The Chicks Dig The OTHER Fuzzy Dude

Chapter 7: Fuzzy Dude's Picnic

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Needles- Ooh, I never knew that about Fitzroy. I've never really read much on Shinobi so I wouldn't really know about him.

GIZMAC- Thanks for the review. And for those of you that take time to read these shout outs, go and read 'Kurt's Fight' by Chasx.

GothikStrawberry- I think I've made that Thai prostitute joke enough. But you can bet that Sabes will get his butt kicked.

Agent-G- I've used most of the best bits from the old version, now it's time to use new material. I don't know whether Emma's brother is dead though. Her older sister, yes. Like you said, Emma shot her.

Goddess123452003- Glad you liked the chapter. The scene with Emma, Logan and 'Ro was awfully cute, wasn't it? Watch out for more frosty-flavoured fluffiness.

Quote of the day- 'Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit that referee with a whiskey bottle. 'Member that?'- Homer Simpson (The Simpson)

The New Jersey Pine Barrens-

Somewhere in a vast pine forest that was the New Jersey Pine Barrens, a road cut through the foliage like a snake writhing through a gargantuan bed of leaves. A nondescript black van pottered down the road, on the way to a nearby campsite. The van contained Emma Frost and Hank McCoy. They were on their way for a nice romantic picnic.

'Not that I don't appreciate this or anything, Henry.' Emma said. 'But why come all the way to the Pine Barrens? There are perfectly good picnic sites in Bayville.'

'I would have chosen somewhere more local.' Hank replied. 'But I somehow doubt that they would appreciate a fuzzy blue gorilla frequenting their establishment.'

'Point.' Emma nodded. 'The Pine Barrens are awfully beautiful this time of year though. Then again, they're beautiful all year round.'

'It's a pity that we never get more chances to visit.' Hank replied. 'What with the incessant attacks from Magneto and what have you.'

'We will have to look out for the Jersey Devil, however.' Emma said. 'You do know the story, don't you?'

'Betsy Shroud. Mother of twelve children.' Hank replied. 'Expecting number thirteen she said I pray to God this one's born a devil and puts me out of my misery. Sure, enough, the child was born as a fearsome beast. Part human, part devil. It has lived in the Barrens ever since, feasting on horses, pigs, children… really Emma.' He snorted. 'You don't seriously believe such trash, do you?'

'I like to keep my mind open.' Emma replied. 'At least we're not going to Crystal Lake.'

'Perish the thought of facing a machete-wielding maniac.' Hank chuckled.

Emma just laughed out loud at that and sat back to enjoy the ride.

Unknown to the two mutants, they were being watched. They were being watched by a pair of evil eyes. Upon seeing two potential victims, the eyes retreated back into the shadows of the trees.

Later-

The van containing Hank and Emma pulled up into the parking area of a nearby campsite. Hank didn't have any reason to fear showing his true appearance, as he had borrowed one of Kurt's image inducers and set it to project his old appearance, how he looked before he turned into a fuzzy blue ape.

Hank stepped out of the car and moved around the passenger's side to let Emma out.

'Why thank you Henry.' Emma smiled as she took Hank's offered hand and stepped out of the van. 'You were always so chivalrous.'

'My mother didn't raise a rascal.' Hank replied.

'Well you are a rascal in some areas, Henry.' Emma said, a cheeky smile spreading on her face. 'You're quite an animal in bed.'

'Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.' Hank chuckled. 'You are one ravenous lady, Emma Grace Frost, and I don't mean food.'

Emma just shook her head slightly as they walked to a vacant patch. Once he was sure that nobody could see, Hank turned off his image inducer.

'It was certainly kind of Ororo to make us all this food.' Emma said as they unrolled the blanket and laid it down on the floor. 'There was really no need for her to do it though, I can cook quite well myself.'

Hank cocked a curious brow at that. Emma Frost wasn't well known for her culinary skills.

'Oh come on Henry, my cooking isn't that bad, is it?' Emma asked.

Hank searched for a reply that wouldn't hurt Emma's feelings.

'Well… your cooking is certainly better than Kitty's.'

'Anybody's cooking is better than Kitty's.' Emma replied. 'Hell, I could throw the contents of this basket in a puddle of mud and it would still taste better than Kitty's cooking.'

'We're lucky that Ororo was considerate enough to pack us some lunch.' Hank said. 'If I was left to pack some food on my own, we would end up with a basket of Twinkies.'

'You say that like it's a bad thing.' Emma replied. If there was somebody that could match Hank's semi-addiction to the eponymous cake products, it was Emma.

'Just putting things into perspective.' Hank chuckled.

Later still-

With the blanket unrolled and the food unwrapped, Hank and Emma tucked in to their veritable feast. There were sandwiches of various fillings and numerous bags of chips. Ororo had even packed some strawberries and cream. There was some chilled champagne too.

'Mmm, these strawberries are delicious.' Emma said as she wiped some cream from her lips. 'Here, try some…'

Emma picked up a strawberry, dipped it in the cream and placed it in Hank's mouth.

'Mmm. Quite delectable.' Hank smiled. 'Ororo has good tastes.'

Emma took a sip of her champagne and realised that she needed another refill.

'Hunh, I seem to have drank all of my champagne.' She sniffed. 'May I have some more?'

'You would be perfectly welcome to have some.' Hank replied. 'That is of course if we hadn't drank it all anyway.'

