Chapter One

"That first night…"

"I'll never forget it," Ryan said quietly, his mind already far off even as he held Marissa in his arms. He went back to that night, back to that moment that would turn out to be one of the most pivotal in his life. "I still remember exactly how I felt as I walked down that driveway, my mind going crazy but I was trying not to show it…and then I looked up and saw you. It was like everything else just disappeared."

Marissa remembered that moment perfectly herself. "I've thought about it a thousand times since then," she murmured, stroking the arm that held her. "You fascinated me right from the start." It was somewhat awkward to admit it so openly, but she'd been the one to push for total honesty. "I looked up and saw you, and from that one look I could just tell you were different from all the other boys I knew. Your eyes were so sad. An old soul, my father would say." She smiled a little, deciding to lighten the moment a little. "Of course, then you opened your mouth."

Ryan groaned and she instantly dissolved into giggles. "You had to go and bring that up," he sighed, nudging her playfully, wincing at the memory of his lame opening line. "I still can't believe I said that. I'm surprised you didn't throw something at me."

"Oh, I thought about it," Marissa teased. "Whoever you want me to be….that line is older than I am! I don't rate better than that?"

"I panicked!" Ryan protested, flushing a little in the way Marissa had always found too cute for words.

"You panicked?" she repeated, going off into a fresh wave of giggles. "Am I that scary?"

She has no idea, Ryan thought wryly. There's nothing quite like the feeling a guy gets when faced with the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. "I was intimidated," he confessed somewhat haltingly. The confession cost him, but Marissa's expression of utter bewilderment, as if she couldn't fathom why he'd be intimidated by her, made him perversely feel a little better. "You were so gorgeous, so completely out of my league. So I said something stupid and I blew it. I was convinced you'd never speak to me again, and I figured it was probably better for you that way."

Marissa's amusement faded, her heart aching for the boy he'd been, the one who was even less aware then than he was now of how truly incredible he was. She was out of HIS league? If anything, it was the other way around. "I know you have this idea you're not good enough for me," she said quietly, turning enough to look into his troubled blue eyes. "That's SO far from true. The smartest thing I ever did was bum a cigarette off you to get us talking again," she smiled. "That night turned out to be the luckiest of my life."

Ryan heard the honesty in her voice, knew she meant what she said, but couldn't trust his emotions enough to respond to such a statement. The knowledge that she believed that meant more to him than he could say, but he wasn't ready to break down over this. He pulled her closer and prayed she'd understand. "Ah, my second chance," he said teasingly, switching the mood back to lighter. "I think I did better this time."

"You did!" Marissa grinned. "I remember what really caught me; you reached in and lit my cigarette with yours." Ryan gave her a blank look and she shrugged. "I don't know. It surprised me. I thought it was cute. I started to think my initial impression was right."

"Question for you," Ryan said, realizing there may be some perks to this conversation. "Did you ever really think I was the cousin from Boston?"

Marissa laughed. "No, not really. In the back of my mind, I knew you were telling the truth the first time around; it was too crazy not to be true. I just knew that wasn't going to fly."

"I got that impression when you were talking to Sandy," Ryan mused. "I just wasn't sure. And then you went off with Luke."

It was Marissa's turn to blush. "That seems like a million years away now. But I remember that I didn't want to leave. It was the weirdest thing at the time, but I wanted to stay and talk to you. I thought that for the rest of that night."

Ryan grinned a little; it was somewhat gratifying to know he hadn't been the only one unable to forget the exchange. "Man, I still remember you on that runway," he teased.

"Ugh," Marissa groaned dramatically. "The perfect little princess. I can't believe you looked twice."

"Well, you weren't the perfect princess at the party," Ryan pointed out. "I still remember how surprised I was when I realized you were flirting with me. I didn't know at the time how…" he trailed off. This was the first of their most serious issues and he was a little wary to continue.

Marissa sighed. "You didn't realize how drunk I was? You can say it. We're going to have to throughout this."

Ryan nodded wearily, accepting the truth of that. "I didn't know how drunk you were. I thought you and Luke had that kind of relationship." Marissa tensed in surprise against him and he winced. Inadvertently, he'd brought up something that had haunted him in later days. "I guess you don't know this part. I saw Luke go off with another girl at the party."

Marissa was quiet for a long time. "I didn't know that," she said evenly at length. Logically, she knew there was no point in being angry at that, but it rankled. Had he told her earlier, it would have spared a lot of humiliation.

"I didn't think it was my business at the time," Ryan tried to explain, sensing her annoyance. "I didn't even know you."

"And when you did?" she shot back. "When we became friends? More than friends?"

"We'll get to that," Ryan said quietly but firmly. "Suffice it to say I've never involved myself in those things before, and I didn't really think you'd believe me. I wasn't objective."

Marissa sighed heavily. "I would have believed you, but I get why you might think I wouldn't." She relaxed, her anger fading away. "Okay, let's go on. So we flirted at the party, but Seth told everyone you were from Chino and you ran off, so the next time…"

"The next time I saw you, you were passed out in your driveway," Ryan said bluntly, this time not bothering to hesitate. He had to give Marissa credit; she took the comment stoically.

"Not my finest moment," she said quietly. "But you took care of me. You were maybe the first person to realize I had a problem and take care of me anyway."

Ryan digested that; it was probably true. "I've always wanted to protect you," he admitted. "From the first time I saw you, you brought out that streak in me like no one else. I couldn't just leave you there."

Marissa still remembered waking up, so carefully and gently tucked into bed. It was one of the kindest things anyone had ever done for her. "I guess that's when it really started," she said softly. "That's when I knew how different you were. Even if I didn't know it at the time, there was no going back from there."