing around the room, he noticed a book open on the dresser. Hakkai must have not been able to sleep…

He glanced back at his friend and for the first time he really noticed just how tired Hakkai looked. He felt the urge to just…grab him and hold him but knew that probably wasn't a very smart thing to do.

'I want to tell him about my feelings but…I'm not so sure I'm ready. I'm not so sure he's ready.' He looked up and noticed that his friend was staring at him intently, but he quickly looked away and his features were flooded with casual-ness a second later.

'I'll wait a while…this probably isn't the best time.' But something in the back of Gojyo's head screamed 'if you wait, you'll never tell him!'

'Bah…of course I will!' He thought with a snap…'wait was I just snapping at myself? ….Anyway…if I don't then it's probably not meant to be.' Funny how Gojyo didn't believe in fate until he needed to blame something on it.

Hakkai was fighting his own personal battle. He clinched the sheets tightly, angry with himself.

'I owe Gojyo everything…he saved my life, he even gave me a reason to live. And what have a done for him? I could at least be more sympathetic, but instead I'm pulling away in fear of my own feelings. I don't want to get any closer to him…it's too hard the way things are.'

Hakkai didn't understand exactly how he had got himself into this situation. A caring friend turned into something more and after awhile it was obvious to him that he couldn't deny the feeling he had for Gojyo to himself any longer. 'I shouldn't want anything from him…especially something that I know he can't give me. I don't want to lose what we have…and I would never risk the best thing that ever happened to me on my personal feelings.'

Gojyo momentarily backed out of his inner thoughts, a confused look on his face.

He stood up slowly, and made his way over to Hakkai, taking a seat beside him on the bed.

Hakkai's heart was racing, why couldn't Gojyo stay back? 'It's almost…like he's torturing me without knowing it. But I guess it is my fault…my fault for falling for someone so untouchable.'

"You don't look so great Hakkai, are you alright?"

Gojyo thought Hakkai looked slightly nervous, but the other was doing a good job of hiding it.

'Why just good Hakkai? You're usually a lot harder to read than this…did you figure out my secret?'

"It hurts to hear you say that Gojyo, you know how I pride myself on my appearance." Hakkai stated sarcastically and Gojyo just stared back at him slightly deterred.

"Well…you just look tired, like you have a lot on your mind maybe. If it helps, you still look better than half of the girls I've slept with," Gojyo said with a soft smile. 'All of the girls I've slept with,' Gojyo thought gravely.

Hakkai gave a skeptical laugh, and then made an effort to make Gojyo drop the current topic.

"I'm fine; I just didn't sleep last night."

"Or tonight either?" Gojyo asked firmly, pushing the topic forward.

"I noticed your book open over there earlier," he said while motioning toward it with a tilt of the head in its direction.

Hakkai's smile seems to falter a bit, and though by now Gojyo could tell it wasn't real Hakkai refused to let it slip from his face.

"No, though I have no idea why." Hakkai lied.

Gojyo leaned forward, turning his head to look at his friend, studying his face.

He wasn't sure why he couldn't resist at the moment but...he leaned closer to Hakkai tracing his lips with his finger for a moment before moving and bringing the corner of Hakkai's lips up to form an even greater smile.

"I don't like it when you smile like this...it looks so fake compared to when you actually mean it."

Gojyo's eyes softened, and a look of compassion turned into something else...something unexpected.

Hakkai didn't even try to hide the look of bewilderment on his face as Gojyo's fingers moved to caress the side of his face gently, and he didn't try to hide the space he put between himself and Gojyo so that he was no longer touching him.

Gojyo looked confused, almost like he didn't even realize what he had just done, and he moved his hands to his side quickly.

"...Gojyo...I'm rather tired...would you mind leaving so I can try to get some sleep?" Hakkai said callously, and he wouldn't meet Gojyo's eyes.

"Yeah...of course. Seeya in the morning," Gojyo said hesitantly and left the room.

Hakkai touched his cheek gently, remembering how Gojyo's fingers had felt ; before he lay down and stared at the wall, tears running down his face.

Author's notes: This chapter was horrible to write, that's one reason it took so long & I'm sorry about that. I didn't have trouble thinking up ideas but I had trouble writing them down so my writing this chapter frankly sucks. I hope it will be better before next chapter. Also, I know this fic is nearing its end because I just can't push the 'inevitable' off to much longer. I think I have one or two more chapters to go...but that's it. I'm going to try not to rush it either because I want it to be as good as I can make it. I wouldn't want you all to read this far & then hate the ending --So thank you all for being so kind & hospitable, I'll do my best. ...And I'll just mention again that reviews make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

Lady Meru- Thanks for being honest! Not everyone likes the same pairings & that's fine, but I'm glad you've liked the story so far

Attigah Gensui- I'm glad it gave you giggles And...it was hard to move on from the KenTen because I love them both so much...but it had to be done. Maybe one day I'll write a story starring them. xhugsx Please don't cry XD

Luthia- I thank you so much for the compliment! It makes me feel good to know that my portrayal of Gojyo & Hakkai doesn't seem too whacked out. Lol...the length thing wasn't too bad XD And you shouldn't have to be tortured for too much longer...

Shellyraeleen- Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Sorry it took so long! I hope it was worth the wait...

Mif-chan- Hehe...I used to spend hours a day on I'm really glad you liked it. It was so much fun to write!

Render Hellsing Zero- XD Thanks!

thekatgrl- Yes, you can't die yet! The fic isn't over & anyway you should live a long full live (full of GojyoxHakkai too XD) xgives Tenpou plushiex He is a wonderful character isn't he? I adore him. This was my first time writing Tenpou & Kenren so I was a bit uncertain about the result but I'm glad you enjoyed it.