Give Me That Blasted Ocarina!
A Fan fiction by RebelX
Author's note: "The disclaimer is still now where to be found, so, Nintendo and all related indicia belong to Zelda. All Final Fantasy characters and such belong to SquareSoft. Some guy owns Clorox Disinfectant wipes, and I hope he uses them well. Also, just to review, 'text' are sound effects and music, number is an amount of damage done by an attack, and text is an internal conversation between Zelda and Majora. And for some reason whenever I have a question mark and an exclamation point together, it keeps deleting the question mark, so some of the shouted questions only have exclamation points. Damn quick edit..."
Nintendo's lawyers suddenly appear wielding butcher knives and screaming "DIEEEEE!"
The author runs away yelling "may the Final Fantasy be with you!" over her shoulder.
Chapter 17: The Great Chapter of Final Fantasy Parodies!
"Where the heck is he!" Saria roared in frustration. She, Impa, and kitty Nabooru had been wandering around Waruto's fortress for hours in search of their cohort Mido, but the little Kokiri-turned-gerudo was nowhere to be found.
"What I would like to know is, why is that tree sticking out of the ground?" Impa queried. Yes, the sagely trio had finally happened upon the room outside the banquet hall, though they had not yet noticed the Triforce pedestal and therefore did not realize that this was where the island used to be.
"And while we're at it, who in their right mind builds a fortress in the middle of a lake?"
"I do!"
Saria jumped a little, looking around wildly for the voice. She turned to behold a panting Waruto struggling to hold the door to the banqueting hall closed.
"What the…Ruto!"
The fishy warlord froze, her eyes growing bugeyed.
"Agh!" She screamed, clutching her…uh…"ears",
"Never mention that name in my presence!"
Unfortunately, clutching her head made her let go of the door, and the doors burst open for a fraction of a second before she remembered to push them closed again.
Saria stood gaping open mouthed at what she had just seen beyond the door.
"Was that…!" she exchanged glances with a similarly surprised Impa, "A giant muffin!"
The two sages looked back at the door and exclaimed at the same time, "Skullkid!"
"Skull-what?"
"Here- let it through! I think we should be able to stop it." Saria ordered. Waruto looked back at her like she was insane, but the little forest sage took no notice and instead turned to Impa, "If we combine our sagely powers, we just might be able to transform him back!"
Impa shook her head, "I think we'll need more power than just the two of us. We couldn't even transform Nabooru back, how do we know we'll be able to have any effect on Skullkid?"
"Did you say…sagely powers?" Waruto asked suddenly.
"Yes, why?"
"Because there are two guys in there that were calling themselves sages…two really fat, weird looking guys that wolfed down food like nothing I've ever seen."
"Rauru and Darunia!"
"Yeah, I think those are their names."
Saria turned excitedly to Impa, "We have to get to them! Hey you, are they still in there?"
"Of course! They're trying some cock-a-ninny plan to barrel the monster down or something…that's why I'm here keeping it in locked in the banqueting hall."
"Oh no! We can't let them kill Skullkid! Let us in, quick!"
Waruto shrugged her shoulders, but obeyed. No sooner had she stepped aside and allowed the doors to burst open when a brown blur that could only be Darunia came rocketing through the muffin. Fortunately, the muffin had reared up on its spidery legs and roared at the exact moment when Darunia reached it, so the goron wound up sailing through the air underneath the muffin without touching it at all and crashed into the opposite wall. Darunia unrolled and rubbed his head, looking a little dazed from the impact.
"That didn't do it? Damn…" he muttered.
"Darunia! Listen, that giant muffin is really skullkid! We have to combine our powers to turn him back, quick!" Darunia turned to Saria and blinked.
"Saria? How'd you get here? Oh- Watch Out!"
But the goron's warning came too late, and the giant skullkid-turned-muffin promptly gobbled up Saria. Impa, Darunia, and Waruto watched in horror as the muffin seemed to chew for a little, then let out a little burp.
"You ate Saria! You bastard!"
