"I could definitely get used to this," Shego said as she looked around.
The penthouse boasted a full bar, a whirlpool bath, a sauna, and a baby grand piano. Lush ivory carpeting covered the entire suite, perfectly complimenting the coral-colored leather furniture that was softer than butter. The west wall was made of glass; on the other side were the balcony and a sweeping view of the valley. To top it all off a gigantic crystal chandelier twinkled from the ceiling, its reflective light dancing across the room. Junior lay across a fainting couch and sighed deeply.
"I could stay here all day," he sighed. "But I have so much to do. Shego, should I first get the full body massage or the seaweed wrap?"
"Focus, Junior!" Shego snapped. "Call me Carrie!"
"Carrie?" Junior echoed, confused. "Have I been calling you by the wrong name all this time? I wish you had said something sooner!"
"No, my name is Shego, but here you call me Carrie!" Shego snapped. "We've been through this a thousand times! We are not on vacation, we are undercover! I'm Carrie Logan, your fiancée…this ringing any bells?!" She flashed the huge diamond-and-emerald engagement ring she had Junior buy her as part of the ruse.
"Oh, right!" Junior exclaimed. The confused look returned. "Why are we doing this again?"
"Because something strange is going on here!" Shego snapped. "Whatever it is, it's turning all of the bad guys into do-gooders! If we don't stop it there won't be a single super villain left in the entire world!"
"And this is a bad thing?" Junior asked.
"Bad for you and me!" Shego snapped. "Unless you'd rather spend the rest of your life down on the farm."
"No! Anything but that!" Junior cried. "What do we do first?"
Before Shego could respond there was a loud knock on the door. She walked over and opened it; on the other side was a smiling, fiftyish African-American woman in a peach-colored business suit.
"Miss Logan? I'm Sunny Dayes, official V.I.P. Greeter for Paradise Valley Resort!" She grabbed Shego's hand and shook it vigorously. "I just stopped by to give you a hearty hi, hello and welcome, and to give you the first of many free gifts you will be receiving as part of our deluxe package!" She reached down, picked up a fruit basket and carried it into the room.
"Uh…thanks?" Shego blinked. Sunny had moved too quickly for her to say or do anything else.
"Nonsense! That's what I'm here for!" Sunny laughed. "In fact, I would love to give you two lovebirds a grand tour of our fine establishment!"
"No thanks," Junior said. "I would rather OOOF!" He was interrupted by a sharp elbow to the gut.
"What a wonderful way to get the layout of this place," Shego said.
"Oh, yes!" Sunny exclaimed. "By the time I'm done you'll know this place inside and out!"
"Perfect," Shego grinned. "Let's go."
----------
Down in the lobby the trio piled into a chauffer-driven golf cart and embarked on a tour of the lavish facility that was Paradise Valley. They began by exploring the twenty acres surrounding the resort; as they rolled lazily across a lush and endless sea of green, Sunny chatted nonstop about all of the wonderful activities they had to offer.
"…and there are the tennis courts, with your choice of grass or clay," Sunny said, pointing to the courts on their right. "To your left are the volleyball courts, with your choice of grass or sand. All of our grass courts are seeded with Corinthian Blue…"
"That is my favorite type of grass!" Junior exclaimed.
"Only the finest for our clients," Sunny replied without missing a beat. "Our sand is imported from the Caribbean..."
"Aruba?" Junior asked.
"Barbados," Sunny said. "From the private beaches."
"This is truly Paradise," Junior said, wiping away tears.
Shego rolled her eyes. She decided it was time to steer the conversation in the right direction. "So, Sunny, this resort is brand new?"
"Oh, yes!" Sunny exclaimed. "We had our grand opening a couple of weeks ago. Already we're a huge success with virtually no advertising on our part. Most of our business comes from word of mouth, which is the best kind of advertising!"
"The buildings don't look brand new," Shego remarked. "Spruced up, but definitely not new. I'm guessing 1920s."
"Good eye, Miss Logan," Sunny said. "Yes, this facility started out as a health club for the very wealthy in 1922; it closed in 1929 after the stock market crash. Since then it's been a hotel, a rehab clinic, and a psychiatric hospital."
"A nuthouse? Really?" Shego was a little surprised.
"Oh yes, back in the '70s. They say that the ghost of one patient, Jack Cluster, still resides here."
"Ooooh, a ghost," Junior said. "How vogue!"
"Indeed. As the story goes, old Jack was a self-made millionaire who went insane after the woman he loved left him for a younger man. He spent the rest of his life here; for eight years he wore nothing but a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers. He didn't bathe, shave or clip his fingernails and toenails. They say on a clear night you can still see Jack wandering the grounds wearing that same robe and slippers, but that's crazy," Sunny giggled at her own joke.
