Chapter 9; dwellings
in his state of unconsciousness, mega's mind dwelled on his subconscious thoughts. he knew that he had feelings now that he could become human. a netnavi couldn't normally do that. he could feel and he could experience feeling. especially from his operator.
what was that warm feeling he got whenever he did something for his operator? as a netnavi experiencing this for the first time he had no clue. it bugged him, but it wasn't something he disliked. it only worried him a little because it was another thing unknown to him. did whatever that was matter anyway? was it anything serious? he didn't know. sometimes it got in the way of him fighting netbattles. it almost forced him back when he'd run away. with every step he'd taken he was reminded of what he was missing. and especially when he was under mind control by the WWW. that was the sole reason that he was alive right now.
or was he? it was so dark. he couldn't open his eyes or move any of his muscles. he had a hard time breathing and he hurt all over. he didn't know the person who was spoon-feeding him through the mouth and he couldn't really tell. voices were like faded static. if it was netto... he didn't know what to think. would he be mad for leaving him? condemning him for what he had done? scared? or grateful that he had come back in whatever condition? he didn't know anything at all. there was so much that he didn't know about his own operator. that too, bugged him. he knew how to help him and knew how to netbattle. he sometimes knew what to say and sometimes he didn't. others he couldn't find words to speak. it was very hard on him. could it be that this situation about feelings wasn't difficult at all? was he just worrying too much? maybe... but how could he not worry? was it because... because he cared? impossible.
he winced at his own thoughts. if he cared about his operator that much, he could get him into serious trouble. netto didn't know the truth and he had too many hidden secrets he couldn't share. even now when they were really close friends. mega knew that keeping them hidden and away from netto was the best way and he'd keep his operator safe that way. this way he could stay by his side. he knew all too well now. after he'd been taken hostage and put under www's control, his past had been restored. everything had come back to him all at once and that's part of the reason why he went berserk.
...he'd been the WWW's creation all along. WWW was the World Three's true title. a netnavi designed to destroy the world so the WWW could rule over it. he was one of their experiments and he had the scars to prove it, too. his dreams told him of the horrible things, the pain and torture and lab tests and gene splicing. he was an all out battle machine. he relived the past each time, it was so vivid. he screamed far into the night and he couldn't take it anymore. his voice grew hoarse but he kept screaming. the dreams wouldn't stop coming. but the dreams didn't show him what had happened before the WWW and the experiments.
the past didn't show him the day he was created or who created him or what not. there was just a black void. and seeing that black void both somehow calmed him and disturbed him. he might never know those days before. had he been someone else's netnavi before the WWW claimed him? had he been created by the WWW? or was it something else...? he could only wonder. he might never know. he may never ever know. for how could a part of his past be restored again, if there was just a black void where the picture had been cut out?
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I looked straight at my bed at my NetNavi thrashing in his sleep. His face had the expression of a small child afraid of the dark or the monsters under the bed. He was trying to fight something off that was hurting him. And then he fell limp. I hated seeing him in so much pain. I'd tried everything I could. But he never woke up. He was trapped again, within his mind.
I wondered how long this had been going on, and wondered how long his pain would continue. I didn't really know. I hoped his pain would end soon, that he'd just wake up one day and I'd see his smile again. I wanted everything to be normal again. But was it possible to go back to being normal? I don't know. If it had been me, I don't know. And I knew that just telling him that it's okay just won't do it. I wished that he would get up so that I could talk to him... but I guess I'll just have to wait. I didn't want to startle him or anything in this state. Who knows what that would do to him?
