Sound of a transmat, as a man appears.

Man : Where am I?

Dalek 1: Stay where you are, you are a prisoner of The Daleks remain where you are!

Man: I'M ALIVE! I thought I was vaporised.

Dalek 1: You were evicted from the Big Brother House.

Man: Oh you recognise me? Peter with a "P"!

Dalek 2: You are now a prisoner of The Daleks!

Man: So is this where we go? You mean we don't get killed?

Dalek 1: Correct!

Man: So what happens now?

Dalek 1: You will be processed.

Dalek 2: You will become a Dalek!

Man: Really? What's it like?

Dalek 1: I do not understand the question!

Man: Being a Dalek is it any good?

Dalek 1: Daleks are programmed to obey orders, they do not question!

Dalek 2: Sometimes it's boring!

Dalek 1: Yeah sometimes, the hours are long!

Man: Do you get lunchbreaks?

Dalek 1: Negative.

Man: Holiday?

Dalek 1: Negative.

Man : Sick pay?

Dalek 2: Daleks do not get sick!

Man : So what's the best thing about being a Dalek?

Dalek 1: We get to travel around the universe.

Dalek 2: Meet interesting people…

Both Daleks: AND EXTERMINATE THEM!

Man : Cool, what about getting up stairs?

Dalek 1: We are able to hover, observe, ELEVATE! (Dalek hovers)

Man : Brilliant! What happens if you get attacked from behind?

Dalek 2: Our middle section can spin round; we can attack from all angles!

Man: That's brilliant reminds me of a game I used to play where you're in a tank and you get to shoot and blow up everything! I'm in the top 100 highest scores of all time! You would love it! So what sort of Dalek would I be?

Dalek 1: You will be like us!

Man: Bring it on! Dalek me up! I don't think much of the colour scheme though, didn't you all used to be grey?

Dalek 2: It is our new look, Blingy Gold!

Man: But aren't there other sorts of Daleks?

Dalek 1: There are Marsh Daleks.

Dalek 2: But they operate in swamps, and they smell!

Dalek 1: Special arclight tools welding Daleks!

Man : What do they do?

Dalek 2: Welding and paint spraying!

Man: Sounds rubbish! Got any others?

Dalek 1: Special weapons Daleks!

Dalek 2: But they are all barking mad!

Man : Don't you have Daleks that go underwater?

Dalek 1: Yeesss, we have Marine Daleks!

Man: Excellent! I wanna be one of them!

Dalek 1 : You do not have a choice human!

Dalek 2: But it's nice of you to take an interest…!

Man: No listen I used to be a diver, I love the sea I'll be a brilliant underwater Dalek, swimming around scaring sharks, exterminating fish people!

Dalek 1: But there is no sea here, we are in space!

Dalek 2: We have a swimming pool, we could keep him there, marine daleks are very underrepresented at the moment.

Dalek 1: Very well! We shall take him for marine processing!

The Outer Perimeter The Special tools arclight welding Dalek has arrived.

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Special tools arclight welding Dalek reporting for duty!

Grey Dalek: What colour is that supposed to be?

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Blingy Gold, do you like it?

Grey Dalek: No it looks Kruk! The worse paintjob I have ever seen.

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Have you ever tried to spraypaint yourself?

Pause.

Second Grey Dalek: Davros is waiting!

Davros: Don't mind me carry on.

Grey Dalek: You are to remove the helmet obstructing the passageway!

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : I obey!

Davros: No! Please! Have pity on me!

Special tools arclight welding Dalek : Extrapolateee!

Grey Daleks: Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolate! Extrapolattteeee!

Davros: OH, JUST GET ON WITH IT! GET IT OVER WITH!

Grey Dalek: Touchy isn't he?

A laboratory somewhere in The Daleks Lair.

Doors slide.

Man : Oh guys you came to visit me how sweet!

Dalek 1: Hello Peter with a "P"!

Dalek 2: Has the treatment commenced?

Man: Oh yeah, they say it will be a few days before the mutation effect really kicks in, but I'm finding the extra appendages quite handy!

Dalek 2: I brought you this…

Sucker sound as the man removes the object from Dalek 2's plunger.

