Chapter 5: Breakdown, Rebuild, Torment

Sitting there on the steps all of it finally became too much for her. Lilly, Duncan, Aaron, her parents, Logan…she couldn't hold back the pain anymore as she cried for everything and everyone she'd lost. Veronica had no idea how long she sat there crying on the steps. Somewhere in her mind she noticed that strong, gentle arms suddenly picked her up and carried her inside and laid her on a bed. After a brief tug of war, Logan finally managed to get her arms to let go of his neck. Stroking her hair, he continued whispering to her. "I'm so sorry, baby. God, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Stay here for just a minute and I'll be right back, I promise, I need to go put on dry clothes."

"No, please don't leave me," she pleaded. Logan kissed her forehead and promised he'd be back in less than two minutes. Reluctantly letting him go she rolled onto her side and buried her face in the pillow. As she buried her face, the scent on the pillows let her know that she must be in Logan's room. Opening her eyes, she saw Logan striding back in the room wearing clean clothes. He lay down next to her without a word and took her in his arms. He laid there with her for an indeterminate length of time just stroking her hair, rubbing small circles on her back, and planting small kisses on her face and hair.

When she'd finally calmed down to hiccupping sobs, he spoke. "I'm sorry about this. I never intended this to happen."

"I-(hic)-I know. I just don't understand. How can you say you love me and still walk away? Do you still hate me that much?"

"No, no. I might hate a lot of people at the moment, myself most of all, but I don't hate you. I'm just trying to do the right thing here but I'm not so sure I know what the right thing is anymore."

They lay there in silence for awhile longer, Veronica resting her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating. All too soon, Logan broke the silence, "Are you ready to go home now?" Refusing to lift her head from its resting place, she silently shook her head no. "I'll drive you," he enticed. Again she refused. Obviously concluding she was never going to voluntarily agree to leave, he finally just picked her up and carried her down the stairs yelling for Mrs. Navarro along the way. "Can you open the front door and the passenger door on my SUV please?"

Unable to see Veronica's face from where it was buried in his neck, she inquired worriedly, "What's wrong with her? Is she going to be alright?"

"She's just tired and not feeling well right now. She's going to leave her SUV here for now and I'm going to drive her home," he answered huskily. After depositing Veronica in the passenger's seat, Logan quickly grabbed her keys from where they had fallen on the steps and retrieved her purse from her vehicle.

Except for Logan occasionally asking if she was ok, there were no words spoken during the drive back to her place. Frequently during the drive, she was aware that he reached out to stroke her hair and her arm. When they arrived at her place, he came around and picked her up off the seat and carried her up to her apartment.

To say Alicia Fennel was shocked to answer the knock on the Mars' door and find Logan Echolls standing there holding Veronica in his arms would be an understatement. "Veronica! What happened? Is she alright?" Alicia was looking her over for signs of physical trauma.

"She's tired and not feeling well," he repeated. "Can I go lay her down in her room?"

Swinging the door open, Alicia let him in and motioned him back to her bedroom. Sensing they needed a few minutes alone, she waited tensely for Logan to come back out and explain what happened.

"Veronica. I need to go home now. Are you going to be ok?"

"Can't you stay? Just for a little while, just until I fall asleep."

"Somehow I don't think your father is going to be too keen on coming in here and finding me on your bed. And I have an allergy to armed fathers," he joked. The last statement finally got him a reluctant half smile. "You're going to be just fine here. If you need to talk, you can call me later. Ok?"

"I don't really have a choice in the matter do I," she snapped. Rolling on her side so her back was to him she willed him to leave before she started crying again. She felt the bed move and heard his footsteps taking him out of her room.

As soon as Logan got back to the front room Alicia demanded, "What's wrong with her? What happened?"

Shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot, Logan reluctantly replied, "She came over this morning to see me and we talked. I asked her to leave. Then I said something I probably shouldn't have and I thought she'd left but when I looked outside about 20 minutes later I saw her Escape was still there and I found her crying on the steps."

"What did you say to her that you shouldn't have," Alicia asked in her firmest mother's tone? At his response, she snapped, "I can't hear you when you mumble to your feet."

"I, um, I kind of told her that I loved her."

"You asked her to leave and then told her you loved her! No wonder she ended up crying on your steps." She just shook her head at the stupidity of men.

"Uh, her SUV is still at my place. I'll have a service bring it by later."

"Don't worry about it. Wallace or I will be by to pick it up later. You should probably go now. I need to go check on Veronica." Logan nodded, handed Alicia the keys to Veronica's Escape and headed reluctantly out the door.

Once he was gone, Alicia headed back to Veronica's room. Sitting down on the bed, Alicia stroked Veronica's back, "He's gone now. Do you want to talk about it?" Figuring Veronica would probably rather wait and talk to Keith, she was stunned when Veronica threw herself into Alicia's arms and sobbed out the story of her and Logan.

As Alicia held her, Veronica thought about how nice it was to have a mom hold her and comfort her. It had been quite a few years since Veronica had been able to depend on a mother for comfort. Finally, she dropped off into an exhausted slumber with Alicia stroking her hair and murmuring comforting platitudes.

