Daughter Figure

7 of 8

Revised June 18, 2011

The decision to leave the Aoiya had seemed like a good idea at the time. Everything stupid usually seems like a good idea at some point. She was scared and overwhelmed and feeling pressured. Now, alone and penniless and hungry, she realized she'd been impulsive and immature. She'd run away when things got serious.

The shame was crushing. It felt like one huge blotch that covered her from head to toe. In town, she'd felt like everyone could tell. That they could see she was a runaway, or worse, that they could tell she was a runaway bride. She had constantly peered over her shoulder, fearing there were Oniwabanshuu footmen looking for her but it had been peaceful. It seemed normal enough, but she kept looking. Kept wondering who could be watching her.

Overcome with suspicion and worry she'd ducked out of town and wandered the outskirts. At times, she had sat up in trees along the roadside, listening, watching for movement.

Nothing had come of it.

She had wandered toward Tokyo for a bit before turning back. Where was she going? Why? What had running done for her? Why was she out in the misty rain when she should've been home bathed in white silks and drinking sake?

No.

Instead, she had abandoned her husband-to-be and her family and all their preparations. She had committed the ultimate immature act. She felt horrid. Poorer still, despite her paranoia there were no signs that anyone at all was looking for her. She'd hadn't seen or heard a peep.

Nothing.

She felt like a ghost, a person awash in confusion. She felt like she should be standing under a bridge with the homeless, maybe skipping stones into the water whilst it rained on her. She felt like a still, sad painting.

She was a disappointment.

Their expectations had been betrayed, their wishes ignored… she had directly disobeyed the word of the new Okashira.

She…

She had just proven she was the baby they all still treated her as. She didn't know which was worse, standing out in the rain or going back to the Aoiya. She hadn't slept or eaten in over 12 hours. Her skin was pale and cold, her clothes damp from the weather, her eyes bloodshot. Her stomach continued to growl at her for not eating and now her head throbbed periodically from lack of food. Her body was grumbling at her for its abuse and she continued to ignore it, pushing on.

Pushing on to nowhere.

She'd even gone in giant circles, just walking, around and around endlessly. She had met no travelers, ducking away into hiding anytime anyone came near.

She was a coward.

She was a baby.

She was beyond ashamed at her actions. She had been given everything she ever wanted. It had been dropped in her lap, offered up to her, and she'd run away from it.

A princess pampered with everything she asked for and still unhappy and why?

Why was that?

Was she unhappy?

No.

She was afraid.

Afraid he didn't love her; afraid she didn't love him, afraid she wasn't good enough, afraid their marriage wouldn't last, afraid she would embarrass him…

There were so many things to be afraid of. Most of them were about herself. She'd never known she had such insecurities. Not until they were seemingly dumped upon her head like a bucket of icy water and she was drowning in that bucket. Gasping and thrashing and losing against the pitching waves and there was no one there. No one to stop her from her metaphorical drowning because she'd run away from them. She'd run away from what she thought were meaningless placations and condescending remarks. She'd run away and she deserved to be alone. She deserved to suffer under the weight of her own shame.

With a heart heavy full of gloom, she turned around and began heading toward the Aoiya.

Maybe it wouldn't be a disaster.

Or, maybe it would start raining kittens.

His mood rapidly deteriorated as the hours ticked by.

Rapidly.

He had decided it was time to run a tighter operation and had implemented an entirely new rule system. Guests to the Aoiya Inn were only permitted in so many rooms and allowed to sleep in certain other rooms that had once been open to them. His office was no longer open to Oniwabanshuu personnel without his presence or express permission. He was not to be disturbed outside of meal times unless there was business that required his urgent attention.

Guests were not being entertained and were ordered turned away.

He spent his hours standing by the window, staring outside into the sky. His thoughts wandered from topic to topic. Misao was a worry, a constant worry, a bee that wandered about in circles on the back of his hand, periodically stinging him.

Where was she?

Why wasn't she back yet?

Desperation had set in as his doubts grew, the shadows in his heart lengthening and growing.

He had been deserted.

She had left him, the one person in the world who cared about him more than all else had finally left. The last straw broken.

It was crushing.

When a knock came upon his door, it was not welcomed. He met intrusions with cold stares and snapped answers. He didn't even turn back to see who had come upon him. From the doorway, a voice he half-expected spoke up.

"You're behaving foolishly." He turned tired, cold eyes toward his visitor. Okina, wizened with age regarded him with impassivity. "You need to go find her, she is obviously upset," Okina continued. "Waiting for her will reinforce her fears."

"You cannot know that," Aoshi replied evenly. "It depends on what fears she harbors."

"Again, you are being foolish, Aoshi. Misao's fears always lie in you."

"…"

"Will you ignore it then? What if she wanders, waiting for you to come for her and you do not and she becomes discouraged?"

"Perhaps she wishes time to think on her own," Aoshi suggested sharply.

"Misao is not like you. You have had many years away. Consider: when Misao was young did she not often engage in outrageous stunts to gain your attention?"

"She is no longer a child," Aoshi replied.

"No, but she is still a female; one who very much wishes for your attention."

"I gave her my attention," Aoshi countered. "… and she left."

Okina shook his head hopelessly. "What if you are wrong? To what harm could going after her bring? She has, after all, already left you."

He eyed the older man with a frown.

Was he right?

Should he go after Misao?

The road was dreary.

The rain had come in the form of fog and mist and left her chilled. The bag on her shoulder seemed heavier than usual and the ground was soft. Her feet sank in as she walked leaving a trail of footsteps behind her.

