The Despairingly Short Epilogue

Link still wanted to be evil, but due to reasons later to be explained Ganondorf and Waruto had both decided to give up their evil ways. So after sulking for a while Link stole Majora's mask and ran off to Termina, where he caused a great amount of turmoil and tried to destroy everything by making the moon fall down.

Nabooru, as it turned out, had not just been turned into a kitten by Nayru, but had been given the ability to turn into a kitten and back at will.

Ganondorf gave up being evil so he and Nabooru could start dating again, then after a while they got engaged and ran off to Termina to get married. Their marriage ceremony was almost ruined by Link, who spitefully turned Ganon into a child and tried to crash the moon down on the night before their wedding. Fortunately Skullkid saved the day.

Dark started a punk rock band by the name of "Pitchfork Mayhem" along with Waruto, Darunia, Mido, and a random scarecrow. Iukyxu became their manager. Their major debut in Termina was again, almost ruined by Link, who convinced the gerudo to steal Waruto's lucky eggs (which she couldn't sing without).

Zelda realized Link had run off without the ocarina or his horse, so she sent Skullkid off to find him and return them while she stayed all safe and happy in Hyrule with her new boyfriend, Kuja.

Skullkid dutifully departed with Epona and the ocarina to find Link. When he did, he discovered (with a few helpful hints) that Link had gone evil and was trying to destroy Termina. Skullkid spent the next three days undoing all the damage Link had done and eventually stopped Link and destroyed the evil of Majora's mask.

Rauru became a spokesperson for Subway and lost a tremendous amount of weight. Then he dyed his hair purple and became mayor of Clocktown, the major city of Termina.

Saria was mysteriously turned into a deku scrub (coughLinkcough) and was taken in by a colony of deku scrubs in Termina who made her their princess.

Impa started running around in a cloak and calling herself the "Garo Master". The whole mysterious ninja master of shadows effect was slightly spoiled by the fact that she still spoke like a valley girl.

Malon discovered a way to banish the Navi squad and also moved to Termina, where she found her long lost little sister and opened a ranch. Unfortunately she was followed by Ingo, who found his long lost brother and opened a rival ranch.

Sephiroth got bored with playing with Cloud's mind and went into show business. His troop was supposed to open for Pitchfork Mayhem, but the whole show almost got cancelled thanks to Link.

The author was finally subdued and forced to take her medication, and she began writing actual serious stories, much to the consternation of the fans of Give Me That Blasted Ocarina. Should she manage to evade her caretakers and avoid medication, she may have insanity enough to write a sequel to this story detailing Skullkid's adventures in Termina.

And now...what you've all been waiting for…BLOOPERS!

A/N: Things that happen as they should in the script will be written in the past tense. Things that don't are in the present tense. This is how we manage to do bloopers in story format. And now, by chapter…

Chapter One, in which we were very cruel to poor Link.

Scene: Link is falling from the sky.

"GYAAAAAAH!"

'CRACK!'

"Oooh…ow…I think I broke something…"

"Cut! Link, that's not the line! Now we have to do it again!"

Link just groans in response.

Scene: the same

"GYAAAAAAH!"

'WHUMP!'

"Wait a minute, whump? What kind of sound effect is that? Cut!"

"…do I have to do it again?"

"Yes."

"………"

Scene: Ditto

"GYAAAAAAH!"

'THUD!'

"Hold on hold on, "thud"? How cliché is that? Try again!"

Zelda peers worriedly down at Link, who is still not moving.

"Link, you holding up ok?"

"…urge to horribly mutilate director rising…"

(47 takes later….)

Scene: ditto ditto

"GYAAAAAAH!"

'STASIOERFAHKLFE!'

"….ok, you know what? Screw the sound effects, we'll just have the narrator explain what happened! …Link, why are you looking at me like that? Link? Link, what- AAAAGGGGH!"

Zelda comes down from the clouds and looks at Link reproachfully.