The cart turned down a narrow dirt path, cutting through a thick cluster of trees, and came out at the lake; slowly they circled around it while Sunny pointed out various water activities such as sailing and waterskiing. Junior hung on her every word, while Shego carefully scanned the landscape looking for anything unusual. The cart completed its circle and retuned to the main building; for over an hour they wound their way through seemingly never-ending hallways. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, Shego was about to pump Sunny for more information when Junior let out a high-pitched shriek.
"Jack is here!" He cried. "I can hear his ghostly wail!"
Shego sat still and listened. "I hear it too," she said. "It's a weird moaning sound."
"Oh, that's just white noise," Sunny said. "It's pumped into every room on the premises. The sound you hear is derived from the call of the humpback whale; research shows it has a relaxing effect on humans. That's our goal here at Paradise Valley…to help you forget your troubles and just enjoy yourself."
"Funny, I didn't even notice it," Shego blinked.
"That's the whole point of white noise, dear," Sunny replied. "It affects you on the subconscious level."
"Fascinating. All of this must have cost a bundle," Shego said. "Who owns this resort?"
"None other than our founder, Lord Alfred Adderley. His family has owned this property for nearly a century. There's a painting of him hanging over the fireplace here in the main lobby, which is our final stop." The golf cart came to a halt; Sunny turned to Junior and Shego and handed them each a map. "I hope you enjoyed our little tour. I know the place can be a bit overwhelming, but these maps will make your life a little easier."
"Thanks. Say, I would love to meet Lord Adderley. I want to personally compliment him on his fine establishment," Shego said as she and Junior exited the cart.
"I'm afraid that's impossible," Sunny said quickly. "Lord Adderley is a very busy man. A very, very busy man. Running this resort is a twenty-four hour job!"
"Surely he can take a few moments to talk to me," Shego said. "That would make me very happy. You want your V.I.P. guests to be happy, don't you?"
"Of course. That's our goal here at Paradise Valley," Sunny said. She suddenly looked very warm. "I'll talk to him. In the meantime, please enjoy yourselves. And if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask!" She touched the driver's shoulder and the cart sped off.
Junior studied his map. "So many choices. But I think after that long a drive a massage is in order. My buttocks is quite numb." He looked up and saw that Shego was no longer next to him. He spotted her standing in front of the fireplace studying the portrait of Lord Adderley.
Junior walked over the Shego and looked at the painting. Lord Adderly was an elderly gentleman, with a gaunt face and a full head of snow white hair. His scrawny neck jutted out of an expensive navy blue suit, as did a pair of pale boney hands which rested on his lap. His mouth was twisted upwards in what appeared to be a futile attempt at smiling. Junior quickly lost interest, but Shego continued to stare at the painting intently.
"So…are we trying to find Waldo?" Junior asked, unable to think of any other reason for looking at something for more than five seconds.
"Did you see how nervous Sunny got when I asked to see Lord Adderley?" Shego asked. "Whatever's going on here, he must be involved. He doesn't strike me as a criminal mastermind, but appearances can be deceiving."
"So true," Junior said. "Why don't we discuss it further over a massage?"
"How many times do I have to tell you," Shego fumed. "We are not on vacation! We're…"
"I know, making the world safe for villainy," Junior sighed. "So you've said many times. But that does not mean we cannot take a little break. And if anyone needs a break, it is you."
Shego started to say something, but paused. Junior had a point. And he had a credit card with no spending limit. "Okay," she said. "But afterwards we get right back to work!"
Getting back to work turned out to be easier said than done; after the massage came facials, followed by cocktails at the pool's swim up bar. The 'little break' went on for a day, then two days. By the third day Shego had all but forgotten her secret agenda.
"That was the best shooting range I've ever been to," Shego chirped. "I can't believe they had rocket launchers! I love this place!"
"I cannot believe you are actually smiling," Junior remarked. "A happy smile instead of that twisted one that sends chills up my spine."
"Junior, you're a riot!" Shego laughed. "I'm so glad we took this vacation!"
"So it is a vacation now?" Junior asked. "You're not…"
The conversation was interrupted by a loud honking sound. Shego and Junior turned around and watched a golf cart pull up alongside them. Shego gasped when she saw the driver, the one person she never, ever expected to see.
"Shego!" Frugal Lucre cried. "So this is where you ran off too!"
"Lucre?!" Shego said in disbelief. "What are you doing here?!"
"Well, after you ditched me my plan failed, thanks to Kim Possible. I was pretty stressed out so I decided to take a vacation."
"But how could you possibly afford this place?!" Shego sputtered.
"In a word, coupons!" Lucre pulled a wad of them out of his pocket. "I got them in the mail! Perfect timing, don't you think? Well, I'd love to stay and chat but tee time is in five. See ya!"
Shego watched dumbfounded as Lucre drove off, then her face hardened into grim resolve. "Come on, Junior!" She snapped. "We've got work to do."
----------
"No more distractions," Shego said firmly as they walked down a long hallway. "I don't know how you kept talking me into doing all of that stuff…"
"It was not very hard," Junior pointed out. "Besides, the shooting range was your idea."
"Whatever. The point is, it's time I had a chat with Lord Adderley."
