Daughter Figure
3 of 8
Revised June 18, 2011 - 1338
Night had fallen heavily over the Aoiya as he sat by the window staring outside. What other things had happened to Misao while she traveled around the countryside alone? What other things had she done? What other things had she learned?
Standing suddenly, his yukata shifted over his chest. It was rather warm, he felt like shedding the garment. He slid his door open; the hall was predictably empty for this time of night. He followed path toward her room, entering without knocking or even listening to see if she was awake.
Someone had touched Misao.
Touched her.
Stained her.
His perfect, pure little angel was ... corrupted. Corrupted by the seedy, soiled hands of some Tokyo thug. So certain, he had been, of her innocence, her purity… of all worldly things.
"You're in my room, Aoshi-sama."
His lips quirked up just slightly.
"You're awake?" he asked, his voice sounding loud in the still, small room.
"Who can sleep with you bringing up bad memories?"
She was a different person. She'd transformed into something else right in front of him. In less than a week, his little ward had become ... something else. Something bright, something faded something strong, something weak - something bloodstained and impure, but still something innocent.
His little girl... When had she become a woman and he'd missed it?
He saw her as she sat up in her futon, the shoulder of her yukata tilting dangerously, she didn't seem to care. Maybe she thought the dark would show him nothing, maybe she wanted him to see her. Maybe it was neither.
She sat up straighter and righted her clothes.
"Something bothering you, Aoshi-sama?"
He approached, kneeling at the edge of her futon. Outside the windows' view, we weep. It wasn't some meaningless scrawl on the wall. How many nights had she cried? How many nights had soundless sobs stained her linens? How many times had he caused her such tears? Tears she had to hide? How many tears had the bastard from Tokyo wrought from her? How many, he wondered.
He reached out, touching a bare hand to her temple. Her skin was warm and soft against his fingers. Softness that belonged to a woman, not that of a girl.
He touched her guiltlessly. Not bound by his desire to keep her untainted. Not worried over corrupting her. Not concerned with soiling her perfect nature, dimming her natural light with his past and his deeds. For she was now no longer completely innocent. Stained, he thought, leaning toward her.
Perfectly, beautifully stained.
He dropped his hand beneath her chin, tilting her head up toward him, pressing his lips to hers.
Corruption in the darkness.
The soft press of lips together in the dark.
They drew apart, just slightly, their breath fanning one another's lips. He couldn't see her eyes like this. In this darkness, but he didn't need to.
This felt... wrong. Illicit. Sinful. Touching Misao this way. Was it because she hadn't responded the way he'd thought she might? Because she had been hesitant and ill responsive against the brushing of his lips? Because of her stillness?
He could feel her surprise by the tenseness of her frame even though they were not touching. But he could also feel her awareness of him. A purely feminine emotion - her simple, sensual response to him. Her body's awareness of his. So simple, so natural.
So wrong.
She wasn't doing anything. He couldn't read her in the dark.
Misao stilled, listening to the silence. There he was. In front of her, on his knees, his head bent down to hers. Amazing, she thought, breathlessly.
So amazing he was. Everything and anything about him.
She had him. He was there. Just the slightest touch and she felt like he would tumble, letting his passion boil over onto her, into her. She wasn't sure it was reality, but it's what she felt at that particular moment. Pure, heady power.
But why? Why was he doing this? Not four days ago he'd been despondent as ever at the Temple, shutting out the world for the most part. What caused this?
She hadn't done anything that drastic. At least, she couldn't remember doing anything drastic.
She reached up, pressing her hand beneath his chin as he done to her, but just touching her fingertips against his skin.
"Aoshi-sama? What is in your head?"
His response was silence. Maybe he didn't know how to answer?
"What brought you to my room?" she clarified.
"I wanted to check on you."
"Check on me?" She repeated- a curious note to her voice. "I'm all right. I have never fallen apart before, there's no reason for me to now."
She leaned close, her cheek coming to rest beside his. He drew a hand up, pressing it against the small of her back gently.
"I don't know what's in your head, Aoshi-sama, but I feel like you're disarray... So go to sleep, Aoshi-sama. I don't ever want to be something you regret."
She heard the hiss of breath, the short, gasp of surprise. Something he couldn't hide from her in the dark stillness.
"Misao..."
Did he want to change her mind?
Oh, how she wanted to let him…
"You can't avoid me, Aoshi-sama, I won't let you. Don't make me into something you can't handle. So go to sleep, Aoshi-sama, and we can talk tomorrow if you want. No mistakes in the dark..."
He momentarily held her tighter, but ultimately released her, drawing his warmth away. The warmth of his body she craved so badly.
