A/N: Just so everyone knows: Scar IS in the story. And if you people want to see him… you're gonna have to pony up with the reviews. I'll post up to the chapter where Scar appears first as soon as I have SIX reviews.

Meanwhile, many, many thanks to Shiruba Neko for reviewing, and Mint Pizza Queen for beta-ing.

Chapter 2: The Lunatics Are Running the Asylum

Edward Elric had once told Alphonse "You have to be insane to work in Investigations. No two ways about it. Hughes was in Investigations." That had been three hours before Al had been transferred to Investigations under Lt. Col. Kain Fury.

Thus far, Al had seen nothing to prove his brother wrong, and at no time was this clearer than Pay Day.

"Did you already get your pay packet?" Al asked, his hand resting on the doorknob. Izabel nodded. "Good." Al glanced down at Ave, who Izabel had insisted on bringing with her. It was time to enter the mad house.

The blond Alchemist pushed open the door and let the wall of sound wash over him. Cases-- both old and new – were being discussed at the top of everybody's lungs. Al ushered his two companions into the din, catching sight of Scieszka as he went. She smiled at him and waved a fist full of envelopes.

Officially, Scieszka was in charge of the stacks, the old case files and records. However, at some point, that duty had been expanded to include Payroll. She was surprisingly good at it.

"Can I have your attention, please?" she said, her voice managing to cut through the babble. She waved the envelopes again. "It is the last Friday of the month, and you all know what that means! As of 1530 hours, your pay has been deposited into your accounts… Except for you, Grace."

Al heard Izabel's sharp intake of breath as Grace unfolded herself and walked over to Scieszka, snatching a small bag full of ringing coins from the woman's hand. "Thank you!" the Xianian giant said, tucking the coin pouch down her shirt.

"Everyone else, please come forward in an orderly fashion to claim your receipt." Scieszka continued.

Al maneuvered Izabel and Abe towards Grace, who was now counting out a small pile of gold coins in her hand. "I don't see why you don't just put it in the bank." Al said when he was in the woman's range of hearing.

"Banks get robbed," Grace said, her muscles rippling visibly beneath her white shirt. "I don't." She eyed Izabel and Abe with frank curiosity.

"Major Choi, this is my new partner, Major Ishtar, and her brother Abraham." Al said. "She needs to report to Lt. Col. Fury."

Grace looked down at them and smiled her faintly disturbing smile. It was too big and sharp, and became even more frightening when it managed to reach her eyes. She said something in Ishbalan, and Izabel perked up. The young major replied in kind, making a small gesture that caused her rings to flash in the afternoon sunlight.

Al felt the urge to remind the ladies that not everyone involved in the conversation spoke that much Ishbalan. Therefore, he said one of the few phrases he knew, which could be translated as 'So you speak Armistian?'

Or so he had been told when Major Choi had taught it to him.

Judging by the way the major giggled, and how Izabel slapped her hands over Abe's ears, Al suspected that this was not actually the case.

"Now, I know Kain has a rule about this." Al said, pointing towards a rather extensive list pinned to a wall.

Grace grinned unrepentantly. "Number 2. 'I will not teach soldiers to say rude things in Ishbalan under the guise of teaching them helpful phrases.'" she quoted.

"Do I want to know what I just said?"

"Nope." Her grin remained unrepentant as she put an arm around Izabel's shoulder. "C'mon, I'll introduce you to the boss. But the kid stays out here."

Neither of the Ishtar siblings moved.

"It's alright. Lt. Col. Fury doesn't bite. And neither does Grace."

"Rule 46." Grace confirmed.

Abe's legs swung back and forth over the edge of the chair like two brown pendulums. His chin rested on the edge of Al's desk, and his large red eyes seemed to take everything in. "What's that?" the boy asked for what felt like the umpteen hundredth time since his sister had disappeared into Fury's office.

"That's the case board." Al said. "When one of us is assigned a case, its name is put in the column under our name, and it stays there until it's solved."

"What's that?" Abe asked again, pointing to one of the pictures on Al's desk.

"That's my older brother, Edward. He's a State Alchemist too."

"Who's in the armor?"

"That's me."

"Why were you in armor? Where is it now?"

"That… is a very long story." Al said. "And maybe someday I'll tell it to you."

"Who's that?"

"That is my sister-in-law, Rose. The little boy is her son William, and the baby is my nephew Klaus."

"Who's that?"

"That's my friend Winry. She's an automail mechanic."

"Is she your girlfriend?"

"No."

"Do you have a wife?"

"No, I don't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't really want one."

"Then who do you take care of? Everyone has to have someone to take care of."

"Well, I have cats. Who do you take care of?"

"Izzy."

"Doesn't she take care of you?"

"Yup. We take care of each other. It all works out."

"Well, that's good."

"Can I see your cats?"

"Maybe someday, if your sister says it's alright."

The door to Fury's office opened, with the Lieutenant Colonel leading the way. Izabel was right behind him, and Grace just behind her. The light flashed off Fury's glasses as he approached the Board, pen in hand. Carefully, he wrote something next to Al's name.

Major I. Ishtar

Under that, he wrote,

Major H. Ivorsen. 5th Lab

Fury nodded to Al, and then disappeared back into his office, his Xianian shadow following him.

Izabel came over to Al's desk and laid a file down on it.