I didn't want to wake him up, although watching him like this wasn't exactly something I wanted to keep doing. It was destroying me, I wasn't being able to do anything. MegaMan was here. I was here with him. But what could I do? And if mom was here, she'd find out about him because of Mega's screaming, caused by his unconscious nightmares. I made my hand touch his, gripping it softly. And to my surprise and shock, his hand gripped mine back.
in his state of unconsciousness, mega's mind dwelled on his subconscious thoughts. he knew that he had feelings now that he could become human. a netnavi couldn't normally do that. he could feel and he could experience feeling. especially from his operator.
what was that warm feeling he got whenever he did something for his operator? as a netnavi experiencing this for the first time he had no clue. it bugged him, but it wasn't something he disliked. it only worried him a little because it was another thing unknown to him. did whatever that was matter anyway? was it anything serious? he didn't know. sometimes it got in the way of him fighting netbattles. it almost forced him back when he'd run away. with every step he'd taken he was reminded of what he was missing. and especially when he was under mind control by the WWW. that was the sole reason that he was alive right now.
or was he? it was so dark. he couldn't open his eyes or move any of his muscles. he had a hard time breathing and he hurt all over. he didn't know the person who was spoon-feeding him through the mouth and he couldn't really tell. voices were like faded static. if it was netto... he didn't know what to think. would he be mad for leaving him? condemning him for what he had done? scared? or grateful that he had come back in whatever condition? he didn't know anything at all. there was so much that he didn't know about his own operator. that too, bugged him. he knew how to help him and knew how to netbattle. he sometimes knew what to say and sometimes he didn't. others he couldn't find words to speak. it was very hard on him. could it be that this situation about feelings wasn't difficult at all? was he just worrying too much? maybe... but how could he not worry? was it because... because he cared? impossible.
he winced at his own thoughts. if he cared about his operator that much, he could get him into serious trouble. netto didn't know the truth and he had too many hidden secrets he couldn't share. even now when they were really close friends. mega knew that keeping them hidden and away from netto was the best way and he'd keep his operator safe that way. this way he could stay by his side. he knew all too well now. after he'd been taken hostage and put under www's control, his past had been restored. everything had come back to him all at once and that's part of the reason why he went berserk.
...he'd been the WWW's creation all along. WWW was the World Three's true title. a netnavi designed to destroy the world so the WWW could rule over it. he was one of their experiments and he had the scars to prove it, too. his dreams told him of the horrible things, the pain and torture and lab tests and gene splicing. he was an all out battle machine. he relived the past each time, it was so vivid. he screamed far into the night and he couldn't take it anymore. his voice grew hoarse but he kept screaming. the dreams wouldn't stop coming. but the dreams didn't show him what had happened before the WWW and the experiments.
the past didn't show him the day he was created or who created him or what not. there was just a black void. and seeing that black void both somehow calmed him and disturbed him. he might never know those days before. had he been someone else's netnavi before the WWW claimed him? had he been created by the WWW? or was it something else...? he could only wonder. he might never know. he may never ever know. for how could a part of his past be restored again, if there was just a black void where the picture had been cut out?
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I looked straight at my bed at my NetNavi thrashing in his sleep. His face had the expression of a small child afraid of the dark or the monsters under the bed. He was trying to fight something off that was hurting him. And then he fell limp. I hated seeing him in so much pain. I'd tried everything I could. But he never woke up. He was trapped again, within his mind.
I wondered how long this had been going on, and wondered how long his pain would continue. I didn't really know. I hoped his pain would end soon, that he'd just wake up one day and I'd see his smile again. I wanted everything to be normal again. But was it possible to go back to being normal? I don't know. If it had been me, I don't know. And I knew that just telling him that it's okay just won't do it. I wished that he would get up so that I could talk to him... but I guess I'll just have to wait. I didn't want to startle him or anything in this state. Who knows what that would do to him?
I didn't want to wake him up, although watching him like this wasn't exactly something I wanted to keep doing. It was destroying me, I wasn't being able to do anything. MegaMan was here. I was here with him. But what could I do? And if mom was here, she'd find out about him because of Mega's screaming, caused by his unconscious nightmares. I made my hand touch his, gripping it softly. And to my surprise and shock, his hand gripped mine back.