Disclaimer: I do not own anybody in Saiyuki! All the credit goes to Kazuya Minekura!

Author's note: Ei people! I'm back with chapter 19! Thank you for all the people who reviewed! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Well, here's chapter 19! Read and review!

Chapter 19: Fragile Heart

Hakkai opened his eyes and saw Shiey sitting beside his bed. She was staring blankly into space. Tears were still trickling down her cheeks and her eyes appeared to be bloodshot. "Shiey… are you okay?" Hakkai asked, placing his hand on her shoulder. She didn't even blink. "Shiey…" Hakkai said once more. "He died…" Shiey muttered over and over. "What? Who died?" Hakkai asked. "I couldn't save him…" Shiey whispered. Hakkai was greatly disturbed. He stood up and went to Sanzo's room.

"Sanzo, I don't know what's wrong with her. She won't answer me properly." Hakkai said, entering Sanzo's room. Sanzo gave him a puzzled look. Hakkai placed Shiey on the chair beside Sanzo's bed. "Shiey, is something wrong?" Sanzo asked. Shiey didn't respond. She just kept crying and staring at nothing in particular. "Shiey! Snap out of it!" Sanzo yelled, shaking his sister. "Sanzo…" Hakkai managed to remark. "I couldn't save him…" Shiey said once again. Sanzo's eyes widened. "I couldn't save him…" That was what he said when his master died. "What the hell happened to you?" Sanzo asked.

Suddenly, a bright light appeared and the goddess of mercy appeared before them. "What do you want now, old hag?" Sanzo asked. "We're not in the mood, so go away." He snapped. "Well, since you don't want an answer to why Shiey's acting this way then be my guest. She replied. "You know why?" Hakkai asked. Kanzeon nodded. "Her brother, Nataku, died yesterday when he tried to save her." Kanzeon declared. "What?" Sanzo asked. "When she saw that you guys were in big trouble, she told me to bring her back so that she could help you. Unfortunately, she was tired and weak, so she wasn't able to fight back with Homura in the way that she wanted to. When Homura was braced and ready to kill her, Nataku came and took the hit for her, and so, he died." Kanzeon explained properly. "So… that's why, huh?" Sanzo muttered.

Shiey, surprised by the new voice she heard, jolted from her seat. "Kanzeon! Where's Nataku!" She yelled. "He's been buried for three days now." The goddess replied. "It's been three days?" Hakkai asked. "Obviously. You, Gojyo and Goku sure took your sweet time waking up." "Well, so did you." Hakkai whispered. "What was that?" Sanzo asked, irritated. Hakkai decided not to answer. Instead, he looked back at Kanzeon. "Will she be okay?" he asked. "To tell you honestly, she has to do it herself. She has to remember…" Kanzeon replied before vanishing.

"Sanzo, I'll take her to her room." Hakkai said as he and Shiey walked out of Sanzo's room. "Nataku, huh?" Sanzo remarked.

Meanwhile, Hakkai closed the door behind them. "It's terrible…" Shiey remarked. "Pardon me?" Hakkai said. "I keep hearing his voice in my head, saying that I was his only source of light. He also said that he didn't want to lose me again…" Shiey reiterated. "Was that all?" Hakkai asked. "N-no." Shiey answered. "He also said that… I should move on." Shiey said slowly. "There's your answer. Your brother wants you to be happy. That's why he protected you. He wants you to keep living in this world so that you may bring joy to people who are close to you." Hakkai explained. "But I can't just move on! I try to… but it's so hard! Don't you get it? I try not to think about it, but the more I don't, the more it comes to my mind!" Shiey started crying again. "The tears just won't stop! This isn't something I can just smile and laugh off… he was my brother! He protected me with his life. Why… why does someone always have to get hurt to save me!" Shiey cried harder. "Shiey…" Hakkai approached her and hugged her. "Don't think of it that way. He did it for you." Hakkai convinced. Shiey kept crying and crying, like there was no tomorrow.

"You'll never understand…" Shiey cried onto his shoulder. "I think I do… well, a little, I suppose." Hakkai managed to say. He lifted Shiey's chin so that her eyes would meet his. "This was what I felt like when Kanan died. I felt so useless and the great feeling of guilt of not being able to protect the one I love the most swept through my entire body. My mind wouldn't stop thinking about her. I think I understand just a little of what you feel now…" he remarked.

