Author's Notes: Set four years after 'Becoming' part two. Buffy ran away, and didn't come back. Now, four years later, she's about to be reminded of who and what she really is.

Rating: PG-13. Language and strong themes. Sorry, kiddies.

Disclaimer: Nothing you recognise is mine. Don't sue, please.

Feedback: Very welcome. Constructive criticism is welcome; flames will be used to help me toast marshmallows.

Chapter Notes: Again, very sorry for the long wait. I've caught bug after virus after 'flu, and then I've had university applications and open days flooding in (yay, I got offers from all five of the places I applied to!). I've also stumbled into a little bit of writer's block – I know what's going to happen, but it won't let itself be written.

Chapter Nineteen: Immortal

They walked side by side through the cemetery, each stealing covert glances at the other. It was a quiet night, for which they were both grateful. It would give them a chance to have another chat – and this time, Buffy knew, Spike wouldn't hold off asking the difficult questions.

"So," he said finally.

"Buttons on ice cream, see if they stick," Buffy said automatically. Her grandsons, Zach and Toby, had drilled her in the use of that ridiculous phrase. She blushed as Spike raised an eyebrow at her. "Sorry. Grandchildren…"

"S'weird to think of you with grandkids," he observed. "Hell, it's weird to think of you with kids at all – not Hattie, that's easier." He glanced at her. "She at least looks younger than you."

Buffy grimaced. "Do we have to go to that one first?" she asked. "Couldn't we go for something easier?"

He shook his head. "There isn't anything easier, pet, an' you know it."

"Yeah, well, can't blame a girl for trying." She tried to pick at the edges of her cast, but Spike firmly pulled her hand away. "Sorry." She sighed and looked around hopefully for a vampire or two. None were forthcoming. "Right. Um. The non-aging thing." She sat on a gravestone and swung her legs. "It's…kinda complicated."

Spike chuckled. "I figured, pet." He patted his pockets, searching for his cigarettes. "I thought maybe it was something to do with the blood they got you hooked on, but then the others have aged."

"No, it's not…well, it's mostly not because of that," Buffy agreed. "The blood is part of it – activated something. I didn't understand it until about three years ago." She paused. "I guess I'll have to start at the beginning."

"It's always a good idea, luv." He found a cigarette and lit it. "Let's start with what happened when you left Sunnyhell, shall we?"

"Right. Well. You know I left because of Angel." She sighed, trying to scrounge her memories together. "I don't remember much about the few weeks after that…I drifted around. Was in LA for a couple of days, then took a flight over to New York…" She shrugged. "It's not important. I ended up in Cleveland for a while – you know, the other Hellmouth?" He nodded. "And…I got sucked into Phtygiktha. There was a fight…some demon…I don't remember exactly, but one minute I was in Cleveland, and the next moment I was in this…hell dimension." She let her hair fall forward, obscuring her face from Spike. "I was young, and I was confused, and I was trying to deny who I was. So I went along with it. I was a slave. A worker. A breeder, too, but that came later. I didn't conceive until Alex and I…" She shrugged. "By then I'd been there fifteen years or so, and it was obvious that I wasn't aging. Then it didn't matter so much…I met Alex, and I was happy, and then I had my daughters, and there was Max, and Jake, and Simone…and all the others. So I wasn't alone anymore. But they kept growing older, and I never did."

"Must have been tough," Spike observed. "Watching those you love grow old. And die."

"Yeah, well, you should know." She glanced up at him. "Sorry."

"S'alright. Keep going."

"Yeah. Well, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't have any idea. Then Ethan came."

She remembered that vividly. Fourteen years ago – in her memories, anyway. She'd not been on rotation, and Simone had also been on a rest break.

"I should…really go make sure Toby's alright," Buffy murmured into her lover's hair. "He had a fever."

Simone smiled mischievously up at her. "Dave's watching him. You're all mine, buttercup."

"Always." Buffy smiled warmly and moved her head so she had access to Simone's neck.