The muffin froze suddenly, trembling a little on its spidery limbs. Its "eyes" squeezed shut, its mammoth form withering, and suddenly a tiny little fist poked out from the top of the muffin, followed by the tiny form of Saria. She climbed out of the hole she had made and calmly jumped to the floor while the muffin just sort of collapsed behind her.
"S-saria! How'd you do that!" Darunia exclaimed in awe. Saria looked at him oddly and shrugged.
"It's a muffin." She pointed out. (A/N: SO stole that joke from the Simpsons)
"Ok…let's turn him back now." Impa suggested. Then Saria, Impa, Darunia, and Nabooru all put their hands/paws forward as they concentrated, lights the color of their elements condensing around them. Four beams of colored light shot from their hands/paws and struck the muffin, who shrieked and writhed in midair for a moment before turning into a very confused Skullkid. They released their magic, and he clattered to the floor with a muffled "oof!"
"Yay! We did it!" Saria exclaimed cutely, jumping up and down in the same victory dance Wind Waker Link uses.
"Unn…wha? Where are we? What happened? I can't remember a thing."
"It's a long story…we'll explain it later."
"Yeah, we have to find Mido and Link before Zelda gets to them."
"Oh, are you more friends of Link?" Waruto asked.
"yeah, do you know where he is?"
"Highest room of the second tallest tower, which is down that hall there, third staircase on the left. Can't miss it."
"Thanks! C'mon, guys!"
Saria, Impa, and Nab all made for the hall, but Darunia skidded to a stop and looked back.
"Wait a sec!" He raced to the banqueting hall doors and poked his head inside.
"Rauru!" He called.
The sage of light, who was currently wolfing down the remains of the banquet, stopped shoving food in his mouth long enough to look up at him.
"What?" he asked.
"We gotta go!"
"Aw…oh well."
Rauru shoved a couple turkeys and pies in a sac for later snacking, and waddled over to Darunia. Together, the five sages ran off to find the highest room of the second tallest tower.
"Hey guys? Why is there a hole in my head?" Skullkid's departing voice drifted down the hallway to reach Waruto, who snickered into her hand and entered the banqueting hall to supervise clean-up.
Meanwhile, in the very place they were rushing off to find…
"What do you mean, 'maybe'? You're not my evil twin!" Ganon barked.
"W-well…you never know! I just might be your long lost evil twin, and you just don't know about me."
"Mido, you are not my evil twin."
"Aww, how'd you know it was me?"
Ganondorf glared at him, "I saw you put on the mask, genius, and there aren't that many people running around looking like me!"
No sooner had he uttered those words then three Ganondorf look-a-likes walked out of a nearby wall, crossed the room, and jumped out the window. Ganondorf blinked several times and stared in the direction of the window.
"…did anyone else see that?" he asked.
"Yes, but I wish I hadn't. I have a big enough headache as it is." Zelda moaned, leaning heavily against the handle of the megaton hammer.
Link caught sight of the hammer she was holding and exclaimed "Hey! That's my megaton hammer!"
Dark groaned and rolled his eyes while Ganon slapped his forehead.
"Hey! What're you slapping my forehead for?"
No no, I mean he slapped his own forehead.
"Oh."
"You know, I should slap you just for misinterpreting that expression."
"Wait…your megaton hammer?" Majora exclaimed.
"W-well…I…I mean…actually it's not mine, it's the hero of time's…and I'm just…uh…saying that…to confuse you…yeah…"
Zelda narrowed her eyes at the stuttering Hylian, "You never were very good at keeping up a charade, Link."
Link moaned and drooped his head, then seemed to shake himself and looked up to glare at her. "Well, what's it matter anyways? You think you can take me and Ganondorf on all by yourself? I'd like to see you try!"
"That's 'Ganondorf and I', and for your information I would not be all by myself!"
"Oh? And who's going to help you, Mido?"
"No…him!" she roared, pointing dramatically at Majora. Link raised an eyebrow at her while Ganon fought to hide a chuckle.
"You…you're going to get a mask to help you?" Ganon said, his barely contained laughter leaking into his incredulous voice.
