The Chicks Dig the OTHER Fuzzy Dude!

Chapter 9: The Fantastic Diamond Woman

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to Marvel.

Shout Outs-

Numbuh 333 half way 2 hell- I'm a big ol' Buffy fan myself and that episode was a good one. Not one of my favourites but it was pretty good on its own. I'll try to add more Kurtty into this but this story is mostly Hank/Emma and Jamie/Sharon.

GothikStrawberry- Yeah, that bit with Kurt and Bobby was good. Inspired by that scene in American Pie 2. I agree, Rogue is so in denial.

Agent-G- You were kind enough to use the previous incarnation of this fic as a chapter in 'Reality Trip' and it was only right that I referenced it back. St Sebastian's was that island the X-Men visited in 'Cruise Control' I can't wait to see the Fantastic Four movie either. It's gonna be a cool one.

Quote of the day- "We do big monsters! Big monsters in Manhattan, that's our signature piece!"- Thing (Astonishing X-Men #7)

Xavier's-

The X-Mansion was a hive of activity as several of the students got themselves ready for Spring Break. The luggage had already been loaded into the Velocity and it was only a short amount of time until everybody was ready to leave.

Kurt, Kitty, Jamie, Sharon, Amara and Tabitha waited patiently for Hank and Emma to bring the last of the luggage.

'Geez, why is it taking them so long?' Kitty muttered impatiently. 'I've never like, known anybody to take this long to get ready.'

'I've got a fair idea what they might be doing.' Tabitha suggested with a lecherous grin. 'Or who they might be doing to be more accurate.'

'Tabitha!' Amara hissed. 'How dare you say such things! Mr McCoy and Ms Frost aren't sex-mad you know.'

'And I wish I could believe you, 'Mara.' Tabitha replied as she put her arm around her friend's shoulder. 'But we all know what they get up to in that little love nest of theirs.'

'Tabitha, do you mind?' Sharon winced. 'That's my mother you're talking about.'

'And what a mother.' Tabitha nodded as she licked her lips. 'Yum.'

'Excuse me…' Amara glared, her hands on her hips. 'I'm standing right here.'

'Aww, you know I love ya, Princess.' Tabitha reassured Amara as she nuzzled her neck. 'Nobody does me better.'

Amara just blushed at that.

'Aww, ain't she cute?' Tabitha giggled as she placed a gentle kiss on Amara's cheek. 'Have I told you how glad I am we got together?'

'Not often enough.' Amara challenged. 'I never get tired of hearing it though.'

'Now there's enough of that, children.' Emma said as she walked in with Hank following close behind. 'There will be time for shenanigans later.'

'Emma dear, are you sure it's such a good idea to encourage them?' Hank asked.

'There's nothing wrong with two people getting all snugly, Henry my love.' Emma replied. 'Or have you forgotten our little trip to the opera?'

'I didn't know you guys vent to ze opera.' Kurt blinked. 'Vhat did you see?'

'Not all that much, actually.' Emma admitted. 'We found the show rather boring and decided to have a little… fun of our own…'

'Eww!' Kitty winced. 'Didn't anybody see you?'

'I'm a telepath, Katherine.' Emma smirked. 'I can make people see what they want.'

Kitty just shuddered in disgust.

'Eww! That is like, sooo disgusting. You guys are like, supposed to stop us from getting up to stuff, not doing it yourselves.'

'Oh, like you're the innocent one. Katherine.' Emma chuckled. 'I fully well know what you and Kurt were getting up to while you were supposed to be cleaning the X-Jet.'

Kurt and Kitty both blushed at that.

'Who told you?' Kitty squeaked as she shot Sharon a glare. 'It wasn't like we were making a lot of noise.'

'Vell, you do make zhis cutest little squeak when I kiss your neck, Katzchen.' Kurt replied.

'Kurt!' Kitty hissed. 'Not helping.'

'Zhen zhere's ze tail thing…'

'That's for my benefit as much as yours, ya perv!' Kitty snapped, pointing an accusatory finger at the fuzzy elf.

'I think we had better get aboard before this lovers' tiff escalates, don't you?' Hank chuckled as he ushered everybody inside.

'Aww…' Sharon pouted. 'I wanted to watch…'

'Take a picture!' Kitty hissed. 'It'll like, last longer!''

'Okay…' Jamie grinned as he whipped out a camera. 'Say cheese!'

Kitty shielded her eyes as the flash went off.

'Jamie! You are like, sooo dead!' Kitty snarled.

'Sharon!' Jamie yelped. 'Save me!'

'You're on your own, bub.' Sharon replied as she followed the others inside.

Jamie yelped in surprise as Kitty chased after him.

'Are you sure this is such a good idea, Emma?' Hank asked with a heavy sigh.

'This little expedition was your idea, Henry.' Emma shrugged. 'Let all chaos that ensues be on your head.'

'Have I ever told you how simply delighted I am that you support me?' Hank asked sarcastically.

'Just get on that X-Jet before I give you a bloody good spanking.' Emma mockingly hissed.

'Was that a promise?' Hank laughed.

'In. Now.' Emma commanded.