'Oh.' Emma sighed. 'Doesn't time fly when you're getting wasted?'

'Speak for yourself, my dear.' Hank chuckled. 'I can hold my liquor.'

Emma frowned slightly as she sensed something nearby.

'Emma, are you okay?' Hank asked concernedly.

'I'm not sure.' Emma replied. 'I think I can sense somebody nearby.'

'Or something.' Hank added. 'It could even be the Jersey Devil. Oooooo…'

'Stop it!' Emma hissed as she swatted Hank on the arm. 'I'm serious, somebody's watching us.'

Hank looked around to see if he could find any unwelcome visitors.

'I'm don't think there's anybody here…' He said. 'We're alone… as far as I know.'

Hank's words were instantly disproved, as there was the sound of a feral growl from the trees behind them.

'Damn, I had to open my mouth.' Hank muttered. 'I'd recognise that growl anywhere.'

'Sabretooth?' Emma asked.

'Afraid so.' Hank replied.

'Gee, yer reputation's well-earned, McCoy.' Sabretooth growled as he slowly stepped out of the shadows of the trees. 'It's only a matter of time until ya become a real boy.'

'What do you want, Creed?' Hank growled.

'I thought it was pretty obvious.' Sabretooth replied. 'I'm gonna slay me some X-Freaks.'

'I'd like to see you try, Creed.' Emma replied.

'An' I'd like to see you stop me, frail.' Sabretooth replied, as he looked the blonde up and down. 'Mmm, I might not kill you straight away. I think I'll have a little… fun first.'

Emma sneered in disgust as she got ready for a fight.

'Ooh, looks like the frail's got guts.' Sabretooth snickered. 'Howsabout we see what they look like?'

Before Hank could do anything in defence, Sabretooth leapt at Emma. Fortunately, Emma was ready for him. Her skin changed into diamond and Sabretooth's claws harmlessly slid off.

'Since when have you been made out of diamonds?' Hank asked.

'Oh, this little thing?' Emma asked as she admired her shiny new form. 'This is new. Kind of my secondary mutation, if you will.'

'That's all well an' good but it ain't gonna stop ya form gettin' gutted.' Sabretooth snarled.

'Bring it on.' Emma replied.

'Oh, it's brought all right.' Sabretooth snarled. 'It's gonna be brought all over yer pretty little ass!'

'Could you please not refer to my partner like that?' Hank replied. 'We both find it highly demeaning.'

'I could care less what ya consider demeanin' or not.' Sabretooth growled. 'Now just get here and get yer butts shredded!'

'I think not.' Hank replied as he leapt on top of Sabretooth. 'I believe that you sire, will be the one that gets their backside shredded.'

'Whatever.' Sabretooth said as he threw Hank off him.

Emma joined the fray as she brought a high-heeled foot down on Sabretooth's face.

'Geez, watch those shoes, would ya?' Sabretooth hissed. 'You could have somebody's eye out.'

'That's the idea, Sabretooth.' Emma replied as she picked the feral mutant up by the throat. 'Now, shall we see just how hard diamonds can be?'

Hank winced as Emma viciously punched Sabretooth in the face, breaking his nose with a nasty wet crunch.

'I'd advise you to give up while you still can.' Hank said. 'You really wouldn't like Emma when she's angry.'

'Ooh, I'm really scared.' Sabretooth snorted. 'What's she gonna do? Hit me with her Prada hand bag?'

'Louis Vitton, actually.' Emma replied as she kicked Sabretooth in the groin. 'Peasant.'

Emma reached into the picnic basket and picked up the champagne bottle.

'Emma, you're not going to do what I think you're going to do, are you?' Hank asked.

'If you're thinking that I'm going to smash this bottle on Creed's head, then you'd be correct.' Emma replied as she did so, shattering the bottle in Sabretooth's face.

'Ooh, that's just nasty.' Hank winced.

'Just think yourself lucky that it isn't my time of the month, Creed.' Emma said as she slugged him in the mouth, breaking a few teeth with her diamond-hard fists. 'God knows what kind of hurt you'd be in for then…'

'Emma, I think he's unconscious.' Hank said as he prodded Sabretooth with his foot. 'That champagne bottle upside the head really did it for him.'

'Well it was pretty thick glass.' Emma replied. 'It was a pity to waste it actually. Such nice sculpting too.'

'I'm sure that Charles has several more bottles in the wine cellar somewhere.' Hank replied.

'The mansion has a wine cellar?' Emma asked, her eyes wide in shock. 'Why was I not informed?'

'You never asked.' Hank replied cheekily. 'Now, what do you say we get our feral friend here tied and gagged?'

'Just one last thing to make sure he stays placid.' Emma said as she shifted back to her human form and placed her hand on her temples. 'Mr Creed is now in a telepathically induced deep sleep. When he wakes, he will find himself being violently sick whenever somebody utters the words parsley, longitude and immense.'

'Was there really any need for that last part?' Hank asked.

'A girl has to get her fun somewhere.' Emma shrugged.

'My girlfriend is very weird.' Hank chuckled to himself as they carried the unconscious Creed to the van.

TBC…

Next: Shindig, Hootenanny or Gathering?

It's party time at the X-Mansion as Sharon celebrates her fifteenth birthday. Wackiness and Truth or Dare inevitably ensues.