She wasn't asleep. She couldn't quite catch up with herself and everything that had happened in the past couple of days. All she wanted right now was to be near him and know that he was in one piece. She didn't want to think about the way they met, the events that had lead them to this point, all she wanted was to pretend that everything was okay. Her brain however wasn't about to let his question slide as it replayed over and over in her head. She began to chuckle, a low throaty sound that echoed through his chest making him want to pull her closer. As he was about to do just this she surprised him by pushing herself up on an elbow to look him straight in the face.
"What's wrong?" he asked in response to the incredulous look on her face.
"Let me be very clear when I say this Michael. There are many things between us that we can debate however, matching wits, playing games and putting on your charm act is not the place you should be going right now." she replied.
The look on her face told him that she wasn't amused and the cool tone of her voice suggested that he'd hit a nerve. He sat up and watched her as she retreated back inside.
"Damn! What am I doing!" she muttered as she slumped to the ground with her back resting against the bed and her head in her hands.
He watched her from the doorway that lead to the back deck trying desperately not to go to her and doing whatever was necessary to make her understand everything. Instead he leaned against the wall and began speaking honestly, saying things that she couldn't know yet but needed to hear.
"I had everything planned out. I don't mean loosely either Sara, I mean to the second. You were definitely part of that plan but I didn't expect 'you'. Don't get me wrong, I probably know more about you than you'd be comfortable with at this point." he said with that wry grin of his.
"Knowing that you should know that I would never underestimate how incredibly intelligent you are. That being said you should also know that I made a slight error that could have been the end of all of this. I underestimated you as a person from the beginning expecting that you'd be detached and would simply be there to do your job. You weren't supposed to treat me like a human being, help me, care about anything to do with me. On the other hand, I should have worked harder at steeling myself against seeing you as anything but my doctor. Whatever this is between us is making me feel like this whole mess with Lincoln had to happen, like there is a bigger picture that none of us are seeing."
Stopping there, he watched her intently waiting for some kind of reaction. Seeing that she was crying softly he had to look away. Hold it down, Don't feel it. They had to have this conversation, they had to let the air get at this open wound.
"I have examined this whole situation from every angle since I met you. The conclusion that I keep coming back to is that this is serendipity. Bottom line, we made a fortunate discovery through unfortunate means. This whole thing wasn't supposed to affect you, I never wanted to hurt you in any way."
At this she lifted her head and glared at him.
"That's what you just don't grasp isn't it? I was affected. You became a part of me the more I learned about you day by day. It made my head spin that I fell like I did. I didn't want to stop it though, I thought you were it. The one person I had been looking for to let me know that everything I believed in wasn't ridiculous or that the work I did was actually helping someone. I told you everything that you already knew, I opened my heart and let you crawl right in. And you just left! " she whispered astonished.