Saving Spike

Previously on Saving Spike

About an hour and some serious bruises later, Xander finally got himself and Spike back to his house. Tucking a finally exhausted Spike into his bed for some sleep, and desperately wishing he could do the same, as he was one tired and painfully sore hombre, Xander took out his address book and dialed a number on his phone.

"Hello, Giles? It's Xander. I need your help."

Chapter 4

Leaving Town

"You say he has been having delusions. Seeing people who aren't there?" Giles asked.

"Yeah. He was seeing Drusilla and Buffy and going on about being punished. He got really upset when he accidentally said something bad about Buffy and Angel. No wait. I mean Angelus. Yeah, he was really flipping out about me being there because Angelus was coming soon. But you know the weirdest thing Giles; he referred to him as Sire. He called Angelus his Sire, even though I'm fairly certain it's Drusilla." Xander said confused.

"Hmm. I suppose it makes sense that he thinks of Angelus as his Sire," Giles says thoughtfully.

"It does? And here I thought it didn't make a lick of sense whatsoever."

Giles smiles on his side of the phone. Xander, whom he though of as his own son, never failed to amuse with his comically blunt comments.

"Drusilla may have bit Spike, Xander, but I highly doubt she would have been sane enough to act as Sire to him. As Patriarch of their Aurelius family, Angelus would have been more suited to fill in the role of Sire for Spike. Teaching him the ways of being a vampire," Giles explained.

"So Angelus was like a step Sire for him. Alright I guess that makes sense. But Giles, why is he acting like this? Is it a spell? Or is he really…?"

"I'm not sure Xander. Although I do think it would be wise to keep him out of the school's basement. Seeing as that is where the Hellmouth is, the problem may lie with him being in such close proximity to it."

"Easier said then done Giles. The minute I leave him alone he is going to run straight back there. I mean you should have seen the fuss he made about leaving the place. What happens when I have to leave for a while? I'm not going to be able to let him out of my sight."

"Hmm. That does present a problem. Perhaps Angel would be of some help?"

"No way Giles. There's no way of knowing how Spike would react if he saw Dead Boy. Seeing him might throw him into shock or something. He's trapped inside his memories Giles. I don't think taking him to the person he is most afraid of at the moment is going to help him."

"(Sigh) You're right of course Xander. We'd best find another option. As Buffy is among his delusions as well, I doubt taking him to her is going to be of any help. What if…yes… I think I've found the answer. Why don't you take Spike and the two of you come over here to England? I'll just arrange for a flight tomorrow evening."

And so the next day Xander and Spike took a taxi as soon as it was dark, to the airport. From there they took a flight to New York, where they spent the day in a fancy hotel room.

"Spike come on, you've got to eat sometime. You're going to make yourself sick if you don't have some blood soon," Xander said trying to convince the blonde to have the blood he got him.

"Not hungry," Spike said stubbornly from where he was curled up on the couch.

"I know that, but you haven't eaten in days. You have to at least try. Spike? Come on Spike. You…"

"Where did they go Xander? They left me all alone. No yelling. No pain. All gone. Even Sire hasn't played with me yet. Did I do something wrong?" Spike asked Xander with tears in his eyes.

Xander frowned then sat on the couch next to him.

"Hey now. You're not alone. You've got me. As for your Sire, well, I guess Angelus and the others couldn't leave Sunnydale. Which is a good thing. They weren't treating you good Spike. And now that we're gone, they can't hurt you anymore."

Spike looked confused. "But they're supposed to punish me. I'm always messing things up. If they don't hurt me when I do wrong then I'll never learn."

Xander suddenly flashbacked to his father explaining the same thing to him when he was younger. It took years to realize that what his father had done to him wasn't right. And now here was Spike who seemed to be brainwashed with the same bullshit that he himself had believed as a child.

"Spike, that's not true. It's wrong for them to punish you like that. Everybody makes mistakes, even Angelus, and he doesn't get punished for them does he?"

"N-no. H-he just swears and yells a lot when his plans go all wrong. And then h-he blames me for th-them. But I must have been at fault s-somehow for them going wrong. He said so… and Sire doesn't lie," Spike explained shakily.

"Look Spike. I met Angelus, and from what I could tell, he's what I like to call a sadist. Someone who likes to cause others pain for the pure enjoyment of doing so. He doesn't need a reason to hurt someone. He just will. And I think that's the real reason why he hurts you. It's not because you've done something wrong. It's because he likes causing you pain. Same with Drusilla."

"And Buffy?" Spike asked in awed confusion.

"Buffy? D-did Buffy really hurt you Spike? I know she and you had a thing, but…"

"She hurt me. Lots of times. No one was looking so it was alright. Tried to help her. Loved her. But she only ever hurt me again. Called me an evil soulless thing incapable of loving. That I didn't feel anything, so it was okay to hurt me. She used me and hurt me, but it's okay 'cause I'm beneath her like Angelus. And Cecily, but she's dead now, Angelus made me kill her."

Xander closed his eyes as if in pain. In truth, he was in pain. Spike may be a vampire, but to do what Spike said she had done to him…Xander couldn't believe what he was hearing, but Spike had no reason to lie. But then why…

"Spike. If that's all true…why did you try and…rape…her?"

Spike looked down at the floor and shrugged. "Wanted to make her feel what I felt. How much it hurt to be used like some stupid sex toy the way she used me. I was never actually going to go through with it. Just wanted her to get a small taste of what she did to me. I wasn't really going to r-rape her. I thought maybe she would finally understand my feelings…but then she started crying. She said, "Ask me again why I could never love you." And I knew I'd gone too far. What I did didn't help. It made things worse. So I decided to leave. That way she couldn't hurt me and I couldn't hurt her."

"But something happened while you were away didn't it?"

"Yeah. I thought she'd finally like me better if I did it. She liked Sire better that way. So I did, but it burned like the sun. I came back to see If Red could make it go away, but Sire found me first and punished me. Made me scream and scream until my throat bled. Wouldn't let me leave. We'd be a family again, and he'd make sure I never did anything stupid like that again. Dru came back too, doing whatever daddy told her. Looking after me when Sire had to leave. Punishing me whenever Ms. Edith told her to. I tried my best to be a good boy again, but it's been so long. I forgot how. Buffy came though to teach me. She must have still hated me and wanted me to pay for what I'd done. Sire found that funny. He said Buffy was doing a good job at making me behave like a good childe. Her punishments were just as bad as his. So it worked."

"I see," Xander managed to choke out. This was all too much to think about right now. "Spike, please drink the blood now so we can get some sleep before we take our next flight."

Surprisingly Spike did as he was told and drank the blood before falling asleep on the couch. Xander covered him up with a blanket, and went to the bed to get some shuteye himself.

AN: Well how was it? Please Review!