A/N I didn't think there was much of a following for this story so I wasn't sure it was worth continuing. But I have gotten some really encouraging reviews, and I do love the idea and pairing, so I'm back! Look for 1-2 updates a week, cross my heart. ;)
Kouga made his goodbyes at sunrise the next morning as he needed to get back to his pack. Hanging his head in apology, he offered Kagome a handful of wildflowers.
"I never meant to...I mean you are more important than anything...its just that dog-face brings out the worst..." His words seemed to trail off into one another as he squirmed uncomfortably before her. He finally stilled and looked her in the eyes seriously, "It will never happen again, Kagome. I swear it."
Kagome forced a smiled at his heartfelt words, and kissed him on the cheek as she accepted the flowers. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Kouga-kun."
Kouga flashed a grin back at her."Well, I will try not to get so distracted annoying puppy boy that I neglect your safety. That I swear."
"PUPPY boy!" A loud roar came from behind them and their eyes met, sharing in the amusement of his reaction.
"You'd better do a better job of protecting my woman than you did last night, turd-for-brains. Or I'll hunt you down and give you a real fight!" Tossing a charming smile back towards Kagome, he raced towards the road just as Inuyasha freed himself from Sango and Miroku's grasp.
"Sonofabitch...pathetic excuse for a youkai...PUPPY BOY!" Inuyasha rambled unintelligibly as he set their pace for the day down the road..
Inuyasha made it as far as the first hill and then stilled suddenly as though remembering something. Nodding almost to himself, he turned and marched back to Kagome taking her hand in his.
Kagome blinked at him in question, but he simply started walking down the road again tugging her behind him.
"What?" he snapped, "I can protect you better if you are nearby. After the cobra attack yesterday, we have to be on guard."
Kagome followed his gaze to where their friends trailed behind them. A wave of guilt rolled through her as she watched Sango and Miroku fall into pace next to each other. "M-maybe you're right...it's much safer this way."
Inuyasha sniffed with a superior air, secretly surprised she had given in so easily. "Keh, damn straight."
"I-I didn't mean to, you know..." Kagome said in a soft voice. "Last night, that is..."
Inuyasha growled deep in his chest in anger at the mention of the events of the previous evening, but quieted when he saw the sadness in her gray eyes. Instead, he turned his back to her and gestured with his chin for her to get on. Kagome hesitated, she hadn't ridden on his back in the weeks that they had grown distant.
"Please." He pleaded with her softly.
She nodded silently and climbed on, wrapping her arms around his familiar fire rat robes.
"You've been spending too much time with that hentai." Inuyasha mumbled gruffly as they sped through the forest in a blur of motion.. "You may think he's trying to "train" you in your powers, but don't be fooled, Kagome."
"How did you know about...?"She blurted out.
Inuyasha gave her an annoyed look. "Keh, do you really think you can sneak out of camp every night without me noticing? Or that I wouldn't check up on you when that lecher follows soon after?"
Kagome tensed against his back at his words. "Miroku has been nothing but a gentleman towards me in all of my training, Inuyasha." She hesitated at what she said next. "You blocked me out when Kikyo died..."
"Don't bring Kikyo into this!" Inuyasha's temper flared and he looked back at her.
"No! You will hear me out this time, Inuyasha. I am asking you... no, telling you to listen to me."
Taking a deep breath to steady herself she inhaled his scent from his hair and robes. "I loved you, Inuyasha. I loved you with all my heart, patiently waiting for you to realize what I was offering you."
Inuyasha stopped in shock and fell to the forest floor in a slow descent.. They were far, far ahead of their friends and in no danger of being interrupted. "You loved me? I never hoped...I didn't know."
Kagome laid her head against his back gently. "It killed a part of my heart every time you left to meet Kikyo, but I was hopeful. I deluded myself into thinking you would love me someday, but when Kikyo died you I came to accept the truth."
"We may not bet lovers or mates, but we are still friends, Inuyasha! Friends take care of one another, they give you a shoulder to lean on." She jabbed him with her finger. "You've put her ahead of me time after time since we met, but you pushed me away when I needed you the most."
