So, they call it Stockholm Syndrome. It when you start to feel some sort of relation to your captors or enemies. They say you only feel it because they hurt you, but then bring relief when they don't, say, kill you, or if they feed you.
I'm guessing that's what came over me that night. I mean, I really, REALLY don't see why I did what I did. I truly don't have any idea. The only reason I can think of was because I was craving some positive attention. Maybe I thought that if I was to do something that usually signified attraction or a good emotion, he'd understand. Or maybe...be nice back? Maybe let me go? Maybe not force me to live here in hell with the bodies of these people and listen to their screams?
Its hard to put into words, really. Here I am, still alive, so close to freedom yet so far...and with a serial killer, and I'm so sick of the pain and misery and loneliness that I actually would prefer his company to the darkness. Hear him talk a little? Maybe not experience his boot in my ribs anymore but...ug. I don't know what it is anymore.
But I feel stupid for what I did and now I bet he'll either leave me to starve down here or else he'll kill me directly.
Thursday
Felt so sick today that even if Johnny DID come down here, I wouldn't have the heart to eat food. Not that he's been down for two days. I feel kind of alone and very hungry. And I'm in total darkness. Almost. I have my old lighter and Ive been using that to write things. I want that bulb fixed. Oh God. And I'm so hungry. Christ, I'm due for my period any day now and I'm STUCK HERE alone for days with only a notebook, a lighter, and a watch that has a cracked screen now that I'm looking straight at it.
I've decided to leave here. I'm busting out. I'm leaving. I am going AWAY.
This is the end of part 1. Thank you to everyone who left me comments (and you know who you are, Im just too lazy to go back and get your names, but basically anyone who reviewed more than once is given my love and a bag of doritos).
I'm certainly going to continue this story because I have gotten a sort of direction for it...and for those who asked about the dream...its an actual dream I had a little while back, only it wasnt Johnny who was in it. I put him there because it was too cool a dream NOT to add to a story.
See you all real soon, and thanks again!
The MathGoth