One random day:
God. I don't know what day it is.
Unbelievable things have been happening. I was force fed today...do you know how degrading it is to be force fed? It wasn't my first time, Johnny has been doing it for days because I stopped eating, but its awkward every time.
He had to resort to wrapping his legs around my torso and holding both my arms back with one hand and shoving food - usually French fries it seems - into my mouth. Sometime I eat, other times I just bite at his fingers, or my own tongue. I've bitten it so many times I think I may permanently hindered my speech. I lisp a little.
I end up throwing the food up, and even if he tried to tape my mouth shut, he knows I wont hesitate to vomit for the sake of choking on it and dying. he's been refusing me suicide for a while.
How else am I supposed to get away from him?
So he, instead, threatens me. He tells me he'd do the same thing to me. He's talking about the Skinned Man.
Ever read a book on the human body and come across a page on muscles? The red, ropy things on your bones that they show in the pictures? Red and so carefully placed?
They really do look like that.
It was some time ago when we were friends. I walked downstairs one night when he went into the kitchen and I switched the light on...
My god. It was a human body, chained to a wall and the skin was totally missing from it. I could see the muscles on it.
I turned and ran back upstairs. Where I tripped over a board (my ears were ringing and the room was spinning at the time so I couldn't see...or walk) and Johnny, who may have been there the whole time, caught me under my arms and let me puke all over his cool boots. I did so until I was getting mostly liquid and my arms ached from him holding me up so I didn't fall face first into it. My knees had landed in a pile of glass and were a bit cut, but not too badly...I was crying I remember that. I was really, really crying, howling, screaming, and the second he let me up, I tried to get away only to realize that I was way too dizzy. I saw his face as he restrained my arms (they were pulling his hair and scratching whatever part of him he could reach) and he looked determined.
I had seen a skinned man. I was haunted for a long time. I blacked out frequently. I don't remember what happened when I woke up, but Johnny's face popped up a lot...cleaning the floor of my puke (I did that a lot) or just over my own face, mouth moving, talking to me, moving my arms or legs, bending my limbs as if testing to see if I was awake. Then tried feeding me, and when I refused, he crammed things into my mouth. Eventually had to seriously restrain me.
I woke up one day feeling more coherent then I had in a while. I didn't scream or cry when he unlocked the door to my little room (with only a beat up old couch as a furniture) and walk in which a syringe, a burger, and a straitjacket. The needle scared me but I just held up my hands and said,
"Don't. Please don't. I wont make a sound."
This time he didn't put me into the jacket. This time he didn't stab me with the needle and sedate the fuck out of me. I ate the burger slowly, each bite threatening to bring up the little food I've eaten in the last few days.
This was yesterday.