"That's an evil mask, mind you!" Majora snapped.
Dark rolled his eyes. "Hey, you guys want to untie me so I can help you beat the crap out of these idiots?"
"Oh no you don't! The last thing we need is another person to fight against!" Zelda exclaimed, and with a snap of her fingers a pink crystal materialized around Dark, chair and all, and lifted him up into the air.
"Alright, that's it! You've copied me for the last time, princess!" Ganon roared, lunging at her with his sword raised to strike. Zelda gasped and somehow managed to grab Majora and stuff him onto her face before raising the megaton hammer to block the blow.
Surprisingly, she was able to hold her own against Ganondorf, and the two stood for a moment with their weapons locked, neither able to gain ground.
"What the hell? He's at least twice her size! How is she holding her ground against him!" Link exclaimed.
"Ha ha ha, fools! You all laughed at me, but what you don't know is that I am an ancient mask of terrible power! Tremble at my might, mere mortals!" Majora boomed, and with a roar of effort Zelda actually managed to force Ganon backwards, breaking the standoff. The gerudo king was taken by surprise at this, and didn't recover his wits fast enough to dodge her next attack. The hammer connected squarely with his shoulder with a sickening crunch sound, and Ganon cried out in pain as he was barreled over to the side by the force of the blow. The wounded king clutched his shattered shoulder, gasping for breath from where he lay on the floor.
"Holy !#!# that hurt…" he groaned. Zelda's foot did not help matters as it pressed into the middle of his back, forcing him against the floor.
"Who's laughing now, hmm?"
"I am! Tee hee hee hee hee hee hee!"
Zelda stared at Mido.
"What?" he asked.
"Hy-ah!" Ganon, who had been healing his shoulder with magic while Zelda was distracted, sprung up from the ground, making her lose her balance and tumble to the floor instead. Ganon grinned evilly as he pressed his blade against the white flesh of her throat.
"Checkmate."
"That's got to be the quickest battle I've ever seen." Link remarked, idly scratching his head.
"What do you expect? It's Zelda." Ganon pointed out. Zelda took advantage of his distraction, kicking the sword out of his hands. The blade flipped up in the air a couple times, then as it came down Zelda caught it by the hilt and pointed it triumphantly at Ganon's throat as she stood up.
"Ha!"
"…ok, you have to admit, that was a pretty impressive move." Link pointed out.
Ganon rolled his eyes, "Would you stop making editorial comments and help me out over here?"
"What's the matter? You don't need help, do ya Ganny? After all, it's only Zelda." Majora cooed mockingly.
Ganon glared at him, but the metal biting into his neck induced him to remain silent.
Zelda snickered, "Yes, we're not so confident now, are we? Hem hm hm…emmm…Majora, I think I see what you mean about my laugh needing work."
Mido leaned over and whispered in Link's ear, "Should we help him out?"
"Nah…this is far too entertaining."
Ganon glared over at the pair of them while Zelda snickered again. Little did they know a plan was forming in his sly gerudo mind at that very moment.
"Oh, Zelda?"
"Hmm?"
"Before you get any more caught up in your mocking, there is something I should tell you about my sword."
"And what's tha- gyAAAGGH!" she screamed as the hilt in her hands suddenly burned white-hot. She promptly dropped the sword and shook her hands wildly.
"It burnssssss usssss, precioussssss!" Majora screamed.
Ganon merely smiled and bent down to pick up the sword.
Zelda glared at him, cradling her burnt hands to her chest.
Suddenly, the door burst open…
'Clang!'
"Ow!"
And, as usual, rebounded off the wall and slammed shut right in the person who kicked it open's face.
"I warned you." Rauru said.
"Shaddup." Darunia snapped in an unusually high-pitched squeaky voice. The goron grouchily shoved the door back open and trudged into the room, the other sages following him. The sages all did double takes as they entered the room.
"What the- two Ganondorfs!" Rauru exclaimed.
"No, one of them's just Mido…but two Links?"