Had she been worried about being followed she'd have taken to the grass, but the dirt path road was the most direct route back to the city. After all, no one was looking for her, of that she was certain. She walked slowly, alternating between being hopeful about going back and dreading it.

After all, he wasn't even looking for her. The road was void of travelers except for those who absolutely needed to be places. The saner, less hurried persons had taken shelter to warm themselves. She continued on, feeling melancholy.

For the specific time of day, the fog was unusual, but maybe the mist was simply too thick and she was mistaking it for fog. The skies were deep gray on one side and light gray on the other, but thickly cloudy on both sides.

She turned her eyes to the path before her with a dismal sigh.

Ahead of her she spotted another voyager. By now she had to be only an hour outside of Kyoto. The figure was tall and a bit slender, from the shape she'd say male. The clothes were a giveaway on that.

In fact…

It looked strikingly like Aoshi-sama, something she had not wanted to acknowledge, too afraid to be let down when the person came near enough to see clearly.

But now she could tell…

The gentle sway of the ivory coat, the deep colored pants, the beautiful obsidian locks…

It was Aoshi-sama.

Her heart leapt to her throat, pounding hard. Her feet drew her to a stop. Aoshi-sama… Where was he going? Was he looking for her? Was he… did she dare hope he'd come after her?

Oh, no!

Aoshi-sama was the Okashira now…

She'd disobeyed him. She'd run away and… Should she run?

Panic seized her wholly. Should she…hide?

The air was still and the steady tickling of the mist continued down around her, against her. She felt like she was in a void and all the while he walked steadily closer. He stopped several feet back a good impersonal distance away. She looked uneasy.

"Where are you going?" he asked his voice vacant.

She fidgeted. "Back," she paused. "Home, I mean, back home."

His eyes flickered over her once as though trying to assess where she'd been.

"Where had you gone to?"

She averted her gaze. "… nowhere."

The silence made it seem as though a great distance was between them when they were only feet apart. "You aim to keep your destination a secret then?" His voice was stiff, the cold tone of an interrogator.

"N-No! I just… I didn't go anywhere. I just sort of… wandered around."

"You spent our wedding day…"

She immediately dreaded where this was going.

"… wandering amongst the treetops?"

Sure, he'd have to say it that way, wouldn't he?

"I'm sorry, Aoshi-sama," she sighed, feeling defeated. "I am so, so sorry." He wasn't wrong, she thought, feeling ashamed. She was the one who had been wrong. "I just wanted some… air."

Worse yet, she felt no better about her upcoming marriage than she had felt when she left.

He didn't say anything at first, they just stood there. She crossed her arms before her chest uncomfortable and he stepped back yet another pace. "Return to the Aoiya."

She nodded dumbly.

"Your recklessness caused a waste of time, effort, and money for the Aoiya. You disobeyed my orders. Until further notice you are bound to your room."

She nodded again.

He walked back with her, if one counted walking so far behind her that one would never guess the two knew one another.

The atmosphere of the Aoiya was tense when she returned. Aoshi-sama, who had sneaked up behind her was silent and his presence kept everyone else silent. They walked through the restaurant. A few faces turned to glance at them but nothing significant, and they remained largely unnoticed.

They hadn't gone through the front doors for convenience, that she knew it had been done so that Aoshi-sama could demonstrate to the others that he'd found her. That he'd returned her.

She wanted to growl and snap but instead kept her mouth firmly shut and her eyes straight ahead. There was a faint undercurrent of fear trembling through her veins. This…This was what she'd wanted, she realized.

Years and years on end she'd wanted nothing but for Aoshi-sama and the others to come back and for her to be able to learn and grow as a ninja under his tutelage. Now, he returned and what had she done but run away?

What was wrong with her?

She didn't realize she'd stopped at the base of the stairs until she felt a tiny puff of air at her ear. Close and hot. Then she felt the rest of him, the long hard body that was Aoshi-sama.

He wasn't pressed against her, it was more of a … sense she had that he was there. Something that she could feel without feeling, an awareness. She could feel his tension, it poured off of him and into her. The mouth by her ear got closer and a moment later she felt his teeth as they snapped harshly around the delicate shell of her ear. A half strangled gasp escaped from her lips in response, her insides coiled, her muscles strained with tension.

This was what she wanted… she had wanted him back. Dreamed of it, lived for it even…

He released her flesh and lapped it gently with his tongue.

"To… your… room…" he growled, his voice low and even and angry. The tone scraped along her skin like nails, she trembled. Part of her wanted to run away and the other part wanted to turn around and open herself to him, to beg for him to release all that violent tension on her… maybe to punish her, maybe just to… to…

"Now!" he snapped lowly and she ran up the stairs, startled. She fled into her bedroom and closed the door behind her but she was no safer in her chambers from him than she had been at the bottom of the stairs.

She leaned her back against the wall, panting from her effort. Her heart pounded.

Her childhood dreams of Aoshi-sama had been idealized visions. She'd captured the parts of him he'd let her see, the parts of him that he'd given to the girl that was a child. She was a baby no longer.

Those fanciful childhood visions were curling around the edges and singeing like paper too close to a flame. The beautiful color tones of her memory turned gray, charring into a dusty ash as they crumbled.

She realized something now she had never understood, never even occurred to her before…She knew nothing about the kind of man Aoshi-sama had been when he was Okashira.

Absolutely nothing.

The man that Aoshi was, her Okashira, was terrifying.