Misao took a deep shuddering breath as he left her. Was this what it was to be grown-up? To think like this? She couldn't just ignore the consequences this time. This was Aoshi-sama.
He was something too complex to let something like this just happen. It wouldn't end the way she wanted. It wouldn't be romantic and perfect and make her blissfully happy. Having Aoshi home had made her realize that. He was her happiness, but he couldn't be all of it. As much as she loved him, he complicated things unnecessarily.
She didn't know what had brought him here, but she was certain it wasn't clearly thought out. If she could imagine him being guilt-ridden and ashamed that he'd been intimate with her, what he, himself do?
She was beginning to think she understood Aoshi-sama all too well. She settled back down in her blankets, but sleep didn't visit for a long time afterwards.
Her words wouldn't leave him. Come dawn he found himself awakened from a dreamless trance by the sound of a door being slammed shut below floors. He sat up groggily, rubbing eyes that felt dry and itchy.
He dressed without preamble and stepped out. He stared at her door in the daylight. He stood, and stared, and thought. Was it different? The others were up. He could now hear them buzzing around downstairs. He pushed himself forward. Misao was up late. She probably still slumbered in there.
Sleeping. Misao had slept. Had she been troubled as he had? Was she unaffected by him? He didn't know.
He followed the path downstairs, walking toward the sitting room. The doors were open, the set in the hall and another set open to outside. Okina was staring beyond the open doors, his gaze directed outside.
"Okina."
"Hmm?" He turned lazily, glancing at him. "Good morning, Aoshi. Everything all right?"
Misao had forgiven him for the fight with Okina. She'd forgiven him for the pain he'd caused her, and for the pain he'd caused Okina. Okina appeared to have done the same. But he'd never apologized to the old man. He'd never expressed any regret for his actions.
He stepped over the threshold of the room. "I wish to apologize to you. My actions, they were unforgivable."
Okina chuckled lightly, a smile lighting his face. Aoshi was glad, suddenly; he'd left Misao with this man. He nodded approvingly. "When Misao took over as the Okashira in your place, going against my wishes, I thought it was merely because she was afraid of change. Afraid of losing the Oniwabanshuu - like losing a childhood home. Misao and I have shared many memories of you... After I was injured, we again came to that point but that wasn't until after the Juppon Gatana assaulted the Aoiya. It all came back down to her and I and our memories of you. She explained it then and I understood what I had missed before and accepted it.
"This is our family and that was what she couldn't bear to lose. You are like a son to me, Aoshi. A sentiment I had always tried to hold some degree apart from you because of your position as Okashira. But seeing as you are family, you needn't worry, you will always be forgiven and accepted here."
The words lightened his burden.
"The others are all right. Whatever makes Misao happy pleases them."
Aoshi stepped in further, seating himself across from Okina.
"Will you tell of me of Misao? Of the person she is now?"
Okina's eyes widened slightly, but a smile followed and he nodded slightly.
Misao woke and growled, staring at the ceiling. Aoshi was an idiot. How dare he interrupt her sleep like that?
She sat up and pulled on her house clothes irritably. She stomped down the hall and then stomped down the stairs and then stomped toward the kitchen.
"Misaooooo..."
She cringed. When Okina called her in a voice like that it was never something good.
"Yes?" She asked, sticking her head in the door.
"You're getting up late, today, aren't you?"
"I had a crappy night, what do you want?" She snapped.
"Why don't you take Aoshi some tea?"
She crossed her arms. "I don't feel like it; let him get his own damn tea. I haven't even eaten yet. How am I supposed to make pleasant nothing conversation with an empty stomach?"
"Ah, even better. Go take him some lunch too. He's decided to spend the day in the old training field. You know the one."
Misao drew her brows down. This was beyond suspicious. "Fine."
She knew it was suspicious when she found Omasu shoving a package into her arms the moment she entered the kitchen.
"What is going on around here?"
She shrugged. "Okina told us to give it to you and usher you toward where you were meeting Aoshi."
Misao sighed and headed for the door. Might as well find out what was going on herself, no one else was going to tell her anything. Whether they knew or not.
The walk was long and gave her much more thinking time than she wanted. She had hoped to bury herself in chores to keep from analyzing this whole situation, so much for her plans. She couldn't mistake him at all when she finally came across the field. He was a dark blotch in the wide, green wilderness. She trudged through the long grass toward him.
"Aoshi-sama!"
He turned as she called and then stood as she approached.
"Jiya told me to bring you food, but I brought food for me too since he practically kicked me out the door. But I'm not eating with you here, this is spider-ambush country."