Man: Oh portable TV brilliant! There are some great new shows on Game Station.

Dalek 1: We are aware!

Man : Yeah I suppose, I always wanted to appear on Bullseye, cos I love the Bowendroid, you ever seen that one? It's where the contestants get to throw darts at each other, you have to answer questions but get extra marks for hitting vital organs what's the slogan? "pointless death means prizes!" That was always my favourite as a kid!

Dalek 2: Jim'll Fix It is coming back this season.

Man : Oh the Savilledroid! I love that, where you can write in and ask the Savilledroid to assassinate anyone you don't like! My ex nominated me fortunately he never picked her letter! Does he still do rattle rattle jangle jewellery, and leave Fix it badges on the corpses?

Dalek 1: It is part of The Savilledroids function!

Man: Can I ask you guys a question?

Pause.

Man: See that Dalek on the ward, the really sulky one, why is it covered in slime?

Dalek 1: Emperor's orders!

Man: Yeah but why?

Dalek 2: It is not for Daleks to question the orders of The Emperor!

Man: In other words you don't know!

Dalek 2: Yep!

Man: Just thought I'd ask, Oh look, nearly time for hangman, let's get the TV going!

The Lair Of The Dalek Emperor.

Dalek Emperor: Reporrrtttt!

Dalek: The remodifications to the BrucieBot are complete!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent have it transmatted to the game station immediately! Oh and tape tonights show, it clashes with Family Misfortunes, and I never miss an episode of that!

Dalek: I obey!

Dalek Emperor: Have The Daleks returned from the outer perimeter yet?

Dalek: They arrived twenty rills ago and are waiting to report!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent! Show them in!

Door Effect. The Grey Daleks trundle in.

Emperor Dalek: Reporrrttt!

Grey Dalek 1: We have returned from the outer perimeter!

Grey Dalek 2: We have retrieved the objective!

Emperor Dalek: Why are you still grey?

Grey Dalek 1: We have been in the outer perimeter.

Grey Dalek 2: Stretching the boundaries of the new Dalek Empire!

Emperor Dalek: I ordered all Daleks to be spray painted Blingy Gold! You have failed to obey my order!

Doors open.

Emperor Dalek: Take these abominations away! Confine them to a holding cell whilst I decide what is to be done with them!

Pause.

Emperor Dalek: Where is Davros? Bring him to me!

Dalek: I obey!

Door slides.

Pause

Dalek Emperor: (to the tune of Singing in the rain) Boom ba boom boom! Boom ba boom ba boom, boom boom!

Door slides open.

Dalek: You will answer the Emperor's questions!

Davros: So once again you need my help!

Dalek Emperor: No!

Davros: No? You do not require my help? My expertise?

Dalek Emperor: No I just wanted you to see my spangly new Emperor Dalek casing!

Davros: It is very big, you have three tripod legs and oh a great big helmet!

Dalek Emperor: Yesss! Bigger than yours!

Davros: And you sit exposed beneath all this in a glass bonded poly carbide armoured sphere!

Dalek Emperor: Impressed?

Davros: Very!

Dalek Emperor: Excellent! I just wanted you to see it that's all! To know that I designed it, and that it is far better than that krukky little thing you like to trundle about in! By the way where is your helmet?

Davros: I was too big to fit through the passage! Your Daleks soldered off my bright white helmet, and left it at the outer perimeter!

Dalek Emperor: A pity! There is a leak by the supreme bulkhead your helmet would have made an excellent bucket!

Davros: What is to be done with me? Am I to be put on trial?

Dalek Emperor: Again?

Davros: Are you going to exterminate me?

Dalek Emperor: No! You will probably just go to sleep for hundreds of years and come back to annoy us!

Davros: Then what is to be my fate?

Dalek Emperor: Tell me Davros… Are you any good at Darts?

Dalek Holding cell.

Dalek : You will remain here by order of The Emperor Dalek!

Doors slide shut.

Grey Dalek 1: MY VISION IS IMPAIRED I CANNOT SEEE! EMERGENCY! EMERGENCYYYY! EMMMERRRGGEEENNNCCCCYYYYYYY!

Grey Dalek 2: They switched the lights off!

Grey Dalek 1: Oh...Okay