Shiey looked away and sat on the bed. "I don't know what to do…" she said. "Well, why don't you start by having breakfast?" Hakkai suggested. "I'll think I'll skip. I'll go take a walk around town. I'll be back by noon." She said, standing up and opening the door. "Shiey, you can pull through this. Be strong, like I know you can be…" Hakkai declared. Shiey stopped in her tracks, then she turned her head to look at him, "The only problem is, I'm not strong…" she said, running out as she cried. Hakkai stood, unmoving. He knew what was happening with Shiey. He knew it… Everything she's doing now, it all seems familiar to him. He knew she needed to give her some time alone. They all had to keep their distance so that she could heal faster. But, not such a far distance, because who knows when she would do something they would all regret? He smiled as he went down to join the others for breakfast.

Shien sat by the window. Homura was somewhere around the castle, explaining to Zenon the next part of their plan. His thoughts wandered into his memory of three days ago. He was surely shocked to see Nataku, who descended from heaven, save Shiey. He knew they were sibling a long time ago in heaven, but he never expected that he was already unsealed, nonetheless did he expect that he would save Shiey. Why? How? Did Shiey's memories of five hundred years ago finally return to her? He was still not clear about things. But he was certain about one thing, Nataku was dead. He wasn't sealed anymore, but he died. He couldn't blame Homura for it. It was Nataku's choice to do what he did. And since he had already taken his road with Homura, there was no turning back now. "Shien," he was interrupted by a gruff voice. "What is it, Zenon?" he asked. "Homura wants to talk to you." The orange-haired god replied. "Sure." Shien replied as he took another look outside the window.

Shiey sat down on the green grass as she reminisced what happened. She had been walking for a long time since she left the inn they were staying at. It was then that she saw a field with grass so green and flowers so beautiful. It was there that she decided to figure things out.

She sighed as she looked at the sun which shone so high in the sky. She lay down on the grass and thought. She missed Nataku so much. He brought happiness into her life and made her feel more complete. And now, death took him away from her. If he had to die anyway, why'd he even show up in the first place? If she had never known about him, she would still be smiling now, instead of sulking all alone. "Why! Nataku, I hate you! How can you do this to me! If you were going to leave me in the first place, why did you even haunt me in my dreams!" she yelled as she stood up. Tears once again formed in her eyes, stinging them yet once again. She was so mad at him for leaving her. He made a promise to take care of himself, but he broke that promise. If he broke his promise, then why can't she break hers too? She thought, as she pulled out a dagger from her pocket. She held it high in the air and was ready to plunge it through her.

BOOM!

"Stupid horny kappa! Give me that dumpling back!" Goku yelled. Gojyo just ate it and said, "You want it? You gotta get it." Gojyo remarked. "Why you…!" Goku yelled. "Now, now, why don't you all settle down and we'll just order another batch?" Hakkai commented. "Yeah! Yeah!" Goku yelled. "More food!" he added. Gojyo looked beside him and saw two empty seats. He knew Shiey wasn't around, then how come there were two seats untaken? "Hakkai," he started. Hakkai and Goku looked at him. "Where's Sanzo?"

Shiey dropped the dagger on the grass. "What are you doing?" a cold voice asked. She looked up and saw Sanzo. She looked at him, with a look saying, you-better-back-off-and-mind-your-own-business. He approached her and took the dagger in his hands, "Do you think Nataku will like this?" he asked. Shiey stopped for a second, "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself and that you'll move on." Nataku's words echoed in her head. But then, she frowned, "Why should I keep my promises if he didn't keep his?" Shiey asked, falling to the ground. "Somebody told me once that everything happens for a reason, and that no matter what, you have to learn to move on no matter what the cause." Sanzo answered. Shiey looked away as she wiped her tears. "Do you think it's worth it?" Sanzo asked. No reply. "I'm talking to you… Do you think its worth it?" he asked again. "You'd never know what its like! So why are you telling me this?" Shiey spat back, tears in her eyes. "Look," Sanzo said, losing his patience as he grabbed Shiey by the collar. "If you think you're the only one with scars to heal, then you're wrong. All of us have a painful part in our life we wish to forget. And don't you dare tell me I'd never know what it's like to lose someone very important to you." Sanzo said as images of his master's death replayed inside his head. "Besides, if I didn't know what it feels like to lose someone important to you, then maybe, if you killed yourself, I'd feel what it's like." Sanzo informed. Shiey looked at him. He was right. Everybody has scars that has yet to heal.

