Chapter 3: Dr. Zoidberg
Shortly after the first scenario on the What-If machine had started, Dr. Zoidberg started to get hungry. He left the area and went searching for something to eat. No one cared that he had left.
After a few minutes of searching for food, Zoidberg found a dumpster. He opened it up to see it was empty. He sighed and was about to walk away when he saw a little slime in the corner.
After a little snack of slime, Zoidberg walked back to the crew. The second scenario was just ending.
"That was stupid," complained Amy. "It hardly had me in it at all."
"Well duh," Bender said, "Bender is just better."
"Yeah," said Fry, "And besides, a question like-"
He was interrupted by Professor Farnsworth, "I'm not even going to let you make another suggestion. Anyone else though?"
"I have one," Zoidberg said.
'What was your idea Fry," the Professor said, trying to avoid Zoidberg.
Unfortunately for him, Zoidberg continued on with his question.
"What if Zoidberg was the owner of Planet Express?" Zoidberg asked.
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Leela brought the Planet Express ship down from the sky. Zoidberg had sent the crew out to deliver another package. Of course, it always was the same package to the same place. And the payment was always the same, too. A heaping sack of garbage.
Fry, Leela, and Bender had gotten off the ship and headed to the employee lounge. They sat down and turned on. A show was just ending.
"Awww," Fry said, "We just missed the episode of The Scary Door."
The credits ended and channel square root of two news came on. Since Fry, Leela, and Bender were all too tired or lazy to get up, no one changed the channel. Just as it was starting, Zoidberg walked into the room.
"Thank you, Bender," Zoidberg said, "For leaving my payment in the fire. Once again I was able to remove it before it was destroyed or lost flavor."
"Yeah, yeah," Bender mumbled, "Next time I'll leave it in a pot of boiling water." Bender then paid attention to the news again.
"…There were no survivors," Linda, the newscaster, said.
"Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha," laughed, Morbo, the news monster. "Soon, Morbo's plans will be finished and sent to his home planet. And after the attack, there will be no survivors."
Linda just laughed, like always. "In other news," she said, "In a freak accident, a ship delivering a cargo of over one billion dollars in antiques has crash landed on a deserted planet. Among the cargo lost is a T.V. from the nineteenth century, a portrait of the country's seventieth president, and a tin of anchovies."
Zoidberg gasped, "To the lab!"
He ran to the Professor's lab. The crew followed him, but only because they couldn't remove their job chips. If they could, they'd all have stolen the ship and found some place to get away from Zoidberg.
The Professor was sitting in his lab. He had lost ownership of his company when Zoidberg had eaten the documents saying it was his company. Then, since Zoidberg owned the documents, the company went to him.
The Professor had tried to get the company back, but it didn't work. When he tried to dissect Zoidberg, he just couldn't find the right stomach holding the documents.
Suddenly, Zoidberg ran into the lab. He asked the Professor to borrow the Smell-o-Scope. He explained that he needed to look for a planet with the smell of salty fish coming from it.
Professor Farnsworth walked up to his prized Smell-o-Scope and started searching.
"Whoa," the Professor exclaimed, "That is one salty smell."
Dr. Zoidberg stepped forward to take a whiff. "No," he said, "That disgusting stink is my home planet, Decapod 10. It must be mating season."
"Here," Fry said, "I've had anchovies all the time, let me smell."
Within moments, Fry had pinpointed the location of the anchovies. They all boarded the ship, with the exception of the Professor, who was trying to guess which stomach the documents would be in.
Leela lifted the ship up into the sky and flew off in the direction Fry gad said. The flight was pretty uneventful, except that Bender tried to get Zoidberg to join him in a super heated hot tub.
Leela brought the ship down into a small clearing, a mile away from Zoidberg's anchovies. Zoidberg acted as a hunting dog, sniffing out where the crash was. After a few minutes of walking through a forest, they came up to the fallen ship. Everyone gasped.
In front of their very eyes, was the mighty ship the Nimbus. They all stared at it for a moment, and soon they saw Evil Lincoln running from it. They decided they didn't want to know why. Unfortunately, they soon found out.
"Kif," Zapp Brannigan called out, " Which simulation was that."
"Leela 9," Kif answered in his annoyed tone.
"And how many does that leave?" Zapp asked.
"Twenty-nine thousand," Kif said, very irritated.
Leela shuddered. How could anyone ever have that many fantasies about her? She decided to stay hidden as Zoidberg stepped forward.
"Good evening, gentlemen," Zoidberg said as the sun was reaching its highest point in the sky, indicating noon. "I was wondering if you might know of a tin of anchovies, maybe?"
"Ahhh, yes, my fine, ugly lobster-beast," Zapp said, not recognizing him as a Planet Express member, "They made quite a fine meal for me."
Zoidberg's eye started twitching. He ate the anchovies? Zoidberg let out a scream and started chasing after Zapp.
'I got an idea," Fry said. Leela and Bender gasped. "Hey, Kif! Come over hear."
Kif walked over and the four of them boarded the Planet Express ship. Leela flew the ship away, and neither Zapp nor Zoidberg were ever seen again.
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"Well," Leela asked, "What did you think, Zoidberg?"
He wasn't even watching. No one had any idea where he was.
Five Miles Away
Fishy Joe's had recently let out a new product. Fish sticks with real fish. To advertise for it, they had people stand outside dressed up in giant fish outfits.
"Help me!" a mascot screamed, with Zoidberg closely behind him, making odd gurgling sounds.