Roads
By Rel Fexive
Disclaimer: I don't own Farscape or the characters. But it's fun to pretend sometimes.
Summary: Realisations, decisions and plans.
CHAPTER CALO
The arrival of Rokko and Ishanden ended the conversation, but Lan left me with something that could only be described as a sympathetic look. It was not very often that I saw such a thing, so it took me a while to recognise it.
Compassion and empathy. The cornerstones of irreversible contamination. Get too close to your inferiors, to aliens, and your priorities changed; they made you forget your duty to the Peacekeepers, made you a threat to everything we – they – stood for. Nothing else could earn you a death sentence quicker. And I was neck deep in it, literally irreversibly so.
If Lan and his resisting friends could work that out, anyone could. Political officers, review boards, commanding officers… It was surprising I was still alive. Maybe it was not as obvious as I feared… Certainly I had done a good job of covering my tracks. Who would notice a massacre was a few dozen bodies short? Who would bother to check every burned out house, every transport ship, was not as cleansed as it was said to be if a trusted trooper said all was as it should be? Perhaps Lan's friends had only known because they had been… operating in that area, for lack of a better way to put it, and had covered it up even more.
In any case, I was frelled. Right up the fekkik and back down again. Either my superiors – in a hierarchical sense at least – would find out and they would bake me till I lost my mind, or these people would blackmail me into doing what they wanted me to do. Whatever that was. Either way, I was on borrowed time with no control over my life till it ended.
Unless…
The thought settled in my brain and I just stared at it for a time. Around me fake Peacekeepers and Vaerryn rebels (terrorists? freedom fighters?) prepared to do whatever it was that their supposed consciences told them they had to do. Rescue women and children… non-combatants who would be used, no doubt brutally, to convince the leaders of their world to submit to their new masters.
And it was clear that the Peacekeepers were the masters of their world, now. No matter what anyone did, what I did, nothing could change that except for the sort of miracle I did not believe in. Would it matter, in the grand scheme of things, if I helped or hindered? It would not free the Vaerryn if I did. And it would not contribute to any present or future rebellion either, as far as I could see.
Should I help them?
It took me a few microts to notice the boots that had come into my field of vision. They shifted impatiently as the person wearing them spoke again.
"Get up, you."
Looking up, I saw Rhedd standing over me, rifle at the ready, his face a picture of dislike. He did not trust me; I would not trust me, either. Rhedd frowned and gestured with the rifle. Unwilling to see what he would do if I did not comply, I pushed myself to my feet, not an easy task with the still painful pulse blast wound pulling at my back. The cuffs made it much harder, and Rhedd leaned in to check them roughly, pulling at my wrists.
"I don't care what the lieutenant says," he muttered so only I could hear it, "you step out of line and I'll drop you in an instant."
"I'll remember that," I replied equally quietly, "and take you out first." Our grins were as grim and mirthless as each others.
Rhedd tugged me aside against the wall of the cave as a squad of Vaerryn hustled past us from the back of the cave somewhere. Others were working to pack up the gear spread around the cave. Lan came towards us, talking quietly but animatedly with a Vaerryn wearing a bandana. The cloth bore the symbols associated with leadership that were normally branded on the side of the head, but I could see the wearer's head was unmarked. Obviously it was a way to avoid being marked as a leader when seen by or worse, captured by the Peacekeepers.
"What's going on?" I called out to the lieutenant and got an elbow in the side for my troubles.
"Not now," was all the reply he had time for as he was swept past me and my new 'friend'.
"Let's go," that 'friend' ordered with a jab of a rifle barrel. I complied and allowed him to direct me in the wake of my one–time commander. Outside things were looking frantic, but I could see how organised they all were. Rebel cells like that one had to be ready to pick up and move at a microt's notice. Something was happening; perhaps the prey had been found? Or maybe some unforeseen occurrence had complicated matters, a common thing in war.
It was not long before everything was gathered up and ready to go. About twenty beings were clustered at the base of the small cliff that rose above us, surrounded on all sides by heavy vegetation that would, in theory, conceal them from view if no one looked too closely. I could just see a couple of hoversleds through the bushes at the other end of a path, along which the Vaerryn started to move. Rhedd and I followed after.
I could see Lan and his men gathered around the smaller sled, while everyone else concentrated in loading up the second. The lieutenant waved us over.
"One of the hunting parties has gotten onto the trail of the children," he explained briskly. "We are going to have to dissuade them."
"I won't kill Peacekeepers for you," I told him firmly. I would have crossed my arms had I been able to.
"Even if they're in the wrong?"
"They don't know that."
"So you admit they are in the wrong?" Lan asked searchingly.
Frell I thought. "Why do you need me?" I asked out loud.
