A/N: Umm, I wanted to make a different Raven story as well. For inspiration I was listening to Muse (the best band ever, love their songs). This one is sad as well, conatins suicide scenes, blood and depression. This story is not connected to the previous one. I'm just a great Raven fan, and I sympathize with her. I understand her pain that she feels deep inside. Well, enjoy. And then review plz! Thx.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything from the Teen Titans (unfortunately).

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The thrill of dying

She meditates on the roof of the tower. Repeating those three words, endlessly, time after time, just to keep her emotions under control. She has to do this, or else others might get hurt. With great power comes great responsibility. But how can you expect a teen, almost a kid to bear the fate of the entire universe on her shoulders? How can you expect anyone to remain emotionless? To battle the inner demons of her soul alone? No human being could survive this. They would go insane and probably kill themselves. "But I won't! I'm stronger, than anyone else. I must be stronger!" - she thinks to herself as she levitates in the air with crossed legs. The sun is setting down. A beautiful sight. Even for a frozen heart. For her frozen heart. She smiles a bit and a tear of happiness runs down her pale face. At least she can have these tranquil moments for her comfort. She treasures these precious moments, 'cause they help calm her mind and heart.

Both of them are rebelling against their fate. Her mind whispers words, that she can not silence. Telling her to start living her life to the fullest. To forget about her curse for some days, so she could have some happy memories in her life as well. She knows, that the life she lives is in no means normal. Not because of her powers. The other Titans have superpowers as well, but they seem to be... happy. Oh how she envies their luck. They don't have to worry about losing control of their powers. They seem to be so natural. Just like the other teens. But then again, to Raven everyone seems normal, even if annoying and stupid. Because they live their lives, and she doesn't.

However her greatest enemy is her heart. And the love that lives inside her. The love for her teammate, that immense feeling. The love, that keeps her awake at nights, unable to sleep, making her cry silent tears into her pillow. Cry the tears of a broken heart. Because she knows, that this love can never fulfill. Not as long as she is cursed this way. As long as she has to hide under her cold mask, that shakes you to your very core. You need just one small glance at her amethyst eyes to see all the pain she buries under this facade. You can see her begging for help, begging to be loved by someone. And no one has noticed this yet. How's this possible? Are they blind to her suffering, does all their happiness cloud their eyes? It seems so. At least Raven sees it this way.

The sun has disappeared behind the horizon, and the night is approaching. She decides that it's time to go inside. Soon it will be cold, and she could get really sick if she stayed outside. But would it matter? Would anyone care, if she got sick? Her thoughts wandered into different ways. Maybe they'd finally find out how she felt, accept her and try to make her life turn to have a better future. Maybe they would give her the attention she needed while she was sick, but then would go back to the same life as before, and Raven would be abandoned again. And maybe... they wouldn't care if something happened to her. That maybe they wouldn't care if she died? Is it possible? They'd say the usual things: she was a good friend, we will miss her, blah, blah, blah. And after a month she would be completely forgotten. Her memory faded away. She would just disappear, with nothing left behind.

She arrived into her room. Clean room, everything's in perfect order. However this is the darkest room in the tower. Even during the day the darkness remains inside, forever cold, waiting for someone to enter, and light it up with warmth. But the only person who comes in here is darkness itself, her soul darker than any shadow on Earth. Empty and chilling like the space, with no stars to break the suffocating sadness. And this lonelines becomes more and more unbearable with each passing second. She starts to breath heavily as she feels the weight of her own emptyness. She falls on her knees, as if she had lost all strength in her legs. She looks at the ground, but all she sees in front of her spiritual eyes are the smiles of her friends. Jealousy overwhelms her. She would like to go with them into the city, laugh, have fun, play sports, talk about movies, video games, go to a cinema, and... love. Tell the boy how she truly feels about him. Tell him all those sweet words lovers use to whisper into each other's ears, blushing, gently kissing, hugging.

She begins to cry, quietly, but with each new image more loudly. She needs to get out, needs to escape from all this. There has to be some way to ease this pain! And then she remembers the object, that could bring her the peace she wants to feel. She goes to her closet and pulls out a small box. Inside it she finally finds her "medicine". Scissors. Silvery, sharp scissors, probably a gift from Starfire. She never really used it, but she put it away if she ever needed it for some reason, although she never thought, that this will be the reason. She looked at the shining blade, her pale face, amethyst eyes and violet hair reflected by the metal. She grabs and holds the blade of the scissors as if she held a knife. Then she lowers the blade to her wrist. The cold steel touches her soft, smooth skin. A new emotion engulfs her, as she sees the blade on her wrist: a mixture of fear and ecstasy. She pushes the blade and feels her skin punctured by the scissors. Slowly she drags the blade round her wrist. A circle of sweet pain, the feeling extended by the huge amount of adrenaline in her body. She takes the scissors and cuts her other wrist in a circle as well. She drops the blade and lays down on her bed, experiencing her first truly happy moment in her life. As the warm blood rushes from her wounds, she closes her eyes and dreams about her love. She's touching his body, rubbing his lovely arms as he hugs her. She gets lost in his dreamy eyes, all her worries disappear as he smiles at her. Their lips getting close and then touching in a way, that makes her shake. Perfect harmony, the darkness disappears, just as the vision becomes blurry. She opens her eyes again, but can't sit up on her bed. Her body's numb, but she can feel the warm liquid. And as she rests on her blood-soaked bed she realizes. "I'm dying!" - she whispers to herself, her voice only a shadow of the breeze blowing outside the tower. She turns her head to her side, looks down and there are the fountains of her crimson rivers. But she doesn't want them to stop spilling her life. Not now that she's finally happy. With the last remains of her strength she clenches her fists making the blood run from her wrists faster then before. With a smile on her face she closes her eyes and slips back into her beautiful dream.

1 hour later

A loud knock on Raven's door. With no answer from inside, a boy's voice is heard.

"Umm, Raven I just wanted to ask you, if you would like to ... umm, maybe go out with me somewhere. You know, go into a restaurant or somethin' like that. I, mean, if you don't want to, we could go anywhere you want, just ... umm, well, I wanted to know if you would come? Just you and me." His voice was shaking, as he nervously said these words, careful not to make any mistake. He loved Raven too much to ruin this. He felt, that Raven might feel the same way about him, but was too afraid to say it openly to him. So, he decided to take her on a date. And now he waited for her answer. However no sound came from the room of his "dark princess".

"She must be already asleep. I guess I'll wake her up in the morning with a small kiss on her lips. Yes, that's it! She would surely like it, and I could finally confess my feelings to her. Well until that, nice dreams, my darling Raven." - he whispered to himself quietly, while walking back to his room, already smiling as he thought about his romantic plan to show his beloved what he felt for her.

"Yes, tomorrow morning. I can feel it'll be a start of something beautiful in both our lives. I can't wait!" He lay down on his bed, his heart beating to the rhythm of his burning love for the one person he has ever loved. And he'll let her know in a couple of hours. His precious beautiful angel.

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A/N: Wow, I didn't expect it to become so brutal and sad, but well...what's done is done. Oh, and Raven died. It's just that I wanted to make it a bit more lighter. Anyway I hope you liked it. I didn't put in any actual pairing, so fill in the character you want. Poor Raven. ;(( sheads a few tears, then starts writing again OK, OK, I'll try to make something happier next time. But I think this is quite good as well. Plz review, any opinion is accepted.