"Well aren't you a sight to see." Vanora said leading Lillian to one of the back rooms. "Sarah fetch me a bowl of water and a wash clothe please." Vanora shouted to a barmaid that sat in the room. Setting Lillian down on a clean area of the table she cleared the hair from the womans face.
The small, blonde haired woman did as she was asked. "This is the cleanest one that we got Vanora." she said bringing the requested supplies. Her voice was soft and and shy when she spoke. Her green eyes looked to the two women curiously. "Lillian right?" she asked as her eyes focused on the darker haired of the two.
Pulling her gaze to meet the smaller woman she answered. "Yeah." Lillian spoke, shuffling slightly where she sat. "I am sorry, do I know you?"
"Oh no M'Lady." Sarah assured. "I am afraid not. You see I arrived several years after you. Vanora and the others told me about ya. Hope ya dont mind." she added handing the water and clothe to the red haired woman. "Amazing thought isnt it. You being alive. Word spreads fast around here lately I am afraid. Perhaps you could sit down and tell us a story or two?"
Although the woman made a gallant effort to be accomodating and polite Lillian remained silent.
"Sarah be a dear and leave us for a few moments would ya." Vanora said placing the bowl and clothe on the table next to Lillian. "Dont mean to be rude or anything."
"No problem Vanora. I got some tables to clean up anyways. It was nice meeting you Lillian." Sarah responded taking her leave. The commotion of the outside world made its way briefly into the room as she opened the door to leave and was soon shut out again as the door came to a close behind her.
"Now, you feel like telling me what happened out there?" Vanora asked ringing the towel out and placing it to the womans head.
"Nothing happened." Lillian said bitterly holding the towel in place.
"Really." Vanora looked to her not believing her answer.
"Sarah, she been here long?" Lillian asked trying to change the subject at hand.
"About five years I think. Nicer then the rest. Some of whom wont be happy knowin' your back." Vanora answered seeing what Lillian was attempting to do."Some of the ladies out there have a soft spot for the knights. Some for Lancelot. But for some reason I do not feel like that is what is troubling you."
"Really? And just what do you think is the matter with me?" Lillian spat. "Since everyone seems to know me so well." Lillian added her voice laced with bitterness and frustration.
The womans eyes were kind and unjudging as she stared at her long lost friend. Or at least what remained of her in the woman before her. "Looks to me like you got a little carried away with your drinkin'. You never were much of a drinker. One maybe two drinks at the most."
"I wasnt drunk." Lillian stated flatly bringing the clothe that shielded her eyes away so that she could see into the womans eyes as she spoke. "I wasnt drunk."
"Then what happened deary?" Vanora asked fixing the womans hair. Her voice soft and caring and Lillians could see the yearning to understand in her eyes. How much the woman wanted to be of help to her, and all she had to do was speak.
"They talked of their freedom. Of where they would go." Lillian spoke up fingering the clothe in her hands. Looking down she wrapped it around her fingers repeatedly. "For crying out loud, I dont know where I should or even could go or who would take me in. I wondered what would happen to me once they were all gone. They said 'where ever Lancelot would go'." she tried to immatate the long haired knights voice as she spoke. "I have had my life lived for me for the last eight years. Been told were to go and what to do. I dont want that anymore." Her voice now her own with sadness in her tone.
"Are you sayin' you dont want to go with Lancelot when they all leave?" Vanora abruptly stopped and faced the woman causing her to look up. The look in her eyes unchanging as she awaited the answer regardless of what it may hold.
"No thats not what I am saying." Lillian shot out defensively without thinking. "In fact I think if it came down to it I would go with them. With him. Its just..." she answered quietly. "Its just they all expect things to go back to the way they were before my time with the Saxons. It cant. Not like that. Not so easily. They just cant expect that of me. Its as though I have no say in what I do. I know thats not their intention but it is how I feel. I am so tired of it all." She added the tears starting to brim her eyes once more. "I am just so tired."
Her eyes fell from the womans stare and she lifted a hand to dry them laughing as she did it. Vanora stared at her curiously. Bringing her eyes back to the womans she saw the confusion in her eyes.
"Atleast your laughing I suppose." Vanora said unsure in her words.
"On the outside yeah, I guess I am." Lillian answered as her smile slowly began to fade.
"And on the inside?" Vanora asked taking the womans hand in her own and taking a seat next to her.
"It hurts because I cant be who they want me to be. Not because I cant remember, but because, even if I do remember, things will still be different between us all." Lillian said quietly looking at the door leading to the outside world. To the drunken Romans and the confused Sarmatians. "There are things they could never understand. Never accept. I thought for a brief moment they could. I opened up and told two of them on my past with the Saxons. One on accident, one intentionaly. I told them what I went through like he had asked and.. he became so angry. So angry." her heart ached as she spoke to her and she drew her eyes to the woman beside her. "One felt sadness but he forgave me. He understood how difficult an adjustment this would, that like it or not the Saxons would always be with me. The other, the one who I wanted to understand more than anyother pushed me away and now I dont know what to do."
Her voice faded away and noise from the outside came through to their darkened room once more.
"Give him time love. Lancelot will come around." Vanora spoke up breaking the silence between them. Bringing an arm up she stroked the womans hair gently. "He just needs time."
"How did you..." Lillian asked curioiusly.
"Call it womans intuition." Vanora answered before she could finish her question. "What ever you told him must have hurt but what hurts him more is that he wasnt able to help you. He blames himself Lillian. Dont let your past sorrows prevent you from having the joyous future you deserve. Like it or not Lillian, if you decide to tell everyone what has been troubling you, yes there will be those who get upset, who get mad, but it is not with you." Vanora said placing several loose strands of hair behind her ears. "But, one thing I know is, if you tell all what has happened, you will feel better about it. They will begin to understand and all will be better for it in the end." The woman added quietly embracing the woman at the shoulders. "Now come on. We got a dinner to go to." Vanora added smiling hoping to soothe the womans fears.
Rising from her position on the table Lillian attempted to straighten the creases in her dress. Meanwhile Vanora disposed of the used water and fixed herself up.
"Come on deary lets get going." Grabbing the woman gently by the hand she led her to the door and pulled it back revealing the sight that, for a brief moment, Lillian had forgotten it hid. Taking a deep breath she allowed the firey haired woman to lead her back to the table but she stopped short when she saw the new arrivals.