"I don't right now," Lan told me, "but the only other option is killing you and leaving your corpse in that cave back there. Since I'd rather not waste a valuable resource – or a potential ally – you get to come with us instead." He nodded to Rhedd, who grabbed an elbow and dragged me closer to the sled. Saryn and Polen clambered into the back and pulled me up to sit alongside them on the flat back of the sled, a local cargo carrier by the look of it.
"Sit back and enjoy the ride," Saryn told me with a grin, "it'll be fun. How's the injury?"
"Not your concern," I said and turned away from him as well as I was able.
"I'm your medic," he reminded me as the hum of the sled got louder. It began to rise and rotate on the spot as the driver programmed the course. "That makes it my concern."
"Then I'll let you know if I'm about to die. Otherwise, leave me alone." I could see him nod out of the corner of my eye and his expression, like Lan's, was sympathetic.
Yeah. Sympathy for the condemned man.
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The ride was unremarkable to begin with, besides the fact that I was amongst a group of Peacekeeper traitors in the middle of a mostly-pacified alien planet. But there was no vengeful pulse fire from Above, no Marauders sweeping in over the hills to obliterate us. Just the passing countryside, rocky and spotted with vegetation. The hum of the sled, the quiet mutter of voices. And the seething mess of my own thoughts.
I was a soldier. A Peacekeeper. Peacekeepers obeyed orders and fought the enemy, whoever that was, and brought order where there was only chaos before for the betterment of our people. I had killed, I had slain subversives, I had put down rebellion. I had defeated and been defeated.
I was a traitor. Irreversibly contaminated. I disobeyed orders when it suited me and helped non-combatants irrespective of whether they could be a threat in the future. I had killed those who were trying to kill me and murdered the defenceless. I had beaten those unable to stop me and been routed by more determined opponents.
Trees passed us by.
Lan seemed very sure that I would turn to his point of view in the end. I had a horrible feeling he was right. As I went back over what he had said, why he was doing what he was doing, it sounded like madness, or a huge lie. How could a tiny, secret faction in the Peacekeepers ever hope to turn that monolithic organisation off it's path and change the opinions of everyone else in the galaxy at the same time? Just by small actions, miniscule changes in orders?
No wonder it sounded crazy.
My eyes turned from the terrain to see Polen looking at me. With her helmet off, the wind made her short, dark hair stream out behind her. I tried to forget the time we had recreated a few days before the mission.
"You have questions," she said. It was not a question, it was a statement.
"How the frell do you hope to succeed?" I asked her. I sensed a kind of tension settle around me as everyone tried to pretend they were not listening to every word.
"Time," she shrugged. "Slow change. It'll take longer than either of us will be alive, generations."
"Just with little cells like this, disobeying orders?" I shook my head, incredulous. "You've got no hope."
She paused, then spoke quietly. "Rumour is, we have supporters higher up. People with influence. And that we have at least one of us on every Command Carrier and base." She shrugged. "Don't know how true that is. But I think there's a leadership, and that we're moving in a direction, not just going every which way as the mood takes us." She glanced at Rhedd, sat further back on the flatbed. "Some think I'm talking dren, though."
Whatever else I thought, whatever I may have done, one thing kept coming back.
"How do you deal with killing other Peacekeepers?" I asked them both.
"I do what I have to," grunted Rhedd.
"Doesn't happen often," Polen told me.
"But it does happen?"
"Only happened to me twice," she went on. "The idea is to keep what we do quiet, but sometimes it's unavoidable." She was silent for a long moment. "Sometimes they are as much an enemy as the system they represent. They believe it completely and will do anything they are told. Doesn't mean I like that I have to kill them. They are just doing their duty, what they believe is right. As are we."
"You're too soft," Rhedd told her unsympathetically.
"Aren't we all?" she replied with a sad smile. The other just growled and went back to watching for trouble or whatever it was that he was looking for in the land around us.
Would it be so bad to help them? How different was it from the little indiscretions I had already perpetrated alone?
It was tempting… very tempting. Even with the risk of discovery, with the danger of a no doubt very secret tribunal that would keep the whole thing quiet. There was one reason above the others that meant it appealed so much.
Purpose.
I felt that I had lost my way over the last few cycles. My own doubts, just a whisper within me in case even I became aware of them, let alone anyone else, making me feel that my duty to my people was not enough. That my duty was not to them at all, but to those I served in High Command. That my actions, and the actions of all Peacekeepers, went purely to serve their need for power, for their safety against threats like the Scarrans.
That tiny whisper kept agreeing with Lan and his assessments. The question was, did the rest of me agree too?
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An arn later we stopped. Edan and Polen went to scout ahead while everyone else got prepared. Helmets, weapons, the whole lot. Except for me. I got to be sat on a rock with my hands still bound in front of me.