"You know, it's not a very good idea to stab your director on the first day."

Link says nothing but wipes his sword off on the grass and sheathes it.

Scene: Mounting Epona

Link runs and jumps to mount Epona, but doesn't jump quite high enough. With a groan he falls back to the ground. Some random black dude in a turban who happens to be passing by shakes his head and says: "Man, white men can't jump!"

Scene: Rearing Epona

"Vuahaha!" Link laughed triumphantly, "You'll never catch me now, you deranged- OOF!"

'Crack!'

He cried as he suddenly hit the ground. They had reached the stone steps leading up to Kakariko village and Epona (who didn't like stairs) had reared, flinging the distracted hero from his perch on her back.

……………

"…um, Link? Link, it's your line! …Link?"

Link doesn't move.

"Oh dear…"

Chapter 2, in which Link has terrible aim

Scene: Cow rising

"Oom!" the cow cried as gravity suddenly shifted and it floated up into the sky.

"What the f-ck?" Nabooru said after a moment of confused staring.

"Oooooooh…" said Link, his fear temporarily forgotten. And so he picked up a rock and threw it at the spot where the cow had been. Or at least he attempts to.

'Thunk!'

"Ow! Link!"

"Whoops! Sorry Ganon, my hand must have slipped…"

(10 takes later…)

Scene: Same

"Oom!" the cow cried as gravity suddenly shifted and it floated up into the sky.

"What the f-ck?" Nabooru said after a moment of confused staring.

"Oooooooh…" said Link, his fear temporarily forgotten. And so he picked up a rock and threw it at the- oh for Pete's sake, Link!

"That's it, if you hit me with that F---ing rock one more time, I'm shoving my swordfish where the sun don't shine!"

Nab blinks, then looks at Ganon.

"Do you have any idea how suggestive that sounds?"

"…."

'THWACK!'

The Author meanwhile is desperately thumbing through a large packet.

"Is this in the script? I'm pretty sure this isn't in the script…"

"CUT!"

Scene: Link receives umbrella

Then a strange noise which sounded suspiciously like dun dun dun duuuuun came out of nowhere as Link held the umbrella above him (well…he wasn't really holding it, it was just sort of…floating…above his hands…o.O)

"You got: umbrella!" said a random text box.

"Yay!" Link said happily.

Then there is a loud snapping sound and the umbrella falls, thunking Link on the head.

"Dammit, I told you we needed stronger wire!"

"Cut!"

Chapter 3, in which we discover the true perils of cheap wires.

Scene: Ganon and Nab find Link

They walked on in silence for a few moments until they heard something which made them stop dead in their tracks:

"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT!"

"Oh goddesses tell me that's not who I think it is…" Nab muttered as she slapped a hand to her forehead.

'CRACK!'

'WHUMP!'

Ganon stares down at Nab, upon whom Link has just fallen.

"Er…was that supposed to happen?"

"No. Cut! And sue whoever the hell made those wires we've been using!"

Scene: Nab picks up Ganon

"Alright. Can you support a full grown man with one arm?"

Nabooru grinned impishly and hefted Ganondorf off the ground easily with one hand.

"Ack! Put me down!"

Nab snickered as she continued to hold the wildly flailing King of Evil two feet in the air.

'SNAP!'

'THUD!'

"Dammit, the wires broke again!" Nab curses.

Ganon gets up off of Nab and brushes himself off.

"Wouldn't it be easier if we just gave Nab the golden gauntlets so she'd be able to lift me on her own?"

"…Link, give us your gauntlets! And cut!"

Scene: Ending author's note

A/N: Heh heh heh…ah, how I love cliffhangers.

"That's MY laugh!"

'Whack!'

Unfortunately the windmill guy's music box thing clocks the Author upside the head with a nasty 'thunk'. The author teeters for a moment, then falls to the ground unconscious.

"Er…cut?"

Chapter…7?

