I am so sorry that it took so long for me to update. I have finals coming up again and I had a major project. That and the fact that this chapter was really troublesome to write. I couldnt seem to make it right. Hope you guys like this chapter. Please R&R. Thanks. :)

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'Cynric trained me...and he beat me...he raped me.'

Her words remained locked in his mind. Her face as she turned to look at him. The pain and the fear he saw in her eyes. The pain of reliving the nightmare as she spoke of it and the fear of telling it.

'Cynric.' the Saxons named stayed with him. 'The Saxon bastard. If I ever see him he will wish he had never been born.' Terrible thoughts filled his mind. Thoughts of what he would do if Cynric should ever cross his path. He tried to imagine how it would feel should he run his blade through the monster of a man. The blade piercing his flesh causing his blood to spew out to the earth. Would he feel joy at slaying the man? Would he feel anything at all?

His mind wondered as the images filled his head. Of Cynrics face as one of Lancelots twin sword came down on him. Would he see fear in the mans eyes when he knew his death was iminent.

Soon her face made it back to him and cast the visions of death from his mind. Images of years ago. Of a smilng, strong woman. Who now, although still strong, remained hidden in a shell of her former self. No longer care free but fearful. The innocence in her eyes that so drew him were dimmed and all he could do was blame himself. Sitting on the hill top with clenched fists he let the anger inside him grow.

"There ya' are." a voice made its way to the darkness of his mind. Glancing up he saw Bors and Arthur heading his way. Bors was carrying a bottle of ale.

"Not now Bors." Lancelot said darkly prefering to be alone right now should he say something he would regret.

"Well arent you in a bright and cheerful mood." Bors said sarcastically as he took a seat next to the troubled knight.

"I said not now Bors." Lancelot announced once more but his statements were cast aside as the knight beside him stayed.

Arthur remained standing looking down at the troubled knight before him.

"Aww, did Lillian leave you out here?" Bors said sarcastically laughing as he spoke.

Anger hit the dark haired knights eyes. "So help me Bors." Lancelot said standing to get away.

"What did you try to do kiss her again?" The drinking knight announced laughing once more.

Instinctively the dark haired knight turn to face him. Dreading the sight of seeing two of his comrades fighting amongst themselves Arthur interjected, stepping between the two and putting a halt to Lancelots advancement.

"Bors thats enough." Arthur said looking to the shorter man.

"Come on Arthur, its just a little fun. Its not like its my fault Lillian keeps disappearin' on him." Bors said glancing over the shoulders of his roman commander to the knight behind him.

"Bors!" The voice of the Roman between them rung clear that he was not to be defied. "Go back to the pub and get yourself another drink. Go see Vanora."

"All right. I'll go." Bors said eyes still looking to Lancelot. "Atleast I know where my woman is."

"Bors! Now!." Arthur said through clenched teeth. Turning the drunken knight left the two alone.

"Lancelot you know now to pay any attention to Bors when he gets like that." Arthur said turning to the angered knight. "He lets his mouth run away with him when he starts to drink."

Lancelot didnt answer or acknowledge Arthurs announcement. Instead he ran his fingers through his hair and started to walk away.

"What's troubling you Lancelot?" Arthur asked stopping the man in his steps.

"Nothing." Lancelot said dryly slightly hanging his head.

"Really?" Arthur questioned looking to his friend. Lancelot's eyes met his in silence. "Because I think there is. You have never reacted that way before. Not to Bors and not when he's drinking. So my only conclusion is something is bothering you and, by the way you acted when he mentioned Lillian running from you, I believe that what ever is bothering you has to do with her."

Lancelot's dark brown eyes fell as he remembered what she had told him but he kept silent.

"You and have faced many battles together havent we Lancelot." Arthur said after a moments silence. Turning he faced Hadrians Wall and the graves around them. "15 years worth. For 15 years we fought side by side and won. You have always had my back and I have always had yours. I ask you my friend, brother in arms what is it that weighs so heavily on your mind that would cause you to attempt to strike out at one of your own. Let me help you with what may be our last battle together." Turning back he eyed the quietly hurting knight.

Silence spread between the two men as Arthur waited for Lancelot to speak up. To clear his mind and his concious.

"She was raped." Lancelot spat out. His face contorted as though the words had left a horrible taste in his mouth. Turning his faced the man that he fought with for so long and anger stung his eyes. Anger and rage lit his deep, brown orbs. "Those damned Saxons beat and raped her!" he shouted. The anger that held still in his eyes now laced his words.

"She told you of this?" Arthur asked taking a few steps to him. Sorrow in his eyes as he invisioned what she went through.

"Yes." Lancelot said fighting to sway the level of his voice.

"You must not blame yourself Lancelot of Lillian for this. I understand how frustrating this may be and how angry..."

"Anger." Lancelot laughed. "Anger Arthur." The laughter died and his face faded to one of fury. "Anger does not begin to discribe what I am feeling right now. I am furious. Furious with myself, the Saxons and, Lillian for the mere fact that she told me." Lancelot began to yell once more taking several steps to the Roman. "While I, we were all drinking with out a care and bedding women she was being ravaged by the Saxons. We abandoned her to them." He finished, pointing off to the distance that Saxon territory was located

"We had no reason to believe she had lived Lancelot. The fact that they kept her alive was unlike what we would normally expect from the Saxons." Arthur tried to reason.

"And is that supposed to make it all better. Is that supposed to change anything. I cant even hold her without her picturing those that raped her." Lancelot shot back.

"No its not... Nothing can or will. We cant expect her to go on with her life like the last eight years never happened." Arthur conteracted the angry Sarmatian.

"Why not?" Lancelot asked.

"Until she remembers, the last eight years are all she has. The only life she remembers having no matter how bad it was. You cannot ask her to deny it. If you do you would be asking her to live a lie and with all she's been through you cant do that to her." Arthur said approaching him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Lancelot asked. Looking as though he was ready to give up.

"Accept it." Arthur responded flatly. His voice filled with concern.

"Accept it?" The look of suprise at his commanders solution could not be hidden.

"You cannot change it, I cant and neither can Lillian. Life is too short Lancelot. You lost her once and once is enough. What you learned today may anger you for some time but accept it. Accept that you cannot change the past but accept that you can change the future." Arthur replied. The silence that followed showed that the knight took his words in and thought on them. "We should return my friend. Dinner will be ready." Lancelot looked to the man beside him and nodded following beside him as the turned back to the fort.

"Your right I cant change it Arthur." Lancelot said admittingly. "But may your God help any Saxon that crosses my path, for I swear they will not live to see another day." Lancelot stated flatly and without emotion. His jaw clenched as he spoke.

Looking from the knight beside him to the fort ahead Arthur kept his thoughts to himself, silently acknowledging the threats of the Sarmatian beside him.