When Keith got home from the hospital that afternoon, Alicia told him the story Veronica had told him, leaving out a few details a father just didn't need or want to know. Keith was devastated to hear about his little girl's broken heart. He had Wallace drop him off at Logan's to get her SUV and have a little chat. After he got back, he didn't tell Alicia what was said. He just stated, "The boy has his reasons and, right or wrong, Veronica's just going to have to let him work it through."

Veronica woke up Monday morning with a renewed sense of purpose. After wallowing all day Saturday, she'd spent Sunday gathering herself back together and planning her strategy. She was more determined than ever to find out what was up with Logan. He might not want her help but she needed to at least know what was happening. She felt that if she was at least aware of what he was dealing with she could help. She knew her father had found something out but he wasn't talking. He'd encouraged her to let Logan deal with his problems and come to her when he was ready to talk.

One thing she'd never been, even before Lilly's death was patient. Nor did she care much for being stonewalled or cosseted. If the men in her life weren't going to tell her what was going on, she was just going to have to find out for herself.

When she arrived at her locker Monday morning, she noted Logan was standing near his and kept glancing at her to see if she was alright. She flashed him a big grin and blew him a kiss. He looked like she'd slapped him in the face with a fish. Glancing around to see if anyone else noticed, he slammed his locker shut and practically ran down the hall.

Veronica snickered to herself at his hasty exit. She'd never agreed to ignore him or not flirt with him. Turning around at Wallace's chuckle she asked, "Hey Wallace. I need a favor. Can you--?"

"No way, no how. I'm not doing it," he denied vehemently.

"What do you mean? I never even got to ask my favor," she pouted.

"I know you Mars. I know exactly what you were going to ask. You were going to ask me to steal Logan's file so you can find out what's happening with him. You want to know what's happening with your boyfriend, you're just going to have to find out without his school record."

"Come on Wallace, just this once."

"Ha, it's never just once with you. Besides, I couldn't get it for you if I wanted."

"What do you mean?"

Sheepishly he looked around, "I actually tried to find it a couple of weeks ago and it isn't there. I knew you were going to ask me for it one of these days so I thought I'd get a jump on it and do it first."

"Wallace, I'm going to turn you into a PI yet," she grinned. "Where could his records be if they aren't here?"

"I don't know. There are a handful of students whose records aren't here. Clemmons apparently is keeping them somewhere else and your dear Logan seems to be one of the lucky students."

Veronica puzzled over this all morning. Why would Clemmons be hiding Logan's file? She stared at Logan all through journalism trying to catch some sign of what could be going on with him. He kept shooting her nervous glances like he thought she was going to attack him. She just kept grinning at him and blowing him kisses.

At lunch, she glanced around and found Logan at his usual table. As had become his habit at least a few days a week, Cassidy had joined Logan. Even better she thought an audience. Grabbing Wallace as he walked up, she hauled him towards Logan & Cassidy. "Come on, we're sitting over this way today."

"V, don't drag me into this. I beg you."

"I'll bake you your own batch of snicker doodles if you do this without an argument."

"Two batches," he negotiated.

"Fine. Two batches but you're going to get fat eating like that. Now come on, let's go." Stopping in front of Logan, she grinned down at him, "Hi honey. I hope you don't mind but Wallace and I thought we'd join you and Cassidy for lunch." Before he could respond, they were both seated.

Frowning, "Sure, Sugarpuss. Whatever makes you happy."

Turning to Wallace and Cassidy, "Isn't that just so sweet? My honey loves me so much he just wants to see me happy." The drink Logan had just taken must have gone down the wrong pipe as he started sputtering and choking at her statement. Reaching over, she thumped him on the back to clear his airway and continued rubbing circles on his back. "Careful there honey. I can't have you choking on me before the big dance." Sitting there with his mouth hanging open, he again had that look like she'd smacked him with a trout. "Close your mouth dear, it's really not very nice to gape."

Turning back to Wallace and Cassidy, she saw they were also staring at her like she'd lost her mind. Grinning, she just dipped her fries in the ketchup and stared back at them. After a few minutes of silence, the odd group finally settled into small talk.

This lunch routine continued for rest of the week with Veronica getting a little more brazen each day. By Wednesday, she'd greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and Thursday she'd given him a kiss on the mouth. Throughout the lunches, she would constantly run her hands up and down his arm or pat his knee. Cassidy and Wallace bemusedly watched her make Logan increasingly uncomfortable. It was like having a private lunch theatre.

All week she had made sure he saw that she was wearing the necklace he'd given her and carrying the bear in her bag. One day when he'd made a snarky comment about the bear, she'd reached over to cover the bear's ears and asked if that was any way to talk about their child. He'd turned bright red and refused to talk to her the rest of the day.

By Friday, when Veronica showed up wearing her shortest skirt and lowest cut blouse, Logan looked like he was about to start howling. At lunch, she gave him a passionate kiss that very nearly got out of hand when he'd pulled her into his lap. He'd quickly moved her off his lap (not before she'd felt the reason why) and refused to look at her for a good 10 minutes. She was hoping that he would be so distracted by her behavior this week that he wouldn't notice her following him during his mysterious Friday afternoon disappearing act.