Scene: Waruto's monologue

Atop the tallest tower of the black fortress of Lake Hylia, Waruto's dark figure stood undaunted by the howling winds and pounding rain. Her dress flailed dramatically about her, as did her earrings, as she stood glaring at the fields in the distance. Her lips drew back into a menacing smile as she chuckled. "Ah, Hyrule…that golden paradise of green grass and blue sky…long have I envied your spacious lands, your rolling hills…but the day is coming when I need not envy, for your lands will soon belong to ME."

'KRACKA-FOOM!'

Waruto whips around and looks at Iukyxu, who has just been struck by lightning.

"Iukyxu? Iukyxu, speak to me!"

"……………"

Link pokes his head in from off screen. "Oh dear…we're going to need another Timmy!"

Chapter 13

Scene: Tingle's trapdoor

"Ao-ohoho! You have fallen into the trap created by Tingle himself! Now you suffer the wrath of magic fairy princess!"

Nothing happens.

"Ahem…I said, now you suffer the wrath of magic fairy princess!"

Still nothing.

"Why isn't the trapdoor opening?"

One of the crew goes to check it out.

"It's stuck!"

"Ah for the love of…cut!"

(One trapdoor fixing later…)

Scene: same

"Ao-ohoho! You have fallen into the trap created by Tingle himself! Now you suffer the wrath of magic fairy princess!"

A trap door fell open with a loud grating creak. Unfortunately (for tingle, anyway) it was nowhere near our gaggle of heroes. In fact, it somehow opens right beneath him, and he falls with a cry of

"Tingle tingle koolo limp-"

'CRACK!'

The other characters just sort of stand there for a minute, blinking.

"…well that wasn't in the script…"

"Cool! Can we keep that in?"

"No. Cut!"

Chapter 14

Scene: Din throws Roundup

"Hey Ganondorf, did anyone give you anything?" Saria asked the warlord.

"Well Din appeared to me, but she didn't-"

He broke off as the third door opened with a loud creak, and a bottle of roundup flew out and hit him right between the- oh…

"….ow…." Ganon says in a very high-pitched voice as he slowly sinks to his knees, his face the very incarnation of pure agony.

The grimacing director glares over at Din. "The script clearly said "eyes", not "thighs"!"

"Oh, oops! Silly me. My aim must be off today."

Chapter…16?

Scene: Ganon and Zelda fight

"What do you expect? It's Zelda." Ganon pointed out. Zelda took advantage of his distraction, kicking the sword out of his hands. The blade flipped up in the air a couple times, then as it came down Zelda caught it by the hilt and pointed it triumphantly at Ganon's - oops….

"Urk…"

Uh, apparently the momentum of Zelda leaping to her feet was too much and she accidentally kept going and speared Ganon in the chest…

"Oh my god I'm sorry! Ganon, Ganon are you ok?"

"….medic…"

A/N: "The End... for now. I may or may not add to this chapter if new ideas for bloopers come to me. But that's it! The End! People can stop bugging me now to finish this, because it is finished! At last! Nuahahahahahahaha!

Ahem...and about the whole sequel in Termina thing...

...don't get your hopes up. I've been a bit preoccupied by my art lately, hence my not updating in forever, so unless a lightning bolt of incredibly awesome inspiration strikes me, it ain't happening. Sorry.

Now you may or may not have noticed the lack of disclaimer for this chapter. Well we thought it was unnecessary, seeing as how..." the author paused and glanced over to her right, where a large mound of horribly mutilated bodies wearing suits lay.

"Nice job, Grievous."

The Cyborg nods, kicks one of the lawyer's (for they are the lawyers) bodies aside, and jumps back into the Author's pocket.

"Would you mind if I gave the very final final send off?"

"Not at all, my dear Dragmire."

"Ahem...REVIEW you foul pestilent mounds of Earth filth, before I gut you like a fish!"

"...you've been practicing with Iukyxu, haven't you?"

Ganon just grinned as Nab shook her head.

"So much for giving up his evil ways..." she muttered.

FIN.