She shook herself. "Yeah. So Ethan came. Found me and Simone at once. We were still…together, then. We grew apart after we got out, when I wouldn't let her close." She shrugged. "We all changed, coming out. But then I had questions. About…about why I hadn't changed. Why I hadn't, and they all had. So Ethan helped me answer those questions, a little. He didn't find much. The Rakeshia blood slows down the aging process, but not enough for me to still look like I was eighteen years old." She reached up and touched her scar. "With a few exceptions, of course. Stretch marks never fade." She tried for a smile, but only got partway there.

"But for the past twenty years or so, I've been having…dreams. Slayer dreams. Not prophetic ones, just…" She shrugged again. "Telling me things like…I need to understand. That I was never supposed to be in Phtygiktha. That…that I needed to find out who I am." She raised haunted eyes to meet Spike's gaze. "I didn't understand. Not until recently. When I dreamt of…the First Slayer."

And hadn't that been a laugh and a half, she reflected. The First Slayer had tried to kill her in her dreams, and had even tried to move to Dawn, connected by oath and blood to her. Buffy suspected that had she been in this dimension, the First Slayer would have tried to kill every member of her clan as well.

"No friends," she said softly. "Just the fight...I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death, the blood cry, the penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute...alone."

Spike frowned. "Uh, pet…?"

"There's trees in the desert since you moved out. And I don't sleep on a bed of bones."

She shook herself suddenly. "Sorry. Um. Dreams. First Slayer. Yeah." She frowned, trying to gather her thoughts. "Where was I?"

He discarded his cigarette and moved closer. "Something about the First Slayer, in your dreams, helping you understand." His voice was low, and she wanted to get lost in it.

"Right. So I, uh, was getting these dreams…and then finally I understood. Dawn helped, actually. There's something in me…something primeval. Something ancient and undying. Unliving, maybe, I haven't quite figured that out. But…it's the part of me that…is the Slayer. Comes from the Slayer, from the First." She paused for a moment. "And it…got altered, with the Rakeshia blood, and with me living so long. It…mutated. Into something else." She looked up at him. "I'm something else."

He stared at her seriously for a moment, silently letting her know that he understood and accepted, then smirked. "I always knew that, luv. You're something else entirely." She let out a shaky sigh and rose, tucking her head under his chin.

"You know what," she said suddenly, "I've got a question for you, too. How did you get a soul?"

Spike broke away from her with a laugh. "You mean Niblet didn't tell you, in ten years? Not a peek?"

"Nope." Buffy smiled, all innocence. "She said you would tell me when you were ready. I told her that you and I don't get along, and she said that we'd better, because you're like her brother, and she's my sister, so technically we're clan."

"Hey, that reminds me," Spike said suddenly. "I've been thinking – "

"Never a good thing," Buffy interjected, eyes twinkling. He raised an eyebrow. "Sorry. Please continue, without hurting yourself."

"Ha bloody ha. How is it, pet, that I'm – well, that Hattie thinks – I'm an Alpha if I'm not dependant on Rakeshia blood?"

She bit her lip. "Um. That part I'm not so sure about." She brightened. "Ooh, but I know who would be! Dave!"

Spike's expression changed from curious to angry in a split second. "Dave as in the little bitlet's father? As in your abusive ex?"

Buffy nodded meekly. "He's…he did a load of experiments and theories and stuff…he knows more about the blood dependency than anyone, even the guards, even the hell gods…he and Toni…"

"No fucking way."

"Spike, please, you asked me for a reason – you're right, it's important, and if you are an Alpha – if you are my Alpha –" She broke off, tears in her eyes. "If you are my Alpha, Spike, then I can't lose you. I can't lose you, and it won't stop, it won't go away until we're together, and it's forever, and you've had so long to deal with being around forever, but I haven't, and none of my relationships have ever worked out, and I'm scared, I'm scared that this fight with Glory is going to kill me, because the only way I know how to kill her is by dying with her!"

Startled, he calmed her the way instinct was screaming at him to: he took her in his arms and kissed her.

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Scooby talk.