The Lair of the Emperor Dalek.
Emperor Dalek: Hello guards!
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Emperor Dalek: Yes you lot! The guards that hover above me in an ever-constant vigil, I am saying hello to you!
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Emperor Dalek: Hellooo!
Hovering Guards: Hello…. Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: I just want to say that you are doing an excellent job up there! Guarding my big shiny helmet! Keep it up!
Hovering Guard 1: Thank you Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: That's okay! You may now return to your duties!
Pause
Emperor Dalek: Oh guards…!
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Emperor Dalek: Just one more thing, do you ever find that you get dizzy hovering up there all day long?
Hovering Guard 1: Er….No Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: I see! Only I heard that sometimes whilst hovering at a considerable height above ground level, the act of looking down can make one feel sick and queasy! And this feeling can sometimes cause the affected body to fall uncontrollably to its doom!
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Hovering Guard 1: Daleks do not fear heights! Daleks do not get sick or queasy!
Emperor Dalek: Indeed!
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Emperor Dalek: Have you anything to report?
Hovering Guard 1: Everything is secure Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: Excellent! Then by all means carry on!
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Hovering Guard Daleks confer in muffled tones.
Hovering Guard 1: Well you will have to tell him yourself!
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Hovering Guard 1: Proceeed!
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Hovering Guard 2: Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: Yes?
Hovering Guard 2: May I be excused?
Emperor Dalek: For what reason?
Hovering Guard 2: I…I am feeling sick and queasy!
Emperor Dalek: Then don't look down!
Hovering Guard 2: (quietly) I will obey!
Emperor Dalek: What did you just say!
Hovering Guard 2: I….I said-
Emperor Dalek: (interrupts) And look at me when you address me!
Hovering Guard 2: YOU TOLD ME NOT TO LOOK DOWN!…. Emperor!
Emperor Dalek: And now I'm telling you to look at me! Don't look at the ground look straight at me!
Hovering Guard 2: I obey…AAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!
Crashing sound followed by an explosion.
Pause
Emperor Dalek: Wimp!
The Laboratory
Clunks and whirring sounds can be heard as The Master potters around humming to himself.
Other Dalek 2: You will continue with your work!
The Master: I am working! I'm just looking for a transdimensional neutron washer, to compliment this transdimensional neutron screw and bolt! There does not appear to be one available.
Other Dalek 2: Is the transdimensional neutron washer an essential component?
The Master: Essential? No it's vital!
Pause
The Master: I have one in my Tardis! I'll just go and get it…
Other Dalek 2: STAY WHERE YOU ARRRRRRE!
The Master: Don't worry it is not necessary for me to actually go inside my Tardis, not when it is the form of a chest of draws! In this shape the Tardis chameleon circuit is configured to place all those handy little gadgets and knick knacks in the top drawer, I need only open the draw and simply retrieve the necessary component.
Other Dalek 2: If this is a trick you will be exterminated!
The Master: Oh no no no, I wouldn't dream of trying to escape in such an obvious fashion! I will simply open the draw, be assured there are no nasty surprises inside my Tardis!
Banging noise can be heard from inside The Master's Tardis. The Draws rattle and the whole thing shakes.
Other Dalek 2: What is going on?
The Master: Er… nothing the slave master relay circuits are reconfiguring themselves, that's all.
Other Dalek 2: Proceed to the draw open it slowly and retrieve the transdimensional neutron washer, then close the draw, do not deviate from your objective or you will be exterminated!
The Master: I obey!
Pause
Doors open The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek enters.
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What is going on?
The Master: I need to retrieve a transdimensional neutron washer from my Tardis, I am proceeding slowly to retrieve the item from the top draw, this Dalek will exterminate me if I deviate!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : The Emperor has ordered me to remove your Tardis to a place of safe keeping!
The Master: Well that's very kind of him but I need that washer, you wouldn't happen to have one would you?
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : A transdimensional neutron washer?
The Master: Yes…
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What size?
The Master: 5mm should do it…
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : I only have 6mm but you could use that and bung up the gap with a bit of cloth!
The Master: That's a rather shoddy way to go about it, I would rather use the correct size, I'm surprised at you Daleks your standards are slipping!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : We are in a post war recession we have to make do!
The Master: Yes well I'm going to open the draw now!
More Banging noises from inside The Master's Tardis. The Draws rattle and the whole thing shakes.
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : STAY WHERE YOU ARE!
Other Dalek 2: DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOVE! DO NOT MOOOOVVVVEEEEE!
The Master: It's nothing to worry about!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You are trying to trick the Daleks, you must be exterminated!
The Master: I'm not honest!
The top draw opens a thick neanderthal like voice can be heard from inside.
Voice inside: Master?
The Master: I told you to stay inside!
Voice inside: But me lonely Master! Me want hug!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : Who is this? Show yourself you are a prisoner of the Daleks!
The Master: It's only Ug he's just my housekeeper!
Ug emerges from the top draw, and falls onto the floor, he is an Ogron.
Ug The Ogron: Master? Me lonely!
The Master: Ug I told you to wait inside!
Ug The Ogron: Inside, yes, Ug obey but inside is very dark and scary!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You are an Ogron you work for the Daleks!
Ug The Ogron: Oh Dalek all blingy, shiny! Ug work for grey Daleks, but now Ug obey The Master!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : You hypnotised this Ogron?
The Master: Well after that incident with the Draconians I felt he would be useful to have around, keep the place tidy and so on, Ug you didn't by any chance see a transdimensional neutron washer whilst you were in there did you?
Ug The Ogron: Er me no know!
The Master: Small thing round with a hole about this big with strange and eerie neutronic emission qualities!
Ug The Ogron: Small glowy thing!
The Master: That's it Ug the small glowy thing! Have you got it?
Ug The Ogron: Small glowy thing with hole in the middle!
The Master: The very thing, do you have it?
Ug The Ogron: No!
The Master: Do you know its location?
Ug The Ogron: Yes!
The Master: Well then retrieve it for me!
Ug The Ogron: Ug cannot!
The Master: I am your Master! You will obey me in all things ! Get that transdimensional neutron washer for me now!
Ug The Ogron: Master Ug cannot do this!
The Master: Why not?
Ug The Ogron: Me eat it!
The Master: You ate my transdimensional neutron washer?
Ug The Ogron: Me hungry!
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : Looks like you will need my 6mm after all!
The Master: It does doesn't it?
The Special Tools Arclight Welding Dalek : What are you building?
The Master: A device that will allow The Daleks to control every human on earth! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !