Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. They are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Shoko Yoshinaka.

Chapter Four - Freedom Deep

A Song by INXS

Italics – Song Lyrics

Black – Any Narrative

Filia sat alone in the dining room on board the ship. Well, she wasn't really alone in the room. There were lots of sailors having dinner there as well, but none of them sat near her. She didn't mind being a little unpopular. The reason why they stayed away from her didn't bother her at all. Her fame was still following her, and the more stoic she looked, the more time she would have to herself to think.

Show me the way
Give away
The truth
I'm looking for

Xellos.

What was he like? She had to remember. She had been away from him so long; maybe she was just assuming that this young man was really Xellos when there was really no proof that he was whatever. He looked like him, but maybe that didn't mean very much in the mazoku world. They could generate any appearance they wanted to. Why not take on the traditional appearance of a more powerful mazoku?

She took a deep breath. Why would she be more likely to trust Lex if he wasn't Xellos? She had experience with Xellos. One would think that she would trust him before a strange monster she had never laid eyes on before; or perhaps not.

I need a new way
Out of here
The door
Is opening

She had called Xellos a murderer many times. It wasn't fair of her. Oh, how hard she had been on him! He was a soldier in an army in a war when he destroyed that clan of dragons. Her own people had committed genocide out of jealousy. She could be hard on him for what he had done no longer. It was in the past and finished. She did not even have the power to honour him for his rank in the mazoku order of command. He must have been something pretty special to be Zelas' Priest and General.

Freedom take me deeper
Freedom take me deeper

He was something pretty special. He was always calculating and scheming. He would weigh the odds and take on everyone. She had never seen him fail to achieve his objective. He always got what he wanted.

She would never have seen his good qualities if everything she thought she had to fight him with hadn't turned out to be a lie. She would have continued to believe that he was a filthy monster who did nothing but pervert and destroy everything decent. He had many good qualities.

All the blue days
Gone astray
The clouds
Are giving in

She wished it had been him she met in the marketplace. Not that there wasn't something amazing about Lex, because there was. There was definitely something about Lex.

If Xellos had come to fight her . . . if he had made that effort to see what she was doing with her time and how she was improving, it would have meant so much to her. She was never sure if she was comfortable with his last impressions of her. She wanted him to see what she was like now. Even if it was just to show him that she was controlled enough to keep her tail out of sight.

Freedom take me deeper
Freedom take me deeper

Lex seemed sincere, which was something Xellos could never even fake for her. She always felt like she saw straight through Xellos, even though she never knew what he was really after. She would almost believe that he really was friends with Lina and the others and then he would do something to show exactly what he was – a mazoku – and it scared her. She was too old to be scared of him now. She felt as though she had shed her skin of innocence, so now even the monster race held no terror for her.

Let him come.

She wanted him to come.

I need a new way
Out of here
The door is opening

She took a sip of her tea.

Lex – what about him?

She had spent some more time with Lex since she had been on board the ship. He was much more appealing than Xellos, regardless of their identical looks, and even appeared to want to cheer her up, unlike Xellos who wanted to torment those around him with sarcasm and little stinging insults. A mazoku who wanted those around him to be happy was unheard of, in fact, it was not possible. They feed on negative emotions.

I'm losing my fear
Suddenly
The way
Has come to me

She needed to forget everything about the Xellos she knew. That was what she needed to do. It didn't matter if Xellos and Lex had once been the same person or whether they had never been. She would start fresh with whoever was in front of her. If she stuck by him and was his friend all of his secrets would open to her and she'd know all there was to know about him. Or perhaps, he would be a secretive as ever, but she wouldn't be alone, unless she was alone with him.

Freedom take me deeper