'Javohl!' Hank saluted as he frogmarched into the X-Jet.

Emma just shook her head and followed him onboard.

St Sebastian's Island, several hours later-

Once the X-Jet had been safely hidden away and the luggage taken out, it was time to assign rooms. Hank and Emma would be sharing a room, of course, while the girls and boys shared separate rooms. This caused Kitty a little bit of consternation.

'Why do I have to share a room with these guys?' She groaned. 'I don't wanna share a room while they're like, having some HLA.'

'I vould happily take your place, Katzchen.' Kurt offered, waggling his eyebrows.

'In your dreams, fuzzy.' Kitty sneered.

'You have no idea.' Kurt sighed dreamily.

'Pervert.' Kitty sniffed as she picked up her case and headed for her room.

'I don't see why she was bitching so much, Kurt.' Sharon blinked. 'I would have been perfectly happy to share a room with her.'

'At least you don't have to share a room viz Jamie.' Kurt chuckled. 'He snores.'

'Oh, tell me about it.' Sharon nodded. 'It's enough to wake the dead.'

'Just wait a minute there, young lady…' Emma said as she narrowed her eyes. 'Just how do you know that Jamie snores?'

Sharon's eyes darted about as she searched for an answer.

'Uh… Bobby told me…' She eventually replied. 'Y-yeah, Bobby told me that Jamie snores.'

'A likely story…' Emma said, not convinced in the least. 'We shall talk about this once we get home.'

'Aww, crap.' Sharon hissed.

'Language!' Emma admonished. 'You are a young lady, not a very hairy Canadian.'

Sharon muttered under her breath and slunk after Kitty.

'And don't you dare think such thoughts.' Emma called after her. 'Such language belies a limited intelligence.'

'You were a little hard on her, won't you?' Hank asked.

'No daughter of mine will curse like a bloody street-walker.' Emma replied. 'My daughter is a perfect lady.'

'Omigod! Oh my f&cking God!'

'Looks like that idea went out the window soon enough.' Hank chuckled.

Emma shot Hank a glare before turning to see what all the fuss was about.

'Sharon! What did I tell you about using language like that?'

'It wasn't me, Mom.' Sharon replied. 'It was Kitty. I think something's wrong.'

'Katherine, are you all right?' Hank asked.

Kitty just let out an ear-splitting squeal in reply.

'Omigod! Oh. My. God.'

'Hello?' Kurt asked as he waved his hand in front of Kitty's face. 'Earth to Katzchen, come in Katzchen.'

'J-J-Johnny Storm…' Kitty squeaked as he held a quivering hand in the direction of a handsome blond guy aged in his late teens surrounded by a gaggle of teenage girls all clamouring for autographs.

Kurt and the grown ups looked in the direction indicated.

'Hunh, look at that.' Kurt nodded. 'It is Johnny Storm. Small vorld.'

'If young Mister Storm is here, the rest of the Fantastic Four shouldn't be too far off.' Hank noted.

As if in reply, an arm stretched into view and pulled Johnny away from the sea of teenagers.

'But Reed, I want, I want…' Johnny pouted.

'There will be enough time for fuelling these young ladies' pubescent fantasies later, Johnny.' An authoritative voice replied.

'Oh my stars and garters…' Hank breathed. 'It's Reed Richards.'

'And Sue.' Tabby added with a dreamy sigh. 'Man, she's hot…'

'And how.' Kurt agreed.

'Forget those guys.' Jamie said. 'The Thing's way cooler.'

'Thanks fer the appreciation, kid.' A gravely voice replied. 'It does a guy good ter hear he's got a fan club.'

Jamie turned around and his jaw hit the floor as he saw the figure standing before him. Benjamin J Grimm, the ever-loving blue-eyed Thing.

'Geez kid.' Ben chuckled. 'Close yer mouth, yer catchin' flies.'

'I hope you don't mind us asking, Mr Grimm…' Hank piped up. 'But, why are the Fantastic Four here? I hope there isn't some kind of interstellar menace brewing.'

'Nope. Nuthin' like that.' Ben replied. 'Reed's brought us all here fer a calm li'l vacation. No interstellar whoozits or other-dimensional thingamabobs, we're here fer some time off.'

'Famous last words, Mr Grimm.' Amara pointed. 'Look!'

Everybody turned at the sound of screams and saw a monstrous beast rising from the sea nearby.

'Aww fer cryin' out loud…' Ben groaned. 'Why did it have to be him of all people?'

'Why, who do you mean?' Emma asked.

Before Ben could answer, the ground began to shake as another horrific creature burst from the ground. This time it had a portly little man with some kind of visor over his eyes.

'The surface world has trodden over my people for long enough! Now it is time for me to tread back!'

'It's the Mole Man.' Ben explained. 'He's been a thorn in the FF's side since day one.'

'Well, it looks like it's time for a team-up.' Emma grinned. 'As you would say Mr Grimm, It's clobbering time!'

'Nuff said.' Ben nodded.

TBC…

Next: Oh My Stars And Garters, It's Clobbering Time!

It's clobbering time as the X-Men and the Fantastic Four team-up against the Mole Man and his monsters. 'Nuff said.