She indicated the tall grass around her knees, fidgeting.
"Oh, icky! How long did you sit out here? You know how many bugs could be out here, don't you? Ewww..."
"Are you afraid of insects?"
"Afraid, of course not. But icky is icky! I refuse to eat with icky things."
He might have been slightly grinning at that, she didn't allow herself to hope.
"Aa."
He turned away and she followed him, not knowing where he was going, just assuming he had a destination in mind.
"Anyway, did you want something? There's no such thing as a coincidence or good will to this weird extent at the Aoiya. So either he's setting me up for something, or he's trying to get me out of the Aoiya for a while. Neither bode well for me. Jiya's practical jokes are not funny."
"I asked him to send you."
"Oh," she replied, listening to the hollow sound of her own voice. "What about? Is something wrong?"
He didn't answer, but she wasn't surprised. Although it annoyed her, she had eventually gotten used to his non-responsiveness. He led her to a patch of ground where the grass was low inside the cover of trees and sat.
She copied the motion, yawning, placing her package of food on the ground.
"What did you want to see me about?" She asked. "You didn't sleep well, did you?"
"No," he replied.
She smiled softly, reaching to untie the package ties. "Good, 'cause neither did I and that was your fault. It's only fair."
She missed the slight quirk of his lips in response to the comment. She unpacked the food and immediately set in; convinced she was starved half to death. He ate more slowly, more absorbed with watching her.
Misao served tea gulping down a cup before returning to her rice, devouring it.
"I wanted to know if the man in Tokyo had been the only incident."
"Incident of what?" she asked blankly, knowing full well what he was speaking of and hoping to avoid it.
"Have you ever been touched by a man without your consent other than that once?"
Well, at least he wasn't asking about men with her consent, that she didn't want to answer. Not that she had many experiences to tell or not tell him about it, but it was embarrassing and they were talking about too many embarrassing things lately.
"Blehhhh." She made a sour face at him. "Now you're being nosy. I don't like talking about my travels. It's not like I asked if women had touched you without your consent, have I Aoshi-sama? How rude. "She turned her nose up at him, but he seemed hardly to mind.
"Yes," he answered shortly. "I've been touched by many women without my consent. But such is not comparable."
No, she thought, it really wasn't comparable, was it? "Why are you so interested in this anyway? Let's talk about puppies; you never bought me any pets, Aoshi-sama."
He ignored the diversion. "Events like Tokyo change lives - they shape people differently. I asked Okina about you and your travels."
Her frown returned.
"So?" she countered. "What does he know about them? I went on all those trips by myself. He knows what I told him about them and nothing more."
While she didn't doubt Okina might have had her followed had he had the manpower for it, but she knew he didn't. She'd gotten into too many close scuffles with more than minor injuries and with no dramatic rescues to be certain of it. The intensity of his stare was more than unnerving. It was so intense she almost felt like squirming.
She made up her mind and refused to say anything. It wasn't really something she wanted to talk about and he couldn't relate, so what was the point? When she'd determined to herself that she was going to be his "daughter figure" she hadn't planned on him suddenly paying so much attention to her.
Ugh.
Who would've thought attention from Aoshi was a bad thing?
"Oh, now I remember!" she snapped and then looked over at her companion. "Aoshi-sama, do you think I'm too old to be dressed like this?"
He lifted his eyes to her accordingly and glanced over her figure. She squashed her nervous feelings as he gazed at her. His eyes sliding over her top and down her bare legs.
"Too old?" he questioned, as though not quite sure what she meant.
"Jiya says I'm too old to walk around showing so much of my legs and that it would give men the wrong impression about me. Not that I care, but... Well... Maybe I should wear something else? You've been around a lot. What do you think?"
His gaze dropped again to her shorts. It was almost as if she could feel him touching her as his eyes moved from her ankles to the tops of her thighs where they disappeared into the dark colored shorts.
"Aa."
She sighed.
"A reputation once damaged is not easily repaired. Best to stem off any possible problems, even if you don't foresee any."
"Yeah, I thought you might say something like that. I really don't want to go around wearing a kimono. I always feel... exposed."
His head lifted. "How so?"
"The obi ties at the back where I can't protect it. If you get the obi off there's nothing beneath it but a couple of slips – which who would feel good about that? Get more attention in a kimono anyway."
He stared at her a moment and she poured more tea trying to distract herself.
"Hakama."
"Huh?" she looked up, setting the tea aside.
"A hakama would protect your modesty and give you the free movement you require to protect yourself."