Darunia froze as he looked over the inhabitants of the room. "One…two Ganondorfs…two dark links…what…but…that's not…I don't…" Darunia stood there twitching and stuttering for a moment, then there was a loud 'snap!' sound and he fell backwards, stiff as a board.
"Ah dammit, you broke him!"
"Well it's not our fault his mind is so fragile!" Ganon snapped.
"Enough of this witty banter! Let us engage in a REAL battle!" Zelda roared.
"Yes! Come, my precious, let us combine our spirits into one!" Majora sneered.
Zelda rose into the air, purple and black electricity cackling over her trembling form, and Majora's eyes glowed bright red. There was a brilliant flash of light, and when it ended, Zelda was again standing on the floor, only now she looked…exactly…the same…o.O
"Um…was there a point to that?" Mido asked.
"But of course! Now I am Zeljora, the combined form of Zelda and Majora! I am twice as powerful as either of them alone! Do you dare fight me now, mere mortals?"
Ganondorf and Link exchanged glances.
"Well…she shouldn't be too hard…should she?" Ganon ventured uncertainly.
'One Winged Angel starts playing' (1)
"Um…"
We'll soon find out!
BOSS BATTLE- RPG STYLE!
Choose your party!
1. Ganon
2. Link
3. Impa
4. Saria
5. Nab
6. Mido
7. Skullkid
8. Rauru
9. Darunia
"Ok guys…who should we pick?" Saria asked.
"Well, Nab's still stuck as a kitten, Darunia's…broken…and Saria, Impa, and Rauru don't have anything to fight with, so they're all out." Said Ganon.
Link mused over this. "That only leaves us with…"
1. Ganon
2. Link
3. Mido
4. Skullkid
Is this okay? (2)
"Yes! Start the frickin' battle already!"
Ok ok, yeesh!
The tower room disappeared as the battle screen came up. Basically it looks just like the tower room, only all the furniture, items, and people have disappeared. Ganon, Link, Mido, and Skullkid appeared in a row along the right side of the screen. Zeljora appeared hovering in mid-air on the left side. Link's action meter filled up first.
"Summon: Knights of the Round!"
The four heroes disappeared as 12 random knights came out of nowhere and started pummeling Zeljora. Then they vanished, and the party reappeared. A white number appeared under Zeljora, dictating the damage done by the attack.
1
"What the! One damage! That's one of my most powerful summons!"
"Maybe summons don't work on her. My meter's filled- let me try."
Ganondorf readied himself for attack.
"Magic: Ultima!"
A vortex of brilliant green light surrounded Zelda, growing larger and brighter as the attack reached a climax (3). It disappeared in a flash of blinding white light.
1
"Gah!"
"Argh! How frickin' high is her defense?"
"Um…well…my turn, right?"
Mido chose "attack", and simply ran up to her and swung his sword.
miss!
"Oh well. He wouldn't have done much damage anyways."
"Well, here I go!" Skullkid said brightly, and used his peashooter on her.
999999999999
Ganon, Link, and Mido all stood gawking at him.
"Holy Crap! What the hell do you put in that peashooter!"
"Cruise missile."
Ganon stared at him open-mouthed, "Next time I try to take over Hyrule, you're my right-hand man."
"Cool!"
Zeljora, meanwhile, disappeared with a "fwoomph", defeated.
'dew dew dew doo dooooo dew do-tee-doo!'
The battle screen disappeared, and everyone reappeared in the tower room.
"Wow. Even when we used RPG style the battle was still short."
"Hmm. You know, I've been wondering, where'd you guys get those awesome magic spells? I mean, you never used them before…" wondered Mido.
"Author" Ganon and Link answered simultaneously.
"Ah."
Zeljora, meanwhile, was leaning heavily on a nearby wall, bruised, bloodied, and out of breath.
Zelda, you bumbling idiot! How could we be defeated so fast! Ugh, maybe I should have just possessed that blasted Skullkid! He's obviously more powerful than you!
But Majora…surely you haven't forgotten the safety measures I took…in case I should be defeated…
What measures? You didn't rig the fortress to blow up, did you?
