Disclaimer: There are some spoilers in here; they're fairly vague but if you're totally spoiler free you might want to watch it.

Chapter Seven

They were coming up on the day she first met Trey.

Marissa abruptly pulled away from Ryan. "Hey, you know what?" she said, attempting- badly- to seem casual. "I really need to run home, take a quick shower, and change my clothes. How about I meet you back here in around two hours?"

Ryan observed her quietly, catching the tense movements she was trying to hide. "We don't have to talk about Trey, at least not yet," he said softly. "We can skip over that part for now."

Marissa sighed deeply. "Busted," she admitted. "But now that you've said it, I realize I really don't want to. I was dreading the talk about Luke and Gabrielle, but I feel better having talked about it." She reached out and ran her hand through his hair, re-establishing physical contact. "Do you want to skip Trey for now? I know he affects you even more than he affects me."

"No, he doesn't," Ryan said tonelessly, even as he wondered if the pain would ever recede. Marissa opened her mouth as if to argue, then thought better of it.

"Okay," she said simply. "I still need a couple hours; I really do need to take a shower and I need to sort out a couple things in my head." She tickled his side playfully, a genuine smile re-emerging on her face. "But when I get back, don't even think you're getting out of going over that 'girl next door' moment with Theresa."

"Busted," Ryan teased back, relieved to see her smile before she left. "Two hours?"

"Two hours," she confirmed, leaning in for a lingering kiss. "Mmmm, love you," she murmured against his lips."

Ryan smiled. "Love you, too." He watched her leave the pool house, making sure she was well out of sight before he leaned over and buried his face in his hands. Every day, he'd wake up and wonder when the thought of Trey and what he had done to Marissa wouldn't hit him quite as hard. It hadn't happened yet. And every once in awhile, some stupid and meaningless thing would set either him or Marissa off and make it even worse. There had been an incident in the pool house a couple weeks ago….

"Ooof!" The breath was knocked out of Ryan as Marissa playfully shoved him back onto the bed and climbed on top of him. "Damn, woman," he chuckled. "You're going to kill me one of these days."

"Getting old already, Atwood?" she teased him before blending her mouth with his, her tongue with his.

"Mmmmm, had I known this was what you meant when you wanted to have a movie night, I'd be suggesting them every night," Ryan said huskily, loving the sound of her giggle before he captured her mouth again.

At times like these, he thought everything might be okay. The cops would back off, Trey would wake up and disappear from their lives for good, and Ryan and Marissa could move on. Together. Hell, if their relationship could survive what happened at the beginning of the summer, it could survive anything, right?

Ryan was so caught up in the intoxicating taste and feel of the woman he loved, he barely noticed when he shifted them so he was on top as he'd so often done in the past. All of the sudden, Marissa's entire body tensed. "Ryan," she gasped, breaking free of the kiss and pushing at his chest. "Ryan, stop it. Stop it!"

All the joy and contentedness Ryan had been feeling vanished in the blink of an eye; he sprang off of Marissa as quickly as he could while guilt and shame coursed through him. "Oh God, I'm sorry," he muttered, running his face over his hands. He'd been so good at that lately; he KNEW someone on top of Marissa set her off. What had he been thinking?

"I'm the one who's sorry," Marissa said miserably, pulling her knees protectively against her chest. "I can't imagine it's thrilling to have a girlfriend who randomly flips out on you,"

"Don't say that," Ryan said forcefully, turning to face her. "Don't ever, ever be sorry for what he did to you."

Marissa smiled sadly. "Then you shouldn't, either," she murmured, reaching out to touch his cheek.

Ryan took the hand she held out in his own, more for her benefit than out of the belief he deserved it. "No, but I should be sorry I can't remember to be careful," he responded tiredly.

Marissa shook her head wearily. "I never wanted it to be like that with us. I never wanted you to have to watch yourself around me, not ever again." A single tear slipped down her face. "I swore to myself if I ever got you back I wouldn't screw up your life again."

Ryan stared at her incredulously for a moment, then impulsively pulled her into his arms. "Marissa….no," he said helplessly. "God, don't think that. This isn't anything you did. This is something that was done to you."

"Does it matter?" she mumbled into his chest. "It's still one more drama, one more thing to make your life more complicated."

"Marissa." Ryan pulled away enough to look squarely in her eyes, needing her to hear and understand this. "I do not resent you for this. You're not making my life worse. God, if it hadn't been for you, if you'd turned me away or if I'd pushed you away out of guilt, I don't think I could have survived this far into the summer." It was the truth. Between the constant worrying about Trey and the tension around the house because of Kirsten's absence, he lived for the moments where he could escape into Marissa.

Marissa laughed tiredly. "Turning you away was never an option I so much as considered." She leaned in and kissed his forehead. "I feel the same way about you, you know. You've saved me this summer."

Ryan wasn't so sure what a good job he'd done of that, but all that mattered was that some of the guilt had disappeared from Marissa's eyes. "So it's settled. No more thinking you drag me down, got it?"

Marissa smiled shakily. "Got it." They exchanged a sweet kiss and she moved back into his arms for another tight hug. Ryan buried his face in her hair. At least the tension for one night had died down

Ryan had been especially careful since then to not do anything around Marissa that she might instinctively feel was threatening, and they hadn't had an episode quite like that since. Still, the tension was always there, unspoken and underlying every move. Ryan couldn't sleep for imagining Trey forcing himself on Marissa. Every time he closed his eyes when he was alone, he heard her haunting, choking account of how Trey had hurt her and it still felt like he'd been the one to get shot each time it echoed in his mind.

Would talking about it today help? He had no idea. He couldn't imagine it getting any worse; at this point it couldn't hurt to try anything. Sighing tiredly, he got up to take his own shower and wait for Marissa's return.