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B Oots – Well, here it is. Hope you like!
BlkDiamond – That will come later in the story. Yay!
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Chapter 2 – Only Because I Hate You
"Really, am I demanding a lot when I ask that you wear clothes?" Sinister said, glaring at Remy, who was clad only in his boxers.
"Oui, 'cause if Remy wears a shirt, y'don' get t'see dis hickey Lizzy gave moi!" Remy replied, pointing to a reddish-purple spot on his chest. He walked over to the stove and noticed what Sinister was cooking. "Bacon, Remy t'inks dat very strange f'a doctor t'cook."
Essex grinned. "Liz and I are immune to high cholesterol and nothing would thrill me more than being responsible for your demise in such a way I won't be blamed." He flipped some of the pieces onto a paper towel with a fork. "Same thing with smoking. It will hurt you, but not her. Although, Liz smokes like a chimney, and it is a little gross."
"Remy taught her dat." Remy said, smiling proudly. "But Lizzy quit."
Remy walked over and stole a slice of the bacon off the paper towel, then jumped back and cursed when Sinister intentionally dropped a raw slice in the pan hard enough the grease splattered lightly on Remy's bare torso. "Oops." Sinister said sarcastically as he flashed his razor sharp smile at Remy. "Where is Liz? Every time I turn around, you are there and Liz is somewhere else."
Remy shrugged and ate another piece of the bacon, following Sinister into the lab, where Liz was reading a file at a desk. "Impulsive, crude, and likely to fight." Sinister scrunched his brows and recognized the phrase as coming from Remy's file.
"Y'still mad?" Remy said. "Dat was…"
"Five hours ago, so yes, I am. You yelled another woman's name while ejaculating semen into ME!" Liz hissed. "I will consider forgiving you when you tell me who 'Anna Marie' is. Until then, you can sleep on the couch, or, in one of the many beds that I don't sleep in!"
"I don' know no Anna Marie!" Remy said, hoping his wife would calm down.
"I do." Sinister said, giving Remy one of the most evil smiles Remy had ever seen. "Isn't that Rogue's real name?" Remy grimaced and dodged the file, which Liz threw across the room at him.
She rolled her eyes and walked up to him, crossing her arms. "Rogue? Remy, what do I need to do to get you to yell my name when you cum? Leave you in the middle of fuckin' Antarctica?"
"But Remy loves you!" Remy said, pleading with Liz.
Sinister laughed at Remy, then stepped between them. "Now Lizzy, you know I hate Remy, but you're forgetting that he's not really that intelligent. Can you blame him when he does stupid things? He really can't help it."
Seeing Liz's features soften a little, and knowing her anger made her more likely to believe it, Remy quickly jumped on the 'Remy iz dum' bandwagon. "Oui. Y'gotta forgive Remy, cause he's stupid." Remy gave her his best puppy dog eyes. "Remy loves y'more dan anyt'ing, mon amour. Dat's why he married y'. Mon dieu, ain' no way he'd be around y'pere unless he had to."
Liz smiled and laughed, then hugged Remy. "I'll forgive you, but just this once."
Remy kissed her. "Can Remy have a do-over, Mrs. Lebeau?" He wigged his eyebrows and smiled, licking his lips.
"No." Sinister said. "Because I made breakfast and it'll be cold by the time you two are done. I suspect Remy either suffers from erectile dysfunction or has a lot of stamina. Regardless, there is bacon!"
"Bacon?" Liz suddenly turned her attention from Remy. "I love you, Daddy!" She said, kissing Sinister on the cheek and running toward the kitchen.
Remy looked at his father-in-law and threw his arm around him in jest. "T'anks for defendin' Remy, Dad."
"I was not defending you. I was utilizing an opportunity to call you a moron and get away with it. Also, proving that I am much more capable of handling Liz's moods than you are, making you an incompetent moron." Essex said.
During breakfast, they resumed normal relations – Remy and Essex bickered like children. "Remy, please pass the jam." Essex said.
"Non, da jam is scared o'ya." Remy said. "Remy identifies wit it. Bot' of us just young and pure when some jerk pummeled us int' not'ing and used us t'make dere lives better."
Sinister sighed and rested his head on one of his hands. "Remy, the only thing you have in common with that jam is that having either at breakfast counts as a serving of fruit."
"How can y'call Remy a fruit when he's banging da hell outta y'Lizzy?" Remy said. Sinister kicked Remy under the table and gave him a dirty look.
Liz looked up from her magazine and slid the jam across the table. "Daddy? Remy? Please behave?" She looked up at them with her big blue eyes and then smiled. "Daddy, how is Snowball?"
Essex smiled at the girl. "Sweetheart, Snowball is a rabbit." He laughed. "She will be fine, I put an alerter device one her so we will know when she goes into labor." He took a sip of coffee. "You and that damn rabbit…"
"Yeah, well, you were too lazy to give me siblings." Liz said.
"Lazy? Frightened." Essex answered. "There is no way I could handle two of you running around, disturbing my research, stealing my attention…" Liz rolled her eyes. "If I made you a sibling, would you divorce Remy?"
"Non!" Remy said. "If Lizzy wants a petite runnin' around, we can make our own, eh?"
"Lizzie, hun, I will make you as many siblings as you want. I will even let you choose their hair and eye color. Just…get rid of him, please?" Essex said.
"Daddy, aren't you supposed to be a super-villain?" Sinister pouted and nodded.
"Da worst! Fear da angry red eyes of Sinister!" Remy said sarcastically, "He'll strap y'down, cut y'up, den go play wit his pet bunny!" He folded his napkin into an airplane and charged it as he threw it at Sinister. It exploded on the way over and covered the table in ash.
"Thank you, Remy." Liz said sarcastically. Sinister told himself he needed to avenge the ash-covered table and blasted Remy's plate, aiming at a strawberry. The blast nailed Remy's over-easy eggs and threw them all over Liz. She smiled and stood up. "Thanks, Daddy. Well, I'm done eating, I'm going to go shower and wash ash and half-cooked egg yolks out of my hair. You boys clean up your mess when you're finished acting like children." She kissed each on the cheek and walked out.
"Did you have to do that?" Sinister asked. "Does exploding random objects really give you that much pleasure?"
Remy smirked. "Oui, it's like havin' hot sex, y'should do it more often, non?"
Sinister stood up and laughed. "Do I get to yell Rogue's name while I do it?"
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