NO, I learned this…this very special attack…only performable when the caster has but one hit point left…
You mean…
Yes…
Zeljora suddenly raised her hands and screamed, "LAST RESORT!"
There was a blinding flash of light, and when it faded the entire party of heroes (even those who hadn't fought) were on their knees, too weak to stand.
"Aw dammit…she pulled a Beatrix! (4)" Ganon panted.
Zeljora laughed, but it broke down into a coughing fit and she had to brace herself against the wall. She pulled out a bottle of max potion an downed it.
"Phew…Much better…now then…"
Suddenly it began to rain.
"What the! How is it raining indoors!" Mido demanded.
"Dude? Think about who's writing this fic." Link reminded him.
At that moment the Author suddenly appeared and began running around upside down on the ceiling while screaming "death to the laws of physics! Yeeheeheeheeheeheeheeeee!" at the top of her lungs.
"…Ooh…right…"
'step…step…step…step…step.'
Zeljora's boots clicked ominously against the stone floor as she approached the downed heroes. She looked down at them, smiling evilly and tossing her sopping hair out of her eyes with a flourish. Suddenly, Kuja ran out of a randomly appearing vortex.
"Hey! Nobody steals my bit!" (5)
"Huh?" startled, Zeljora whirled around to look at him.
woOw! He's hot!
Oh for the love of…Zelda, stop thinking with your nether regions and get rid of him.
But he's soooo dreamy…
Oh goddesses…that's it, I'm taking over.
"Alright pretty boy, back off! I'm busy here!"
"Pretty boy! Ooh, that's it! You wanna piece of me?"
YES!
Shut up!
"Bring it, ya lousy bishi!"
BATTLE!
The battle screen reappeared, and Zeljora and Kuja both appear hovering in midair at opposite ends of the screen. Kuja's meter filled up first.
"Magic: Ultima!"
His spell was exactly the same as Ganon's, and had the exact same result.
1
"Ah? Well, looks like we might actually have a challenge on our hands. Interesting."
Now it was Zeljora's turn.
"Summon: Kaebora Gaebora!"
Zeljora disappeared in a flash of light, to be replaced by the annoyance incarnate itself.
"What the…a giant owl! What kind of lousy summon is that!" Kuja exclaimed. Little did he know of the evils of Kaebora…
"Hoot hoo hoo! Hello, strange blue-haired young man in a thong! Do you know how to fight an RPG style battle? Well I'll assume you don't, because everyone but me is an idiot who must be enlightened by my long-winded rambling. In an RPG, battle is based on a turn system. In some types, characters have meters which must fill up before they can do anything. In others, there is a specific order of attack. Basically there are four types of actions one can perform in an RPG battle. Attack, use magic, use an item, or in some cases defend or use a special skill. Selecting "attack" will make your character attack the enemy with their equipped item. Use the equipment screen to change your character's equipment. Selecting "magic" allows you to cast a magic spell. There are many types of spells, from black magic, which is attack magic like Fire or Ultima, to white magic, which is healing magic like Cure or Remedy, to red magic, which affects status, like Armor Break or Defense Up, to blue magic, which uses spells stolen from certain enemies, to summons, which summon various creatures to perform an attack for you (usually a powerful one). What kind of magic you can use depends on the class of your character. Black mages use black magic, white mages use white magic, etc. In some battle systems, there are no mage classes, and all characters can use all types of magic. Using magic consumes magic points. More powerful spells cost more Mp, or magic points, and are often more effective. Attacking with weapons or spells does damage to your enemies, lowering their Hp. Hp means your hit points, or the number of damage points you can take before you die. As you gain level by collecting experience points, which you get by defeating enemies, your Hp and Mp will rise in number. Replenish Hp with items like potions or with white magic spells like Cure. Replenish Mp with items like ethers. Of course, red magic does not directly affect Hp. Spells like poison do indirectly by slowly draining Hp with each turn, and other spells like Blind and Confuse affect the enemy's ability to attack. Spells can be learned either by gaining levels or buying them from a store, depending on the style of the RPG….."
