Hello again everyone. Thanks goes out to all who have read and/or reviewed. Keep it up and I will keep writing. Finals are nearly over so I will be able to add chapters more frequently so until then I hope you enjoy this one.
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"Are you okay?" although she whispered she swore she saw the woman jump in suprise at her voice. "I didnt mean to frighten you." she said assuringly.
"You didnt. Besides with the night I've had it will take more than that to frighten me." she answered trying to hide the lie. She had not anticapted Guinevere's arrival and she saw that the woman obviously saw through her weak facade.
"Really." Guinevere asked as she made her way to her, sitting down she leaned her head back on one of the posts. "Strange night this has been." Guinevere added casually hoping to persuade the woman beside her to talk. "I bet that with all of the explaining that has been going on, no one has bothered to listen." Pivoting her head right she looked through the darkness into her eyes. "You know, I can be a very good listener if someone should find the need to talk."
Lillian had to admit, Guinevere was trying hard to get her to open up and talk and the thought of someone, someone not directly envolved, who would be willing to listen was comforting. Biting her lip she looked from the womans stare to the wall of the carriage. Through a small slit in the clothe that made up its wall a small gleam of light from the dying fire marked her face. After a moments pause she spoke.
"My life, if you could have called it a life," Lillian started, her voice low and sad as was her eyes. "was so much simpler before now. It may not have been happy, but it was simple. I knew what was expected of me, I knew what to do, how to act. But now...now I dont know anymore." Tears started to well into her eyes but were quickly wiped away. "I look at the men out there, and I see the recognition in their eyes. Part of me wants to just leave with them and act as though my life with the Saxons was just a nightmare. But thats not the way it works does it, no matter how hard I try, my life with the Saxons will always be with me."
Guinevere eyed her. For a moment she forgot that the woman beside her once fought with the cruelty known in Saxon warriors. "You shouldnt let your life with the Saxons scare you from your future."
"It always will, Cynric is in my mind where ever I go." Lillian said her eyes closing in an effort to stop any further tears from coming.
"Is that what happened with Lancelot?" Guinevere asked. Her question caused Lillians eyes to shoot open as she remembered what had occured between them. Turning she looked her in the the dark brown eyes of the woman next to her. "What happened?" Guinevere asked urging the woman to tell her and to be free from the terrors that haunted her.
Biting her lip Lillian questioned whether she should explain what had happened or keep silent. Silence filled the space between them until Lillian decided to take the young woman up on her offer to listen.
"I didnt see the vision at first. I met with both Arthur and Lancelot, one right after the other. I was just beginning to 'listen to my heart' as you had once put it when we heard the others shout. I thought it best we should return. We ended up kissing." Lillian allowed a small smile to light her face only briefly before it dimmed once again. "When he held me close...I saw him...I saw Cynric." she could no longer hold the tears that welled inside her. Holding her knees close to her body, her head hung low.
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"Come on everyone, we should celebrate. Lillians back and Dagonets alive and tomorrow we are free." Bors said in an effort to lighten the somber mood.
"Not now Bors." Gawain said in answer to his friends proposal.
"What do you mean not now. It's as good a time as any." Bors shot back.
None responded to the bigger knights comments.
The fire began to slowly die as the knights huddled around it. Several had went off to check on the rest of the group leaving Gawain, Bors and Tristan behind.
"If you ask me this whole situation is as strange as it can get." Gawain said. Taking a nearby branch he stirred the dying fire.
"Really? Its taken you this long to figure that out?" Tristan asked sarcastically as he petted the head of his hawk.
"I just meant that this is going to be strange, going back to the wall with an entire group and Lillian in tow." Galahad answered returning to his seat on a nearby log. He watched as Tristan whispered something indistinct to his feathered friend before he flew off.
"Atleast she is alive. That is more than we can say about others." Bors interjected. He had stopped his drinking not to long ago and had begun to settle in for sleep. His words caused the others to remember those that had fallen, those that did not make it to see their freedom.
"Not much of a life among Saxons though." Tristan added, the bried silence of the others showed they had agreed. After all Saxons are not known for kindness to those that are not of their blood.
"I can only imagine what they did to her in eight years time." Gawain acknowledged as he contemplated what the other had said. "To get her to act as she does now."
"Well I dont know about you but I would rather not know. Make me feel even worse then I already do about leaving her with 'em to begin with." Bors replied although he could not help that his mind wonder over the new scars the woman now bore and where they may have come from. How many were dealt to her by Saxon hands.
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"Oh I wish I could forget it all." Lillian said quietly after she finished her tale. She had told Guinevere of Cynric and Lancelot, of the kiss and the images of the rape and the thought of it all tugged at her emotions.
"But you cant, no matter how hard you try, your life with the knights and your life with the Saxons have shaped you to who you are now. If you sacrifice one you sacrifice part of yourself." Guinevere reffuted, her voice no longer that of a whisper.
"Thats easy for you to say." Lillian snapped. The pain of all the nights she laid with Cynric embedded in her mind. Of his cold, uncaring eyes and cruel laughter. All still fresh in her mind as though it had just happened. Laying down she pulled Lancelot's cloak tighter about her. More for the small sense of security she found from it then its protection from the cool air. Turning away from Guinevere she sought what small amount of solitude she could find and, closing her eyes, she tried to escape from the world around her. Inhaling deeply she caught his scent which still laced the cloak she now bore. Her mind flashed back to the kiss they shared. Whatever joy she felt faded as the sound of Cynrics voice rung clear in her ears. 'You are mine.'
"Tomorrow can bring many things Lillian, do not worry over what has happened today." Guinevere said trying to comfort the broken woman beside her. The sound of rustling drew her attention and, looking up, she peered through the dimness of the wagon to the dark silhoutte of Dagonet. She saw him turn then all went silent.
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Turning over onto his uninjured shoulder he opened his eyes. Her words echoed through his head and pained his heart.
'I am sorry Lillian.' Dagonet thought to himself closing his eyes. 'I'm sorry.'