"Get up." Sanzo demanded. Shiey stood up. "You can choose to run, but dying alone won't change a thing. Trust me on that one. If you really want things to change, then you're going to have to live." Sanzo said. Shiey looked at the ground. "Sa…" she wasn't able to finish because she saw Sanzo walking already. "You better start walking or I'll leave you behind." He remarked. Shiey followed him as they walked back to the inn.

Pretty soon, they met up with Goku and the others. "Sanzo, where have you been?" Goku asked. "None of your business." He replied curtly as he took out his lighter and lit a cigarette. "Shiey!" Gojyo remarked. Shiey looked up and smiled vaguely. "Why're you with Shiey?" Goku asked. "I said—it's none of your business!" Sanzo yelled as he hit Goku in the head with his fan. "Well then, let's all go back to the inn." Hakkai offered.

The day passed quickly as time ticked by. Shiey was too embarrassed to face Sanzo now, but she knew she had to sooner or later. For now, all she needed was some time alone. Sanzo did have a point after all. They all have scars to heal. And upon looking back, she regretted getting angry at Nataku for what he had done. "Nataku, I'm sorry. You protected me with your life and I wasn't even thinking that by risking my life, I was putting your sacrifice to waste. Its just…" she said, looking at the sunset from the window of her room. "I really miss you."

That night, as Shiey lay in bed, thinking of her brother, a familiar voice called to her. "Shiey…" A voice that sounded so familiar… "Nataku, is that you?" she asked, sitting up. When no one answered, she sighed and lay down once more. It was just her mind playing tricks on her again. She closed her eyes and drifted off to a place where she knew Nataku would be waiting.

"Shiey…" that familiar voice called again… this time louder. Shiey turned around and saw none other than her beloved brother. "Nataku!" she screamed before hugging the little boy. "Shiey, easy! I'm not leaving anytime soon." He replied, smiling. Shiey let go and smiled, "I missed you so." "Me too." Nataku said. "So, where are we?" Shiey asked. "In heaven." Nataku replied. "Heaven? I don't see anything except a whole space of whiteness." Shiey informed. "Look closer, Shiey." Nataku advised. Shiey squinted her eyes enough for her to see that they were in one of the gardens. She smiled and looked at Nataku, "Is all this real?" she asked. Nataku shook his head and sighed. "No Shiey. I'm inside your dreams. I just wanted to tell you something before we part ways again." He explained. "So you mean, you really are dead?" Shiey asked with hope that he was still alive, but of course, she knew the answer to that. Nataku replied, "No Shiey, I'm not alive anymore… and I want you to accept that." He remarked, sitting down on the ground as he motioned for his sister to join him. Shiey sat down beside him, "I know you're dead… but… it's just not acceptable that you are… And it's all my fault!" Shiey replied. "No, you're wrong. I did it of my own free will. I did it because I wanted to protect you. I didn't want the mistake you did five hundred years ago to happen again." Nataku informed. "Nataku," Shiey started. "You don't know how much guilt I have on my shoulders right now. Your death… is so hard to cope with." Shiey answered. "I know it's hard, Shiey. But promise me you'll try. And always remember that I'll always be watching over you." Nataku said as he began to disappear. "Oh, I almost forgot. Here. Keep it. I think I don't need it anymore. Your voice and song will forever be played over and over again inside my heart." Nataku said before vanishing. Shiey stood there holding the metal flute in her hands. She grasped it tight and smiled.

Shiey woke up the next day and smiled. She remembered her dream last night perfectly. When she sat up, she was surprised to see something that seemed like a long object shimmering in the sunlight. She stood up and approached the table and picked up the object. She smiled and saw that it was her flute… the one that Nataku returned to her. She placed it on the table once more and headed for the bathroom… she was going to take a long bath.