At first, Kuja just stared at the owl as it went on and on about types of magic and items, but after a while his eye started twitching, then his fists clenched and he started trembling slightly, then his face screwed up and he held his hands over his ears, then he finally broke down and screamed "Shut up! Shut up you stupid bird! We already know all this stuff! Nobody cares what you have to say!"
There was a moment of tense silence, and then…
"Of course, magic spells are a lot different from special skills, which almost always grow more powerful as the character gains levels. Skills can range from things like Steal and Blitz to Focus and Dance. Some skills can be very useful, while others are just plain stupid. Blitz, for example..…"
"Gyaaaargh! I can't take it anymore!" Kuja screamed, falling to his knees as he clutched his head in his hands. "Sephiroth! Help me out here! I need you!"
At his word, a man dressed all in black with long, flowing white hair dropped down from the ceiling, his ridiculously long and thin sword poised to skewer. And skewer it did, effectively turning the rambling bird into a bloody shishkabob.
Kaebora Gaebora stopped talking (thank god!) and slid down off of the sword in slow motion, his beak falling off his face and bouncing along the floor with a loud echoing 'thud…thud…thud…thud…' as a piano began playing in the background. (6)
Kuja shakily stood up from the ground. "Phew…thanks, man…I nearly lost it there."
"No problem."
Her summon defeated, Zeljora appeared in a flash of light, and play resumed. Kuja's meter filled up first.
"Alright…let's figure out what her weaknesses are.
Magic: Scan!"
A textbox displaying her stats appeared on the screen.
"Hmm…she's weak against imprisoning crystals, Fierce Deity, Cruise Missiles, and…" he paused as he read the last item, then exchanged evil grins with Sephiroth.
"I think we know what to do here."
Still grinning, the two final fantasy villains tossed their hair and winked at Zeljora, then struck classic Anime poses. Zeljora immediately swooned, elimating her from the battle.
Ugh…you're useless!
………………
'dew dew dew doo dooooo dew do-tee-doo!'
And with that, the battle screen disappeared, and everyone reappeared in the tower room again. Zeljora remained unconscious on the floor. Sephiroth yawned and stretched.
"Well, it's been fun, but I gotta go mess with Cloud's mind. See ya!" that being said, up up and away he jumped, disappearing into the ceiling. (7)
"Wow. Well thanks for taking care of her for us." Said Saria.
The heroes had recovered, though it had taken a lot of potions. Kuja waved her gratitude away.
"Bah, it was nothing. I had to teach her not to steal my bit, anyhow."
"What is it with you guys, anyway? Why do you hate being copied so much?"
Ganon shrugged, "it's a villain thing."
"Well it's great that she's knocked out and all, but what do we do when she wakes up? She's still off her rocker, ya know." Skullkid pointed out.
"How about untying me, for a start!" Dark snapped.
The crystal had disappeared with Zeljora's defeat, but he was still tied to the chair. So Link promptly ran over and freed his counterpart. While he was doing that, Saria turned to the others.
"Any ideas on what to do with Zelda? Er…I mean…Zeljora?"
"Seal her in the sacred realm!"
"No, Ganon, we can't do that without a water sage. Plus Darunia isn't looking too good, either…"
"Damn."
"Never fear! HMS is here!"
Cried the mask salesman himself as he rode in on a winged gravity-defying cow.
"What the!"
"Surprised to see me?"
"You could say that…though more surprising is the winged bovine which you ride." Impa said.
The flying cow landed and shrugged, "I got tired of being a dog, so now I'm a bird. Tweet tweet."
"Riiiiiiiight."
"Wait…aren't you evil?" Asked Skullkid.
"No."
"…you sure?"
"Yes."
"…okay…can we trust you on that?"
"But of course! 'Twas the vile mask of spiky evil bug-eyed ness which affected me before. Now that it is combined with Zelda, I am free of its influence. And I have come to tell you how to make the princess sane again."
"Make her sane? Really?" Saria repeated hopefully.
"Can that even be done?" Rauru wondered skeptically.
