Chapter 3: Anything but Ambivalence

Two Weeks Later

Veronica thought frequently about her confrontation in the courtyard with Logan. She'd found out at least a few of the answers she'd been seeking. Her Logan was still in there somewhere. Her snarky, cocky, jackass had been bruised, battered, and ruthlessly buried beneath the ghost but he wasn't dead yet.

He hadn't said a word to her since that day and he still glided through the halls like a ghost but he no longer looked right through her. She'd even caught him staring at her once or twice from his lunch table. As had become his usual mode of operation, he still rarely spoke or interacted with anyone but she swore she saw signs of life in his beautiful brown eyes. Yesterday, in the journalism room he'd even made a snarky comment about the administration, seemingly shocking himself along with those around him.

Standing at her locker, Veronica watched Logan walk down the hall and stop at his locker seven spaces down from hers. Today he was wearing a black t-shirt that stretched across his chest and showed off his work in the gym. It made Veronica's knees a little weak and her tongue nearly roll out to the floor. To add to her growing embarrassment, she could feel her pulse speed up, her breath became a little shallower and she would swear her mouth actually watered.

The sound of Dick Casablancas' voice jerked her back to reality. "Veronica Mars. Plotting whose life you're going to fuck up next? Or are you not done destroying Logan yet? Thinking maybe you can get your hooks back into him and inflict some new pain?"

As much as she'd been determined that finding Lilly's killer would make life at Neptune High easier, Dick Casablancas was equally determined that her life there would remain miserable. Dick was trying to establish his spot as the alpha male of the 09ers since Logan's exile. He apparently thought that tormenting Veronica would help him in this goal.

"No. Actually, I was just wondering why someone who had no balls and a tiny prick would want to go around with the nickname Dick. Is it some new form of self-flagellation?" Out of the corner of her eye, she could have sworn she saw Logan's lips twitch like he was about to laugh. His almost response provoked her to continue, "From what I've heard around the girl's locker room, I'm beginning to think you might just be a eunuch." This time her statement was greeted with an even bigger twitch from Logan's lips and numerous chuckles and hoots from the other 09ers.

Turning red, Dick snidely responded, "I guess when your name is synonymous with whore you'd be an expert on cocks. Maybe you'd like to join me in the bathroom and find out for yourself. After all, once a sk—". Before Dick could finish the word, he found himself shoved up against the lockers and held there by Logan Echoll's arm.

"Why do you care—"?

"Shut. Up. Dick."

"Why are you defending that sk—"? Dick was once again slammed against the lockers before he could finish the word.

Eyes cold and voice dripping with disdain, "I told you to shut up Dick. I don't care but I'm sick of hearing your whining voice, sick of seeing your ugly face, and sick of listening to the bullshit you spew out. It's like you suck all of the oxygen out of the environment when you open your mouth. I told you months ago that you were dead to me. Now, why don't you take the advice I gave you then and just evaporate or something? And for good measure, while you are staying away from me, why don't you just stay away from her too."

Letting go of Dick's shirt, Logan stepped back and waited for him to make a decision. Straightening his shirt Dick looked at the rest of the 09ers and jerked his head to the side indicating it was time to go. Had the impulsive, hot-headed Logan from the past been the one to threaten him, Dick would have continued to goad him and probably fought him. This new, colder version of his former friend however scared the crap out of him. He had little doubt that this version of Logan would indeed rip his throat out if provoked.

After the 09ers dispersed, Logan headed back to his locker to get his books. Veronica's eyes, which had nearly popped out of her head during the exchange, followed Logan's form as her mind tried to wrap itself around what had just transpired. Logan had really just defended her to the 09ers, further damaging his chances of ending his ostracism. It reminded her of his surprise party when he'd told them all to get out of his house if they had a problem with his girlfriend.

Damn it. The weak knees and mouth watering that had taken over her body before Dick's interruption was back. She'd never thought of herself as one of those girls who got turned on by a guy going all protective and flexing his muscles. She had obviously been wrong about herself.

Slamming his locker, Logan turned and saw Veronica frozen in front of her locker. "What are you staring at," he snapped? As she just continued to just stand there mutely, he walked up so he was standing mere inches away. "What? Are you afraid I'm going to lose it and go murder someone?"

She shook her head no and just continued to stare up at him and for a moment they were both back on The Camelot's balcony staring into each other's eyes after that first kiss. She knew she was looking at him with the same confused, enthralled expression she'd worn back then.

With a sudden snort of laughter as he realized the truth, Logan just shook his head and looked up to the sky as if seeking answers from a higher source. "Now, she's overcome with lust and the inability to speak? This couldn't have happened, oh say, 5 months ago?"

Turning abruptly Logan started to stalk off leaving Veronica standing there alone. He stopped a few feet away and returned to her with an expression she couldn't totally identify. It seemed composed of a strange mixture of hate, love, and lust all rolled together. She wasn't sure about the other two emotions but there was definitely lust, lots of lust, involved in that look. That look let her know that he was anything but ambivalent to her.

As he got closer, Veronica found herself backing away from him until stopped by the cold, metal lockers at her back. He placed his left arm so it was over her shoulder braced against the locker and his body almost wrapped around her so she was trapped against the lockers. She could feel the heat radiating from his body and his warm breath on her face. "What do you want from me Mars?"

Clearing her throat of the frog wedged in there, she squeaked out, "Can't we be friends again?" Okay, so maybe that wasn't what she really was thinking, what she really wanted but it seemed the safest thing to say.

He snorted with laughter and shook his head in disbelief. He leaned in even closer and put his mouth near her ear. For a moment, he seemed to be inhaling the scent that was uniquely Veronica before he began to speak, his hot breath caressing her ear, causing her whole body to shiver. "We were never friends Mars. We've been each other's crush, the best friend of each other's first loves, combatants, almost lovers…many things…but never friends Mars. And right now…we are nothing to each other." She closed her eyes as she felt his words wash over her.

Before the pain could blossom far, he spoke again, "Right now, just looking at you makes my heart ache. Eventually, maybe not for a very long time, but one day we will be more to each other than we've ever been before. I'll take you home, spread you out across my bed with the sunlight spilling through the windows, strip you bare and make you scream with pleasure. I'll stroke my hands over your body in such a way you'll feel like my touch is permanently branded on you. We'll be unbelievable lovers. We'll ruin each other for anyone else. We may even become each other's everything. But no matter what, we'll never be…just friends," he hesitated for another moment before finishing, "Veronica". She bit her lip hard to stifle the moan that tried to escape when his mouth caressed her name for the first time in over 5 months.

Straightening back up, he pushed himself away from the locker and stepped back from her, freeing her from the confines of his body. Her body felt like it had been branded by him already but in reality not so much as a fingertip accidentally brushed up against her much less touched her. He ran his eyes up and down her body one last time before gliding off down the hallway quickly mingling in with the rest of the student body.

She watched him walking away with another crack in her heart forming as the reality hit her of just how much work there was to fix the damage done to Logan. Unfortunately, only he could determine when the cracks of his life were reinforced enough to let her back in and she would just have to wait for him to come to her. Her Logan might never return completely but she was beginning to think this new version had damn good potential. As the simultaneous feelings of pain and hope clouded her eyes with tears, she became aware that he had once again vanished in the hall like a ghost.