Gojyo headed to the bathroom. Correction… the only bathroom in that inn. He suddenly had the urge to urinate. He opened the door and locked it, finding out that the lock was broken. "Never mind… nobody's up yet anyway." He assumed. And it was just then that it came to him… the shower was turned on. He furrowed his eyebrows and decided to take a peek if someone was taking a bath. "If this is a guy, I swear I'm gonna end up having a lot of bad dreams… but if it's a girl, I'll go for it…" he said, being his usual self.

What he saw before his eyes was a woman all right… But he never thought that it would be… Shiey. Shiey looked at him with wide-open eyes. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" she yelled as she punched Gojyo hard in the face. Gojyo slipped back. "Hey, sorry. I thought…" Gojyo started. "You thought what! Sheesh! The least you could do was knock!" Shiey exclaimed from the shower curtain. "Sorry! I just wanted to know why the shower was on." Gojyo said sarcastically. "Can you get out now? Somebody's trying to take a bath here… And besides, I'm not comfortable knowing that you're just behind this shower curtain." Shiey confessed. "Aw, come on, just let me finish my business and I'll be on my way." Gojyo said. "Fine, but you better hurry up." Shiey allowed. Silence followed after that… Just then, Shiey heard Gojyo zipping up his pants. "Hey, it's good to see that you're feeling better." He remarked before walking out the door. Shiey smiled and finished her shower, then she joined the others for breakfast.

They traveled west once more. Hakkai was driving while the others were keeping themselves busy. "I said, stop calling me a chibi chimp, you demented kappa!" Goku yelled as the jeep swerved sideways. "Well, at least I'm not a stinky monkey with a stomach for a brain, you idiot!" Gojyo yelled back. "Who you calling smelly, horny water monster!" Goku spat. "Well, you of course! You haven't taken a bath in ages." Gojyo pointed out. "Well, the town we were staying at didn't have any water, thank you very much! The last liters of water they had was wasted by Shiey when she took a bath!" Goku insisted. "Sorry…" Shiey excerpted, sweatdropping. "Even so!" Gojyo replied. "SHUT THE HELL UP!" Sanzo yelled, firing two bullets into the air. Goku and Gojyo stopped bickering and started minding their own business. Shiey managed a slight giggle from her seat as she watched the scenario take place. "Nobody could be funnier than Goku and Gojyo." She thought.

"I am so freakin' bored." Goku remarked. Gojyo looked his way and smirked, "Really? Then why don't I give you a work out?" Gojyo offered as he wrestled Goku. "Hey guys, could you please settle down? We're going to crash into something if you don't." Hakkai advised, but of course, it fell on deaf ears. Suddenly, Goku was sent flying to the front seat, where Hakkai was. "You idiot! Are you trying to get us killed?" Sanzo asked angrily. Hakkai immediately stepped on the brakes when he saw what was up ahead, but was a little too late. "Why doesn't anyone listen to me?" Hakkai remarked. They were sent plunging into a hot spring in the middle of the forest. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" they all yelled in unison.

"Is everybody okay?" Hakkai asked. "Alright here." Goku said. "Me too." Gojyo agreed. "Over here." Sanzo said. They waited a while for Shiey's reply, and after some time when no answer came, they started looking for her. "Shiey? Shiey, where are you?" Hakkai called. "Shiey!" Gojyo and Goku said in unison. "Over here." Shiey replied. What is that?" Sanzo said in a disgusted voice. The other three went to see what the commotion was all about. There in Shiey's arms was a small figure wrapped in rags. "It's a baby." Goku replied. "It's asleep." Gojyo remarked. "It's a she." Shiey clarified. "What's she doing in a place like this? Shouldn't she be with her mother?" Hakkai assumed. "I don't know where she came from. I just saw a basket here and that's where I found the baby." Shiey explained.

She carefully pulled down the rags that covered the baby's hair. She was shocked with the sight that was before her. The four men agreed with what Shiey was feeling at the moment. "Poor kid." Gojyo remarked. The baby was taboo. She had wine red hair and crimson eyes. "So that's why." Shiey whispered as the wind rusted through the leaves.

A/N: So, how was it? Tell me your feedback or any violent reactions Thanks!