"This isn't going to involve finding some magical psychiatrist, is it?" Ganon asked wearily.
"Um…no…that would be Queenie's fic, The Troublesome Quest for Sanity, that you are thinking of." (A/N: it's not actually posted on this sight anymore, but if you look under her profile she had a link to another sight she posted it on. Read it, it is uber funny!)
"So how do we sane-it-ize her?"
"I'd suggest Clorox disinfecting wipes."
"…I meant how do we make her sane?"
"All you have to do is play my trademark song of healing for her!"
"song…of…healing?"
"Open your ears and listen well to the song that I, the great lunatic HMS, shall play."
And with that, he whipped an organ the size of the entire wall out of his sac (no wonder the thing's so heavy!) and sat down to play.
"Wow…that's…a big organ…"
"That's at least twice as large as mine!"
"…think he's compensating for some- ow! Nabooru!"
"Mrowr!"
"I said OPEN YOUR EARS!" HMS screamed demonically. Everyone immediately shut up and stared at him wide-eyed.
"Thank you. Now then…"
'Dewt dew do dewt dew do dewt dew do-dee-do'
The heroes all stood by quietly, listening to the mysterious song which the HMS played. Link was going to mimic it, but then he realized he didn't have his ocarina, so he rifled through Zelda's unconscious form and took all his items back.
"Are you sure that's all he did?" skullkid said suggestively.
…bite him for me, will you Nab?
'Crunch'
"OW!"
Thanks. Anyway, Link took out the ocarina of time and mimicked the Song of Healing.
'Oo oo ooo Oo oo ooo Oo oo o-oo-ooooo'
'Deedle-dee-deedle da dee!'
"You learned the Song of Healing! Play it to restore Princess Zelda back to full mental health!"
"Yahoo! Now all we have to do is wait for her to wake up."
"You can just play it now, actually, as long as you're close enough to her."
"Oh, cool."
Link walked over to the unconscious Zeljora and played the song.
As the soothing notes wafted over her head, an interesting chain of events began to take place inside Zelda's mind…
A/N: And we'll break it off there. Yeah, I know, I haven't had many good cliffhangers lately.
Readers: Yaaay!
A/N: …….
"Review!" Ganon demands.
"Or I'll come after you!" Kuja threatens.
"Oh hey, you're still here?"
"Yeah…I don't really have much to do, since everyone thinks I'm dead in my world."
"Ah. Don't feel like rousing up another evil plan for world domination?"
"Nah…I kind of reformed."
"Too bad. Being evil's the greatest."
"Can't argue with you there."
"Yeah…so…review!" The author pauses to implement her puppy dog eyes of doom, "Pweeeze?"
"Aww, isn't she cute?" Kuja says, ruffling RebelX's hair.
"Ack! Watch the ponytail!"
Post A/N: some small explanations for those of you who have not played final fantasy…Be warned that these explanations are somewhat spoilerific, so keep away if you ever plan to play final fantasy games.
(1) One Winged Angel is the name of the song that plays during the final battle against Sephiroth in Final Fantasy 7.
(2) In most RPGs, only three to four people can fight at one time. They make up your "party"
(3) Ultima is, as the name implies, the ultimate attack magic in most final fantasy games. Its appearance tends to vary from game to game, the one described here is a mix of how it appears in FF 9 and FF 6.
(4) Beatrix was an enemy in FF 9 who, after you got her Hp down low enough, would use an attack that brought your entire party down to 1 Hp. Evil, ne?
(5) That whole scene is a parody of a cinema in FF 9 in which Kuja, the main villain of that game, gloats over the defeated heroes.
(6) This scene parodies an FF 7 cinema in which Sephiroth skewers the hero's secondary love interest, Aeris. In the actual cinema, a ball of white materia called "Holy" fell out of her hair and bounced along the floor in time with the notes of Aeris's theme.
(7) Cloud is the Hero of FF 7, but he's kind of messed up in the head thanks to all these weird experiments they did on him, and Sephiroth can sort of enter his mind and control him/mess with him.
Feel free to ask questions about anything else you don't understand!