Her eyes widened. "What a good idea! Now why didn't I think of that? Wait till I tell Omasu and Okon! They'll be so happy. A shopping trip!"
She felt more enthusiastic and bouncy than she expected she would for what had been a bad morning.
She was trying, desperately to maintain a happy facade she felt crumbling rapidly at the edges.
"Misao."
She looked up, her smile vanishing, a deep frown replacing it. Her eyebrows drew down.
"I could strangle you for being so dense," she declared, her voice declaring her underlying frustration.
The intensity of their gazes meeting was something unprecedented. He was no longer looking down and she no longer looking up. They didn't know one another any more. Maybe they never really had. Just the relationships of guardian and ward, a relationship built more on childhood love and adoration than anything else.
He was the first to break the stare, raising his teacup to his lips.
"Okina has expressed some worry over your future, have you thought of it?"
How convenient, she thought. He was playing the father figure so well all the sudden...
"That depends on what you mean by 'my future'," she replied tonelessly, finding no taste suddenly to her tea.
This topic always left her feeling sour.
Okina had said he wasn't going to push her into anything, but that she was young and should make a few decisions about her life. She hadn't managed to make herself agree.
"Most young women marry..." he suggested absently.
"I'm not most young woman, I'm a kick-ass ninja girl with a talent for armed robbery," she replied cheekily. "Let them do what they want."
"Misao." There it was again, that same admonishing tone.
She growled at him. Was he staring? He'd been looking at her intently from the moment she sat down. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He tilted his head just slightly. "You look the same in the daylight," he commented.
For a moment, she was stunned silent.
Was he referring to her comment last night about the dark?
"No! You cannot say that I should be thinking about marriage and then practically in the same breath decide that you'd like to seduce me in the daylight! Ugh! You should come with an instruction booklet, you know that!"
"I'm not saying anything like that."
She growled at him. "That's exactly what you're saying."
He just stared at her for a moment. "Misao…"
"You should think about getting married… Oh, you don't want to get married? Then sleep with me."
He looked stunned she'd think such a thing, let alone say it out loud.
"I know you really aren't saying that because you're too complicated to make it that simple, but in a way, isn't that really what you mean?"
She stared down at the little cup in her hands seeing the reflections of clouds in her tea.
He didn't answer her and an uncomfortable silence fell between them. The important thing was he didn't deny it.
"Maybe the one of us that should be thinking about getting married is you…" she mentally beefed herself up, trying to call forth all her inner strength and proceed. It wasn't really working, but her voice was functioning just fine, unfortunately. "You've been single a long time now, Aoshi-sama. You could have a family by now. Haven't you considered that?"
She hoped she wasn't giving him the impression she meant herself in that equation, in this instance she meant someone else.
"Of anyone, I am the least suitable for marriage. I have nothing to offer a woman."
"What does a man usually offer a woman?" It was an honest question and he seemed to realize that an answered.
"A man should offer a woman a home, protection, financial support for the family that will grow out of that union."
She nodded. "You could do that, if you wanted to. You could do that easily. It would help you, to get out, to keep yourself busy. You wouldn't have so much time to dwell on things, you could move on with the rest of your life."
He shook his head, denying it out of hand, not even considering it. "I do not wish to be burdened with a family. I have too many other problems."
"You don't have any problems, Aoshi-sama, you're living in a fantasy over there. You have no job, no responsibilities, nothing that makes you unsuitable as a husband."
"Misao…"
"Don't try to use that tone with me like I don't understand. You're the one who doesn't want to see what's really there. I've seen it for a long time."
His expression darkened.
"I'm not telling you you're a burden or that we don't want you, we do. But we'd all like to see you happy and if settled and growing a family would make you happy that will work for us."
"You don't want that."
For a moment, she was stunned silent. No, honestly, she didn't want it.
"I don't want a lot of things in life, including to get married to some lame merchant brat or something like that. I'll get married eventually, I decided that already, but now I don't want to. But you aren't getting any younger, Aoshi-sama."
She was lying. She hadn't decided to get married. Would he call her on it?
He stared at her and she tried not to flinch under the scrutiny. After a few moments, he stood.
"Let's go back."
And that, it seemed was that.
They didn't talk along the way. As they reached the back door of the Aoiya, he stepped in front of her, blocking her way.
He turned his back to the door and stood in front of her, the sun shining bright on his face.
"You haven't decided to get married, Misao. Do not lie so to my face."
With that, he turned and left her there outside the doorway
He never looked back.
End Chapter 3
Author's note: Trying to finish my June challenge, hello angst! Here's hoping for a happy ending... but that might take another 10 pages, ugh!Top of Form