"What's going on?" I inquired, more than a little annoyed. They still treated me like a prisoner, but until I made whatever vows of allegiance they required of me it seemed likely I would stay that way. I still did not know if I meant to take such a vow or not.
"Once we know what the squad is doing," Lan informed me, "we'll know better."
It was a tense few microns as we waited. It would have been nice to have gear to fuss over, but I was the only one that did not have any. They all seemed to be concentrating on their weapons and their chakan oil cartridges, which worried me.
What had happened? What were they going to do? Distract this other squad, send them elsewhere…. Or kill them? I hoped Lena was far away.
Then Edan reappeared, moving at a jog. He approached Lan and they spoke quietly, heads close together, so I could not hear them from where I sat. They did share a glance in my direction, though. Fear sank cold and heavy in my guts.
"Everyone up!" Lan ordered suddenly, settling his helmet on his head. "Bring the prisoner." Me, of course. Rhedd grabbed me and pulled me roughly along behind the rest and over the crest of the hill we had been hidden behind. My feet slid a little on the loose rocks as I was all but dragged along, but I kept upright.
On the other side I could see the other squad waiting for us in the cover of a cluster of bush-shrouded boulders. There was six of them, and Polen waited with them. With their helmets on, I could not see if Lena was with them. My feet felt heavy, like I was being dragged to an execution. Whether it was theirs, or mine, or both, I did not know.
What if it had all been a lie? A trick to make me reveal myself? It did not seem likely. If it had been just us, out in the wilderness, talking about it, it might have been possible. But with the Vaerryn rebels, and the camp, and everything… it seemed less likely. Especially just to catch one person. If my commanding officers had suspected me at all there would have been none of this subterfuge, this game-playing; they would have had me arrested by the Enforcers, charged and executed before the end of the day.
"Officer Nezin," Lan greeted the armoured figure that presented itself as the leader. The helmet came off and she saluted. I felt an almost overwhelming sense of relief; Nezin was not Lena's squad leader. Not that it made my position any safer.
"Lieutenant." Her voice was as severe as her expression. "I was not aware you were covering this area."
"The search has taken us all out of where we were supposed to be, Nezin," Lan told her pointedly once he had removed his own helmet. "Why are you here?"
"We were following the tracks as directed when Headon detected a signal," the squad leader explained. "We kept on for a few more arns and he told me the signal was still strong." She stood taller, somehow making herself more stiffly at attention than ever. "I decided it was worth investigating."
"And now here you are, metras out of your assigned area, on what, a hunch?" Lan looked disgusted. "Who are you to say where you should or should not be?" Out of the corner my eyes I could see Lan's squad begin to move forwards as Nezin's people began to relax.
"The signal has continued to strengthen as we followed it, sir," Nezin explained herself.
"I'm sure it has," he frowned. "And now I have to deal with you as well as this prisoner." His look of annoyance became more dangerous as he looked at me. "A traitor, communicating with the enemy," was how he described me, sounding surprised that a Peacekeeper would do such a strange thing. "No doubt the source of your signal." He paused. "Did you report it back to HQ?" he asked casually.
"I maintained radio silence as ordered," Nezin replied coldly, as if daring him to claim she had disobeyed any more orders.
"Good," Lan nodded, and gestured.
The air was filled with pulse fire as Lan's squad, having reached the optimum position, gunned down the other squad at close range without hesitation. Oddly, the blasts carried the red tinge of aged chakan oil rather than the usual bright yellow glare. A simple ruse to conceal who had killed the soldiers, if anyone checked. It seemed unlikely anyone ever would, however.
In a few microts it was over.
"What the frell was that!" I yelled into the silence. I was shaken by the casual slaughter of those I still considered my comrades, however willing they would have been to sit and watch my slow descent into oblivion by Living Death upon my conviction of treason.
"What had to be done." There was a grimness to Lan that I had not seen before. The others were as quiet and unmoving as statues. After a moment the lieutenant approached me and unclipped the cuffs on my wrists. We stared at each other for a long microt; my face filled with shock and conflict, his closed and bleak.
"You know we're serious now." He spoke quietly, earnestly. "That we are who and what we say we are." His eyes narrowed. "You are as much a part of this as us. You could've warned them, done something… but you did not. I won't presume it was because you are with us… rather that you are not with them." Lan searched my face for some hint as to what I was thinking, while I struggled to get my Peacekeeper mask in place. "You're being given the chance to be more than what duty and blind obedience has made you. To make a difference, however small."
I could feel the others move in close around us. I knew that they would not hesitate to shoot me dead in a heartbeat.
"I know you want to make a difference," Lan told me quietly, reading my supposedly hidden feelings on the matter all too easily. "I felt the same. You want a purpose to your life again. I can give that to you. I want to give that to you." He held up his hand between us. "Be part of something. Be more than you are."
I looked at his hand. Then I took it.
END OF CHAPTER CALO