Inuyasha whirled to face her. "When you needed me? How can you say that knowing what I lost!"
Kagome's eyes began to glow a silvery color as her anger intensified, a manifestation of her power. "Yes, when I needed you! When I regained the rest of my soul all of a sudden I had powers I couldn't begin to understand. You weren't there for me, and you wouldn't even let me be there for you!"
She laughed roughly, "I'm glowing like a bloody candle, for Kami's sake! Do you think this has been easy? Do you think I should have to deal with it alone?"
"I didn't realize..." Inuyasha said lamely, his ears drooping in guilt.
"Well Miroku did." She emphasized bluntly. "He's the only thing that's kept me sane through this mess, so if you have to be angry at someone, be angry at me." Kagome began to feel nauseous again as she thought of her betrayal of Sango.
Inuyasha's manner softened as he watched Kagome make herself sick with worry. "I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you, Kagome. I won't make excuses for the past, all I can do is try not to fuck it up from now on."
"But how can you blame yourself?" He gazed at her seriously. "Miroku wants you so bad that I can smell it on him. Do you expect me to believe he's an innocent?"
"He's your friend too, remember? Instead of thinking the worst of him, why don't you give him the benefit of the doubt?"Inuyasha had the grace to look a little embarrassed.
"The best we can do is try to put all of this behind us and hope it makes us stronger for the experience." Kagome squeezed his hand softly in her own.
"I was wrong to act on my feelings towards Miroku, I know that. He belongs with Sango, and Sango belongs with him." The sadness settled once again in her eyes at the words, and when a certain hanyou flinched as well she failed to notice.
Things were different in the days following the "incident". It seemed the truth of her feelings had given Inuyasha the opening to be honest with her as well. They fell into a comfortable friendship that allowed them to talk about things she had never dreamed they would ever discuss, both trivial and personal.
For her part, she wasn't harboring secret hopes that he would love her any longer. And for his part, he wasn't guilty for his decisions in the past. They still argued and fought, but it was light-hearted and playful without their usual misunderstandings..
Despite their renewed friendship, Kagome was having trouble sleeping, and the insomnia was having a brutal effect on her health. Deep smudges lined her eyes, and her appetite was gone. She could pretend and put on her bright smiles in the daylight, but at night in her bedroll her defenses fell to the taunting of her own mind.
She had managed to avoid being alone with Miroku for almost a week, but she couldn't abandon her lessons. It was simply too dangerous for her to wander about with no control of her powers. Kagome finally relented and agreed to train with him one evening after he expressed his concern. Miroku set up warding scrolls to allow them privacy, and they sat facing each other in the starlight, seemingly doing nothing but meditating. The theory behind the exercises were simple, but the mental effort required was often as exhausting as if she had run a marathon.
There were no scrolls or incantations necessary for a miko's powers, she merely had to gather the power to her and release at will. It was the variations of power and the methods in which she released it that was so difficult to master..
Miroku would give her a scenario to which she had to react, and she had to think about her possible reactions for a set amount of time before reacting. The extra time she visualized and assessed the situation had vastly improved her performance and accuracy.
She was coming to realize that all forms of fighting required that edge of control and responsibility, and her respect for her companions had grown. The taijia was a finely-honed warrior, her Hiraikotsu a large and dangerous weapon. Inuyasha had to constantly keep his demonic tendencies under wraps, especially in the heat of battle when his temper was at its hottest. And the hentai monk held a deadly weapon in the palm of his hand, one that could not only hurt others, but which overuse could greatly injure himself.
Kagome peeked out from beneath a closed lid at her companion. The wind rustled his spiky hair, and she fought the urge to smooth it for the hundredth time that night. She had missed him so much that it hurt to be this close to him without reaching out to touch him. Every day she plastered a fake smile on her face and with forced cheerfulness walked to Inuyasha's side as they set out. She did her best to push Sango and him together at every opportunity, resolving to never betray her friend again.