"Then why are we going to the mud baths?" Junior asked. They were dressed in Paradise Valley robes and slippers.
"According to the map, there's a door in there that leads to the executive offices." They arrived at the mud room. Shego spotted the door marked PRIVATE, but the path was blocked by other guests as well as several staff members. "Time to make yourself useful," she told Junior. "I need you to create a distraction."
"How do I do that?" Junior asked.
"I don't know…make a big stink about the service or something."
"But the service has been exceptional."
"So make something up! Just keep the staff busy so I can sneak into Lord Adderley's office!"
"I cannot lie! It is bad manners!"
"Fine!" Shego snapped. "Then get them to help you wash the mud out of your eyes!"
"I don't…" that was all Junior got out before Shego grabbed a handful of hot sticky mud and threw it in his face. "MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!" Junior shrieked as he stumbled backwards, arms flailing wildly. Immediately the staff ran to his aid; Shego managed to trip one as he ran past her, sending him flying into an occupied mud bath. While the guests gawked at the chaos, Shego slipped unnoticed through the forbidden door.
Shego found herself in a long narrow hallway. She shed the robe and slippers, revealing her green and black uniform underneath, and headed off in search of Lord Adderley's office. It took Shego nearly fifteen minutes but she finally found what she was looking for; double doors made of heavy oak with large brass handles and a brass nameplate with LORD ALFRED ADDERLEY etched into it. She quickly slipped inside.
The office was large and filled with very expensive furniture that made it look more like a sitting room than a place of business. Lush red carpeting covered the floor and several painted portraits of old people, similar to Lord Adderley's, covered the walls. To the right a pair of antique chairs and a crystal coffee table sat in front of a fireplace large enough to stand in, and to the left was a stuffed grizzly bear rearing up on its hind legs, its mouth twisted into a menacing snarl. Finally at the opposite end of the room, in front of a picture window, was a massive mahogany desk; Shego decided to start there.
Except for a telephone and a nameplate, the top of the desk was clear. Shego opened the middle drawer and saw it was empty. One by one she opened all of the drawers but didn't find so much as a paper clip. She sat back in the chair and tried to make sense of it all; Sunny claimed Lord Adderley was a very busy man, but nothing in his office indicated he did any work at all. Then again, Shego didn't know of any obscenely wealthy people who worked. Senior Senior Senior was always trying to take over the world simply because he had nothing better to do. Shego guessed Lord Adderley had a similar motive; there had to be evidence of his scheme somewhere. She checked inside the drawers again, running her hand over every corner. This time it paid off; Shego found some kind of rectangular object secured to the top of the middle drawer. She tugged at it, but it was fastened tight.
"Naughty, naughty," a disembodied voice hissed. Shego looked up and was blinded by a bright yellow light, followed immediately by a hard punch to the gut that knocked her to the floor. Shielding her eyes, she could make out a hulking figure silhouetted against the light; with a sweep of her foot she knocked the figure off balance. She jumped to her feet ready to fight and was stunned to see not the office walls but the resort's pool with a very distressed Junior splashing around in it.
"Shego!" He sputtered. "I am sorry if I disturbed you, but must you always respond with violence?!"
"Huh?" Shego blinked. She was dressed in her swimsuit. Behind her was a deck chair with a towel and a romance novel lying on it. She looked up and squinted into the bright yellow glare of the midday sun. Suddenly Shego felt an overwhelming need to sit down. "Junior...what is going on?" She asked. "How did I get here?"
Junior climbed out of the pool and grabbed Shego's towel. "How should I know?" He huffed. "I saw you lying here and came over to see if you wanted to enter the badminton tournament! The next thing I know you are flinging me into the pool! You could have just said no!"
"Sorry," Shego mumbled. "I must have been dreaming…I think."
"So, did you talk to Lord Adderley?" Junior asked. "Is he an evil mastermind or not?"
"No I didn't," Shego said. "And I'm not going to. There's nothing sinister going on here. It's just an ordinary resort."
"That is good," Junior said. "Now we can play badminton!"
"I can't," Shego said, getting to her feet. "I have to go."
"Go where?" Junior asked. But Shego didn't reply; she simply walked away.
----------
"Leaving so soon, Miss Logan?" Sunny asked. She stood behind the front desk facing Shego. "Was everything to your satisfaction?"
"Everything was great. I feel rested and renewed and ready to go back."
"Okie dokie then," Sunny said. She finished checking Shego out and handed her a small stuffed cat and a newspaper. "Here's your little Paradise Valley buddy, and today's copy of the Middleton Daily News as per your request. Thank you for staying with us!"
"Thank you," Shego replied. "You've given me a new outlook on life."
Shego walked outside and boarded the airport limo. Once seated, she opened the paper and scanned the Classifieds section. One ad caught her eye; she pulled a pen out of her purse and circled it: SERVER/BUS PERSON WANTED, APPLY IN PERSON, MACK'S DINER.
TBC…