Its a double edged sort of pain, isn't it, you little hypocrite? Kagome closed her eyes, willing the meditation to make her numb for just a little while.
There's both the guilt of betrayal, and the longing to be with him. Are you strong enough to keep your distance? Can you really watch him marry another without saying a word?
Tears stung at her eyes at the thought, and she pictured a pregnant and rounded Sango smiling into the eyes of her "husband". Perfect, beautiful children surrounded the two of them, laughing and playing with Kirara. Jealousy pricked her heart at the image, and she instantly felt ashamed that she couldn't even be content in her friend's happiness.
And yet...
Even so, she couldn't help but desperately wish it was her in that picture instead.
"Are your thoughts wandering again, miko?" Miroku teased. "What would happen if you were distracted during a battle and the enemy attacked?" With little warning, he swung his shajuko with deadly precision at her waist.
Kagome slammed her shields into place just in time to deflect the blow, leaping to her feet in anger. "What do you think you are doing?"
Miroku moved in closer, this time aiming at her head with a well-timed jab. "Training you, of course." Kagome stumbled backwards, her eyes glowing with anger.
"This isn't amusing, Miroku."
"Ah, but it isn't meant to be amusing, little flower. You will never get any better if you do not use your powers both defensively and offensively. I don't want you to be in another situation like you were with the cobra youkai." He raised an eyebrow mockingly. "You do remember the cobra, right? The one who wanted to have miko sushi for lunch?"
Kagome growled as he tossed an ofuda behind her to explode as it hit the grass, stopping her retreat. "I can't spar with you! I'll end up hurting you!"
"I have faith in your control. Its what we've been working towards all this time, after all. I'm human and a holy man, you certainly aren't going to purify me if I get the brunt of your power." Miroku drawled dryly.
Frustrated at arguing with the monk, Kagome swept her arm up in a flourish to produce a glowing sword in her right hand. The edge blurred and flickered in the evening darkness, and she moved forward in a fast jab and feint that surprised Miroku. Parrying as best he could with his shakjuko, the rings rattled and sparks flew from the bright sword. Kagome didn't pause but sliced upwards to the shoulder of his robes, slicing the material just enough to show her skill.
Miroku poked at the hole in the material in shock, and threw her a questioning look.
"Two years of fencing in middle school. Its not the most useful skill in my time, but it seems to have its uses in this era." Kagome saluted him with the tip of her sword mockingly.
"Buddha save me from cocky mikos."
"Seriously, I'm too small to fight any of the type of creatures we deal with in a sword fight. But now..." Kagome zagged her thin blade of energy towards him in a dizzying display of training, and met his shajuko with each slice and jab until he went to pull his staff backwards and met with resistance.
"But now, I have other weapons at my disposal." Kagome grinned crookedly, and Miroku realized that she had allowed his staff to be absorbed by the sword and then had solidified the energy around it, trapping it in place.
Her grin was short-lived however, for he yanked hard on his staff and she fell hard against him, forcing them both to the ground. She landed atop him as they fell, knocking the air out of his chest. He laughed at the disgruntled expression on her face, and she grunted at him in response.
"Monk 1, Miko 0." He prompted her with sparkling eyes. She snickered and tried to roll off of him, but was caught as he held his shajuko tight across her shoulders. "No escape until I am assured and complimented on my stunning victory."
Kagome stuck out her tongue at him and crossed her eyes in response.
Miroku gasped as though affronted. "Such ill-mannered tactics for a shrine maiden!"
Kagome giggled despite herself, and smiled down at the man who had been both her greatest joy and and sorrow.
"There's the little flower that I know so well. I've missed that smile more than you know." Miroku's voice trailed off softly at the admission and he leaned up to brush a kiss against her forehead.
Kagome's smile faded and she looked away. "You win, Miroku. Let me go."
"I've tried to, but I don't think I can." He said hoarsely before pulling her down to him and tasting her lips in a searing kiss.
Dun dun dun, cliffhangers are fun!